older poems

Heaven in Hell

I feel it.  Can you? It feels like a hurricane in the middle of summer. I can taste it. Can you? It tastes like poison and bitterness in a cup. I can see it. Can you? It looks like sunshine in the mix of a downpour. It is almost like heaven in hell.
It's tragedy in beauty.
It is innocence soaked in sin.
It's us.

I kissed the edge of your flaws,
Drowning in them.
Every last inch of me was drenched in your imperfections.
Your anger was frightful,
Causing me to be afraid to lay in your arms.
Only thinking when you hold me tight,
You might crush my bones
And turn me into dust.

Now I am flying shivering in the cold night sky.
I am here, watching over you, following you around like you were my salvation.
And you were, no matter how much I try and deny it.
No matter how much I try and forget.
Outside, you looked warm and stable.
Inside, you were cold and insane.
You craved the thought of pain.
You imagined the sight of blood and bruises
As you lay at night.

How was I supposed to know
That I was nothing more than a victim?
How was I supposed to know
As I laughed at your jokes, you pictured me dead.
I didn't want to believe what you were
Now I have no choice.
I just keep thinking of you screaming in my face,
Pushing me to the floor, and slashing my throat
Without hesitation
Without thought.

Now flying through the evening sky,
I remember how I felt when I met you.
I felt shaky and tense, but I craved you.
You said you loved me.
And I said it back.
Without hesitation
Without thought.

I wish I hadn't.