Riley's POV
"We're back at school" Maya whispers.
"I don't wanna get up" I whine when hearing the chatter of people around me.
"Well you're going to have to" she says and pokes me in the side.
"Oh fine" I say tiredly and throw scattered items into my backpack.
Taking a nap on the way distracted me from today's events. Now that I'm conscious again, the worrying has returned. I really made a mess of things by bringing up the whole thing about last night. I'm terrified of having that discussion because I don't want to talk to her about it. I want to leave it alone.
I spent all day with Lucas trying to avoid Maya and my feelings. I know it wasn't a good idea but I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. All of this is a new feeling which I'm constantly nervous about ruining. Lucas probably thinks I'm into him again which is the farthest from accurate right now. I thought that being around him would help but there's just not any feelings there anymore. He's nice and physically attractive I guess but he's just not Maya. Every time I'm around her it's just a constant feeling of butterflies and happiness. His flirting attempts haven't gone unnoticed but I don't know how to respond when I'm clearly just hopelessly falling for Maya.
It's just a hopeless crush on a person who won't love me the way I love them, I have to find a way to make it go away I just have to. People say to follow your heart but my heart only longs to be with her and I can't risk breaking it because of one sided feelings.
I walk off the bus and decide I need to at least come out to Maya as bisexual soon. She deserves to know that.
"How's it going?" Zay asks as he slings an arm around my shoulders.
"Well it's uh going" I smile at him.
Zay is remarkably good at being the casual and laid back friend. He's always in a good mood and is constantly joking around. He honestly hasn't changed much since I first met him. It's a welcome attitude in my life especially right now.
"Nothing you want to talk about?"
"No. Why?" I ask slowly.
"Well I know you didn't really interact with Maya today. And listen I'm glad for my boy Lucas and all but seriously is everything alright?" he says.
"Yep we're fine everything's good now" I smile.
He's just trying to be a good friend which I appreciate but I wish it wasn't noticeable enough for him to even ask.
He looks at me for a long moment. I doubt he believes me, but then reaches into his backpack and randomly pulls out a bag of gummy bears. He hands them to me.
"Zay, any particular reason you're giving me these?" I reply, gesturing to the gummy bears.
"Well I figured you could use some sugar" he says.
"Did you steal them from Farkle?" I ask, already knowing the answer.
He has a habit of taking Farkle's food and probably owes him a ton of money for the amount of snacks he's snuck away.
"Yeah but he won't mind" Zay waves his hand dismissively.
I put the stolen gummy bears in my own bag knowing full well that Farkle will be upset but he'll have to get over it.
"Thanks Zay" I flash him a quick smile before starting to walk again.
"No problem, see you Monday" he grins and salutes before jogging over to Lucas.
After a series of small goodbyes to other classmates I search for Maya. I spot her sitting on the curb waiting for her parents.
"Hey" I say while taking a seat next to her.
"Hi" she replies.
We just sit there for a few minutes in silence neither one attempting to make conversation. She seems distracted, not pushing me away just lost in thought. I hope she's not still thinking about last night, this just feels so awkward. Eventually Shawn's familiar car pulls into the parking lot.
"Well there's Shawn now" she says and picks up her duffel bag.
She starts walking away and I prepare to go find my father but suddenly she turns back around. She comes back over and hugs me tightly.
"Riles?"
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry if I seemed detached at all today, I've had a lot going on in my head. I'll see you tomorrow okay" she says and gives a weak smile before pulling away and walking to the car.
"If she thinks she's got a lot in her head, she'd hate to see mine" I mumble to myself. Catching feelings is exhausting.
~~~
I head back in search of my father and we drive home. The ride is surprisingly okay especially since I got control over the music.
"It's not my fault they sound similar!" he exclaims as he unlocks the door.
I open it and walk past Auggie on the couch to put my bag down. He's sketching something in a book. Good to know someone in this family has artistic talent.
"They don't sound even remotely alike" I say defensively.
"What is it this time, can't you two ever walk through that door together peacefully?" Topanga sighs from the kitchen table as she closes a book.
"Not my fault he can't tell Dinah and Normani apart" I say and sit down at the table.
"Is this about Fifth Harmony again?" Auggie says without even bothering to even look up.
