Chat Noir was dreading meeting up with Ladybug tonight for patrol. Not only have they not seen each other since their night on the rooftop, but he had been with Marinette since then. Thirty two hours and six minutes since their first kiss, to be exact. Since his betrayal. Not that he was counting...
His deception of his Lady was massive, and the guilt was making him sick to his stomach. He couldn't sleep every night since he left Marinette's balcony. He had been thinking about it over and over again, and even though at first he thought it might be fine, he had been completely wrong. He kept tossing and turning- much like his stomach had been- and he just wanted to punch himself repeatedly until he bled out his stupidity that he was drowning in.
He was an idiot.
Chat never deserved Ladybug's trust, nor her heart. She was so pure and wonderful, and he just spat on her. Not that Marinette wasn't pure and wonderful, as well, but Ladybug has held his affections for so long, and he was over the moon when she finally let him in. But, something just clicked with Marinette. He was drawn to her, just like he had been to Ladybug, and he loved his random visits with her. It gave him an insight into his otherwise shy classmate's true demeanor.
Marinette also gave him something Ladybug never did: openness. Ladybug was the ultimate goal; the woman in the light and what he felt was his destiny. And he ruined it with his lack of self-control and a beautiful girl.
He will never blame Marinette. She was innocent and extraordinary and perfect. And this was all his fault.
Chat will never get Ladybug's trust back. She finally gave him something, and he threw it away.
What will she think? Will she become upset, shun him and push him away and end their partnership? Would she get mad and hate him forever? Would she become so distraught she never donned her Ladybug identity, believing he tainted it?
He really was an idiot.
By the time Chat reached their normal meeting spot on top of the Notre Dame, he saw Ladybug was already there. She stood up as soon as he landed and turned, flashing him a brilliantly stunning smile that made his heart stop. The guilt overwhelmed him, tightening in his hollow chest like a vice and twisting so much he couldn't breathe.
Her smile fell almost instantly, seeing his pained expression and she rushed to his side. "Chat? Are you okay?"
She was so close, so close he could smell the buttery smell of her lotion and the vanilla from her hair. In the romantic lights of the Parisian night, he could see the dusting of freckles on her nose and cheeks, the shimmering blue of her perfectly perfect eyes. He could see the worry in there, as well, and Chat felt that stupid compulsion to punch himself again.
Quickly, he shook his head and looked away, too ashamed of himself to be worthy enough to look in her eyes.
"What's wrong, kitty?"
He was suffocating. His guilt was bubbling up and he felt his resolve break with a racking sob. "I-I'm so sorry, my Lady!"
Ladybug put her hand on his shoulder and asked softly as he cried. "What do you have to be sorry for, Chat?"
He was shaking now, crumpling down onto his knees as his shame took grip in a crippling chokehold. He was gasping as he tried to speak. "I-I am s-such a horrible p-person, Ladybug. I-I have wronged you and I-I-I can't lie anymore."
Ladybug knelt down with him and held his face in her hands. She just looked him in the eyes for a moment before she brought his face towards hers and gave him a light kiss on the lips. As soon as she touched him, he froze and the ugly remorse he was feeling increased tenfold.
He was a horrible human being and didn't deserve to live his pathetic life anymore.
When he didn't say anything, Ladybug said softly, "Tell me what's going on, Chat."
He blinked at her a couple of times before he could gather the strength to rip her heart to shreds. "I... I kissed someone else."
He spared her a glance, but her expression didn't change. She was still staring at him with that slightly furrowed brow and a concentrated look in her eye, like she looked when she was analyzing a situation with an Akuma. She blinked once, twice, three times, before she took a deep- and uneven, he might add- breath and tore her eyes away from him.
"I'm so sorry, Ladybug," he pleaded. "I was stupid and reckless and wasn't thinking straight and I just got so caught up in the moment and I have been regretting it tremendously the moment I left her balcony-"
"Chat, stop."
He quickly snapped his jaw shut and fought the tears that were threatening to fall again. She finally looked at him with an oddly blank expression on her face, like she was trying her hardest to hide whatever she was feeling. It made Chat feel even more like a sack of dirt.
"Did it mean something to you?"
He really didn't know how to answer. Because yes it did because I feel like I have something with Marinette but what happened with you is just as special, maybe even more and I don't want to lose you but I can't make up my mind and you mean the world to me and I don't deserve you-
"I don't know," he said lamely. "I... I'm friends with her. And we just got... carried away. I'm not sure what it means, if it does mean anything."
