The pic up top is Mckennas house.
I put one foot in front of the other and keep my balance as I walk across a curb. I make it to the end and smile to myself as I take a sip out of the bottle of Hennessy in my hand. I've become quite the drunk lately. When I'm not working, I'm drinking. I got some waitressing job at a restaurant near my moms house. I also moved into her house. She found a new boo and she's been living with him so I pay her rent every month and she lets me live here all alone. I don't like it all that much tho, I have to walk or drive past Jahsehs to get back and fourth to work. I haven't seen or talked to him in almost eight months, yet I think about him everyday.
I sit down on the bench and look around my friendly neighbor hood park. It actually looks quite shitty but kids love it. I continue drinking my henny until it's empty then I whip the bottle into the creek. I've always wondered what would happen if there was a alligator in this damn creek and someone got eaten. That'd be a pretty fucking whack news story.
I pull myself up from the bench and stumble my way home. I need more booze. I also need some sleep but it's like three in the afternoon.
Drinking helps me forget about Jahseh. What we could've been. What we lost. I tell myself our relationship was wrong from the start but, it had always felt so right.
London and I are still best friends, she keeps me updated on Jahseh and I imagine she does the same for him. Isiah and I are still close, same with all the boys and I.
I see a human figure sitting on my doorstep as I walk up my driveway and I squint my eyes to try and see who it is. It's the famous Isiah.
"Kenn where you been?"
"Hey my guy." I smile as Isiah pulls me into a hug.
"What's new wit you?" He asks. He lets me go and looks me up and down. "You gettin thicker ma?"
I chuckle and shake my head. "You literally seen me like a week ago."
"A week too long." He winks at me.
"Wanna come in?" I ask, making my way to the door.
"Sure thing." He follows me into the house and up to my room. He sits on the bed and looks around. "Damn I haven't been in here since me, you and.. uh X visited your mom. Why get a whole new bed?"
"No just new sheets and pillows. I set the old ones on fire. They smelt like him." I mumble as I shuffle around my room. I go over to my dresser and open my oh so secretive liquor drawer.
"I get that. You know actually I need to ask you something."
"One sec. I probably need a drink before you ask." I set a glass on the dresser and fill it up with tequila. I down it in a few seconds and wipe my mouth. "Okay shoot."
"So me and London been together for a whole year and I want to throw a party for our anniversary. A surprise party for her." Isiah smiles, which causes me to smile.
"That's really sweet Isiah!" I coo.
"Thank you." He smiles at me then looks down, his smiling quickly fading away. "It would be really important to both of us if you came."
"Of course I will!" I say loudly, jumping up and down.
"But uh. It'd also be important if Jah came..." He looks at me expectantly and my body freezes.
"Isiah I don't know if-"
"It's been eight months Kenn. Y'all use to be best friends. I'm sure nothing will happen. You'll be fine and I'll supply you with enough alcohol to be fine. Please just this one night then you can go back to never seeing him again."
That's the thing. I know as soon as I see him again I'll need to keep seeing him. I'll go insane. I need to keep my distance until I die. But I love Isiah and London and I'm extremely proud of them. I need to get my shit together for them. Just one night.
"Alright alright. Only cause I love y'all. Now when is this thing?" I ask.
"Well our anniversary is tomorrow. Wait. Maybe it's the next day?"
I roll my eyes and glance out my window.
"It's tomorrow." Isiah nods at me.
I feel a sudden twinge of anxiety. Jahseh and I in the same building? I can barely stand living a block away. I'm not ready. "Isiah..." He sees the panic in my eyes and gets up from the bed, walking over to me.
"Hey. You got this, okay? You know I wouldn't ask you for anything unless it was really important." He says softly. I nod and look away from him, a pout visible on my lips.
"It's just gonna be really hard."
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I walk quickly as I pass by Jahsehs. I, of course, got the night shift at work again. It is currently twelve pm, my shift starts at 12:30 and ends at 8:30. I look up at his bedroom windows. The lights are on. Of course he's awake. He never sleeps earlier than two. I shake my head quickly, trying to shake the thought of him out of it. I continue walking the short distance, trying not to think about Jahseh. See, that's a big problem. I'm always thinking about him. Even after eight months. That's why I hate living here. If I moved, I'd have nothing to remind me of him. I enter the back door, into the kitchen and say a quick hey to everyone. I grab my little apron and throw it on, while I walk out to the dining area. There's only one table. I honestly don't know why we stay open twenty-four hours on the weekends. Especially in this neighbourhood.
After the two tables leave, I take a seat at the booth and start reading a newspaper. I spin around on the stool, slowly, reading about a new donation store in town.
