Damon's Desire
Chapter 20
Chase this light
(After Damon and J saw Mason Lockwood.)
I had no idea what I would do if J recognized Lock. When she called out his nickname, I began to feel weak. I had no clue what I would have done if Lock had come back and told her everything. Lock continued walking away and ignored her call. Once we got home, things were still rocky but eventually it cooled off.We crashed together on both ends of the couch. Once she was fast asleep I crept away and got some alone time. I went down to the basement and drank blood. I looked through some things I had hidden away my many years of living. A few pictures of Lexi and Katherine, some pictures of me when I was young before turning into a vampire. I kept this one room locked all the time in the basement. Even if J were to wander down here, she would not be able to get inside this one room.
I sat down and looked through almost every album I had. It hasn't felt like hundreds of years ago. Katherine still looked just as angelic as I recall. Unfortunately, she was not anything like she looked. She was worse than I. Maybe that is one of the things I loved about her. Her sleeping with Stefan was heartbreaking but her sleeping with Lock too was beyond what I thought a vampire would do. Never would have guessed she was with him all those years. It made me realize how filthy she really was. She has been gone for years. Ever since Tyler turned she vanished. Everyone thought she would show when Elena and Stefan married. She didn't even pass a message to one of her zombies.
I put away her pictures and feelings that I thought I might bring back to the surface. I hated her but I knew deep down if J never existed and Katherine showed some kind of change I would be back in her arms. She on the other hand would use me for her schemes. She never even cared about me. It was always Stefan. For me it was always Katherine. Elena was nothing like Katherine. She is what everyone wants Katherine to be. Alternatively, what I want her to be. It didn't break my cold heart when they married but made me realize I needed to leave. Find my Elena.
Elena and I had this weird relationship even while she was with Stefan. We came close to doing many things that only she and Stefan should have been doing. She was young and I was on some weird vampire rebound. I needed to be with Katherine and the closes thing to that was Elena. I knew I could be with Elena if I tried hard enough. Instead I prolonged the outcome. Making Stefan's life hell. Elena started to fall for me and I for her. Stefan fell in the arms of Katherine once more. Then finding that out, that they once again slept together made me realize I didn't love Elena or even care for her. She was just a copy of the one I wanted. I left Elena alone and she ran back to Stefan. Katherine caused drama that the whole town felt. It was unreal. Stefan had Bonnie put spells on Elena so she couldn't get hurt from Katherine. Bonnie made Elena and herself a ring to prevent Vampires and or Werewolves from killing them.
Finally, the originals had enough of Katherine giving away that we were in town. They told her if she ever steps foot in Mystic Falls or close to it they would stake her. Katherine finally left and said she would be back to get what is hers. Of course, that must be Stefan, not me. I moved on. I every now and then think of how I would have died if not knowing her or thinking we were a great couple. Father would have never killed us leaving us to die of old age or some sickness. I heard walking upstairs. I knew J must have woken up. I am used to hearing her cry and whimper in her sleep. She has not done that at all. I put everything away and hid my blood locking the door. I sped upstairs closing the door lightly. She was standing in the living room wrapped in our blanket.
"What are you doing standing in the dark, Babe?" I asked suddenly feeling her fist in my face.
It actually caused me to bleed. My eyes watered up. She apologized in shock of what she did. I found it funny that she could have those reflexes. I went to the bathroom and waited for my healing to kick in. J thought I was cleaning my nose and making sure it wasn't broken. When I came out, she began to wonder where I was. I wasn't sure what to say since I had no idea where she already looked for me. I told her I was coming out of the basement. J seemed to still be curious. We fell back asleep on the couch. Well she did, I still have not slept right since Katherine left.
