It didn't matter that she fell apart,
It was how she put herself back together.
Chapter 30
"Arse is on Fire"
Thea's POV:
The silence that fell after Nick and I talked was deafening. It didn't last long, fortunately. Unfortunately, it didn't last long because Nick and I agreed to tell everyone what's been happening and what we just talked about.
It didn't go well.
Let's just say that there was a lot of shouting, cries of outrage and a lot of concerned hugging. Plus, the lounge room has gained a brand-spanking new hole in its wall.
Yeah, shit hit the fan fairly quickly.
Thankfully, the lot of us have calmed down enough to start making plans. We stand around Nick's study, pouring over maps of the city, of the underground and the forest areas surrounding us.
"The school seems to be the place it has appeared at the most," Nick circles the school with a red whiteboard marker, "But the other locations seem to be completely random. At least with the school we know those ones were planned. It's its safety net."
I rub a hand down my face, glaring down at the paper. We've been looking at these bloody things for hours and have nothing. Nada.
"I escaped from this general direction," I stab a finger at the loose bits of trees near my old home. My heart stops for a second. Old home? Since when did I think of this place as home? More of less a better one than the previous?
"But she created that prison, so I don't know what she prefers. School, random or self-made."
Alex holds up a finger, leaning into Jake's chest as he pulls her to him, "Wait, she?"
I furrow my brow, staring up at her. Didn't she know the creature is a she? It's only when I look at the confused glances of everyone else do I realise that only I know its a she.
"Oh, well, the thing is a she, everyone."
My mother rolls her eyes, "You don't say?"
I grin a little, amusement evident when I laugh, "Imagine if it was a guy. I'd be half dude."
I realise my mistake as soon as I make it. Nick hasn't been able to function properly unless I'm touching some part of him. Right now, his bare ankle is wrapped around mine, but after that careless sentence leaves my lips, I find myself sitting in his lap.
I squeal, looping my arms around his neck as he growls lowly, running his nose up and down my neck as a hand cups my mark through my clothes. I straddle him, the two of us face-to-face. I blink slowly, tracing small, hesitant circles on his back as he attempts to calm himself down.
It's not working too well, if the tightening of his grasp has anything to say about it.
"We'll continue this tomorrow."
I don't know who says it, whether its Alex, Jake or Penelope, I don't know. All I know is that one second the study is crowded with people and the next it's very much empty.
"The only male that will ever be inside you is me," he rumbles, voice harsh and gruff, "Both figuratively and literally."
I shudder, the muscles low in my stomach clenching. No! Don't let him turn you on! That just creates a distraction from a bunch of problems we need to fix!
"But it'll be a distraction we both need," he nibbles on my ear lobe and I gulp.
"Nick," I warn, but the firmness I wanted comes out breathless, "we need to work on a plan."
He doesn't listen, pulling the skin behind my ear with his teeth. I bite my lip, keeping my moan hidden as his hands start to wander.
They creep under my shirt, pressing against the bareness of my scarred stomach. They continue to move until brushing against the swell of my breasts.
"Nick," I shiver, eyes fluttering closed, "We need to work."
He hums against me, squeezing my flesh between his fingers. I swallow a moan, digging my nails into Nick's shoulders. He kisses and sucks at my neck while his fingers massage and knead my chest.
This time, I can't stop the sound that falls from my tongue, and I throw my head back to allow my mate more access. His touch makes my brain silent, and for once, I revel in its scream.
Nick groans, and a small grin finds its way onto my lips. It's such a masculine sound, that makes all the good feelings rise up to my throat, until one of the feelings isn't good.
I freeze, eyes opening and head lowering as I encounter a small epiphany. Nick halts in his actions as well, bringing himself away from my neck so our eyes meet, but keeping his hands attached to my chest.
"What is it?" he breathes and I stare at him for a second. My hands shake as I bring them up from my sides, tracing the sides of Nick's face.
There it is again.
That little twinge that rocks my entire body. It starts at my heart, spreading to the rest of me like a plague. A small hiss echoes at the back of my head as I run my thumb on Nick's bottom lip, watching his brow furrow in confusion.
"It's you," I whisper, only just audible, "she hates you."
The body beneath me stiffens, and Nick's hands fall from my shirt, coming to rest on my bare hips instead. He doesn't say anything for a little while, and maybe it's because I've shocked him, or perhaps it's because he can feel the burning of his skin on mine.
Only, not the good type of burning. It's the type of burning where you want the object off you as fast as humanly possible. And it hurts.
"Well," he says eventually, voice as pulled as a guitar string, "lets use that to our advantage."
I study his face, stomach sinking and filling at the same time as I find the coldness, almost resignation in his gaze.
"How?"
