Quotes

34

"It is not that I want to kill myself but the bathtub is an easy place to fall asleep in. I take showers instead of thinking of drowing. I don't count seconds,minutes and hours at least not on purpose. I am so not tired of being alive that I can't find find a quick moment of enjoyment in the worst television show but I don't usually  bother much. It's okay. Sometimes I want to wake up and sometimes I want to sleep for just a little while more. I want to harness the guilt I feel at 3 in the morning to make myself a better person but I keep being the same person I can't stand or maybe  I am so used to it that I cant even recognize as being differently from who I am.  I don't know. I wear my seatbelt. I look before crossing the door. It's just for a second , I think what would happen if I didn't. And that second is long.