Ladybug kept looking at him with that empty stare.
"But what happened with us means something to me," he supplied weakly, taking her hands within his own. Surprisingly, she didn't pull them away. "What we shared, that will never be replaced . And I feel like such a horrible person for doing that with her and I wish I could take it back because I have betrayed you and your trust. And I understand if you don't want to be my partner anymore-"
"Why would I want that?"
He stared into her eyes and frowned. "Because I broke your trust. Partners shouldn't do that."
Ladybug shook her head and looked down to their joined hands. "Chat... we had a moment, yes... But that doesn't mean we're exclusive or anything. What you do with other girls is none of my business, nor something you need to worry yourself about. If we were together, that would be a different story-"
"But that's what I want," he almost whined.
She glanced up at him and gave him a soft smile. "I know, silly kitten. And maybe... we could possibly think about it. Someday, but not right now. You don't need to feel guilty for doing stuff with someone else."
"I can't help it," Chat replied pathetically. "You are the most important person in my life, my Lady. I feel like I've done a huge dishonor to you and sullied any chance of being with you by doing this. I messed up... You need to be yelling at me, hitting me, something... I deserve every ounce of hatred you could throw at me."
"Chat, it's not like we can make things even by letting me beat you up or screaming at you about something that isn't upsetting me..."
She kept talking, but Chat didn't hear her. Make things even...? Could he... no. He couldn't suggest something like that. But she was right. They weren't together, and they possibly could one day. Until then, however, he'd feel like scum because he had touched someone else while her heart was in his free hand. Could he possibly suggest she do the same as he; touch another before they take another step together? She could easily level the playing field by doing it.
This was a stupid idea. But lately, when has Chat Noir been smart?
"What if..." he started, cutting her off and causing her to snap her head back to face him. He took a deep breath and steeled himself. "What if you did make things even? Go do what I did with someone else...?"
Ladybug stared at him like he grew another head that looked like an actual cat. Her mouth was open wide and eyes blown even wider. She quickly snapped her mouth shut and shook her head furiously. "Absolutely not. How will that solve anything?"
"Well, I won't feel as bad about doing it if you do it too," he supplied, shrugging as he looked off towards the Eiffel Tower. "And it would help to get a little, ahem, practice in if you want to take a shot at a relationship with me."
"Are you nuts?" she asked incredulously. "That is possibly the worst solution to your problem."
"I haven't been able to look myself in the mirror," he said softly, still not looking at her. "I messed up and I think this might be the only solution. Go find someone, have a little fun, and forget it ever happened. It would ease my conscious, too... I don't know why but... I can't live with the thought. It's only fair."
"Only fair? You think you'll be able to live with knowing I am touching someone else?"
He shrugged again. "It'll only be once... and like you said, we aren't together. But it'll just make me feel much better if you didn't keep me stooped to this level of shame."
Chat could imagine Ladybug's eyebrow arching as she spoke, "And you want me to be brought to the same level? Chat, you make no sense."
"I'm sorry. It makes sense to me."
He heard her stand and turned to watch her head towards the edge of the roof. "Well... if it will make you feel better, I guess I'll consider it. Do your normal patrol and go home. I'll see you on Saturday."
With that, she gracefully leapt off the roof and out of sight. For some reason, Chat was feeling even worse now than he did when he landed just moments ago.
She really wasn't mad. At least, that's what she was telling herself. Why should she be upset that Chat Noir, who she had shared an intimate moment with a couple of nights ago, shared another intimate moment with her civilian self just a few nights after? What was she supposed to do? She couldn't act like it was a big deal and she was devastated, because that would just make Chat feel worse. But she couldn't just brush it off like it was nothing, because that was suspicious. And she obviously couldn't just say, "Yeah I know because I'm the girl who's pussy you licked on her balcony."
No.
So why was she on Adrien Agreste's roof after her extended patrol, staring at the stars as she contemplated what to do?
He asked her to hook up with someone else. To ease his guilt and bring them back to an even score. Whatever the hell that meant. She had an opportunity on her hands, one she could take without repercussions and still get to be with Chat. But was that what she really wanted? She liked Chat, yes, but she couldn't see them in a relationship at the moment. There was a city to protect and an evil mastermind to capture. Love wasn't in the mix for them.
Which made no sense when she pined for Adrien as a civilian.
Her head was all mixed up. This made no sense.