I had no plan on letting J out today. It was the full moon tonight and I didn't want our scent outside. J of course had no clue what the full moon is about, well not anymore. She continued teasing me with steps out the door. If she weren't so adorable, I would have sped over and dragged her inside tying her to the bed. Eventually she listened and stayed inside. We watched TV in my bedroom until she remembered we had to go see Donnie. I knew there was no changing her mind but I still tried. And yes, we ended up at the Dream Beat building near her house. Donnie was exactly what I thought he would be. Too many muscles and not enough man. Definitely didn't have to worry about him trying to hit on J. Donnie showed J some room inside the gym. Seeing the kids dance lit her up like a Christmas tree. All I saw was kids dancing. I was not a dancer and definitely not a hip-hop dancer. Donnie offered her a job at the gym. I was happy for her but didn't want her out of my sight. Lock was near by at Tyler's and knew about this place. She would begin to wonder intentions if I always came with her to work. I wanted her all to myself at home with me alone. Jaysi wasn't sure about taking the job but eventually he sweet-talked her into it. She was game. I was happy for her nonetheless. J told him to give her some time to, I guess schedule it in her life. After Donnie surprised her, we headed to the hospital to see his wife and son.
I hated going to the hospital. Too much sickness and blood. There's always that chance that someone I had compelled would recognize me. This hospital is loaded with people I stole blood from, fed off and told to provide me bags. It was almost seven when we got there. Donnie talked us through what has been going on.
"She is still trying to figure out what the guy looks like. She knows that he is taller than her and a white male. A few other things. The doctor says she is going to live but she is so traumatized she can't be around many people. I let her know about you and that you have no problem being around her. If it is ok, I did already tell her about some of the things you went through. Only because I was desperate to get her to see someone. It worked and she is willing to see you. Damon I am glad you came but you think you can wait outside her room. Just encase she - you understand right?" He asked.
"Of course. This is about your wife. I have no problem with it." I told him.
"Thanks so much, brother." He said taking my hand giving it a quick shake.
J gave me a tap kiss before walking into Donnie's wife room. There were two cops near the door. I was getting kind of worried being here. Donnie stayed with me after he brought J in the room. We got a coffee and talked taking a walk around the hospital. He told me about what happened with his wife. Her being attacked on the way to a meeting for work. They found her car on the highway with her nearby. My stomach turned when I quickly realized this could possibly be the woman I attacked on the highway when I was losing my mind because of J. I left her for dead and now I am having a cup of coffee with her husband. I wanted real, this is real.
"You ok? You look kind of sick." Donnie mentioned.
"Oh I'm good. It's these hospitals. They don't settle well with me sometimes." I lied dipping my face in coffee.
"I wish I could just take her home you know. She is all healed up except for the trauma she went through. It's costing us an arm and leg. She would feel safer at home."
"Why can't you take her home?" I asked.
"I am not supposed to say much but they think that there is a killer out there. Down in Mystic Falls the town over; a couple of girls have been killed. In the past year or so, many attacks have been going on. I don't know if Jaysi knows but seeing what she as gone through I think if she don't know don't tell her. I'm just saying. My wife doesn't even know and she is a victim herself." Donnie says.
"That's something. I won't tell her. She is definitely more free minded than she was before."
"That might be my fault." He snickered. "I taught her a few things but it's all for her, you know. She came to me really broken. Poor girl." Donnie pouted.
"She will be good. I see that now. So about this killer, do they have someone in mind?" I asked.
"I don't really know. They think he is from town, here in Vines. Lisa is going to try to make a sketch of him. She is trying to recall more but for some reason she can't recall him. She said she saw him perfectly." Donnie mentioned pausing to clear his throat. "Sorry."
"No it's fine. I completely understand. If I can help out any just let me know. I worked with the sheriff in Mystic and helped solve many crimes. Many killers were involved. So please let me know everything you can. I will do what I can." I said using all I could to gain his trust.
"Yes that is so great. I will be in touch about that. Here take my number down and let me know whenever you figure something out. I haven't slept much since all of this so feel free to call whenever you want." Donnie said telling me his number once I pulled out my cell phone.
I felt like a terrible person. Good thing I am a vampire. (Shutting off emotions)
I sat in the waiting room with Donnie's son. He cried a few times then laughed watching TV in the waiting room. I wasn't sure what to talk to him about. I didn't know him yet. He was very comfortable with me. Donnie was in with his wife Lisa and J. I needed a drink of either scotch or blood. My phone wasn't working inside the hospital so I could not text J. I was relieved to see Donnie coming to the door. He called me over. I was surprised I didn't speed over.
