Decided to update again :D
I spoil you guys :b
Alec's POV
I'm alone, that's all I know. When I woke up I searched for Magnus's warmth, but it wasn't there. He left me again. I can't remember much from last night, but what I do know is that my Father is dead, I drank, and I came to Magnus. I slightly remember him singing to me, he told me he stopped when he was very young. My head hurts from more than one reason, my Father is dead, it hurts, the hangover, and it also hurts that Magnus loves me but doesn't want me back. I toss my legs over the side of the bed. There's no smell of coffee, so that means Magnus isn't even home. The floor is cold under my feet like my heart. This place brings back memories, good and bad. Right now if I wanted to, I could check what that chest in Magnus's closest is. No, I can't disrespect his privacy like that. If I want him back some day I should respect his stuff. He'll tell me when he wants. There's a note on the nightstand, my heart clenched at the last time this happened which was in Idris. There was a bottle with a silvery liquid inside, outside in black sharpie it said "Hangover Potion," then there was the note. First I took the potion and took it quickly. It had a metallic taste to it, like blood. Instantly, I felt better, then I reached for the note. It read: Alec,
I hope you're doing better, it will get better. It's nice that you came to me, but don't ever again. It'll only get worse if we continue like this. Pack up your things and leave, move on from me. You'd be better off with someone else. You can do so much better.
~Magnus.
I don't understand. At this point, I'm very confused. He's stated very clearly that he is still in love with me, but there's something holding him back. He loves me, but doesn't want to be with me. If it I knew what was wrong. Instead if leavening, I grab a pen from the draw underneath, and write on the back of the same note.
Magnus,
I love you, and I know you do too. No I can't move on, it's impossible for me. Your intentions are confusing and I don't understand what you're doing, but its clear you don't want me back, in return I'll stop chasing after you. I hope life is nice to you, goodbye.
Ps. "For eternity..." is nothing more than a lie.
Alec
On top of the note I put the silver chain with my ring dangling from the end. Everything is so confusing, but I'm pretty sure that ring was a lie. But then again, he still loves me. Which leave me very, very, confused, which leaves me angry. I grab all of my clothes I had here. I take one last look at the apartment that I lived in for the last few months and leave, slamming the door on my way out. Even if he's not there, it still feels necessary.
Isabelle, Jace, and Mom have probably noticed that I was gone all night. Wait, I know they noticed that I was gone all night. So when I got home I didn't even think about being discreet when I walked in. "Mom? Isabelle? Y'all home?" I called out.
"Alexander!" My Mother came running in from the kitchens, she still had her apron on. "Oh, by the Angel, I was so worried. You never came home so I assumed the worse. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I-I'm fine. Nothing happened."
"Where we're you last night?"
"No where. Just a friend's, I'm okay." My hands were balled up into fists, so clearly I wasn't fine, and she saw that.
"I'm making lunch, I'll call you, Jace, and Isabelle when it's ready. She's in the training room if you're wondering and Jace is in his room." Was I really gone for so long? It's already lunchtime. That was few of the only things I could focus on. My anger was boiling over, and I just wanted to leave before I let my rage out in my Mom. She put her hand on my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. She walks back towards the kitchen, but turns around to see me. I give her a nice smile and she turns back. Isabelle is up in the training room, I need to let off some steam, and I've been skipping training for a while, so why not?
The room is lighter than usual thanks to the sunlight streaming in from the windows. The walls here alternate from brick painted back, to just wooden walls painted black. She was there, cutting the head off mannequin. There was a light sheen of sweat on her, when she saw me she smiled. "Hey Alec, where were you last night? Mom was worried, well I was too, but I just assumed you were okay."
"I don't want to talk about it, but I'm okay. Let's just train, it's been a while. Toss me a sword, let's go one-on-one." She grinned and gave me a longsword. The sound of metal clanging filled the room, but my rage did too. Magnus is lying to me, and I don't know what to believe. It's a simple question! Does he love me or not? He may say yes, but his actions say no. It's frustrating because I'm still deeply in love with him, and not knowing if he feel is the same was or not is infuriating. My anger is getting the best of me, but it's not like I could stop it. Now I see what Magnus said when we have no trust. I was pouring all of my rage into training which wasn't a good idea at all. At some point, I had Isabelle desperately trying to fight me back. In the end I accidentally cut her shoulder. "Alec! What the hell." I muttered an apology and stormed out of the room. What is wrong with me? Am I really letting this get to my head? I've hurt Isabelle, my sister. This needs to stop, I can't go on like this, but love isn't something you can stop with a flip of a switch. After leaving the training room I could hear Isabelle behind me. Even when I reached my room and tried to close the door, she put her foot in the door so she could get in. "Alec! Stop! Tell me what the hell is wrong."