Neither did her dropping to Adrien's balcony and looking in through his windows. He was sitting at his computer, staring at a word document pulled up on one of the screens, and his hand was flipping aimlessly through a book. Summer homework, no doubt, but why was he doing it so late on a Thursday? She had no time to really think about it, because he was suddenly whirling around in his chair to look at her.
Damn, he must have heard her or something.
Quickly, Adrien scrambled to his feet and darted to the windows, opening one up and poking his head outside. Even in the dark, Ladybug could see his cheeks were a little pink. "Ladybug? W-what are you doing out here?"
She felt her heart leap, like it always did when she was around him as just Marinette, and she quickly cleared her throat. "Honestly, I don't know."
"Do you want to come inside?"
She froze in her spot and considered it. If she went in, there was no going back. She couldn't take this back at all. Or she could just talk to him, get an opinion. She always felt more confident as Ladybug when she was around him, which was giving her an advantage tonight. Adrien always gave good advice to Nino when he asked, perhaps his insight could be what she needed.
She nodded and Adrien quickly moved to the side so she could sidle right inside. The lights were low, but the computer was on so it gave the much-too-big room an eerie glow. Adrien was standing a little off to her right, sort of against the wall and sort of not, hovering awkwardly as she admired his room. She watched him out of the corner of her eye as she went to his bed, brushing her fingertips against the satin sheets. When she turned and squared her shoulders towards him, she noticed he visibly jumped and coughed to cover it up.
"So... is there anything I can help you with?"
Oh, yes. If I decide to actually go through with this.
Ladybug fought the urge to groan. How could she even be considering this? Chat didn't do anything wrong! So why was she thinking about going through with this? Just to make Chat feel better? It didn't seem worth it, honestly.
With a frustrated sigh and a shake of her head, Ladybug turned and headed back towards the open window. "I'm sorry, I should go."
Adrien's hand shot out and grasped her around her wrist. When Ladybug just stood in place, eyes pinned on the ground, Adrien must have taken that as the queue to speak. "Look, whatever's bothering you, I think I can help. Just... start at the beginning."
Ladybug snickered and gently pulled her hand out of his grasp as she turned and faced him. "You sound like a shrink."
"Maybe that's what you need," he replied in a deadpan, reminding her so much of Chat. Chat...
Ladybug felt her face fall at the thought of her partner. She sighed and sat down on the corner of his bed. She didn't notice how Adrien's eyes painfully followed her as she did. "For a while, I've been feeling strange things about Chat Noir... It's like I'm starting to feel something for him, when I know I shouldn't because it will get in the way of everything we have built up as partners. Not to mention it could get in the way of our jobs and our enemies could use each other to exploit the other-"
"Ladybug, you're rambling."
Ladybug felt her cheeks get hot and she coughed. "Oh, sorry. Well anyway... a couple of days ago, Chat Noir and I had a... moment of weakness and we did some stuff I probably shouldn't have."
"Such as?"
Ladybug felt her cheeks burn hotter and she ducked her head so he wouldn't see. "We... kissed. And did some... other stuff. But that's beside the point. The point is, we crossed a line and I felt guilty at the time for doing it. Since then, I've been feeling like I was wrong about Chat and maybe we could possibly be something more than just partners, because I know he wants to and it's been me holding us back... But tonight he told me that he kissed someone else. He's really remorseful about it and is begging for my forgiveness, but I can't seem to really get upset about it. We aren't dating, we never even established what we were after our little... escapade.
"The thing is that he feels so guilty about kissing another girl that he wants me to even the playing field so he won't feel so bad. He said it's only fair... And I'm not sure I can do that."
"And... is that why you're here?"
"... Yeah."
"Oh."
Ladybug didn't look up from her lap. How could she face Chat if she hooks up with Adrien? What kind of ridiculous request was that in the first place? She was the one who he kissed, so that's why she wasn't feeling upset as she should have. Oh how much easier this would be if I just hooked up with Chat's civilian identity and it would just square up fine.
"If you asked me," Adrien finally said, eyes staring at some random spot near the corner of his bed, "your decision in the matter is based solely on where you want to take things with Chat. If you want to be in a relationship with him, you have to start with trust. Do you think he will trust you if you went and hooked up with someone else, even if he suggested it? I feel like that would be a question to ask yourself. Yeah, he was the one who did it first, and you guys aren't in a relationship, so it's not cheating. But he feels guilty and the only way he can ease his guilt is to let you do the same thing he did. It's a matter of how comfortable you are with starting your relationship with what he thinks is a clean slate and even playing field, even if it means being with other people first."
