"I never loved you any more than I do, right this second. And I'll never love you any less than I do, right this second."
— Kami Garcia
The car's side window was down. I rested my head on my arms looking out at the scenes the car left behind and the scenes that were coming. Opposite to my morning self, I was feeling low in energy and lazy.
I looked at Aaliyan's face he looked deep in thought, grave serious about something. He was like this since he came to pick me up. He only smiled when I said anything.
After spending almost a month without him, I had realized the significance of him in my life. He was dealing with all my problems from the drop and pick service to help me with my projects and assignments.
I didn't know how my fridge got filled with every possible food. Why my kitchen cabinets were never empty of coffee, tea or any spices. Even before going he had filled them with everything so I wouldn't have to worry. He had also promised he'd do all the possible help in my exams. Now as he was back we were going to start studying from tomorrow.
A Santa Claus surrounded by some youngsters with Christmas hats caught my attention. I laughed in surprise and yelled at Aaliyan. "Stop the car!"
"What happened?"
"Stop the car," I was getting impatient.
"Okay, calm down. I am... God! Musca..." he drove the car to a side and stopped. "What? Are you going to throw up? You can't do that on the road... Let's get..."
"Argh Aaliyan, I don't want to puke, no... there was a Santa Claus."
"So?" He raised his eyebrows.
"That was a Santa in Pakistan," I stressed on my words.
"I can get a Santa costume and wear it too." Aaliyan rolled his eyes and his lips turned into a thin line as he started the car again. "In Pakistan Christian community have full rights okay? They celebrate Christmas with zeal and eagerness, so don't act so surprised? Sir Jinnah said..."
I could have sworn Aaliyan's chest became larger as he talked.
"You are free to go to your temples, and you are free to go to your mosques or any other place of worship, in this State of Pakistan. You may belong to any religion or caste or creed — that has nothing to do with the business of the State."
"Yeah yeah," I waved him off, in reality, goosebumps had formed on my skin at his tone. God, Aaliyan had a powerful way of talking.
Driving for some time, he parked his car. We both got out. Aaliyan took my hand into his making me warm and cherished as we walked on the track that went up to the hill.
"Why are there so many people out today?"
I asked looking around at the people, families, groups of friends, teenagers, couples. It was crowded but the atmosphere was buoyant. I liked being here, hiking with Aaliyan.
"It's Quaid-e-Azam day," Aaliyan rubbed his hands and blew air into them. "A holiday in Pakistan, it's the birthday of Sir Muhammad Ali Jinnah, founder of Pakistan."
"The founder of Pakistan was born on Christmas?"
Aaliyan grinned and nodded. I could have sworn my heart fluttered like a leaf. "So it's a holiday on Christmas in Pakistan?"
"Yes," he shrugged. "It's always holidays at the end of the year, winter holidays, you know."
After a while, we were up on the hill – very little people came this high but Aaliyan and I had come here. It was a little difficult to climb but we had done it. It was cold here. I wrapped my arms around my body. I wouldn't stop shivering. Maybe because we were on height and the chilly wind moved around us.
I squinted at Aaliyan. "Why did you say you are sensitive to cold?"
A fit of cough hit me. My chest dry, my nose filled with mucus that neither came out nor went up to my nose. Kissing Aaliyan has its disadvantages, but the advantages are so sweet to care about them!
"It's not snowing anymore and look at the view!"
I couldn't deny the beauty of the view in front of me. The perfect view of the foggy city and the gloomy time of sunset gave a touch of more splendors to it. The cold wind collided with my face, making it unable to breathe but also brought a smile on my face. It was breathtaking!
Aaliyan and I were standing between the clouds. I attempted to catch the clouds but I failed awfully and the cloud slipped through my fingers.
"I'm on cloud nine!" I squeaked, spreading my arms open, laughing at my stupid joke. Aaliyan shook his head; smiling at me, he came closer. He put his arm around my shoulders and brought me closer to his warmth.
I let a smirk set on my face and shot him an accusing look. He narrowed his blazing eyes at me, in response. I found my face turning away from him because I couldn't stare at such charm for any longer or I'd have gone blind, blind in love...
The faint sound of Adhan was coming from a mosque nearby. I had the same beanie from today so I didn't have to put my scarf on my head. I repeated the verses of Adhan the Muezzin was saying; it had been a habit that I picked from Asmat.
The sky was turning purple from orange. The sun was mere radiating faint orange lights to confirm that he had been there.