His grip tightens, and he gently picks me off his lap, placing me back in the seat I was in before. He looks down for a second before answering, pushing himself closer to his desk.
"As long as I stay close to you, you can't get taken over, so we stay together. She also hates me-" he swallows hard at that, "so being close to me and having her direct her emotion at me means she won't be as powerful as a separate being."
I nod slowly, shuffling my feet around the floor, searching for something, "So it doesn't matter how many steps ahead she is, because we have her with us. We have a way to diminish her power."
"Look, it's not ideal, but it's the best we've got so far, and time isn't on our side. The full moon is tomorrow night, and my guess is that she'll strike then. All werewolves will be using half of their strength in fighting against the moon, as will the Moon Goddess."
I almost smile, feeling an irritation pulling at my mind. She doesn't know what we're planning. She's inside me, but not inside enough to hear and see the things I do, only feel the things I feel.
"Then we attack tomorrow before midnight."
Nick's lips are a thin and grim line as he gives me a single nod. I breathe shakily, watching as he refuses to look at me again, instead making signs on the maps and papers in front of his face.
It makes my chest itch, but I refuse to scratch, afraid of what I'll feel if I do. Elated? Guilty? Shameful? Hurt? Happy?
A mixture of everything that's typically good and bad?
I don't know, and I don't think I want to. Because for the rest of the day, not one piece of skin of Nick's touches mine. Not even a brush of the knuckles.
For someone who hasn't been able to not touch me for the past 24 hours, that speaks louder than any amount of words ever could.
What's worse, is that part of me is thrilled because of it.
~~~~
Dinner is awkward, to say the least. Whether that's because those who are werewolves can sense the strain on Nick and I's bond, I'm not sure. All I know is that we all lasted only half an hour, and when someone spoke it was always a, 'could you please pass the salt,' or 'are you nearly done with the potato salad?'
Usually we'd all migrate to the living room, where we'd watch a movie it took an hour for us all to agree on while pigging out on all of the junk food found in the fridge and pantry.
Alas, we all go our separate ways once dinner ends, and again, it feels like our last movie night was centuries ago instead of the week and a half it actually was.
It makes me tired.
So tired.
"Thea, can you see us for a little while?"
I stop my stroll down a random hallway, turning to find my mum and dad standing in an open doorway. They beckon me over, and I come hesitantly, not sure if I want to hear anything they have to say with those grim looks on their faces.
I do so anyway.
"Yes?" I drawl, watching as they close the door behind me. They look at each other for a while, seemingly having a conversation between themselves before they look back at me, just in time to see me fall on the only piece of furniture in the otherwise abandoned room; a single bed.
"We want to talk to you about a couple of things," mum starts hesitantly, taking small steps towards me. I narrow my eyes, looking at dad for a second.
"It's not about Nick, is it? Because I thought we already had this cleared up. You nee-"
"No," dad shakes his head, clenching his jaw, "It's not about Nick. Well, it is, but not in the way you're thinking."
I raise a brow, "Then in what way?"
Mum sighs, running a hand over her messy hair. It's only then do I notice how tired they both look. Heavy shadows hang under their eyes, and both seem to have a lost a bit of weight. Not to mention mum's constant shaking and dad's drooping shoulders.
"What's wrong?"
Mum chokes on a laugh, water quickly filling up her eyes as dad rubs her back, "You, Thea, you're what's wrong."
They may as well have slapped me. I flinch backwards, sinking into myself as my heart gives a pathetic ache. Like earlier, however, it also lifts, as if happy this is happening.
"What do you mean?" I manage to get out, willing myself to see this through without crying or walking out.
"I'm proud of you, Thea," dad speaks this time, quietly, almost sombrely, "We both are, but, this has to stop."
I shake my head, tucking my legs underneath me, "What has to stop? What are you talking about? Where is this coming from?"
"Have you been present for the past month?" mum explodes, breaking from dad's hold and pacing up and down the small room. "You've died God knows how many times, have scars from things we didn't even know existed, have been kidnapped, mentally manipulated, can see the dead and am mated to the leader of all werewolves."
My chest tightens, "I am aware, yes, I've been present for all of those things. What I don't understand is why you're bringing it all up."
"I'm bringing it up, no, we're bringing it up because even through all of that, you haven't once thought of telling us anything! Not what's happened, what you've felt, why these things have happened, or anything like that!"
My shoulders drop with the realisation of how true those words are. I haven't gone to my parents for anything. I used to confide in them with almost everything in my life, but as soon as Nick came along and I was introduced to this world, they almost became...
...insignificant.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, clenching my fingers, "I am. I know I haven't been telling you things, and it seems like I've forgotten you guys. I haven't, I love you both more than I can put into words. And I know this is bad, but what has it got to do with Nick?"