She had already thought of all of that, and in her exasperation, she threw herself back on Adrien's bed and buried her face in her hands as she groaned, "This is all too confusing!"
Adrien's voice was oddly tight when he replied, "Alright. Let's simplify it: do you like him?"
Without moving her hands, Ladybug replied, "Yeah, I think so."
"And he likes you?"
"He's in love with me, so yes."
Adrien chuckled and Ladybug parted her fingers to see him shaking his head. She frowned at him, and immediately he sobered up and cleared his throat. "Look, I know it's a little bit to handle. Trust me. How about you think about this: would you be upset if you were in his shoes?"
Ladybug blinked and slowly sat up, considering it. If she had done things with someone, so soon after doing things with Chat, she would feel the guilt. They weren't an item, officially, so cheating was off the table. Chat feels the most guilt because he feels like he betrayed her in a moment of weakness- because he claims to be solely devoted to her and only her- when in fact said moment was with her, even though he didn't know that. He probably would have shaken it off, if her were in her shoes, even if he was upset by it. And he definitely wouldn't go and hook up with someone else just to make it even, by her request. That's just how Chat is.
In the back of Ladybug's mind, she knew that doing this would ease Chat's guilt. She couldn't compromise her identity by telling him that she was Marinette, even if that would do the same amount of easing as kissing someone else. Maybe she could lie? Say she did, but not actually go through with it? But that would start whatever they are doing on dishonesty, and she couldn't do that to Chat.
Ladybug took a deep breath and leveled her gaze with Adrien's. "I think... If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't ask him to do something like this."
She didn't miss the weird flicker of something in Adrien's eyes when she said that. But it vanished before she could really interpret what he was thinking. Instead, he looked out his window and replied, "Maybe you're seeing this from a Ladybug point of view. Chat asked you to hook up with someone else to make him feel better. He probably will have this cloud of guilt over him if you don't do what he asks, and anything that you guys start up together won't last because he will still feel like he betrayed you, leaving him on a lower level than you. If you ask me, just do it. Ease Chat's remorse, get some practice in, and start on an even level."
When their eyes met, Ladybug felt something within her surge. That strange pull that made her kiss Chat on that rooftop, the tug in her stomach that made her let Chat kiss her again on her balcony... Adrien was here, right now. He was the answer. Get it done, balance the scale, get the chance to be with Adrien before possibly starting something with Chat... It was perfect.
Without another word, Ladybug stood and sauntered to where Adrien had been standing. She stopped when they were nose to nose, and she slowly whispered, "If you don't want to do this, you don't have to. But I want to."
He didn't answer. Instead he cupped the back of her head and pulled her to him, pressing their lips together in an urgent kiss. There was no hesitation on either of their parts, which seemed a little strange to her, but her mind became muddy after Adrien slipped his tongue into her mouth and pulled her hip towards him. He backed them into his wall with a thump, but never broke the kiss. Ladybug couldn't help but steady herself by placing one hand right behind his head, the other coming up to thread into his hair. Oh, how she wished she wasn't wearing her gloves so she could feel how soft it really was. Was it as smooth and silky as Chat's? Or was it more fluffy and feathery?
Now is not the time to be comparing them, Marinette.
But that did bring up an issue: they couldn't do much with her still in transformation. Though, she could do what Chat did with her... Her heart jumped into her throat and the involuntary moan that escaped her just spurred Adrien on. He deepened their kiss, just before he broke it so he could kiss her neck. Seriously, what was with boys and her neck? First Chat, now Adrien? Either way, it felt amazing when he grazed his teeth against her exposed skin.
She gasped again and Adrien chuckled, causing her to feel a rush of embarrassment. Her cheeks were hot and red- not that he could see in the dim lighting and under her mask, or anything- but it was getting too hot. She had to move. She needed to get away from his mouth and do something with hers.
Quickly, Ladybug pushed Adrien away from her neck and ignored his little groan as she began kissing his chest and down his clothed stomach. She pushed up his shirt, reveling in the beautiful sight of his toned abs, and began unbuckling his pants. There was a little noise of protest from above, but she ignored it as she knelt on the ground and tugged his pants to his knees- leaving him in a pair of thin boxer briefs, which showed off everything.