"I talked to Lisa and she would like to meet you."
"I don't think that is a good idea." I interrupted him.
"Its fine don't worry I told her about what you said working with the sheriff and she is sure she will be fine. If not don't worry about it. It won't be your fault. I think it is good for her to start seeing faces of strangers. This way we can get out of this place soon." Donnie explained.
I exhaled and looked back at his son.
"Who is going to stay with your son?"
"Oh he will be fine." Donnie smiled and walked over to his son. "Johnny I am going with Damon here and seeing mom. I will be right back ok?" Donnie told him rubbing his sons shoulders.
His son nodded and grabbed the remote to the TV.
"Don't you leave this room at all." He pointed.
"I know." His son whined.
I tried to think up different excuses to get out of this. I could not come up with anything. I offered him my help for anything so how could I deny him something this simple as to going in a room. At the door to Lisa's room J opens and smiles at me.
"Everything good in there?" I asked nervous as hell.
"She is doing well. Are you going in?" J asks smiling.
I looked back at Donnie who nodded his head.
"Yes I am." I said not moving a muscle.
Donnie chuckled and walked me in.
"Its ok brother."
I looked around the room to find the poor woman I had sucked dry laying gazing out the window. My legs became like spaghetti noodles, thin and boiled.
"Ma, this is Damon. Jaysi' boyfriend. He is the one I told you about who worked with the sheriff." Donnie says to her.
Lisa turned and stared at me. I smiled at her.
"Hi. I hope I am not intruding. I want to help out any way I can." I said with a dry swallow.
"Please sit down." She said.
I sat down as fast as I could being a 'human.'
"Have you known Jaysi long?" She asked.
I cleared my throat. "I have known her for a few months now. Feels longer though. I mean that in a good way." I smiled trying not to make eye contact.
"I have known my husband for 20 years. We have been married 20 years." Lisa smiled.
"How does that work?" I scoffed.
"I married that man the same day I met him. Sometimes you just know. I guessed right."
I found her to be an amazing lady. I regretted sitting here and talking to her though, since I am the reason she is in this hospital. I don't think I have ever been in this situation before. I met people I compelled and fed from but not like this. Not having them become friends to my woman and then try to friend me. Lisa told me how beautiful we looked together. I told her about her son being a strong boy. We talked for almost an hour. I let the time get away from me. It was a full moon and we needed to go. I stood up and wished her well. Donnie came back in with his son.
"Thank you Damon. I will be in touch with you both." Donnie said shaking my hand.
"I hope so." I said waving goodbye to Lisa.
J walked in and kissed Lisa goodbye. Donnie walked us out leaving his son with his mom.
"I hope we finish our classes. Just call me when you want to get one out the way." J smiled giving Donnie a huge hug.
"I will. Now don't forget to call me about the gym. Don't change your mind Jaysi. They need you and I know you need this." Donnie smiled.
"I will let you know when I am ready." J said. "See you soon."
"Thanks again guys." Donnie said saluting us both.
I drove rather quickly to get us home. J didn't seem to mind. Her mind was somewhere else. I tried to keep my senses open for any smells that didn't belong on my property. So far so good. I pulled up to the house and let J in.
"I will be right back." I told her.
She watched me go back to the car. I got the Wolfs bane out the trunk and placed it on the dashboard. I grabbed a water bottle from the trunk, poured it around the yard and porch.
"D what the hell are you doing?" J asked holding back a laugh.
"Nothing just getting rid of my water. I can't keep my wood clean?" I smirked.
"Can you just get inside. I want to talk with you about something." She smiled going back in.
Now what? I wondered. I tossed the bottle in a near by garbage bin. When I got inside J was walking up the steps to the bedroom. I knew I needed to drink but she would be upset that I was in the basement again. I chose to drink. I sped down and unlocked the door. I didn't bother to get a glass. I drank from the bag and when done exhaled in satisfaction. My shirt caught some of the blood causing me to leave it down here in my locked room. I knew J would start to wonder where I was so I locked the door and sped upstairs.