"Isabelle," I whispered. Everything after that happened is a flash. I couldn't contain my anger, and I really needed to hit something. My fist made contact with my white bedroom walls. Now there's a small hole in the wall. I sat in the bed and rested my head on top of my knees. "Isabelle," I cried. "I can't do this anymore. I'm so confused, angry, frustrated, help me. It's not easy for me." There was a dip in the bed besides me and I felt Isabelle's hands on my shoulders. "Alec," she choked out. "What's going on with you. This isn't like you."
"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you. I'm hurting. I just can't do this anymore, I want to stop being in love but I can't."
"Alec, explain. Please you're my brother and I love you, and you're falling apart right now."
"You know how I went missing last night. After Dad died." It was more of a statement than a question.
"Yeah."
"Well I drank a lot and who knows what was going through my mind at the moment, but somehow I ended up at Magnus's. He let me stay for the night, we kissed, and he said he loves me. But he's lying because in the morning he gave me note telling me to move on, don't even try with him, and find a better man. But in my mind there is no other man better. There's nobody in the world like him that can top him. It's not 'there's somebody like you out there is the world' because there's not. It pains me that he's so close but I can't have him with me. He so out of reach and to love him so much and not get those feeling in return, it's heart wrenching. I-I even gave him the ring back and told him I gave up on him. Even I want to believe that I'll give up on him, but I know I won't."
"Alec... Don't be like this. You can fight it."
"That's the problem, Isabelle. I want to, but I can't."
"Do you remember what Luna told you the day she came over?"
"How do you know about that?"
"I eavesdrop, now do you remember?"
"That I should have hope and if it's meant to be for us it'll happen?"
"Exactly. You should still believe that. Each word of that is true. If you believe he is the one, then he is."
"Hope is a broken word with flaws, but you're right. It's the only thing I have left. Now can you fix your arm because you're kind of dripping blood on my bed." She shuffled a laugh and stole my stele from my pocket. After she drew the healing rune on her hand and held her hand out. "Give me your hand." It was only until she pointed that I noticed the pain in my hand. My knuckles were red and raw. I gave her my hand and felt the familiar sting of a stele on my skin. "Thanks. Now what are we going to do with that hole is the wall."
"Hide it with a poster. I have one. but I don't think you're a big fan of Simon's band."
"They have posters now?"
"Only recently." We both laughed and Mom called us down for lunch. She made chicken salad for lunch and we all sat a table originally for six chairs, now only four were filled. After my Mom put down our plates and sat down she started talking. "Alec, what was that loud crash up there?"
"Yeah, I heard it too," Jace added."
"Ummm, Isabelle and I were just training when...I ran into the weapons wall and dropped a mace?" She gave me a look that told me she didn't really believe me, but she brushed it off.
"I actually want to talk to you all." We all stopped eating and listened. "As all of you know we need to plan Robert's funeral. I've gotten it done already. It's going to be in Idris tomorrow, the consul approved it and we're leaving today. Sebastian has to wait for us to act on him because family comes first."
"I'm not going," I said quickly.
"What? You have to go. This, this is your father."
"He's labeled as a Father, he was never my real Father. You guys never knew, but those last few moment he spent with me were the worst moments I've spent with him."
"What did he do so bad that you don't want to go to his funeral? It can't be that bad."
"Well according to him I'm a disgrace to the Lightwood name. I'm not natural and I'm nothing to him. Why should I go if he doesn't even love me?" Jace and Isabelle looked shocked, Jace more than Isabelle because she knew he was capable do this. But My mom just had a stern look on her face, but you could tell she was surprised.
"I can't force you to go, so okay. You can stay here at the Institute until we come back. Don't make any drastic decisions about Sebastian while I'm gone. We continued the rest of our meal in silence until conversation started up again. "Jace, how's your condition. Is there any progress on it?" My mom can quickly change her moods, from stern and serious to mother-like in a few minutes.
"No, the Silent Brothers are trying, but there's no real progress. They've tried tests and treatments on me, but nothing really works. But I have learned some things. The famous Tessa Gray is my ancestor and she suffered from heavenly fire too, and she survived from it. They've tried the treatment they did on her, but nothing happened. My case must be more serious than hers." Everyone in the shadowhunting universe knows about Tessa Grey. Only half-shadowhunter half-demon in the world. We learn about her during our studies.
"That must be it. It's terrible that you have to live with this."
"Yeah, but I manage." We all finished our meals and left our separate ways. Everyone else needed to pack and I just needed to be alone.
