Vanessa’s P.O.V
I locked my car and slowly walked towards the front door, I just finished the dinner shift at work and adding that frustration to my already tired and hangover state I’m really not in the best shape. I can see light coming through the curtains from the lounge and the hallway so either someone left them on for me or someone is still awake.
I opened the door and walked right into what could only be described as a deadly debate. Jake is standing on the second last step and James looks as though he was walking towards the kitchen but now they’re yelling at each other.
“You’re going to get yourself killed if you keep hanging out with that drop kick.” James yells.
“How the fuck would you know? You haven’t said more than two words to him? You don’t even know him, he’s a way better friend than you.” Jake yells.
“Ruin your life, see if I care. Just don’t come crying back to me when he fucks up and gets you both locked up.” James yells and then walks into the kitchen.
“I fucking won’t, you piece of shit.” Jake yells and starts stomping up stairs.
What the fuck?
“Don’t you dare walk away, get down here now!! Both of you.” I say, Jake and James both follow me into the lounge and sit as far as physically possible from each other. This is fucking ridiculous.
“What the hell was that?” I ask.
“James thinking he can run my life.” Jake says.
“No, it was me looking out for someone I care about but I don’t give a fuck anymore.” James says.
“Language.” I scold.
“Sorry.” He mutters.
“Why are you looking out for him? What’s wrong?” I ask James.
“Nothing is fucking wrong!” Jake yells.
“Language.” I scold and turn to James for his answer.
“Zack, Jake’s new best friend is bad news.” James explains.
“They’re just stupid rumours, he’s actually a nice guy if you took the chance to get to know him.” Jake defends.
“What makes him bad news?” I ask James, as much as I’d love to say I trust Jake’s judgement he isn’t as critical or suspicious like James so as of right now I’m on his side. Jake should stop being an ass and realize his friend is only looking out for him.
“His whole family is dodgy.” James says briefly, leaving many more questions in my head.
“You of all people should know that you aren’t what your family is and anyway they’re also nice people.” Jake defends.
“Nice people aren’t always nice, Jake. There’s a thing called acting.” I point out.
“You don’t even know them.” He says defensively.
“I know that but I don’t want you hanging out with this Zack guy until I get the chance to meet him.” I say.
“Oh when will that be? Should we slip it in-between your next tour and visiting your boyfriend on the other side of the world? Or do you need to check you schedule and shuffle some things so you actually have time for me?” He says, his voice was cracking and it hurt like a slap in the face hearing him so hurt.
“Jake…” I start.
“I’m going to bed.” He says and pushes past me to go upstairs.
“Don’t take it personally he’s been moody all day.” James says.
“Because I keep leaving. I promised I wouldn’t and that’s what I keep doing.” I say sadly, this is all my fault if he wasn’t upset over me being a shitty sister he wouldn’t be acting out and befriending this Zack guy.
“Night, James.” I say and without another word I climb the stairs.
I knock on Jake’s door lightly “Go away!” He yells.
But I go in anyway, his room looks as though a bomb just hit it with clothes, rubbish and school books scattered everywhere and Jake’s sitting at the end of his bed with his head in his hands.
“Jake, I’m sorry.” I say.
“Do you know that it fucking sucks when you’re not here? Harry is great and at the moment James is being a dick but most of the time he’s great too but they’re not you, Vanessa. You’re my sister, you’re the only family I have left and you’re never fucking here anymore. You’ve either jetted off to visit Luke or your too busy working or doing band stuff to have time for me. You said that you weren’t going to leave me and what did you do? You left and more than once.” He begins to rant.
“And don’t you dare promise me you won’t leave ever again because you will. There will be another tour or Luke will miss you and you’ll run off to be with him and completely forget about us. James feels the same way but he’ll never tell you that and I bet Harry probably feel that way too. I miss you too, you know? Just as much as Luke does. Maybe I don’t miss you in the same way he does but I do miss you. I miss having our late night movie nights, making a mess of the kitchen while trying to cook and just hang out with you. We used to hang out all the time but now I only ever see you when we cross paths in the house, over the dinner table when you’re actually home for dinner or when we’re at soccer.” He continues.
It breaks my heart hearing this. I don’t want him to feel this way. I don’t want him to think I leave him because I want to leave him, I leave him to pursue my life long dreams and I’ve only visited Luke twice on this whole tour and the first time was planned without my knowledge and I came home early and the second time was to surprise Luke on his birthday. I’d do the same for Jake if he was the one overseas.
