His father sits at the head of the table, James and I on either side of him. James constantly gives me reassuring looks, but I don't know if he's trying to reassure me or himself. It's clear that he's uncomfortable with this, me meeting his father. It only makes me nervous. It only makes the weird feelings grow.
"So, Rae," his father begins, taking lead, "what pack do you come from?"
"The Waters Pack," I answer timidly, not wanting to talk at all even though I agreed to this. I feel as I did when I first met James, hardly saying a word.
His father nods. "And you're not of an Alpha bloodline?"
"No," I say carefully, "I'm not."
He nods again. "Of a Beta bloodline?"
I shake my head and throw in an amused smile to show that I'm not hurt, even though I am. I wonder if he's comparing me to Julianna, if so, he's probably thinking that I'm worse at this point. At least she was of Alpha blood.
James takes over and starts to talk about the rogue problem at the East Border and how they're trying to solve it, giving me a moment to breathe. But it's not long until he comes back to me. "And what have you been up to as Luna?"
James cuts in, trying to hold him back, "She hasn't been announced as Luna yet."
"Well surely she can announce herself as Luna," he says and looks to me, "right, Rae?"
"I suppose," I mumble, not wanting to bring up the fact that I have told a few people.
"No, it's not her fault. I should be the one to do it."
"I'm sure Rae can handle it. You're busy, James, let her work some," he says, continuously pointing the finger at me. "I'm sure she needs things to do other than hanging around the house. Both the Alpha and the Luna need to work together, you see, that's where I went wrong."
I lift small forks of potato into my mouth, wanting to leave. I didn't think he was going to bring up Julianna, let alone blatantly compare us to them. "Rae is still getting used to the Pack," James explains, "I'm sure she'd love to help out when she's ready."
I nod. "Of course."
"Good. The Pack comes first. I don't want to see you two rushing towards having children when there is so much more to deal with. Family matters can wait until everything is near perfection, right Rae?"
This is all one giant lesson on what not to do. Part of me wants to disagree and say that I want a child right now just to see what James will say, if he'd agree with his father. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to touch me, because he doesn't want children. I don't see how that's a problem, though, with means of protection. "Right," I say, not knowing how I really feel, "the Pack comes first."
When dinner comes to an end, I help Gail and Theresa clean up while James says goodbye to his father. As I bring in the stack of plates, Gail asks, "How did it go?"
"He doesn't like me," I say.
"Oh, I doubt that," Theresa joins in. "I'm sure you're just taking what he said the wrong way, dear."
"The entire time he was telling me what to do and how to be better. It's clear that he's disappointed in me as his son's mate. He thought I was going to at least be of Alpha blood."
Gail takes the plates from me, and I sit down at the counter. "Well, he's leaving now, so don't worry too much about it, alright? What matters is what you think, not him. James is your mate, not his father, so don't try to impress him, alright?"
"Okay. You're right. At least he's leaving."
I head upstairs to change, wanting out of these clothes and back into my comfortable ones. Assuming James would come to see me, I'm not surprised when he comes through my bedroom door. I quickly pull on my shirt when I hear him, leaving the bathroom to find him sitting on the bed. I have to know his thoughts on the dinner before I rant about his father's words, so I'm relieved when he says, "I'm sorry about him. I didn't think he'd go so far."
I drift towards him, not feeling fiery anymore. "I didn't think he would, either. I didn't think the entire dinner was going to be a lesson in everything I'm doing wrong."
"We both know he's just comparing you to my mother, trying to make you the anti-her."
James glances up at me as I sit down. "Well, I don't want to worry about it. He's gone anyway."
James looks away. "He's not leaving. He's actually very adamant about staying until he knows that we're doing a good job." He notices my sudden shock and is quick to blow out my flame. "Don't worry, I'm going to talk with him tomorrow and tell him that he can't stay. I'm going to tell him that he needs to go home and let me do my job."
"You know he meant only me. He needs to make sure I'm doing a good job," I say, completely annoyed. "You need to stand up to him."
"I am," James assures me, placing his hand on my thigh, "he's not going to be a problem, okay?"
"Okay," I say softly, placing my hand on top of his, thinking back to my thoughts earlier. Should I ask him about it, or will I just make a fool out of myself? I'm tired of being embarrassed but I want to be open with him. Just thinking about it makes me restless. Those times when I'd sneak into his bedroom and lay on his bed are fresh in my mind. Back then it took only his scent to send me into a frenzy, and I've learned to control myself, so I wonder if James has done the same. "When your father brought up rushing into having children... Is that why you're so hesitant? You don't want to worry about having children too soon? Because we both know there's an obvious fix to—"
"No, Rae, that's not the reason," he says, giving into the conversation.
