"Yeah what's up Ski?" I smile as I study his face.
"Okay um. Well... damn. Go on a date with me?" He stutters.
"For real?." I chuckle.
"Yeah for real." He laughs.
"Yeah okay." I nod, smiling.
"Sick. I'm gonna go drink okay?"
"Okay." I say as Ski gets up and walks away.
I pull a tin of blunts out of my pocket and light one up. I smile it slowly as I watch the road. I watch as a dark figure walks down the street. The figure turns into jahseh but I don't stop watching him. Eventually he's in front of me, sitting down beside me. We sit in silence as I smoke. I offer him the blunt and he takes it, taking a few puffs. He hands it back and we continue staring at the road.
"Remember that day your mom filmed a porno and kicked you out?" Jahseh asks quietly. How could I forget?
"Yeah." I answer.
"I loved you then."
I look at Jahseh to see he's already staring at me. I search his face and give him a look.
"Where is this coming from?" I ask.
"I just needed to tell you...After we had sex.. I didn't want to ruin our friendship by letting my feelings get in the way. That's why I asked you to forget it."
I look away and flick my roach to the ground.
"Oh." I whisper. It becomes silent again as we both sit in our own thoughts. "I loved you too." I say after a while. I get up and dust off my pants. I look down at Jahseh and we lock eyes for a few seconds before he looks away. I sigh and walk off to the backyard, leaving him alone. Once I get there I instantly find London where I left her.
"Heyyy." She sings as I sit down beside her. "What up?"
I look around the group of people; London, Isiah, Pump, Ski, Craig, Coolie, Purpp, Wifi, Anna, Anya, Ming.
"Y'all know Jahseh and I fucked when we were 14?" I blurt out.
London spits out her juice and everyone looks at me shocked. Pump and Ski give me the side eye.
"Took my virginity." Jahseh announces, walking up and sitting down beside Isiah. He glares at Ski beside me but quickly looks away.
"What. The. Fuck?" Isiah shouts. "Why y'all never fucking tell us?"
I look at Jahseh and he smiles at me. "It was a secret."
"You little whore!" Pump jokes. I chuckle and look down at my feet.
"Wait Jahseh you didn't lose your virginity til fourteen?" Anya asks.
"You little bitch told me you fucked him a few days before it happened." I raise my brows at her.
"I'm sorry. Needed some clout." She laughs. I smile and look at Ski.
"So are you two like.. cool?" Pump asks.
"Yeah I seen the video of you guys today." Coolie says.
I look at Jahseh and he locks eyes with me. I shrug and he grins.
"I don't know." I laugh. "I still hate you."
"But you miss me." Jahseh smirks.
"No." I say, glancing at Ski. Jahseh notices and rolls his eyes.
"Come here." He demands.
"Why?"
"I need to talk to you." He stands up and stares me down.
"Jesus okay." I lightly smack Skis leg while I stand up. I follow Jahseh out of the gazebo, listening to everyone whisper as we walk away. Jahseh leads me through the house and upstairs to my room. When we get in he shuts the door, muffling the loud music and talking.
"I liked the old ones better." He nods at the sheets on my bed. I roll my eyes and grab a bottle of tequila off my dresser.
"What's up?"
"I wanna be okay." Jahseh admits.
"Yeah?" I ask, sarcastically.
"Kenn I'm sorry. Just seeing you again.. I miss you."
"You hurt me."
"I know and I'm sorry." Jahseh grabs the bottle of tequila from me and sets it back down.
"Don't touch my booze." I mug him.
"Please."
"I don't know." I say stubbornly.
"Please." Jahseh repeats.
"Jahseh you fucked me up!" I shout.
"I can fix it. I can fix you."
"No. You can't."
"Let me try." He begs, cupping my face in his hands. My eyes fill with tears, I try blinking them away but instead they slide down my cheeks.
"I can't."
"I won't stop trying. I fucked up and I am so sorry. I'll never forgive myself. You don't have to forgive me. It's what I thought was right." I notice his eyes getting glossy and my heart sinks.
"How could that be right? You broke me..." I cry. My voice cracks and I shake his hands off of me.
"You deserve better." Jahseh says lowly.
"I do."
"Can we be friends? I need you in my life regardless." Jahseh stares down at me, searching my eyes for answers. Can I be friends with him? Fuck I want to. I miss him. But I can't trust him. He fucked me up hardcore. I need to move on. I nod reluctantly and he smiles at me, pulling me into a hug. I laugh quietly as he holds me. Fuck I missed this. "Can I kiss you?" Jahseh smiles.