"Coming J!" I called out.
I hustled upstairs to find her getting undressed. I watched her while I leaned on the doorway. She slipped her shirt and bra off leaving only her red silk panties on. She folded her clothes and grabbed her nightgown.
"You're looking pretty good from here." I smirked.
J turned around covering her breast. I badly missed touching her and every time I saw more skin than needed I couldn't think of anything else but sinking my teeth into her flesh. She smiled at me uncovering her breast. I smiled and walked over to her. J put her arms around my neck and kissed me as if we were going to lay in bed and finally sleep together.
"I need to talk to you D." She said still kissing me.
"About what?" I asked laying her down.
I stared at her breast and lightly ran my fingers on her soft skin. She bit her lip and touched my hair.
"About me working at the gym with those kids. I want to but I know I won't until after court. See what happens with Dillon and Shane."
"Like what? What might happen?" I asked a little worried.
"I don't know more money in his pocket, they take him away from me forever." She said losing focus on my touch.
I smiled at her kissing her lips, moving her hair out the way.
"Do you want your son back babe?"
She looked away from my eyes staring elsewhere.
"Yes. I'm tired of waiting for a miracle. No judge is ever going to give him back to me. I don't even know if he wants to be with me or even knows who I am." She said holding back what I knew was a strong cry.
J's breathing was shaky.
"I will fix everything for you. You're going to get him back. I promise that. No one like your ex deserves anything that came from you. Definitely not a human child." I told her rubbing her face with my thumb.
"You shouldn't make promises like that D. I am never even going to see him again." She finally cried.
J turned her face in my hand holding it in place. I hated seeing her cry. Especially when I wanted to have sex! Now I have to console her. I covered her breast with the sheet.
"Shh, don't cry. I will take care of it. You will see. I will go with you to court and meet with who ever I have to." I whispered to her.
I looked around for her nightgown.
"Let me get you some night clothes babe." I said pulling my hand away.
I went inside her dresser that was always empty. I pulled out the first thing I touched. Her black silk gown. Spaghetti straps and a open back. I already visualized her in it before handing it to her.
"Thank you." She said sitting up.
I helped her put it on standing in front of her having her slip her arms through. J stood up and shook her gown down.
"I hate seeing you cry." I told her.
"Sorry. I hate crying. Just miss him." She said rubbing down her gown.
I lifted her head up to see my eyes.
"What else did you want to talk to me about?"
"If I take this job. You ok with it? Me working with kids all day." J smiled.
"I will miss you but I know you love kids and love this dance thing. Not to mention that gym. I am not stopping you at all." I said running my fingers up and down her arm.
"I love you too though. I don't want to make plans without you."
"I don't mind you doing this. I mean you got a lot going on babe. Don't over do it. You got court, this offer, then us, which is going good, and the thing with Donnie. Oh, the book deal at Bonnie's school and the other books you are doing. Did I miss anything?"
"I think so. I have you right to help me with all of it?" She said taking my hands.
"Dancing? I don't dance babe." I laughed.
"You don't have to dance. Just help me however you can." J smiled laying down.
I took my jeans and shoes off staying in black boxers only. I laid down next to J.
"So what do you want to do?" I asked her.
She laid on her side and put her arm around my waist.
"I want it but I am not starting anything until court. See what happens and how I feel."
"Ok than. You're going to be a dance teacher, a writer and my girlfriend." I smirked covering us with the blanket.
"Girlfriend? Sounds like kid stuff." She giggled.
"Kid stuff? What do you want to be something else?" I asked sounding a lot like I was upset.
"No, girlfriend is fine. I'm almost 30 and I have a boy friend." She sung looking at me.
I probably was thinking too much into her comment but I was not going to make anyone a fiance or wife. The most I would do is change her to a vampire once I know she loves me for sure.
"Wow you are thinking a lot." J blurted.
"Just trying to figure you out babe." I told her laying on my back.
