<Unedited>
~Flirting With The Good Girl~
Chapter23: Part1: Confessions Of A Lover Boy
*Jake Parkers*
It hurts.
It hurts so much.
It's almost as if someone has ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it.
She loves him. She loves him so much.
I never knew anything could hurt so much. Being beaten by my own father hurt, but not like this. This is a different kind of hurt. This one leaves scars that no one else can see -that I can't even see but only feel.
People say a broken heart hurts but what do they know, honesty. It doesn't just hurt, no, it feels like ... I'm alone again.
I ball my hands into tight fists and squeeze my eyes shut. I want to disappear. I want to hide from everyone and let them forget who I am -forget I even exist. Just for a while, at least.
I bury my face in my pillow and pound my first furious against the mattress, wishing anything to get rid of these feelings for her. I was perfectly fine without her -or as perfect as I could ever get. I don't need her in my life because Ethan's right, if she can't keep me happy, then what's the point?
When ever it comes to Jessica, I only find myself heartbroken and hurt. And to make matters worse, she doesn't even know.
She doesn't know she's the reason I've basically changed who I am. She doesn't know what she does to me when I see her smile. She doesn't know that I'd give up everything to make her happy. She doesn't even know how if feels to let her go, just so she can be happy.
She doesn't know and that only seems to make the pain hurt more.
"It's okay, Jake." Jackson says as he sits down at the edge of my bed. "If she can't see how much you love her, then she doesn't deserve you."
But that doesn't make the pain go away.
"Forget about her. You'll love again. Find someone new, someone who can love you back."
"It's not that easy." I whisper.
"It can be." He says. "But Jake, I thought she was making you happy. I thought she was fixing the mess of you, but it only seems as if she made things worse."
"She doesn't know, Jackson. It's my own fault that I'm hurt."
"If she didn't know, Jake, if she couldn't see the love practically radiating off of you, then she's -"
"Don't say stupid." I hiss. "Don't call her stupid."
He grows silent and stares out my window.
Sure, I know I called her stupid once, she could be the stupidest person in the entire world, but that doesn't mean she should be labeled as that. And I don't even care if she is, I won't let others call her names because she didn't know. They don't know her so what gives them the right to judge her. She doesn't know, so what? That doesn't make her stupid, or dumb, or an idiot. And maybe it's good she doesn't know. Maybe it's not time for her to.
"Well then maybe she needs to know." Jackson says after a moment of silence. "Maybe you should tell her."
"No, I can't do that." I couldn't do that. "She's in love with Carter. I don't want to ruin things for her. She's already been through so much. There's no way she would even consider ... us."
"Maybe she's not in love with him." Jackson says turning to me. "Sure, she loves him, but is she in love with him?"
"Of course she is." I roll my eyes at him. "He's everything to her, I asked."
"Look, if you love her like you say you do, then nothing will stand in the way of telling her how you feel."
"Even if she loves someone else?"
"Even if she loves someone else." He nods. "And if she doesn't accept it, then you can either give up, or keep trying."
But what about Ethan, he had a point? I could just continue on with Bridget and see where that takes me, but I wouldn't be happy and I'd just be using Bridget to forget Jessica and that's not right. I can't forget Jessica anyways, so there's no point in trailing Bridget along with me.
And if I did tell Jessica and she doesn't feel the same way, then what would I do? Would I give up and move on, or would I keep trying?
The healthiest way to go about things would to be give up and move on. At least then I wouldn't be heartbroken and hurt.
The stupid and road to insanity way to handle things would to be keep trying to win her over -continue on trying to be everything for her.
Of course I was never the smartest person out there. I did stupid things, so why change now?
*
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"You're a stupid, ugly son of a bitch, you know that?" Jase says as he leans back in his chair with a beer in hand.
"I know, and I'm proud."
"You're nothing but a hopless loser that will end up in hell no matter what you do because you're a bloody mistake that can't be fixed." He sneers.
I smile mockingly. "At least we have one thing in common."
He leans forward, agitated with my calm expressions and simple answers. He wants to rile me up and throw fuel onto the fire, but I'm not going to this time
"You're not going to make it in life, you know? You're going to be working at a McDonald's for the rest of your life because you're too stupid to be successful anywhere else."
"That's cool with me," I reply. "McDonald's just got a new item on the lunch menu that beats Jackson's grilled hamburgers and secret sauce."
Finally getting fed up with my answers, he grunts my direction and stands up. He kicks my crutch out from under me, causing me to hit the ground.