"No." I chuckle.
"Damn why?" He pouts.
"I'll be honest. I've moved on." I state.
"To fucking Ski?" Jahseh barks. I roll my eyes and look away.
"I don't know."
"Don't."
"I'm going to."
"Please don't." Jahseh grabs my wrist gently and pulls me towards him.
"I'm sorry Jahseh..." I say quietly. He drops my wrist and shakes his head.
"Fuck sakes." He looks out the window, to the backyard. I'm one hundred percent sure all our friends can see us through my window.
"Don't act like that. I said we could be friends. Nothing more will come out of this. I am done with you Jahseh."
Jahseh wipes at his face. He's crying.
"I respect that." He says, then he turns around and leaves me.
+++++++
I hold onto Skis hand tightly as he pulls me through a crowd of fans. He walks quickly, leading us toward a small roller coaster. He insisted on taking me to this huge fair for our date. I thought it was insanely cute.
"Hey." Ski nods at the man running the ride. The man nods back and Let's is through the gate. We sit on the chairs and Ski buckles me up, then buckles himself. I smile at him and laugh.
"You're such a gentleman." I joke.
"Shut yo ass up." He chuckles. The ride starts. It's honestly a small ride, fairly slow. I think it's meant for kids but I still like it. "So what happened with you and Jahseh the other day?"
I push my hair out of my face but it fly's back to where it was before. "Um well he just apologized and asked to be cool again." I shrug.
"And you agreed?" Ski asks me.
"Yeah." I nod.
"Are you sure you're okay with being friends with him?"
"I guess so. I mean I'm not gonna be his best friend. We're just on good terms. We're okay." I state.
The rest of our date was pretty typical. We went on few more rides, played some games, ate and then drove back to my house. We sat in the driveway talking for about an hour before I got tired and left. It was fun. I actually really enjoyed it. And Ski. Skis kinda cute. He's super sweet and funny. Of course I knew this before but he's just ten times better than I remember. I don't know if I have feelings, but I'm open to exploring some.
I lay in my bed, eyes wide open, staring at my ceiling. I listen to my clock tick and yawn. Ding. I pick my phone up and check my texts.
Bitch Ass: Hey.
Me: hi?
Bitch ass: stfu with that nonsense.
Me: fuck you lol.
Bitch Ass: where are you?
Me: bed.
Bitch ass: I wanna see you.
Me: mmmkay?
Bitch ass: can I come over?
Me: it's so late.
Bitch ass: 🙄
Me: ugh jahseh
Bitch ass: come here then.
Me: nigga how would that make sense??
Jahseh leaves me on read so I turn my screen off and close my eyes for a few minutes until, ding.
Bitch ass: come open the door.
"Fuck sakes." I sigh, getting out of bed fast. I run down the stairs to the door. I open it quietly and see Jahseh smiling at me. "What do you want." I chuckle.
"Just wanted to hangout." Jahseh sighs. I open the door and let him in, then close it and lock it.
"It's like one a.m. Jahseh."
"So?" He makes his way to my room like he owns the damn place. I follow him and shut my door after we enter.
"One sec." I say as he makes himself comfortable in my bed. I grab an old oversized t-shirt and some panties and take off my jogging pants and bralette. I slide my T-shirt on and then discreetly put on the new panties. The T-shirt falls to the middle of my thighs so Jahseh can't see anything. Not like he hasn't before.
"Where'd you get that shirt?" Jahseh asks. I glance over at him, he's scrolling through Netflix. He stops at the office and plays it. My fucking favourite.
"Aiden made it for me a while back." I answer, showing him aidens name spelt out in marker on the front. Jahseh smiles widely and nods.
"That's cute."
"Yeah." I crawl into bed beside him and pull the covers up to my waist. "You seen your mom lately?"
"Yeah actually. We've been spending a lot of time together." Jah answers.
"Good." I smile.
"Have you listened to my album?"
"No. I'm sorry I just don't listen to music much lately." I admit. I remember them girls on Instagram talking about how his new album was about me. I'll listen to it when he leaves.
"It's okay." Jahseh says. He flips onto his side and puts his head down on my pillow. "I'm tired."
"Me too." I chuckle. I lay onto my side, facing him.
"Go to sleep."
"I can't sleep sober."
"You can. I'm here." Jahseh brushes hair out of my face and then puts his arm around me, pulling me into him. He closes his eyes, so I take a moment to study his face. He looks about the same, just more grown. I slowly start to drift off, not caring that he's holding me. Deep down I like it.