“Jake, I’m not leaving because I want to.” I say sadly.
“Then why do you fucking leave?” He say, he has the same abandonment issues as me I never thought that leaving for a week or two here and there would have such a devastating effect on him.
“It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember to be famous and successful in the music industry, and when a Nationwide Tour gets offered to me I’m sorry but I’m going to take it and you have got to understand by now that Luke means a lot to me and I don’t want to ever lose him so I’m going to go see him every once in a while.” I try explain.
“I see where I stand then, the second option to Mr Perfect.” He says angrily.
“No, that’s not what I mean.” I defend. That’s not what I mean at all.
“Don’t even bother just get out of my fucking room.” He yells, I just roll my eyes at his dramatic yelling and head out his bedroom door.
It’s a lost cause I’ll try again tomorrow.
Why can’t he see that I love him more than anyone on the planet? He’s always going to mean more to me than anyone. He’s the person who’s always been there for me since day one and he’s been my best friend for 16 years. Why can’t Jake see that he’s always option one? I do everything I do to benefit not only me but both of us. Where does he think all my money goes? All the money I work so hard for playing gigs and waiting tables doesn’t go straight to me half of my wages goes into a savings account for him, obviously money from gigs goes mostly to the band but anything I get goes half to me and half to Jake. I want him to have the life I never knew either of would get so I need to work hard to make that happen for the both of us. One day he’ll understand and realize how much I care.
“You alright?” Harry asks, he was standing in the doorway of his bedroom door, shirtless of course. I’d hate to think that he feels the same way as Jake.
“I’ve been better.” I say, he opens up his arms for a hug and I step into them and wrap mine arms around his body, I’m scared that my hands are cold on his bare skin but he doesn’t say anything.
“Why is everything so hard?” I ask as hot tears start to rush down my cheeks.
“What did that guy say?” Harry asks.
“Ahh… If you’re going through hell… Keep. Going.” Harry says.
“Don’t quote Winston Churchill, Harry. That’s too out of character for you. But, thank you.” I say, best friends can only just live under the same roof as them but couldn’t live without them.
“Do you hate me for leaving, too?” I ask.
“Never, but I’m older and slightly more mature than Jake so I understand more. Don’t take it too hard, he’s just being a brat because he knows James is right.” Harry says.
“How do you know James is right?” I ask, does he know something I don’t? I’m so sick of these secrets.
“I trust his judgement more than I trust Jake’s, it’s just a personal preference.” He explains, and I trust Harry’s judgement so I guess I’m on James’ side. To be honest, I think I was on his side from the beginning anyway.
“Okay, well I smell like flour so I need to shower. I’ll see you in the morning. Night.” I say.
“Night, Nessa.” He says, he heads back into his room and I walk across the hallway to mine.
I have a quick shower washing the stress of the past half hour off my body and wash the flour from making pizza dough out of my hair with my coconut scented shampoo and conditioner. Once I was refreshed and clean I got out and wrapped a large towel around my body and dried myself, then I put the seat down on the toilet and moisturized my legs and then I got dressed into my PJs and walked back into my bedroom.
I towel dried my hair and chucked it up into a huge messy bun on the top of my head to keep all my hair out of my face while I slept and then my favourite part of my night routine… I slipped between the sheets and got comfy.
I recovered my phone from my bedside table and checked my messages, I had a missed call from Chrissy and my group chat with Olly, Matt and Alex was going crazy.
Olly: Chrissy said she can’t get a hold of you? WHERE ARE YOU VANESSA????
Alex: We have a band meeting on Monday dudes, Chrissy called me.
Matt: She called us alllllllllllllll :)
Olly: Are we in trouble?
Matt: She said she had exciting news??? SO I GUESS NOT!!!
Alex: I’m excited and nervous… Where’s Vanessa?
Olly: V A N E S S A
Matt: She might be in the shower or something or working I don’t know :)
Alex: NESSSSSSSAAAAAAA :D
Me: I was showering, what did I miss? Xx
Olly: We have a band meeting on Monday :)
Matt: What he said.
Me: Okay, I’ll see you guys then! I’m going to get some sleep :) Night boys xx
Alex: GOODNIGHT GUYS
Olly: Nighhhhhhhtttttt :)
Matt: Goodnight everyone :)
Crazy. They’re absolutely crazy.