I curse quietly to myself while trying to make it back to my feet, that's when I notice him turn back around to smirk at me. "By the way, that Jessica girl is something, huh?"
I try to make it inconspicuous that her name effects me but the way he said it causes my body to tense. "What about her?"
He chuckles, taking a swig of his beer."It'd just be too bad if something happened to her, that's all."
And before I can look over at him, he's making his way upstairs.
I make it to my feet and snatch my crutches back up into my hands. I won't let him touch her, I may be on crutches, but if he as much harms a hair on her head, he will be too.
It's probably been about two weeks since I broke my leg, luckily I only have about three to four more, still, it's longer than I had anticipated.
I make my way outside and to backyard where we have a treehouse hidden in the woods. Ethan, Carter, Garret, and I made this ourselves when we were eight, of course we had help from Ethan and Carter's dad, and my cousins, but we're the one who designed it and planned it out. I remember we used to sleep in it almost every night, arguing over who got to sleep on the top bunk where a view of the town and farther into the hills were.
Looking up at the ladder to the treehouse, I throw my crutches on the ground, and grab onto it.
I pull myself on, and clumsily step up.
I've nearly made it to the top when I hear a chuckle. "That's almost suicidal, you know that right?"
I look over my shoulder to see Ethan, Garret, and Carter.
I frown and continue up to the top. Once I make it to the platform, I pull myself on until I'm lying on my back and staring up at the setting sun. Ethan climbs up and hops over me, followed behind Garret and Carter. When I meet Carter's eyes, I frown. "What are you doing here?"
He smiles lightly. "We're friends again, remember?"
I smile and push myself up onto my feet. "Oh, yeah." I say. "It's good to have you back."
And before anyone can blink, we run into each other's arms -though really I hobble into his.
"I've missed you so much, Jake!"
"I've missed you too, Carter!"
"I love you so much, bro! Let's never break up again!"
"That sounds like a good idea!"
Ethan laugh at us. "You're such girls."
Though Garret doesn't seem to care because he quickly joins in on our hug. Ethan rolls his eyes at us. "You're all girls! You act like teenage girls, seriously, you do!"
"You're just mad because Jake is ignoring you!" Carter says defensively.
"No I'm not!" Ethan says crossing his arms. "That's far from the truth. I'm just expressing how I feel about you all and your little chick flick moments, like this one!"
I lean out of the hug a bit to look at Ethan.
He has his arms across his chest defensively but I can see he wants a hug too.
"I'm so sorry Ethan!"
"I am too, Jake! I love you, dude! Don't burn in hell!"
"I won't, I promise! And if I do, I'll bring you with me!"
"Okay!"
He runs into us and we all share a group hug -because we're weird, don't judge- before pulling away and acting as if nothing happened.
"So, you're out for the rest of the season, huh?" Garret says as soon as we all settle down and take up the chairs in the treehouse.
"Looks to be." I reply. "The doctor said I had to take it easy after I get the weeks up."
"You're still going to the games, right?" Ethan asks.
"Of course I am. I'm not just going to miss out on you guys winning the championship, because you will." I say. "What kind of friend would I be if I didn't go?"
"A pretty sucky one." Ethan says. "But hey, maybe you and Jesse could go together. I mean, she got kicked off the cheerleading team but she's still going to support Carter."
"And me! Her soon to be brother." Garret proclaims.
"Yeah, I don't know." I say glancing at Carter. "It might not be such a good idea."
"Jake, just because I don't want you and her to be ... ya know, that doesn't mean you can't go to a football game with her." Carter says. "And besides, someome will have to watch out for her. Other guys from different schools my have some ideas when they see her."
True, but who's going to keep me tamed?
"Are you sure? 'Cause if you see me talking to her, you can't swing at me." I say.
Carter chuckles lightly, though I can see the seriousness in his eyes. "I won't, as long as you promise to try absolutely nothing with her because if you do, I won't think twice about knocking one of your teeth out."
I press my lips into a thin line and nod. "Understood, however, I don't think we're going to have a problem with me going after Jessica."
Ethan raises his eyebrows. "Really?"
"Yeah, I'm almost positive I'm dating Bridget."
All of their eyes widen at my words, and Garret even chokes on his water.
"You? Jacob Parkers? Dating?"
"Those words don't mix."
"It's almost sounds like you're speaking a different language."
"You've never even had a girlfriend before."
"Woah, wait," Garret says raising an eyebrow. "What do you mean by almost? You're either dating her, or you're not."