When the Adhan ended, I recited Kalma, the verses of faith. All the time feeling Aaliyan's burning stare lingering on me. He was taken aback when I caught him. He glanced at his watch sniffing.
"Always sniffling," I took off the scarf that was enfolded around my neck and put it on his head, covering his ears. I let out a laugh looking at his. He was adorable.
He glanced at his watch again, while he took off the scarf. And then coiled it around his head in a way, the scarf turned into a crown. A laugh left my mouth at the irony of the beauty of this man. I wanted to jump down from the cliff to make myself believe he is real.
Don't even try to think about jumping! You'll be found as scattered dirt or maybe one or two teeth will be found! The thought made me laugh more.
"Musca look," he pointed towards the city. I cocked my head to see. Calling me awestruck was an underestimate too. I was factually hypnotized by the beauty that I was standing in front of.
The shining white, purple and yellow lights decorated the city that was dark minutes before. The purple sky had electric grey lines in it. The lines glowing with beautiful lights that tore the fog like a sword and illustrated its beauty. The wind mixed with snow from was moving in twisting motions, filling the sight with more colors.
I took a glimpse of Aaliyan. He cleared his throat "I'm going to offer the Maghreb in a mosque nearby. Come with me. You can pray there and It's extraordinarily beautiful." He offered me his hand that I took.
He gripped me tightly to prevent me from falling as we walked. I smiled at his gentle deed. When the white tomb of the mosque came into view, my hand traveled to his head to take my scarf from his head. It suited him but for god sake that was a multicolored girly scarf and we were pacing towards a mosque.
Aaliyan backed away getting my intention. "Not so fast."
I slackened my arm to my side when I observed it was swinging in the air, a frown formed on my face. "Give it to me?"
His lips tugged up an annoying smile "You gave it to me, now it's mine."
"It's awfully girly for you!"
"Like my shirt is awfully manly for you, but who wears it every night?" He raised his brows. "Not me."
I facepalmed for hiding the blush that boldly appeared like an uninvited guest.
"And I'm damn sure, you don't even wash it." He gave me a fake look of concern, failing to hide his humorous smirk.
"Shut up... it's getting late for Maghreb's prayers."
"Oh yeah," he took the scarf from his head and enfolded it around his wrist. "Here is the ladies' mosque."
"Yes, thank you!" I smiled and walked inside the mosque.
Aaliyan was right about the beauty of the mosque. It was extraordinarily beautiful with white walls. A large golden chandelier hanged from the ceiling brightening all the surroundings. There were golden doors, windows, pillars and the floor covered with plush black rugs.
A woman with a white hijab received me at the door. Smiling she showed me the way to the bathroom so I could do wudu. I had my scarf folded in my jacket that I had taken with me for praying.
I wrapped the scarf around my face as a hijab. I stepped on the rug and offered Namaz. Trying not to let my attention divert on anything but my prayer, I succeeded a little bit.
"A little is always the start someday. You'll be able to pray perfectly not paying attention to anything but you and Allah." Madam Aneela's words gave a boost of confidence.
After the Namaz, I prayed. "I'm sorry Allah ta'ala," I sighed "I'm so sorry for losing myself control, my mind all the time. Please make me brave! Please give me the strength to protect myself from evil."
I sighed. "Guide me to do the right thing and please whatever difficulty is coming my way, be with me and protect me. Please keep me in your protection! Thank you for everything you have granted me I love you, Allah. Make me love you more than I have ever loved anyone Allah!"
When I got out of the mosque, Aaliyan was waiting for me already.
We climbed back to the hill. Standing near the railing, I absorbed the magnificence of the sight in my eyes. I took a deep breath. The foggy sky was making everything more romantic. Aaliyan was drowned in deep thoughts. Standing near the railing he looked down. I moved away from him. Walking on the snow-filled ground, coming to a distance I crouched down.
Taking a good amount of snow in my hands I made a huge ball. Turning around I yelled to grab Aaliyan's attention, "Aaliyan!"
Before he could do anything in his defense, the snowball hit his face quite painfully. I winced in regret. Aaliyan gave me a fierce look wiping the snow off his face.
I, in my self-defense, grinned cheekily, "Merry Christmas!"
And, it was the start of a snow fight that broke out between us. Aaliyan didn't care about the people around us, giving us weird stares as he chased me and hit me with snowballs. I was laughing uncontrollably and almost on the verge of crying.
Aaliyan was passionate about winning, whether it was a business deal, a game of chess or pillow fights. Exactly right then, he didn't stop until I begged him to – while panting. "I'm sorry –I'm sorry, stop please!"