Anger suddenly flares behind mum's eyes, a type of anger I've never seen before.
"Even with all of this happening," she starts lowly, her voice a calm rage that freezes my bones, "You stand by him. I was all for it to start with, even with him being your teacher and a fair few numbers ahead of you, I was supportive of you. But I thought he could protect you..."
She trails off as I stand, holding a hand out in front of me, as if to physically prevent her words from meeting my ears.
So dad picks up where his wife left off, "It turns out he can't. You've been in the hospital more times since you met him then our whole family has in our lifetimes. If that doesn't send a message, I mustn't be able to read. Thea, we forbid you from seeing, Nick."
I shake my head, using the anger throbbing in my chest to drown out the complete and utter sadness, "You can't forbid me from shit. I'm eighteen and a legal adult, I can do what I want. And I want to be with Nick."
Mum sobs once, practically begging, "You can't, Thea, you just can't. He isn't good for you! He'll be your downfall! Stay away from him. Stay away Goddammit!"
I breathe heavily, sucking in as much air in my lungs as I can. This conversation hurts. It all hurts. Every word, every read, every damned exhale - all hurts.
"Your mother's right, Thea," dad starts to cry as well, "Come away with us. Leave that werewolf."
Agree you stupid human.
I freeze, heart stopping in my chest at the snake like whisper in my head. It's quiet, almost so quiet I can't hear, but I do. I don't think she meant for me to, but I do.
"It's her," I let a single tear fall down my cheek, "You're saying this because of her."
Mum laughs almost manically, sounding familiar to a certain being currently inhabiting part of my body, "No, we're saying this because it's true!"
I take a few steps back, leaning against the wall, "She's gotten you two to act on your fear without changing your eyes. I can't... I can't trust anyone but Nick."
"Stay away from him!"
I yelp as mum lunges for me. To do what, I don't know, but I never get to find out. She stops mere centimetres away from me, a light dying in her eyes and the snarl twisting her lips falling.
She stumbles away, nearly dropping to the floor as she cries harder. Dad runs to her, taking her hands in his and muttering what I hope are soothing words.
I don't stay to find out. I swallow my tears and run out of there like my arse is one fire. But it's not that that is, it's me.
My entire body is burning, but none of it is as bad as the spreading darkness in my chest, reaching its inky tendrils to wrap around my heart.
And not let go.
~~~~
I don't stop moving until I reach Nick and I's room, pretending not to notice the people calling my name as I run past them. Everything they say could be a lie, or it could not be. I have no way of knowing what's true and what's false.
The safest place to be right now, is wherever Nick is, even if he's not going to respond to my presence very well.
I burst through the double doors, slamming them shut behind me despite there being no one following. Then I find myself pressed up against said doors, a forearm against my throat and my hands unable to move by being in someone else's grasp.
I let out a small squeak, having limited options with the lack of air flowing to my lungs. I wriggle around in their grasp, but freeze as familiar tingles run through the places of contact.
Nick.
"Thea? Shit!"
The arm leaves my throat and my hands are freed. I crumble to the floor, breathing heavily and coughing at the same time. Nick swears again, apologising over and over while rubbing circles on my back.
"What in hell's name was that for?" I gasp eventually, letting my mate pull me to my feet. He settles me on my side of the bed, only letting go when he's sure I won't kneel over again.
"I thought you were another one of them and I lost my temper," he grits his teeth, fists clenching by his side. Whether it's because he hurt me or because of the them he mentions, I'm not sure.
I clear my throat, flicking my eyes up to meet his. He stares at me for a second, and that cold mask vanishes for a second, revealing the pain inside before they glaze over once more.
"Wait," I shy away from that topic, running from the conversation like a coward, "what do you mean 'one of them'?"
A grim look covers his face, and I know exactly what he's talking about.
"You too?"
His eyes narrow, flaring as they latch onto me, "Too?"
I nod, saying somewhat cautiously, "Yeah. As in, having people talk to you about, uh, certain things."
Nick even looks away from me, cheeks tinting red, "That's what I mean... certain things."
I let out a breath of air that's a mix of a laugh and snicker, "Bad things, Nick, or something else?"
"Trying to get me away from you type of things."
Ah, that puts a damper on the slight playful twinge to the air between the two of us. Okay, maybe a little bit more than a damper.
"Me too," I mumble, suddenly unable to look at those stony emerald eyes. There's something about it that makes me feel small, almost unimportant. Like I'm not worth the warmth of his gaze.
"Who spoke to you?" I attempt to make a conversation whilst trying to find solutions at the same time. If this thing can control my parents, how will we be able to fight it? We'd need a small army, and we'd have nothing.