"Cory it is not difficult. You both have had this argument countless times already" she says, clearly over it.
"Well that's easy for you to say Topanga you've heard their music more. How am I supposed to tell them all apart? Everyone sounds the same in current music!" he complains and grabs a bottle of water from the fridge.
"I'm done with this uncultured conversation" I say and jokingly flip my hair on the way to my room.
I love my dad but when it comes to current music he's a lost cause.
I work on a Spanish project until it's time for dinner. I haven't improved a ton with the subject, but hoping for a B is good enough. My father manages to keep his cluelessness out of the dinner conversations and soon I'm back in my room watching as the day fades into night. I end up watching a movie until I begin to fall asleep.
The next day drags while I babysit some kids down the hall and accompany my mom as she runs errands. When I'm back in the solitude of my bedroom it's later than I expected. A knock on the window makes me jump. I know Maya isn't one to forget easily. She's going to want to discuss what I suggested even if I don't want to anymore.
She climbs in and sits next to me in the bay window.
"So" I say quietly.
"Yeah" she replies fiddling with her fingers.
I sigh knowing I'll have to get it together and speak to make this uncomfortable.
"I know I said we should talk about this but I mean we don't have to. It's only a big deal if we make it one" I say, proud of myself for not sounding shaky.
"I'm fine with moving on, plus I've got something to show you" she replies quickly but I detect a sense of hesitation in her voice. I wonder what that's about.
She goes on to tell me about the new puppy her neighbors had gotten yesterday and pulls up pictures. I will admit that the pictures of the small yellow lab are absolutely adorable. But I know I need to come clean about what I've been hiding. I turn and cross my legs as I face her.
"Hey Maya I've got something to tell you. I'm not really sure how to say it but I realized a little over a month or so ago. It was part of the reason I was away from you when we were at Coney Island, I was just too consumed by worrying. I don't know how you'll take it but I-I'm bisexual. I'm sorry it took so long to tell you" I say as steadily as I can manage.
I squeeze my eyes shut in fear of her response and take a deep breath but there's only silence. I don't think she'll be unaccepting but wow everyone is right about how nerve wracking it can be to come out for the first time. The various scenarios of how it could go down swirl in my mind frantically. After a few seconds I open one eye, searching her face for a reaction.
"Well that definitely tops my news. I'm proud of you for having the courage to say it honey. Don't be sorry for keeping it in, you waited until you were ready to come out at your own pace as you should" she says softly.
I look at her. she seems sincere about it.
"So you're not surprised or mad or anything?" I ask quietly.
She puts her hand on top of mine gently before speaking. "I could never be mad at you for this, it's who you are. Your sexuality could never change the way I think of you. As for surprised sure a tiny bit but I mean it doesn't matter, it's who you are Riles"
"Thank you. For everything. It won't change anything between us. I'm just grateful you had a positive reaction" I say and I let myself relax.
"Am I the first person you've told?" she asks and I nod.
"I'm glad to be your first reaction. I hope the rest are as positive, whenever you're ready" she smiles.
I'm still recovering from the weight of this secret being lifted off my chest when I see her smile turn into a smirk. She lifts up my hand and examines it.
"What are you looking at?"
"Nothing Riles just that you really better get in a habit of trimming your nails" she says casually.
"Maya! Oh we are NOT having this conversation!" I say as I throw a pillow at her.
"Oooh look who's blushing" she laughs and throws the pillow back.
"Should've known you wouldn't be able to resist making an inappropriate comment to finish this conversation" I groan as I catch the pillow.
"That's my brand" she flips her hair to the side.
I shake my head at her antics and go to grab my laptop off of my bed. She jumps onto the bed next to me, giggling to herself, as I click on a YouTube video. She watches it with me and things feel like they're actually going to be alright between us.
———
a/n: So all of my exams are finally over, bless. Getting to write is way better than studying math formulas lmao. January is close to over and I'm genuinely just shocked the first month of 2018 went so fast. Me incorporating my love of fifth harmony into this? it's more likely than you think. Riley finally came out to Maya in this chapter! Next chapter there's going to be more interaction with Zay, Lucas, Farkle, and Smackle because this is lacking in moments with them all together. See you next update y'all