At about 9:30 Jace came into my room. "Hey man, how you holding up?"
"Isabelle told you, didn't she?"
"Yeah, she also told me bring you this, she thought it would be better than a poster for Simon's band." In his hands he held up a simple calendar with pictures of scenery.
"Yeah, it's better. I'm doing fine, better than before. I'm holding up. It just hurts, you know you'd do anything for a person but they don't feel the same way back."
"You need to be strong, Alec. I know it hurts, if Clary was like that to me I would be heart broken. But youre going to fight this low point in your life, and live happily with who ever you want. You deserve that much."
"Thanks, have fun in Idris, you deserve that. Looks like we're both going through hard times, but we're both going to fight this." He gave me a warm smile and I returned it.
"Yeah, here's your calendar, I'll see you in a while. Bye"
Later that night I said goodbye to my family as they stepped through the portal. My mom was the last one to go, but before she left she talked to me. "Stay safe, Alec. You can always talk to m. You know that, right?"
"Isabelle?"
"Isabelle," she repeated.
"It's better that you know, sorry I didn't tell you."
"It's okay. Boy troubles aren't exactly what you would come to me for, but I'd help either way."
"I'll remember that. Bye, Mom, I'll see you soon."
"Soon." She gave me a hug and waved her hand as she stepped through. I stood there staring at the portal for a while before I shut it.
Magnus's POV
I held the promise ring. He's angry, clearly. I'm confusing myself to this point. I want to be with him but there's nothing for me after death. He's still deeply in love with me, and so am I, but he deserves better. Not a son of a powerful demon, not someone who wouldn't give up his immortality for him because of a stupid fear, not someone who broke him heart. Someone who will love him for the rest of his days, and someone who will mend his heart and keep it whole. And now because I kicked him out and told him to leave me, he gave up. "Nice ring you got there? How much did it cost you?" It was a cold voice, but still recognisable.
"Hello, Sebastian. How did you get in?" I said halfheartedly.
"Your door isn't that hard to open. Demons have given me power, your door is easy."
"What do you want? You don't take visits to my kind, we can't be changed by your cup. We're useless to you."
"That's where you're wrong, warlock. Dear Raphael Santiago paid quite the amount of money to find out who your father is. He's very powerful. You're the only one who can summon Beelzebub because you're his son. I want him to give me power. Is that a deal?" It is true that Beelzebub is my father. When the shadowhunters asked me to summon a powerful demon for them I lied and said azazel is second in command to Satan just so my father doesn't have to be dragged into this. Satan is literally impossible to summon since he can't leave hell, but Beelzebub being his half-brother is his second in command, is the next best thing. He's always taken interest in me for some reason. Sending me messages in dreams and such, but I've tried to keep myself as isolated from him as possible. His children are more powerful than normal warlocks. Since he is Satan's half-brother that mean Satan is my half-uncle and I carry some of his blood in me. Not a very good thing. People see this as a terrible thing, like I'll kill them any second because of my demonic family. That is why I've never told anyone, only very few people, especially not Alec. He carries angel blood in him, while I carry extremely strong demonic blood in me. "No, I won't do it."
"Why on Earth not?"
"I don't want to, that's why."
"That ring doesn't happen to belong to Alexander, does it?"
"Don't say his full name, you'll tarnish it."
"Like you haven't already. What would his parents sat if they knew about your family? Probably never let you see him again, but he won't be able to see you anyway if you don't do this for me."
"What do you mean?" My voice cracked at the though of Alec getting hurt.
"I mean I'll kill him if you don't work for me. I also have the Silverscale sisters hostage. Three innocent lives lost all because of you. Actually the loss of Luna wouldn't be a bad thing, she has anxiety and it's annoying honestly. Make your decision now, warlock." No, I can't let Alec die, but I also can't let Sebastian win. I'll create a diversion that will keep him from summoning my father, I'll figure something out. Sebastian will probably have me killed then, Alec is more important than my own life at this point.
"Am I just another hostage for you. Are you going to use me for ransom?"
"No, Magnus. You are now my ally. I take care of my allies." He had a wicked grin plastered on, and I couldn't say no now.
"Fine, where are we going?"
"I must say Magnus, you're a lot more willing than I thought you would be. To think I was prepared to hurt pretty-boy."
"Don't call him that, don't call him anything."
"Okay, if you say so." He gave a sigh if defeat and tried to each for the ring I still had clutched in my hand. I smacked his arm away and gave him a death glare. "No, I keep the ring or no alliance." He shrugged his shoulders and gestured me towards the door. "Lets go lover-boy." He lead me out of my apartment, who knows, maybe this won't be as antagonizing as I think it will be. As long as Alec is safe