3
Elle
My head was still swimming through murky waters after our session with Lisa; I was glad she suggested us meeting without Jude. Expressing my true feelings to him was harder than she made it seem.
But I put my own hesitations and needs to the side. Jude spent his birthday alone, and that hurt me more than it should have. Having him leave early ended up serving two different purposes; it saved Lily from jail time as she would have surely tired to kill him, and it gave me a chance to call his mom.
The tips of my fingers lost all feeling as I scrolled through my contacts for her number. Surely he told her bits of what happened between us, but I had no idea where she stood on anything. I didn't expect her to take my side; he was her son. But given her history with Jude's dad, I also imagined he'd left out some details in discussing things with her.
The call rang and rang, and I had a moment of hoping her voicemail would click on and I wouldn't have to face her just then. But she answered, and her voice brought me back to the time we spent in Ireland at her home.
"Elle, dear, is everything alright?"
I coughed before speaking; my throat had become inexplicably dry. "H-hi, Janet. Everything's, everything's okay."
"Nothing has happened to my boy?" The panic was evident.
Shit. "Ah, no, no, he's fine. Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
"Given the last conversation I had with him, I feared something had happened when I saw your name pop up."
"Well, I guess, um...I'm sorry. I'm being awkward right now." My eyes fell closed and my free thumb and forefinger found my temples.
"You've nothing to apologize for sweetheart. I'm happy to hear from you, especially knowing Jude's well-being is in tact. What's going on?"
It would have been impossible for her not to have heard the deep breath I took. "We saw each other last night. Things are...okay; we're working on them. Jude mentioned not having been able to see you since the holidays because of the play, and I was wondering if I could convince you to come to London for a belated birthday party for him. I, I'm not sure what his schedule is, but I think late June would give me enough time to pull everything together."
"Say no more, dear. I've been trying to give him his space. I'd asked him if he wanted to come stay up here with me for a bit, but he refused. I'd love to come see the both of you."
My chest sunk with relief. "That's perfect. I can look up the flights and send you over a ticket once I find one. Is that okay?"
"Oh, dear, don't worry about the flight. I can make that happen. Thank you for initiating this; we don't see each other nearly enough."
"I want him to be happy; seeing you will help with that." I also wanted to show him that despite everything that went down between us, his happiness was still central to me.
"I'll see you soon."
"Bye, Janet."
I spent the rest of the time between hanging up with Jude's mom and Lily coming home searching for the perfect place to have Jude's birthday dinner. Knowing Jude, he'd want something small and intimate; we were alike in that sense. I narrowed my search to a few restaurants and made appointments to chat with each of them later in the week. So long as they had a private room and good food, I'd be able to easily make a decision on which place would be best.
As I was copying down the address of one final restaurant, my ears picked up the sound of a key being shoved into our lock, and my eyes screwed shut in anticipation. Lily was in my bedroom in a matter of seconds, and I turned slowly from my desk to face her.
"Well?" she asked.
"Don't worry; I sent him home hours ago."
She sat on my bed. "Sorry I got weird earlier."
"It's okay. Things feel very strange between us."
"How so?"
"Nothing is the same," I said.
"Of course things aren't the fucking same, Elle. He was seconds away from—"
"Why did you give me his letters yesterday if this is how you were going to react?" It came out a little more shrill than intended; Lily recoiled a bit.
"I'm sorry. I'm still angry," she said.
"I am too, but I want to try to work things out with him, and you promised you'd support me."
"Doesn't mean I have to support him."
"Lily."
She rolled her eyes. "I told him that night I'd never forgive him. He knows where he stands with me."
I pushed up from my desk and stood before her. "You're my best friend. You moved across an ocean with me. You've been right by my side every second since the day we met. I'm asking you to at least be cordial with him."
Her eyes were mere slits. "He's lucky I love you."
"Remember that because I have one more bomb to drop on you."
"Were you lying when you said you didn't sleep with him?" she asked, mouth hung open.
"No! He's not getting that anytime soon. I, well, we...we're going to look for a place together, like, officially."
"Live with me and Rob."
"That's absurd."
"It's not. You can take your time; you don't need to move in with him right away," she said as she placed her hands on my shoulders.
"We need to keep moving forward. If nothing else, this will be a true test of whether or not things are going to work."
"This is a terrible idea, Elle."
She dropped her hands to her sides as I turned from her and headed towards my bedroom door. "I'm making dinner."
"You're just full of terrible ideas tonight."
"Then come help me. You and Rob deserve to have the time to live together and not have me tagging along. I know what's best for me, and I'll deal with the consequences later if I need to."
"You've changed a lot over the last few weeks."
"Good or bad?" I asked.
She shrugged her shoulders. "Not sure yet. I've never seen you both so resolute and so willing to leave fate to its own devices."