"I don't know?" I frown. "I've never done this kind of thing. I don't understand."
"Did you ask her out or did she ask you?" Ethan's quizzes.
"She asked me."
"And what did you tell her." Carter asks.
"I told her I'd think about it. I had to ... sort things out first." I explain.
"Do you know what you're going to say to her?" Garret questions.
"I'm going to say," I pause and look down at my hands. I can't say yes, but I have to. What other way is there to forget Jessica and move on? It would be best to say yes because I could keep both Carter and Jessica as friends. But if I did, I'd have to continue and see the two all lovey dovey and it hurts to see that. I glance at Carter to see a look of puzzlement and concern. It's as if he's trying to figure out what I'm thinking.
He had her first.
Carter made the move first. He's the one who cared enough to risk his heart and let her in -even after his heart had been shattered like a mirror. I continued on acting like a jerk and denied any feeling I had towards her. I didn't care -not in time at least. He loved her enough to put aside his own painful feelings for her whereas I was an ass to her. He tried. I didn't. There's no more to it but that.
He loves her.
I love her ... but it's not enough. It will never be.
They're all watching me cautiously, seeking out my next words. "I'm going to say ..." Ah, fuck, you're an idiot, Jake! "No."
Ethan gasps, Garret face palms himself, and Carter lifts his eyes to meet mine, clearly not happy with my answer.
"I'm sorry, Carter." I say. "I love Jessica."
He shakes his head at my words and runs a hand through his hair roughly.
"I do." I say. "I fucking love her."
"Jake-"
I smile and clumsily hop to my feet. "I love her!" My grin widens. "I fucking love her!"
"We get it -"
"I love Jessica Knight!" I shout. "I fucking love Jessica Knight!"
"Jake! We get it!" Ethan says laughing.
I hobble over toward the railing and grin widely at the starry night sky. "I am in love with Jessica Knight!"
For a moment, I stare at the moon and the stars surrounding it, completely happy that the world knows. That the world knows I love Jessica Knight to the moon and back.
I turn back around, knowing I'm going to have to face Carter and his heart throbbing love for her as well.
He's staring at me with a blank expression.
"I love her." I whisper.
"I know."
My eyes snap to his, not sure I understood him. I figure he'd be pounding my face into the ground, pushing me out of the treehouse, kicking my good leg out from under me, but he doesn't. He just stares at me, allowing his words to replay in my head.
Why isn't he fuming? Why isn't he threatening me to stay away from her?
"Jake, you're like a brother to me," He says standing up. "And at times, you're like a sister. But I can't just step aside for you. I can't just leave her because you have feelings for her too."
It's understandable. I didn't expect him to, anyways.
"I love her too, Jake." He continues. "And I'd do anything to make her happy, and if she asked me, personally asked me to step aside for you because she returns your feelings, then I'd do it." His eyes drift to a firefly passing by us. "But only then would I do it. Still, that doesn't mean I won't kick your ass."
"So, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying, I understand you're going to be fighting for her. I understand you're not giving up anytime soon but it's not okay, Jake." He says. "It'll never be okay. I've never loved anyone like this."
"I've never loved anyone." I mumble.
His eyes meet mine. "Just promise me something."
I nod.
"If she does end up with you, promise me you'll take care of her. Promise me you'll never leave her."
"I promise." I say. "And you promise me, as long as she's with you, for however long, always catch her."
He frowns. "What do you mean?"
"Just promise."
He nods. "I promise."
*
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*Jessica Knight*
"You called."
"I did. Your father said you'd call me back ... I didn't think you would."
"Well, I did, so what is it?"
I hear the frown in her voice. "What do you mean?"
"Why did you call? If I remember clearly, I said I didn't want you bothering me anymore."
She sighs. "I just want to talk to you. I miss you Lady Jay."
A smile curves onto my lips at the embarrassing nickname but it brings back memories, ones I wish I could relive. "What do you want to talk about?" I ask, forcing my smile to subside.
"Everything. I want to know about how you're doing? If the school and people are nice."
"School's cool and the people are a hoot, though I'd be fine to expose of a few." Rebecca ...
"Are you still with that Carter kid?" She asks.
"Yes."
"He seems like a nice boy. Your father has told me a bit about him, saying he's straightened you out or something."
I roll my eyes, irritated that dad thought I needed straightened out. "Yeah, well, he is nice."
"Well, tell me more about him." She laughs.
"He's out for the season in football." I say. "He's hoping to be fit and ready for senior year."
