Zaabit---POV
I settle the logs in the fireplace as it picks up its pace to fire into life. It is burning sparingly, with a gentle push to the logs the embers flickers into the air. The embers glows like a fireflies in the dark. The auburn glimmer of the ashes leaves a warm and cozy feeling in the living room.
"Did you meant it when you said you will stay by my side?" I asked once again to make sure.
That day when I had come back from my walk. She was waiting for me at the main gate. I had mentally rubbed my eyes if it was a figment of my imagination. It hadn't been my vision because she was there, waiting for me.
When I finally learned to walk past her she blurts out to stop me and like always shock me.
"I will stay."
I kept straight face while my eyes search for the anguishes in hers when I couldn't find that I realized she meant what she had said.
"I will stay by your side until you get sick of me" she mutters "let's go inside...it's so cold."
"Wait" I finally said.
"You don't believe that I just said that. You can pinch yourself to see that it is real."
She smiled. There is confusion which surrounds her, to me she is the most impulsive person when it comes to her feelings. She doesn't know how changeable she seem to me. She is a bundle of opened yarn which is haphazardly entwined and twisted.
"But why" I reasoned.
"I will do everything which makes you happy. I don't have much time. And there are so many things that I want to do before I leave" she said.
I held her by shoulders as warmness swishes sweetly into my limbs. Her eyes held me in hers.
"If making me happy costs your happiness then you shouldn't do it. I don't want to be that mean. It certainly wouldn't make me happy."
"I cannot avoid your presence in my life forever. It is very selfish of me to be doing that to you. Fate has made us cross each other path."
"You still don't trust me" she said, snapping me from my thoughts of what happened few days ago.
"I don't" I said.
I give the log another gentle shove, sparks glows the dark living room. She crouches like me in front of the fireplace. Her dark brown eyes sparkle and the cinders dances in her orbs. I feel myself deviating deeper into that to seek her depth. There is no turning back, it is here I want to be. The only reflections in her eyes.
My hand touches the softness and smoothness of her face. The fragility visible in that, she is cold.
"You are cold" I voice slowly.
"Well sometimes there is always a part that is better that way."
Upon that I retreated my touch.
"Yeah" I agreed without really understanding what she meant by that.
Is she talking about the condition of her heart? Is she saying, it will never be warm? She is like a charcoal that takes time to fire up it warmness.
"Dad told me, you may not remember us" I stated, aiming to decimate the sudden tense air.
She reaches out to the nearest loveseat to grab two cushion, toss them aligning, facing the burning fire. She beckons me to take one and I do. Now we are sitting beside each other, palms reaching out toward the blazing logs.
Once she is settle down she speaks, her voice is the only sound which is consuming the quietness of the living room.
"There won't be time for that...I feel it in the depths of my bones that death is near."
Her words and the way she articulates slit and cleave my spirit. I feel like my heart is pulling out of me that death will do us apart.
"Sometimes death is an easier option" I reimbursed my not so wise words.
"Well, I don't have that option because mine is certainly coming earlier" she asserts.
Instantly we both turned around, facing each other... looking aghast.
"Nobody has it" I venture "think about it, eventually we all have to face death but when that would be is a veiled tale. We will be replaced by others in some way."
She is listening to me intently as I went ahead with my thoughts. It is actually nice how a decent conversation can pull all your inner thoughts, makes you a half decent person. I sounded so logical maybe it's her which makes me talk in such length. I am grateful that at last, we are talking without jumping into each other throat.
"For once, you sounded so different. It's like you have literally ponder about death" she adds quietly.
"I have when I got into that accident. It peeled me into different person with different emotion. My thoughts that I assume couldn't be notion seems to course its way into head. My thinking matured up that I am more than just the size of my body. My height, my age can't limit me to think beyond what is there to life and death."
"You certainly have grown" she laughs.
"I have" I smiled, wanting to capture the time in a jar.
"Death makes you non-existent."
"Like you never existed" she quips.
"Like you were never really there that is the painful thing about dying. With time you become an old story" I retorted.
"Zaabit" she utters to eliminate the silence that has fallen as we mull over about the nature of the life
"I don't want to be forgotten. I fear the things which comes with death. I dread being history."
I pull her towards myself for an embrace although she doesn't resist like I terror.
She rests her chin on my shoulder while sobbing quietly. My hand finds its way onto her head. At first, I hesitated then later I give in as fingers tenderly brush against her silky opened hair.
"There is me who won't let that happen" I promised.
"I wish I had been born differently" she muffles against my chest where she has buried her head.
"Then I wouldn't be here with you."
She doesn't say anything in return as I hear her silently weeps in my arms. There is nothing I can say to make her feel otherwise about the future that is about to come. At this point, telling her that everything will work out would be a blunt lie. A lie which can never be true.
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"You haven't been smoking lately" she speaks as she saunters into the living area and gaze at me quizzically.
"There is no reason to it" I said.
We are sitting in an L shape couch which is positioned in front of the high ceiling window, from where you can picture the almost frozen lake and the capped mountains. The weather is serene and still. The humming of our breath is the only sound that is there. The capped mountains are swallowed completely by the down casted clouds. The sky turns soothing sliver, as flock of birds appears to form a perfect V formation. And suddenly flying away organically. We watch it, the empty silence recuperating our damaging soul. The silence mingling away the pain as we remain still.
I look at her shrivelled face, the darkness within her eyes. The deep bags that have formed under her eyes, speaking of lack of sleep. She looks tired. She had hidden those with layer of foundation to look normal and healthy.
I pick up the cigarette, put it in-between lips and was about to bring it to life that is when I decided otherwise. Smoke is not good for her when she is already being bridged to the limit.
"Why did you stop?" she pauses, as she scrambles onto the same sofa but occupying the other end, lifting up her feet's. She places her head onto the headrest while gazing straight into my eyes.
"I don't feel like it" I mutter.
"If it is because of me, I don't mind. You should go head...in fact, you will be lifting up the atmosphere" she encourages me to do it.
I smile, just so my four teeth's could be seen.
"Thanks but as I said earlier there is no reason that I should be doing that."
"So when did you start smoking?" she questions.
"When you were being walked toward him in your mehndi dress. Your smile burned the soul of mine. I thought I lost you."
Subtleness is picked up as she listens to me speak.
"So, I made you smoke...Gosh I am praiseworthy" she laughs.
We stop talking once again as the sky cleared up. The red city tower could be picture as it stands high and mighty without being affected by anything.
The wind blows, and remaining leaves swirls in the air like a mini tornados.
"I want to go up there" she pounces, glancing in my direction.
"The city tower" I asked.
"Yes," she nods.
"From there you can view the whole muree and being up there is majestic" I excitedly voice as I thought about my many trips.
"Take me there" she states.
"I will" I promise.
She scout towards me, eliminating the distance. She holds me preciously by her brown eyes that are warm and engulfing.
"How about now" she suggests.
"Not now or today...let's wait for the snow. Once it snows it will be breath-taking. We could sledge up with Siberian husky dogs pulling us."
"Really" she voice "Siberian husky dogs pulling us up...sounds like a generous plan."
"I promise" I said as we gaze into the highness of the mountains.