I just shrugged my own shoulders back at her. Honestly, I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew for certain was that I wanted to try my damnedest to make things work with Jude, and that meant both of us being vulnerable to the uncertain.
***
The following morning I opened my office door to find a vase of two dozen white roses sitting on my desk. I was instantly brought back to the first time Jude sent flowers, and my heart made that little fluttering movement I'd missed so much.
I dug through the flowers to find the card bearing Jude's message: "Dinner at your place on Friday? x -Jude"
After my eyes nearly tumbled into the back of my head, I pulled out my phone to text him. "I see you've gotten comfortable enough to invite yourself over for dinner ;) thanks for the flowers."
He'd been waiting. "Anytime, love."
Before I had a chance to put down the card, a new presence came into my office.
"Spill."
I turned to see Lara staring at me with wide eyes. "Huh?"
"You've not gotten a floral delivery in two months." She shut my door behind her. "Details, now."
I sat down at my desk as Lara pulled up a chair. "Well, it started Sunday morning when Lily gave me roughly 100 letters he'd written me. I read them, grabbed my ticket to his final Macbeth performance, and went back to his place after. The last two days haven't been easy, but we're on the path to resolving things."
She was grinning ear to ear. "Oh, Elle, I knew things would work out in the end. I know it's been really rocky, but if you two can't work it out, I'd lose faith in love forever."
But she didn't know the whole story. "Thanks, Lar. I'm hopeful that everything will fall back into place."
She came behind my desk and put her arms around me. "See you at lunch, Elle."
"See you."
The only people to know what really happened between me and Jude who weren't there that night were me and Alice. If any of that had gotten to the press...it was something I didn't like thinking about. The fact that Ava hadn't leaked anything baffled me; every day we were apart I waited, waited to see pictures of them or headlines containing their names. But none ever came up.
My hours at work came and went; things were kind of moving of their own accord with no regard to the overwhelming push and pull of emotions I was experiencing. Before leaving for the day, I took the picture of me and Jude that I'd tucked away in my filing cabinet and put it back on my desk, just as I had in my bedroom.
On the train ride back to my apartment, I opened my various social media apps; I needed to stop avoiding the inevitable. But there wasn't anything out of the ordinary. No nasty tags or comments, no pictures of me and Jude leaving his place or of him leaving mine the previous afternoon. I guess I was getting to remain a nobody for a little longer.
At home, I did a quick change and grabbed a protein bar. I'd neglected planning out my last dance lesson, probably because I was sad it was ending, and decided to go to the studio early to prepare. I guess the timing wasn't the worst; with Jude coming back into my life as this extra job was wrapping up, I'd have more time to dedicate to building us back up.
Somehow I'd gotten over the awkwardness that pervaded every time I stepped into the studio and Jasper was there. My first Saturday session back was the worst, but I'd been able to get to a point where the sight alone of him didn't fill me with rage. He knew not to attempt partner work with me; he knew to avoid me in staff meetings and our choreography class. Part of me felt the loss of him as a friend, but a bigger part of me wondered if he'd ever been my friend in the first place.
When I made it to the studio, I found an empty room, turned up the music, and worked my way through a warmup, small workout, and the combinations I'd been teaching my class. All that was left were the final thirty seconds of the choreography, and their dance would be complete.
As my body flowed through the different movements, I felt all of the emotions that contributed to that choreography. It was dark, and I knew it was because that class started just a week after Jude and I separated, but I had to get myself back into a routine. I needed to keep busy.
I felt my eyes just start to sting as I was coming out of a turn; then, the music stopped abruptly. With my chest heaving up and down, I turned towards the stereo to find Jasper with his finger on the button.
"Sorry. I, I'm filling in for someone in this room. Class starts in five."
Without a word, I moved to the stereo, unplugged my phone, and grabbed my bag.
"Elle, could—" he started.
"I'm not interested."
But he placed himself between me and my only exit.
"I'm sorry. It's been months, and you still refuse to even look at me."
"Put yourself in my place." I moved to go around him, but he moved with me.
"So we'll never be friends again?"
That one made me laugh. "Forget putting yourself in my place. Put yourself in Jude's. How do you think he'd feel knowing I was friends with the person who sold pictures of me to the press to make him think I was cheating on him?"
"You know how I felt about you. You can't fault me for trying to protect you. Clearly, I had good reason to."
My heart sunk at his words. "You don't—"
"How dense do you think I am? You really think I haven't noticed a change in you over the last few weeks? Something happened between the two of you, that's for certain, Elle. Whatever shit he did would've never happened had you listened to me."
My nerve endings screamed in unison. "You think this is how you earn a friendship back?" I took advantage of his momentary shock and was able to slip past him. Why was it that so many men in my life had been such severe assholes?