"Then will you tell me what is?" I ask gently, carefully so he doesn't feel pressured to hide the truth.
James takes in a breath as if he's preparing to open up. I scoot closer, grabbing his hand and giving him an encouraging look. It feels odd holding an Alphas hand and encouraging him to tell me what he's really thinking, but when I remind myself that he is also my mate, it makes sense again. "You're so good, Rae," he murmurs, gazing into my eyes and bringing me towards some trance. "You're good and pure and caring and forgiving, and I can't bring myself to have you when I don't deserve you. I can't be with you after I've been so unfaithful to our bond."
"You're right. You were unfaithful. You didn't deserve me, not in the slightest. But that's all in the past, James. You're a different person now, someone I know I can trust. You care about me, I see that, I see that you've changed. You need me, you keep me safe, you make sure that I'm okay, you deserve me now. I don't want to hear you say otherwise when I know it's not true. I'm telling you this, and that's all that matters. I forgive you for being unfaithful, okay?" He shifts away. "James, I forgive you."
"You shouldn't."
I grab his arm. "Well, I am. I'm forgiving you and you have to forgive yourself."
He looks at me closely. "What I did is unforgivable."
"Don't say that. What do I have to do? Do I have to be with someone else to make it even? Is that what you want?" He immediately tenses. Inpatient and tired of it, I bring my hand to his face, holding his jaw so he can't look away from me. "I forgive you. Do you forgive me for doing what I did that night?"
"I do," he says, grabbing my arm, bringing my hand down, but I don't want to let go of him so I keep my grasp on his shoulder.
"I forgive myself for doing what I did. Now can you please, for me, at least try to forgive yourself for doing what you did?"
James seems to relax under my touch. He leans into me and holds me against his chest, his hand gripping my shirt while the other holds tightly. "I will," he breathes out, "for you. You mean everything to me. You scared me, Rae. I was so afraid of losing you." His grip tightens and I feel myself getting emotional. "I'm sorry that I made you feel controlled or babied, I'm just worried about you. I can't lose you."
Tears Well in my eyes, and I hold him back, grasping to him as if he's going to fall. "I'm sorry that I did that to you," I mumble. "Especially after what happened with your mother. I was unbelievably cruel." We stay like this for a moment, embracing each other until James pulls away, but he doesn't let go of me. "All I wanted was to be close to you, James. I feel close now."
He gives me a passionate, hard kiss, his arms still holding me close. "I've always wanted you. I've wanted you from the moment I saw you."
"You can have me," I whisper.
"Rae—"
"I know you feel guilty, but I like being only for you. I only want to be for you. No one else can have me but you, and I know you like it too." He gives me an intense look. "I can't be anyone else's, I don't want to be anyone else's, so you may as well make me yours in every way." My hand lightly touches the spot where my neck and shoulder meet, the place where an Alpha lays his mark.
James runs his hand down my shoulder. "You're not of Alpha Blood. It will hurt."
"I don't care," I breathe out, watching as he nears the spot. I hold my breath and squeeze my eyes shut, feeling his hold tighten on my arm as his other hand grabs mine. I rest my head on his shoulder and feel him lightly kiss my skin before his teeth press against me. I feel them grow and sharpen, his canine teeth now exposed. My heart races relentlessly as he tightens his hold on me even more, wondering how bad it will hurt.
He kisses my skin one more time before I feel the sudden and intense pain of his teeth burying into me. I flinch and yelp, my hand roughly squeezing his. I whimper as he lets go, making it all quick for my benefit. I take a deep breath and try to block out the throbbing, but it surprisingly fades away as James kisses the spot again. I relax as he takes the pain away, resting against him. He says against me, "Are you okay?"
I nod, reassuring him as he moves away.
"You're bleeding a bit," he tells me, but the overwhelming feeling of wholeness inside of me makes it hard to focus.
"I'm okay," I mumble, my heart being stuffed with love.
James asks, "In every way?"
I feel his hands run up my thighs, lighting a fire inside of me. "In every way."
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Wattpad has been having some problems lately, so I know not everyone is going to be able to read this. There have been problems with notifications and receiving updates, and I know personally that I have issues publishing new chapters and writing on my message board. If you're having issues receiving updates, and somehow got this one, I'm just going to remind you that you can also read this story on Inkitt.
Hopefully these issues get fixed soon. Wattpad has updates on Twitter if you want to know when they're planning on doing the platform fix. They said sometime next week recently.