"Alex, Penelope and Lydia, actually," he mutters, like it surprises him they were the ones who came to convince him to leave.
I furrow my brow, "So not Jake, your father or Amanda?"
He shakes his head and I bite my lip, "How does that make sense? You're best friends with Jake and would listen to him more than my friend, and your family would obviously have a better chance at swaying your opinion than not blood relations."
Nick's lips thin to a small line, shoulders tense and arms crossed, "Who spoke to you?"
I run my tongue along my bottom lip, trying to stop it's small shaking, "My mum and dad."
He closes his eyes for a brief second before they open again, a slight red colour to their usual green, "Human. They're all human."
"Penelope and Lydia?"
"Penelope is a human mated to a werewolf, making Lydia a half human, half werewolf," he growls lowly, "that's why she spoke the least, and seemed to look around like she didn't know what she was doing in here."
I sigh lowly, running a hand through my hair. There are so many problems, and such a small amount of time to fix them all.
I admit to wanting an interesting life. More interesting then what I had before this, but this? Is so much more than I bargained for. It's more than I wanted... but do I regret it?
I don't know anymore.
"So we can't have them near us when we attack tomorrow," I crack a knuckle, needing something to do with my hands, "that's fine, there's a couple hundred werewolves, right?"
"We can't take the warriors, Thea, or any werewolf below the age of twenty-one. She can control them because they haven't fully developed yet. Their brains won't be able to reject her presence."
I groan, rubbing my temples, "Then who can we get?"
"Those over twenty-one, don't have kids, who are willing to fight. We haven't fought this thing before, Thea, and I'm not risking our pack just for them to fall for her control or for them to die. Hell, I'd prefer it if I were the only one going, but that's probably never going to happen."
"Correct."
The gates in front of his eyes suddenly fall, and every single emotion comes crashing through the bond. I latch onto every single one of them, afraid that if I don't now, I'll never get the chance to ever again.
"Don't ever think that again!" Nick growls, grabbing my ankle and pulling to him faster than I can see. "You're going to be fine, you have to be."
I don't say anything, merely reaching up to trace a finger along his clenched jaw, wishing he was right, and the cackling in the back of my head is wrong.
"Oh, Nick," I whisper, smiling a watery smile as he leans down to connect our foreheads together.
"Promise me you'll be fine," he mumbles against me, holding me as tight as he dares, "promise me you'll come back to me in one piece, alive and as Thea as possible."
The blatant pleading in his eyes hurts, but I know I can't do what he wants. I can't tell him something that might not be true.
"I can't make that promise, Nick," I loop my arms around his neck, "you know I can't. I might not make it back tomorrow, and there won't be anything you can do about it."
Saying it out loud makes it all too true, and fear latches onto my heart with a pistol grip, squeezing and squeezing until it gets a small sob to fall from my tongue.
"What you can do, however, is believe I'll be okay. Believe I'll be fine and will come back, and I can do my very best to do just that. I don't plan on losing, Nick, but there's always a possibility that I will. That we will. I can't make a promise I'm not guaranteed to keep."
Nick wraps his arms around my entire body, tucking my knees up to my chest and cuddling me to him like I'm a baby. I don't complain, instead resting my head against his chest as he rocks us, listening to his heart beat a mile a minute and feeling his lips press against my hair, cheek, nose, mouth and anywhere else he can touch.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I'm so sorry."
"No, no, no," he hums against my skin, and I feel my throat fill with tears, "Don't be sorry. Never be sorry. This isn't you fault. It isn't. And it wasn't right of me to ask you to promise me anything when I can't even promise the same thing."
I don't know if it's Nick in my head, buzzing at the back of my mind. His words warm my chest, but my brain repels them, as if they're not true or not something I wish to hear. Yet, I feel them. I feel them and I hold them to my heart, not wanting the Goddess to take them away from me like she has with so much else.
"Goddess? Thea, you've never said anything about a Goddess," Nick pulls away from me just enough so we can look at each other's faces. My brow furrows, I don't remember saying anything about a Goddess.
"Just then," Nick forces me to look into his eyes, even though something inside begs to turn away, "you said you didn't want the Goddess to take them away from you."
Then it hits me. The lost memory from when she had me. The part of my mind that Nick couldn't get to. The thing that scared me so much I retreated to my own safe haven.
The painting.
"I remember," I take a deep breath, shaky, but deep, "holy shit, I remember."
I'm still staring at Nick, but now I actually see him. I see him, and I see the hope, and as the name of who we're dealing with comes to me, I begin to hope as well. Hope that we might actually win this fight.
That we have a chance.
"Her name..." I choke on a half laugh half sob, "her name is Atë, and she's a Geek Goddess."
----
Song: You'll Be Okay - Michael Schulte
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