***
By the time I made it back home, the kitchen was cleaned up and there was a plate of leftovers on the counter for me. I popped them in the microwave and then dropped my bag in my bedroom while they were heating up. The light was on in Lily's room, but when I went to barge in to thank her for saving me dinner, I heard her talking on the phone. I hoped she was finalizing things with Rob for their move in; she deserved to be happy in her relationship. It was at that moment that something then connected in my head; Rob would be going to the premiere of Geminus in London, but more importantly, Rob would be going with Lily. Knowing Lily would be there made the prospect of having to be in the same room as the woman who actively pursued my boyfriend a bit easier to swallow. I wanted to trust Jude again, but there was no way in hell he was going without me.
As I finished up the leftovers Lily had saved me, she came out of her room and joined me at the countertop.
"Thanks for dinner."
"Couse. How was your last class?" she asked.
"Great, per usual. Those girls are phenomenal."
"You're phenomenal."
"Don't get sappy," I said.
"Fine, I won't butter you up. What kind of vibe are you feeling for your birthday next week?"
There it was. "Were you talking to Alice? I told her not to set anything up with you."
"Please. I don't need Alice to tell me to ignore your wishes for a quiet birthday."
"Really, Lil. I don't want to draw attention. It's bad enough with the media coverage we have to face on the daily. I've liked being a nobody for the past few weeks."
"You, my bestest friend forever, deserve to be surrounded by everyone who loves you. But I promise, nothing too crazy."
"Will Jude be invited?" It was a serious question with her planning it.
"I said nothing too crazy; do you want to see World War Three start on your birthday?"
"You really aren't making this any easier."
"Fine. I'll talk to Rob."
Rob. "Has he mentioned the premiere?"
"Sure has. I told him no way we were going if you and Jude weren't going."
"Right on. I was thinking the same thing."
"Okay. We'll go together, and it'll be fine," she said.
"I hope so. Speaking of being together, Jude's coming over for dinner on Friday."
Rather than use her words, she used a long, loud groan.
"I'm sure he'll make something delicious," I tempted.
"It's fine actually. I was going to hang out with Rob, anyway. I promise things will get back to normal eventually. I'm trying for you, really, but it's hard. I can't think of him without wanting to castrate him."
"Lily."
"I mean, I won't. I want you to have kids one day so they can call me Aunt Lil."
"I don't even know how to respond to this."
And all at once Lily rushed up on me and threw her arms around my neck. "Gonna miss this."
"Me too, Lil."
"Want me to see if the house next to Rob's is for sale?"
I thought about it for just a few seconds. "No. No, we can't do that. I'm okay with at least the same city." There was a knock on our front door, and I raised my eyebrows at her. "Expecting Rob?"
"No. Jude?"
"No. But just in case it is, I'll get it."
"Good call. See you in the morning."
I hadn't forgotten the fact that the last time we had an unexpected guest come over it had been Luke. But there was no need to panic when the door opened this time. Standing before me was a man with perfectly clipped facial hair and a mop of perfectly unruly (yet slightly trimmed) dark curls.
"Hi," he said.
"Hi."
"I missed you."
Those butterflies were trying to break free of my ribcage once more.
He scrunched his nose. "Want to go for a walk?"
"It's dangerously close to my getting unready routine and work-night bedtime."
"Oh, er, I wasn't sure if—"
"Kidding, Jude." I grabbed a light jacket from one of the hooks by our front door and followed him outside, where he instantly clasped my hand in his.
Out in the cool May evening, it was as if we were the only two people in the world. No one else was around, and it was just us and a light wind and the fragrant trees that lined the street.
"I love you, Elle." His voice was a whisper in the night.
"I love you, too."
"I'm sorry, Elle." Nearly lost in the wind.
"I know."
He pulled me along into the park nearest our apartment. Somewhere in the distance someone was playing a piano, and the notes carried all the way to us. Without a word, Jude turned me into him, our arms falling into the perfect hold, and he began to move his feet in the pattern of the waltz I'd taught him so many months ago.
We kept dancing long after the music ceased. We moved in and out of each other's arms and every time he brought me back in from a turn he held me closer than the last. Neither of us uttered another word the rest of the night. When we ended up back at my door, it wasn't Jude to pull my face into his, but me letting my fingers tangle in his curls to bring his mouth to mine. He left with an unspoken promise of every night holding the same magic we felt just then; it was a promise I'd never let him break.
A/N: Hi!
It's your turn! I need song suggestions for this chapter :) comment your suggestions here, and I'll pick three that stick out to me soon! I'll tag your name next to your suggestion when I edit the soundtrack to give you credit. I wrote a note about not commenting on the soundtrack portion because when I edit it, I'm afraid those comments will get deleted 😳
Also, I've been playing around with the story feature on Instagram and IT'S SO MICH FUN! I've really been enjoying adding snippets of my day.
Hubs and I had a super nice weekend last week and all I want is for all of you to fall in love and be happy. I love you all so much ❤️
Please vote and comment and chat with me :) I hope you have a lovely weekend!
xo,
L