Before I officially called it a night I tapped into the twitter app like every other night and seen what was going on the wonderful world of twitter.
I seen that Ashton was up bright and early in LA doing a follow spree while Michael complained about having such an early start.
‘WHAT A DAY!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!’ I tweet.
‘How was everyone’s day???? :)’ I tweet.
‘I had a hangover and I’m very tired and I had work and ugh what a shitty day...’ I tweet.
‘I had school :( It doesn’t get worse than that.’ … ‘Chin up, sweetie! It’s only a few years of your life it will be over before you know it :)’
‘Do you ride the bus?’ … ‘I have a car for a reason so no.’
‘How did you talk your parents into letting you drop out? HELP ME!!!’ … ‘I don’t have parents, darling. Good luck.’
‘Sassy and classy… Did you mean Vanessa Bell?’ … ‘Sassy, yes. Classy, not quite.’
‘I had a pretty good day actually :) I passed my math test and got a really good mark on my essay :D’ … ‘Aw, congratulations :) Keep up the good work, smarty pants!’
‘Can you and Harry Styles have really cute dorky and punk rock kids? Please!!!!’ … ‘No.’
‘I think you should teach Luke to be punk rock, I think he needs guidance.’ … ‘I tried, I think it has to come naturally. He just doesn’t have what it takes.’
‘I smell like oranges, help!’ … ‘Have a shower? Wash your hands? Pee on it? Soak yourself in tomato sauce? Eat pizza? Sleep?’
‘I LOVE YOU HEY’ … ‘I LOVE YOU MORE HELLO’
‘What’s your favourite ATL song? :) xx’ … ‘Depends on my moooooood :). Probably, Therapy or A Daydream Away or Lost in Stereo or Shameless. I LOVE IT ALL OKAY I DON’T KNOW.’
‘Can we please have a dance party to One Direction songs? XO’ … ‘Yes, yes we can.’
‘Do you like Beyoncé?’ … ‘Yes, I USE TO THINK I COULD TO BALLET AND DANCE TO HALO FOR HOURS’
‘Do you believe in fate? Xx’ … ‘Not sure? Nothing has made me believe in it yet but nothing has made me not yet.’
‘I love you!’ … ‘I love you :)’
‘Does Callum have a girlfriend????’ … ‘*Calum, maybe I’d tell you if you knew his name.’
‘Can we be best friends? Xoxo’ … ‘I don’t know… Harry might get jealous.’
‘Who do you love more? Jake or Luke?’ … ‘Jake.’
‘ARE YOU THE JEALOUS TYPE??? I feel like you are.’ … ‘Sadly, yeah I am.’
‘5SOS partying with youtubers, how do you feel? Luke looked like he was having a dandy old time.’ … ‘Good to hear they’re making some LA based friends :)’
‘How do you stay positive when so many people are being negative?’ … ‘Worry about myself and nobody else.’
‘I like your boyfriend.’ … ‘Well, I love him.’
‘GOING TO CALL IT A NIGHT VANESSA IS VERY TIRED :(‘ I tweet.
‘Goodnight everyone :)’
I put my phone on my bedside table and rolled around a little until I was in a comfortable sleeping position. Sleep. Oh, how I love you.
~MORNING~
Jake’s P.O.V
School. Ugh.
I avoided James and Vanessa as best I could when we were all milling around the kitchen earlier. Vanessa doesn’t even need to be awake so early but she always is. There wasn’t many words spoken just the odd hello or goodbye with a pass the milk or chuck me a drink bottle but nothing along the lines of I’m sorry. I know I’m the one who needs to apologize for being a brat but I can’t, I can’t apologize for the truth.
James hasn’t talked to me all day, maybe he wasn’t joking when he said he doesn’t care anymore. I want him to care, I still want to be his best friend. But, I hate that he thinks he can tell me what to do and who to be friends with. He’s not my Mum.
Zack isn’t even that bad. Yeah, sure maybe his family isn’t the cleanest family to roam Sydney but Zack’s a good friend I haven’t known him long but he’s already proved to me that he’s a great listener and always has my back. What more could I ask for in a friend?
“Jake, wait up!” I hear Zack yell, I turn around to watch Zack run towards me we’re both heading in the same direction so it would be silly to not wait for him.