Aaliyan stuck out his tongue at me childishly. When a twenty-eight-year man did that what would be my expected reaction? So I let my gigantic laugh surround us and in a few seconds, Aaliyan's laughter joined mine too.
*****
Aaliyan was the most hypocrite person I had ever seen in my life. I hated him. He had bought ice-cream for himself but didn't let me buy it because it was cold and I was catching the flu and cold. What the hell? Acting as if he was totally fine and it was alright for him to eat ice-cream. I stomped away from him, planning to go back without him. I didn't want to be with him anymore. Hypocrite hypocrite hypocrite!
"Musca! kahan ja rahi ho?" He was fast approaching me as he grabbed my elbow and turned me around.
"I hate you; you're a double standard and ugly stupid earthworm!"
He raised his perfect eyebrows. "Ugly?"
Ugh God, why why? Why you made him so beautiful. "Yes!"
"Stupid?"
"Yes, very stupid."
"Earthworm?" his face contorted into an inquisitive look.
"I don't know; leave me I want to go home." I tried to free my elbow from his grip. Even calling it an iron grip was an underestimate.
"Musca, I bought one ice-cream so we could eat it together." He rolled his eyes and he looked so hot I couldn't help but sigh dreamily.
"I don't want your germs." I pouted to the side, giving him a mean look.
"Haaa, who was kiss-raping me in the morning?" he got offended.
Kiss-raping? A loud snicker escaped my mouth and echoed around us. I clutched my stomach, throwing my head back; eyes closed and basked in the blissful, happy moment.
"I wasn't kiss-rape-" I was unable to stop laughing. "Aaliyan, you're so endearing."
He took his bottom lip between his teeth and watched me through his golden slits. "Would you eat it or should I find someone else to share my germs with."
My eyes widened, heat spread across my neck and cheeks. I peeked up at Aaliyan – his expressions were normal, as he glanced at his watch. God did he just say a nasty thing to me and didn't even realize it?
You had to fall for the innocent one, didn't you Musca?
I snatched the ice-cream cone from him and took a bite. "Buy your own."
The threatening look Aaliyan shot me had me stretching my arm forward, offering him the ice-cream. No way in the world he was gonna back away if he had decided to eat it with me.
I held Aaliyan's hand, walking with him. He ranted about how he loved watching cricket as a teen with his pupho — aunt, his father's sister. From the way he talked about her, he must have loved his pupho so much.
Another difference between Pakistan and America I had learned was. Americans had aunts, and they were only aunts for us. But Pakistani aunts were Khala, Pupho, Chachi, and Mami. Every relation had a different name and it was amusing – for me at least, it was.
"Where is your pupho now?"
A shadow passed over his face. "It's..." I could sense his breath hitching in his throat. "It's been almost a year, she passed away."
"I'm sorry."
He tightened his grip on my hand possessively and smiled at me. "I'm sorry too."
I laughed and hugged his arm, moving forward. "Something is changed."
"What?"
"You're bolder than ever." Aaliyan just smiled in reply.
******
After spending some time on that hill-side Aaliyan told me we were going home. I had thought he was talking about my home or maybe to his house. But, the different routes he took made me question him suddenly.
"Where—" before I could complete, he hurriedly said. "I'm won't kidnap you. We are going to my real home, where I used to live with my Dad and Aunt -- when Dad was alive. Then, pupho and I moved to the area now we both live in."
My eyes spread and my mouth opened in amazement, "That house in my neighborhood is not your real home?"
He hummed, shaking his head in denial. "There are so many things you don't know and I'll tell you those."
"Good or bad?" I had a cold sweat on my forehead in nervousness. For some reason, I was afraid of the unknown.
"Both," the frown on his face, a vein in his jaw ticking made him look more serious than ever. "Loosen up Musca!"
I gave smiling an unsuccessful try.
"Do you know in O level I had taken biology?" Suddenly his voice had all the energy and his face had all the ease in the world. O-level was the British school system that was removed from England but was still used in Pakistan.
"And?"
"So... Musca is the scientific name of a Housefly." He laughed like crazy, so much he had tears in his eyes. I had a permanent scowl on my face, firstly because of the insult to my name. Secondly, this man was a certified bipolar.
"You're neurotic, you should see a psychologist."
"Seriously I'm not lying." Now he was convincing. "I can Google it for you."
"Oh please shut up!" I brushed it off and stared at the cold night outside the car. Aaliyan kept rambling about Housefly's species, genus and family names.