"What is there to figure out? We are going to date forever and ever until we grow old and die. Just like I always wanted. To be old and dating my boyfriend." She said sarcastically.
I sighed and took her hand.
"You want something else I take it."
"What gives you that idea?" J asked sounding upset.
"J you are not going to grow old any time soon. We have a lot of time to think about something other then what we are." I told her finding my way around marriage and engagement conversations.
"Its easier to say you don't want to be married instead you try to find ways to ignore the simple idea of marriage. I wanted to know we had a future. You already left me before what's to say you won't again?" She asked rhetorically.
I looked over at her. J turned her head.
"Goodnight Damon." She said upset.
I scoffed and shook my head.
"You think were going to bed upset? That isn't going to happen." I told her sitting up.
"Goodnight Damon." She repeated.
"J cut it out. Turn around and talk to me." I demanded.
"I don't want to. I just want to sleep." She said.
"Are you mad at me?" I asked kissing her arm.
"I don't know."
"Why? Why are we always arguing or upset with each other? Why did you change so much on me?" I asked getting off the bed.
She sat up.
"I need a drink." I said walking out the room.
I hated this bickering bullshit. Always something new something else. Even something small. I purposely went to the living room and grabbed some scotch. I could have gotten it from the bedroom but I needed to leave from there before I said something I would regret.
"Damon." J called my name.
I turned to see her at the railing of the second floor.
"Yes girlfriend." I replied.
"I don't want to fight. I just want to know we have a future together. I am not a child. I once had a family, a child, fiance, home, car and job. I want that again. I want more than that one day. Not right this second just one day before I die." She explained.
I gulped down three shots during her small speech. I didn't hear her speak anymore so I turned and saw she was sitting on the steps.
"I am not going to bed any time soon so you might as well go lay down." I bluntly told her.
"That's mean." She whispered.
"Well I left the room to cool off. You came out here." I said taking another shot.
"I came out here to apologize and explain why I was mad." She says.
"Thank you, now I know."
J scoffed and went in the room. I realize now I was too hard on her. Maybe being hard with her will get her to stop this attitude of hers. I sat down and had a couple more drinks. I most likely wasn't going to join her to bed. It was pointless. I get turned on then think I am getting laid but nothing happens. I kiss her beautiful shoulders and rub her back and see pain on her back. I needed to think what my next move was. I turned to see J dressed and charging down the steps. She had two bags already packed. I stood up and blocked her way.
"What the hell are you doing J?" I asked snatching the bags from her.
She flinched blocking her face.
"Not touching you." I assured.
I took her arm and caressed it to calm her down.
"You're not leaving me are you?" I asked.
"I doubt we have a future. I will get my things later." She said grabbing the bags from the floor.
"You're not leaving." She kept walking to the door. "J!" I shouted.
She turned around.
"Stop yelling! I hate it when you yell." She panted.
"If you're really leaving then you don't ever have to worry about it." I snapped at her.
"Screw you." She grilled.
"I wish." I blurted out.
J scoffed and gave me a disgusted look. "Bye Damon." She said grasping the doorknob.
"Don't you dare step out that door J. Don't do it." I warned her.
She dropped her head before opening the door and walking out. I sped and grabbed her back in. I placed her on the couch and tossed her bags to the second floor. J panicked and backed away from me while on the couch. She walked away from me backwards touching the walls making sure she didn't bump into something.
"Let me leave." She panicked.
"I can't do that. Just come over here and let me explain what you saw."
"I didn't see anything." J lied.
"J come here." I ordered.
"No. I want to go and forget I was ever here." She trembled to the bone.
"I am not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you. I just want to talk with you."
"Now you want to talk? I don't want to talk anymore. I understand you don't want to be anything else but my boyfriend. I want to be married. You don't want that so let me go."
I laughed knowing she was trying to get me to be uninterested simply because she is mentioning marriage.
"Cut it out. You're acting like I am some alien. Are you coming over to me or not?" I asked.
J shook her head no.
"Fine." I said speeding over to her.