She gulped. Out of all the things she's done in the past week, she's never seen a penis. Although she's felt a very specific one a couple of times on her crotch or pressed against her stomach... This was different. This was an actual dick. A very erect and hard dick straining through the stretchy fabric of Adrien's underwear. Oh, she was in trouble.
Just do it, that stupid sultry voice said. But this time it was a little more stern, impatient. She had to.
Ladybug pulled the underwear down, over his round butt, and bunched them with his rumpled jeans. She stared in awe at his manhood, protruding out right in front of her. The head was darker with blood, and the vein that traveled on the top seemed as if it was literally throbbing with want. The little slit was glistening and Ladybug blushed at the thought that she did this to him. Granted, she did that to Chat, too, but that was a different story. Chat was in love with her, Adrien was... well she was in love with Adrien and right now he was just convenient and she just really wanted to-
Focus.
Tentatively, she reached up and wrapped her slim fingers around the shaft. The sharp intake of air above her was lost in the heavy beating in her ears. This was nerve-wracking. How the hell did Chat do this without freaking out? Unless he really was, but acted like it was nothing... Regardless, she needed to do this. She wanted to, she had to.
Without a second thought, Ladybug darted her tongue out and tasted the little beading of liquid at the tip. Adrien's hips bucked at the contact and the whole head was almost rammed into her mouth. Not that she minded, she wanted to do this. She was starting to gain a little confidence at the fact that she was the undoing of model extraordinaire Adrien Agreste, the reason he was whimpering like a starving man getting food for the first time.
Her mouth wrapped around the head and she slowly sucked, taking in his dick inch by inch until she felt like she couldn't take any more. Her hand stroked the shaft where she couldn't reach with her mouth, while the other clamped onto his hip to steady herself. Adrien's hands somehow wound up in her hair- where the ties went, she doesn't know. That's happened a lot lately- and he gently guided her up and down his erection. She picked up speed after she go hang of the tempo, and Adrien was having a hard time keeping quiet as she corkscrewed her hand at the base. Her tongue swirled around it at the same time, and her mouth was watering up with every cycle. This was so... satisfying. No wonder Chat was alright with doing just this to her. She was getting pleasure just by hearing Adrien's soft moans and sighs as she got him off.
"La-ladybug, I'm go-going to c-cum," he sputtered, pulling on her hair as if to stop her. She just shook her head and picked up the pace again until she was just sucking the tip and her hand was doing all of the stroking. He gave a little shout and curled into himself like he had gotten punched in the stomach, releasing his seed into her mouth. It was a surprise, but Ladybug took it in stride and let it come. It was tangy and sticky, and warm and she did the only thing she could think of- she swallowed it.
She let his dick fall out of her mouth and she wiped her lips with her hand, and in the back of her mind she hoped that this mess would go away once she detransformed.
After Adrien calmed down, Ladybug began to stand up, pulling up his pants and underwear like Chat had done to her, and straightened up completely. Adrien's eyes opened and he blinked lazily a couple of times before smirking at her. Ladybug gave him a grin herself and kissed him languidly.
He broke the kiss and pressed their cheeks together. "Wow... that was... Can I do that to you, too?"
Ladybug felt her heart leap into her throat and she felt that oncoming blush again, but she hid it with a giggle as she pulled away from him. "I'm sorry, handsome boy, but that's all I can do tonight."
Adrien gave her a strange look, that stupid one she couldn't quite decipher, before he nodded and let her step away. He thanked her graciously and led her to the window. As she jumped to the ledge, he called out to her, "Ladybug!"
She turned and gave him a small smile.
"I..." he turned pink as he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. "Thank you. And I know this is the weirdest thing to say after we did... that, but I hope this helps work out things with you and Chat Noir. He's a good guy."
Ladybug pushed that unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach back down and gave him a forced smile. "Yeah, he is... Thank you, Adrien."
Without another word, she jumped from the window and threw her yoyo towards the closest rooftop. She ignored that odd smile Adrien gave her, the tears that were starting to burn in her eyes, and that shame she felt in her stomach again. Was this going to happen every time she did something with a boy? Or was it only going to happen when she knew she probably shouldn't have done anything and just leave everything well enough alone?
Regardless, she felt more guilt now than she did her first night with Chat. Shouldn't she feel pride for finally kissing Adrien and taking things a little further?
No, he kissed Ladybug. He did those things with Ladybug. Not Marinette.
And Ladybug just lowered herself even further than Chat thought he had done.