"About next year ... you're going to be a senior, and then you'll be off to college." She says. "So I sent something in the mail a few days ago for you."
"What is it?" I ask.
"You'll see. You should be getting it soon. Look, I know we didn't get to talk long but I have to go." She says. "I love you so much, Jessica. Please, call me back."
"I will, bye."
*
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It's been about three days since I last talked to Jake, since I last saw him. It's been three days since I figured everything out. And I must say, I've got to be the stupidest person for not noticing. It's so obvious. Just by the way he talks to me should of gave off some kind of hint. The way he watches me and always seems to care literally sounds he alarms but I didn't even notice.
And knowing that he's been sitting back, having to see Carter and I in love actually makes me feel guilty and not worth his time.
How did I not notice this, though?
I mean, seriously! He kissed me. Shouldn't that have been enough for me to notice something?
My phones rings and when I see it's Jake who's calling I whimp out and throw my phone on the couch I can't talk to him. Not now. I've been dodging his calls for the past few days, feeling awkward about our friendship now.
That must have been why Carter was so worried about me hanging out with him.
I sigh and bury my face in a pillow when I realize how slutty I must seem.
I've been dating Carter, his best friend, for nearly five months and while I was, I kissed Jake on my own will. And then I hung out with him for a whole day, thinking we were just having a good time as friends but really, to him, it was probably more. He probably thinks I'm just bouncing back between him and his friend.
I am just so ... ugh!
I grab my phone and quickly scroll through my contacts until I find Jake from State Farm. I click his name and wait until he picks up. It rings twice before I hear his voice. "Hey, Jesse, I was just going to call you again."
"Uh, yeah, hi."
"I was just wondering if you'd like to go to the yogurt place down by the pier with me." He says.
"As ... uh, just friends? Friends and only friends?"
"Um ... yeah. Just friends. Are you okay? You sound off."
"No, no. I'm fine. I'll, uh, meet you at the pier in half an hour." I say.
"Okay, see you then."
After hanging up, I quickly rush up stairs and set my phone on it's dock and strip out of my lazy clothes. I throw on a pair of shorts and a black tank top. I wash my hair quickly before putting it up in a towl and brushing my teeth.
Why am I panicking? It's not like this is a date. It's just friends getting together to enjoy a cup of frozen yogurt, that's all. But why does it feel like something's about to go down tonight?
After brushing my teeth, I slip on a pink fitted shirt over the tank top. I run a brush through my hair until it's dry. I quickly slide out the door with fifteen minutes to spare.
Heading to my car, I see Ethan walking Mittens on a little pink leash. Ethan waves at me frantically and smiles. "Hey, Jesse! Where are you going?"
"I'm going to meet Jake at the frozen yogurt shop."
His smile instantly drops and his face grows pale. "O-Oh, well that's cool." He scratches the back of his neck and backs down the driveway. "Well good luck - I mean have fun!"
I frown, watching him quickly dashes down the street.
Yeah, something's definitely going down tonight.
+++
Jake is already at the frozen yogurt shop waiting for me outside at one of the tables.
When I see him, I have take shaky breath before I approach the table and plaster a smile on my face, hopefully fooling him into thinking I know nothing of his feelings.
Jake smiles happily and stands up to pull my chair out for me. "Hey, Jessica. I'm glad you could make it."
I smile and sit down. "So am I. When you said yogurt shop it was a sealed deal."
He laughs lightly and pushes me a cup of frozen yogurt. "I order you your favorite."
I take the cup gratefully and lean back in my chair. "So, is there a reason you wanted to hang out?"
He shrugs. "Not really. I just wanted to hang. I was getting a little paranoid that you were avoiding me for the past few days"
I laugh nervously and brush the statement off. "No, I just have had a lot of things going on lately. I wasn't avoiding you."
He smiles. "Well, that's good then, because I couldn't think of a thing that I did that could have made you mad at me."
I shake my head. "No, I'm not mad at you."
He stares at me for a moment with a smile on his face before he looks down and shakes his head, the smile never leaving his lips. "So, Carter said you got a tattoo, right? I never did get to see it."
I smile and hold my arm our for him to see the tattoo engraved in my forearm. "You don't understand how hard this is to keep hidden from my dad."
Jake laughs and runs his finger over the design. "It's beautiful, Jesse."
I smile and look up at him, enjoying the feel of his touch against my skin. His emerald green eyes meet mine and they brighten. Only when he drops his gaze to my lips do I pull my arm away and straighten up. "Thanks."