She gasped staring right into my eyes where I needed her to be. I took her hands and placed them to my chest.
"I want to leave Damon." She cried.
"J please stop. Why are you so scared of me? I only moved really fast, that's nothing." I told her.
I badly didn't want to compel her but her reaction left me no choice.
"Nobody moves like that." She said softly.
"I can. I'm different obviously. You acting this way I can't ever show you what I am."
"What are you talking about?" J asked letting her hands shake in mine.
"I don't want to keep doing this to you." I whispered.
"Do what?" She asked.
"I keep making you forget, making you forget things that hurt you and me." I said pulling her over to me.
"No." She whimpered.
"Not going to hurt you J." I reassured.
I hugged J and smelled her neck. I knew what I had to do now. That old familiar feeling of my fangs being pushed through my gums pushing all other teeth out the way, my eyes burning with fire and stinging with heat. Jaysi' shaking helped me to know it was her under my bite. I still used minimum force grabbing her face to look at mine.
"Oh my god!" She cried.
J saw my face for what I really was. The fear that came off her was tremendous. How would she ever love me for what I am?
"Damon? What are you?" She cried pulling away from me.
"I died along time ago babe. I eat blood, feed from people and even have killed."
J cried harder and tried desperately to get away from me.
"You can't love me like this?" I asked keeping her against the wall by the steps.
"What?" She panted out of breathe.
"Just answer me. Knowing what you know can you love me? Like this, like a vampire." I asked waiting for an answer.
She stared at me.
"I need to know babe." I waited.
She shook her head no.
"Wow really?" I asked feeling defeated. "J that hurts so bad. You loved a werewolf and not me? I don't look that much different do I?"
I didn't expect an answer.
"I loved a what?" She asked.
"Never mind." I said getting ready to compel her.
"I love you Damon." Her teeth chattered as she tried to speak.
"Not for what I am." I told her.
"I am scared of you. I don't know you or what you are." She said not once looking away from my dark red eyes and darkened face.
"I really am sorry for doing this but I love you and can't have you leave me."
"What are you doing Damon, no." She cried.
I hushed and kissed her.
"Not going to hurt you, I promise." I took her hands and held them with one hand while pulling her face directly at my eyes.
"I don't want to be scared of you." She whispered.
"I know. You won't be." I said before compelling her to forget everything that just happened.
I told her to forget about our argument today also me being a vampire. I said to recall the hospital and that we came home and talked about her taking the job. She understood and once awake from her compulsion we began kissing.
"Why can't I get undressed, you are." J smiled.
"I can undress you." I smirked.
I helped take her clothes off at the bottom of the steps. I had her down to nothing. I assume when she was trying to leave she only put on jeans and a shirt. I stared at her in awe. Jaysi sat on the step high enough for me to reach her lips. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me. I spread her legs to reach her lips better. I felt her moans on my lips like when we first laid together. Around this time she would deny me what I have been desiring. I stopped kissing her and stared waiting for her to say stop or no I can't.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
"Nothing." I smiled.
I took her legs and wrapped them around my waist. I carried her up to the room and laid her on the bed. J kissed me back touching her tongue with mine. Something we never did before. I laid myself on her feeling myself ready to begin what I hope would happen. I knew her body wanted me just as bad as I wanted hers.
"Damon." She said.
"No, please don't say you want me to stop. Please." I begged panting over her.
She laughed and ran her fingers through my hair.
"Can I finish?" I asked.
She stared at me in some kind of humor pity.
"I want to do this but I want to take our time." She says.
"I need to." I laughed painfully hurting.
"Why cant we just do what were doing?" J asked.
"I don't mind but I'm just warning you I will finish somehow somewhere." I laughed.
"I want to be with you. Not always sex D." She said waiting for me to continue.
I said what the hell and had a make out session that lasted longer than sex would.
It was actually not bad. Being completely naked and not entering each other. I definitely learned more about her body than I ever have of anyone I have slept with. We only stopped when we fell asleep. After years I finally fell asleep beside the woman I loved.
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Song for chapter: Jimmy eat world - Chase this light.
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