“Hey mate, there’s this party tonight down the road from my house and you should totally come with me.” He suggests. Vanessa is never going to say yes to that.
“If I can sort out a believable lie, sure.” I say.
“Sweet, just say you’re taking Katie out or something. I’ll see you later I gotta go home for a bit.” He says and then he was off again jogging towards the front doors.
I carried on walking towards my usual lunch spot without him and sit down between Carmen and Dan.
“No Zack today? What a shame.” Alison says sarcastically.
I might be one of the only people that actually likes him. Everyone is just being judgemental. They think he’s weird, dodgy, suspicious, bad news and plenty more names. They’re too busy being stuck in their never-ending boring cycle of life that they won’t give him a chance to prove to them that he’s a good guy.
“I was saving that seat for James, by the way.” Carmen says, of course she was.
“There’s plenty of other seats.” I say and bite into my chicken sandwich.
“Yeah, you’re right. So go sit at one of them.” She says, what the fuck is her problem?
“Fuck, fine.” I say, I stand up and move and sit at the empty seat beside Riley.
“Thanks.” Carmen says sweetly.
Not even two minutes later James arrives with Jackson a guy from our soccer team and James takes my old seat beside Carmen and Jackson finds an empty space close to him. I see I’ve been replaced. You replaced him first, Idiot.
James greets his annoying girlfriend with a kiss and mutters hello to everyone. His eyes land on me and he looks at me with disgust. Obviously, not my biggest fan.
“No Zack today? What a shame.” He says, this again, really?
“He’s probably selling something behind the gym again.” Dan chips in from beside James. Him too, seriously?
“Wouldn’t be surprised.” James says.
Before I lashed out in front of all these idiots I got up and left. I went and sat inside an empty classroom to finish my lunch. Once I was finished to pass time until the bell rung I started playing games on my phone which quickly got boring so I went on twitter, I don’t really do this that often.
I didn’t have anyone to talk to on her because I’m never on it so I went onto Vanessa’s profile and read through her recent tweets, she seemed to be pretty bored at home today and tweeted a picture of a photo of her and I when we were much, much younger with the caption: ‘Take me back to the easy days…’
I continued to scroll and read through some of her replies from last night someone asked her who she loved more me or Luke and surprisingly she said me. Maybe she does care.
-
“Can I go out tonight?” I ask Vanessa.
“Where and with who?” She asks.
“Katie, I’m going to take her to dinner. I haven’t seen her in a while.” I lie.
“Yeah, sure.” Vanessa says.
“Please be home by 10, though.” She say, it’s Friday night? What the hell? I’m sixteen not ten.
“11?” I ask.
“10:30.” She says.
“Okay, fine.” I say.
-
“LEAVING NOW, see you later.” I yell from the front door step to anyone listening.
“Tell Katie I say hi and have fun.” Vanessa says.
“Will do.” I say and leave, shutting the door behind me.
Zack is picking me up and the end of the street but first I have to stop by Katie’s house and make her promise to lie for me if she needs to or gets asked questions.
“Hey! Looking for Katie?” Hannah asks at the door.
“Hi! Yeah, please.” I say.
“Katie, Jake’s here.” Hannah yells and when Katie shows up looking incredibly cute in her frog onesie Hannah leaves us alone and I suddenly feel extremely guilty for what I’m about to ask her to do.
“You look nice, where you heading?” She asks.
“Um, to a party. So Vanessa, she doesn’t know I’m going to this party I told her that I’m taking you out for dinner because she’d never let me go to this party…” I begin to explain.
“I’m not lying for you, Jake.” She says before I can even ask.
“What? Why not?” I ask.
“Vanessa doesn’t deserve that.” She says.
“She’s your sister, Jake. You can’t lie to her like that.” She adds.
“Now, if that’s all you wanted then I suggest you leave.” She says, why is everyone in such bitchy moods today? It was one simple favour.
“Fine, shit. I’ll just have to risk it then.” I huff, I get the door slammed in my face so I leave, I walk down to the end of the street where Zack said he’d pick me up in his brother’s car.
-
It was getting closer and closer to 10:30 but no matter how many times I told Zack that he’s just keep passing me cups filled with alcohol that I didn’t trust enough to drink.
“I really have to get home, Vanessa will flip if I don’t get home on time.” I say.