We're silent for a moment as I finish up my yogurt but a few moments later, his voice hums through my ears. "Jessica, I need to tell you something."
My heart instantly picks up and my stomach churns with nervous as I anticipate what he's about to tell me. Oh, damn. I'm not ready for this. He can't tell me how he feels when I'm dating his friend, when I'm in love with his friend.
"Uh, yeah?" I voice shakily.
"I noticed it awhile ago and I figured it wouldn't be right to keep from you." He says.
"What is it?" I ask.
He smiles at me and says, "You have two different pairs of shoes on."
I frown and look down at my shoes. A blush tints my cheeks and I feel like pounding my head against the table. Not only am I embarrassed that I'm wearing a tennis shoe and a sandal, but thinking that he was going to confess himself to me makes me feel like an idiot.
"Oh my gosh." I huff while burying my face in my hands. "This is so embarrassing."
He laughs and shakes his head at me. "No, not really. It's fine actually. At least you didn't go all third grade year wearing a cape and cowboy boots."
I laugh at the thought, wishing I could've seen that picture his mom was going to show me. I would've keep that photo and used it as blackmail in some kind of way.
He stands up and offers me a hand. "Do you want to go home and change shoes?"
I take his hand and laugh. "No, I guess I'm fine with being weird. It's sort of in my nature. I should just accept it."
He laughs at me nods knowingly. "It sure is, but if you're going to be walking around like that, then I should join you."
He pulls his shirt off and ties it around his head before taking his shoes off and wearing them on his hand. "See, Jess, like I told you before," he offers me his arm which I take with a smile me. "Let's be weird together."
+++
"Jesse," Jake says sternly, though I can see excitement in his eyes. "Get out of my bed."
"How about you join me." I say with a giggle
His eyes darken and he scratches the back of his neck. "That wouldn't be a good idea."
I laugh and sit up, suddenly finding everything funny. "Why wouldn't it be? Do you not want to see me naked or something?"
He bites his bottom lip and I oddly find myself wanting to bite that bottom lip. "No, Jessica, that's not it at all." He says. "I just want to know what you drank while we were at Robby's bar. I told you to only drink the water."
I giggle and fall back onto his bed. "I did only drink water, silly."
He moves to his game chair and crosses his arms, allowing me to see his muscles strain. "You obviously didn't because you're drunk off your ass."
"I did, really." I say jumping to my feet and walking towards him. "I only drank what you gave me and what that other guys gave me."
He frowns and raises an eyebrow. "What other guy?"
"The guy! Rememeber?" I say. "He gave me a glass of water!"
He runs his hand down his face and sighs. "Jesse, tell me you didn't take another drink from a guy."
I stand in front of him and laugh. "Okay, I didn't take another drink from another guy."
He stands up and clumsily reaches for his crutches. "Jess, you're sort of a pain in the ass, you know that don't you?"
I shrug. "And you're not? You're confusing as hell sometimes."
"I'm only like that because you don't understand." He says looking down and scratching the back of his neck.
I suddenly laugh at how adorable he looks. He frowns at me gives me a look of confusion. "What are you laughing at?"
"You!"
He chuckles and turns to walk towards his bathroom but I quickly knock the crutches out of his hands, causing him to stumble back. "Jessica! What are you doing?"
But instead of answering, I push him back so he falls onto his bed. He opens his mouth to say something but when I climb ontop of him and pin his arms above his head, he grows silent.
I bring my lips to his ear and whisper, "I know."
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I should be wiser and realize that I got ... one less problem without ya -Ariana Grande
Heyyyyyy!!!!!! WHATS UP MY WATTPAD READERS?!?! HOW ARE YOU DOING? Good? Good! Okay!
So how was this chapter? In all honesty, I didn't like it too much but Part2: Confessions Of A Lover Boy is where shit hits the fan. This was more of a filler really.
How did this chapter make you feel? Do you agree with Jake deciding to go after Jessica even though Carter warned him to watch himself? What do you think Jessica would say if Jake tells her?
Team Carter
Or
Team Jake
I have Problem stick in my head and I can't stop listening to it!!!! I need help!!!!! Okay sooo school is out for me and my summer has begun! I'm excited because I get to go back to the States and see my mother!!! :) and anyways ... today is my birthday! Finally seventeen! It felt like I was sixteen forever!! I feel like I'm getting old though ... :(
Interesting fact about this story: Most of the events in this story is true
Twitter: OverCastKids_27
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