"Hey Kenna?" My coworker Stu calls, appearing from the back. Stu is my absolute favourite and if I ever give up on bad men he's the first person I'd run to. He's husband material.
"Hey Stu." I smile. I stop spinning and turn towards him as he sits down with me.
"Guess it's gon be a slow night tonight." He looks out the window and stares. "Hey, you know that guy?"
I follow his gaze outside and my heart starts pounding. I can barely see him in the dark. The street lights, are illuminating his face just enough that I can tell he's staring right at me. He looks away once he notices me staring back. It almost looks like he hesitates before he walks off into the dark.
"I used to."
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"Kenna! Are you fucking dumb? You could've got kidnaped or killed. For fuck sakes!"
My eyes refuse to open for some reason but I can tell I'm outside. I can feel the sticky grass on my body.
"What the fuck?" I mumble, squirming around a bit. I roll onto my back and open my eyes. I'm met with a pretty pissed looking Isiah. "What's up?" I sit myself up and rub my eyes.
"What the fuck you mean 'what's up.' What's up with YOU nigga?!" He yells. I flinch a bit and frown at him.
"I'm sorry I just got pretty drunk I guess." I shrug. I slowly stand up and wipe myself off before heading to my door. At least I passed out in my own lawn. I got pretty drunk after I finished my shift this morning. At least I'm guessing. "What time is it?"
"4:27. Did you sleep outside last night?" Isiah follows me into the house and to the kitchen. He watched me as I grab a container of orange juice from the fridge and pour it into a glass.
"No nigga. I just passed out for a couple hours. I'm good now. Want some." He shakes his head at me and rolls his eyes.
"You got me fucking worried."
"I'm fine. I promise. One hundred percent. I just had a rough shift last night and needed to let myself go a bit." I smile. He studies my face a few seconds before deciding to believe me.
"Alright..."
"So when this party?" I ask.
"Probably nine tonight. Also forgot to ask, can we have it here please? The pool would be lit for a party." Isiah chuckles at me.
"Yeah of course." I smile. I take a sip of my juice and walk around the island, putting my arms around isiahs shoulder. "What would I do without you?" He chuckles and hugs my arms against him.
"You'd probably be dead."
"Very, very true." I let go of Isiah and stretch out. "I'm gonna go get dressed then I'm gonna pick up London and take her out while y'all set up."
"Aight shawty." Isiah nods.
I run upstairs to my room and straight to my closet. I need to wear something casual but also hot enough for a party. I decide to just wear some grey Calvin Klein jogging pants and a white tank that ties at the neck. I quickly put on a pair of Nike Air Force ones and run downstairs. I grab a backwood from my kitchen drawer and light it up.
"Ay Isiah you want some?" I call out. I walk around to the living and look around. I notice the screen door to the backyard is open so I go outside and spot Isiah eyeing up my outside bar. "Yo what up."
"Ay. I'll have some of that." Isiah plucks the blunt from my hand and looks me up and down. "You look good. Why would you wear white to a party though?"
"Fuck off." I laugh. "Okay I'll be back at nine. See you then dude. Love you." I say, heading to the door.
"Love you. Be safe." Isiah calls after me. I run out to my car and drive the short distance to London's house. Jahsehs house. This used to be my home. Jahsehs BMW isn't in the driveway so I assume he isn't home. He's extremely famous so I'm guessing he has lots to do nowadays. I decide I can go knock on the door and get London. I won't go inside though. I knock a few times then wait, looking around nervously. What the fuck am I even doing here? I should've just texted her. Fuck sakes. The door opens and I'm face to face with a smiley London.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" She says cheerfully, throwing her arms around me. London and I still hangout nearly everyday. I just haven't come to Jahsehs since we broke up.
"Picking you up for a girls day." I smile.
"Oh damn I see you. Aight lemme go change. Jahseh isn't here, you can come in." London says softly. She knows how I feel. I nod and follow her inside. "Just wait down here, I'll be quick." She disappears upstairs and I wait awkwardly in the living room.
The house so much like Jahseh it makes me fucking dizzy. My anxiety is through the roof. Something in the kitchen catches my eye and I walk over towards it. It's a picture of Jahseh, Isiah, London and I. Why would they still have this up? I hear the front door slam and I quickly look towards it.
"London, you good?" I call out.
I don't have to see much to know it's not London. Just the top of his blueish dreads send me into a full blown heart attack. He stares at me for a second then looks away, towards the picture I was looking at. He looks back at me, then slowly makes his way upstairs and out of view.
Fuck. Me.