“Finnnnnnne, gosh dude.” Zack finally caves, I honestly don’t think he’s in the best shape to drive.
“Hey mate, let me drive.” I say and reach for the keys.
“Naaa, I’m fine, it’ll be sweet.” He says.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“Yeah, I do it all the time.” He says.
I hesitantly get into the passenger’s seat and buckle my seat belt, I make sure to tell Zack to buckle his to and we reserve out of the driveway. We only have ten minutes so I ask Zack to take the quickest way, I meant a shortcut not to speed up but he wouldn’t listen to me no matter how much I asked him to slow down or to pull over and let me drive. Maybe, everyone was right, maybe he us bad news.
Vanessa’s P.O.V
“Aren’t you meant to be with Jake?” I ask Katie, the doorbell rung interrupting James, Carmen, Harry and I’s debate over what movie to watch and I got up to answer the door and found Katie and Hannah standing on my doorstep.
“He lied to you. He came over and asked me to lie for him and said he was going to a party but I said I wouldn’t lie for him and came here to tell you.” Katie explains.
“That little bastard.” I say, he’s going to regret that when I ground him for two months.
“I don’t know where he is but yeah I thought I should let you know.” She says.
“Thank you, I’ll deal with it when he gets home.” I say.
If he thinks he is going to get away with disobeying my trust like that he can think again because I can be quite mean when I want to be and he has left me with a few hours of punishment planning until he gets home.
Katie and Hannah left and Harry, Carmen, James and I continued debating over what movies to watch. I thought I could text him to tell him that I know he lied but that would give him the chance to think of a way to get himself out of my punishments and I want to catch him off guard.
-
It was closer to 11:30 now and I’m beginning to get angrier and angrier as the time ticks by, I’ve called him and sent him dozens of messages but he’s completely ignoring me and that’s only adding fuel to the fire.
-
It was now ten past twelve and all of my anger has dissolved and replaced itself with worry. Where is he? Is he hurt? He should be back by now. Even if he’s trying to be badass and prove some sort of point there is no way he’d stay out this late without contacting me? He’s a good kid. He knows right from wrong. Where is he?
I started to cry as the stress and worry begun to multiply with every minute the time ticked by and I was starting to lose my breath. I couldn’t see clearly because my vision was blurry and the ground was spinning underneath me, my heart was hammering so hard in my chest and no matter how many deep breathes I took it wouldn’t slow down. My palms are sweaty and my legs are wobbly. What is happening? Someone help.
“I think she’s having a panic attack.” I heard Harry. No, no way. I haven’t had one since I was fifteen.
I was still struggling to breathe but I could hear a phone ringing, wait that’s my phone. Jake? Please be Jake. Someone took it from my hands and talked for a little bit. I heard a long string of curse words and then the room was silent. Or maybe I’ve lost my hearing.
“What do we do?” I hear someone yell. A female.
“Vanessa, it’s okay, I’m going to take care of you.” I hear someone. It was a girl, someone familiar.
I heard a phone ringing again but this time it was more than one. I’m losing my mind and I still can’t breathe. Why won’t someone help?
“She needs her medication.” The girl says, Hannah?
“She needs to go to the hospital.” A boy argues, Harry?
“We all need to go to the hospital.” I hear someone say, was that Anne?
Why do we “all” need to go the hospital?
“Tesh is in hospital. Jess just called.” Harry informs those around me.
Why would Anne need to go to the hospital if Tesh is there? Do they even know each other? I can’t think straight.
“Deep breathes, Vanessa.” I hear Harry, he’s close to me I can smell him.
“In.” Harry says and breaths with me as I attempt to steady my breathing.
“Out.” He says and we both exhale a long breathe and we repeated the same exercises for what felt like hours.
“Are you okay?” Harry asks, my vision was clearing and my heart rate was slowly returning to normal. I nod my head yes, I’m still dazed but I need to go see Tesh.
“We have to see Tesh.” I say urgently. Anne had left or maybe she was never here and James and Carmen were no longer here it was just Hannah and Harry.
“Vanessa…” Hannah starts, I only now notice the tears in her eyes.
“What? What’s wrong? She’ll be okay, I know she’ll be okay.” I say, she has to be okay. She’s a fighter.
“Jake’s in hospital as well.” Harry says.
The walls begin to cave in.
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Thanks for reading, I love you :)
WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN??? What happened?