I might delete this story as no one's reading it. I might leave it up but not continue or just delete it as a whole. Any feedback is appreciated as I really need to know if people are reading this or not.
Anyway, there isn't really a certain road this chapters supposed to go down so I'll make it up as I write so I apolagise in the before hand.
Harry's POV:
I was hurting him. The look on his face had faltered. He took in everything that I had said, maybe he's finally realised.
Maybe, he finally realised what a mess I really am. Or how disgustingly fat I am, or how I'm a monster to the human eye.
I led the way to the confrence room, suddenly being the only one with confidence.
My pace picked up when I heard slight sniffles from behind me. An emotional Louis was never good. As soon as his eyes started to rim with tears you'd instantly feel the need to comfort him. The sniffling didn't stop so I never turned round to check on him. I was only a few steps away from the door when Louis grabbed my hand,
"We're going to talk after this." he whispered. His voice was croaking meaning he was holding back tears.
I shrugged my shoulders in response and walked out of his grip and knocked on the door. I heard a faint 'come in' and opened the door, gesturing for Louis to walk in. He mumbled a quiet thank you and walked in. I followed closing the door behind me for the sake of Louis' privacy.
"Welcome boys, how nice to see you again. Now, we've heard there's been some issues with Eleanor, is that correct?" Gordan, one of the most important people who work for Management questioned.
The table was long and slim. On each side it had six seats. On the side Management sat four of them were taken, they all sat close together whereas me and Louis were doing the opposite. Inbetween us was a chair, not much of a gap but considering Louis had gestured for me to sit next to him and I chose to differ made it feel like the space was impossibly big.
"Yes. The fans aren't exactly being polite towards her and It's upsetting the both of us." Louis replies, still sniffling. At this moment in time I'm not sure as to whether he's still crying about our conversation earlier or the fact that his girlfriends upset.
I decide to agree with the latter option, after all, he loves her.
"Okay, okay. And why would you be here Harry? Finally come to your senses?" Gordan snickers. I feel myself pail and become incredibly dull. It was like everything else in the room was blurred other than Gordans horrid smirk.
He was the one who was trying to convince me gay wasn't good enough. He was the one who made me so fucking bad.
"What does he mean, Harry?" Louis whispered, trying not to let Management hear but failing.
"What? Hasn't Harry told you? Oh Louis, you're in for a treat!" Kate, the female squealed.
"Shut the fuck up. You're not the only one who can expose secrets." I growl at the group of four as their eyesbrows raise.
"But Harry, Louis' your best friend. Doesn't he deserve to know about your illness'? Especially your litte lo-"
I cut them off before they could continue "Those were confidentially fucking meetings which I'd rather not attend. You promised you wouldn't tell anyone." I have no idea what I can say to persuade them not to tell Louis. If he found out he'd hate me, not that I can blame him.
I look over at Louis, he's been awfully quiet this whole time. He resembles a wandering puppy. He's completley bewildered to this whole argument. We came here for him, not me.
"Harry, Louis is your best friend after all. That's all he'll ever b-" I cut them off once again
"We came here for Louis. Not me." I growled. The group of four smirk, knowing they've touched a nerve.
"Of course, how inconsiderate of us. Now, Louis. Care to ellaborate on the whole Eleanor situation?" Ben asks, another one of the important roles in Modest!.
"Oh, I'm not so sure I remember why we're here." Louis stutters, his whole body in a some-what shy state.
"We were here to talk about how we can help Eleanor to feel more comfortable being in the relationship with you." I state, reminding him why we came so we can leave as quick as possible.
"Yeah, yeah. What Harry said." Louis mumbled, his head down finding interest in his fingers.
"Right. Well we could try and get you out on more dates to prove that you're going to be together no matter what they say because you love each other," Gordan pauses to look at me. His smirk is still planted on his face. "and also try to post some more pictures to get the Elounor shippers more devoted. Just leave it to us, Louis" Gordan smiles, a fake smile obviously.
"You can go now." he says and me and Louis scatter to our feets, rushing out of the room.
We walk to the car park in silence. It's not exactly awkward yet it's not comfortable. Louis looks to deep in thought to notice the silence so I don't disturb him. If I did it would only lead to questions.
We soon approach the car, Louis only noticing when I come to an abrupt stop.
"Oh yeah, yeah. Sorry." He mumbles. Awkwardly, I slide into the passenger seat.
"Harry, you and I both know we need to talk about some things and if you keep avoiding the topic we're going to get no where" he sighs. My heart flutters when he says we but I know he means it as in a we need to solve our friendship way.
"Not now." I mumble. Louis knows too much from that one time he caught me in the bathroom, how does he not remember how fucked up I am? Do I really need to re-explain.
"Well please tell me when Harry because we're getting fucking nowhere. We're supposed to be best friends, you know, or have you forgotten that too?
Why have you privately been seeing Management and why had they thought you'd 'came to your senses'?" Louis raged. My hands which were resting on my lap were now clawing at my wrist, out of Louis' sight of course.
Cut, cut, cut. So fucking weak you have to use your nails.
I slammed my head back against the seat. Louis was still raging about the little things, the voice was loud. So, so loud.
"Just drive me back home. Please." I whispered, not wanting any of this to continue. Not wanting anything to continue.
But you're too weak to kill yourself so be a man and deal with it, faggot.
"Fucking hell, shut up!" I scream, not aiming it at anyone but myself.
"Harry you know I'm only saying what's needed to be said!" Louis screams. He must've thought I was talking to him.
He car comes to a halt and I realise we've arrived at my house.
I'm quick to exit the car, hoping Louis wouldn't be following behind yet to my dismay, he was.
I unlock the door, not shutting it knowing Louis was behind me and if it were to hit him I'd only feel a lot more guiltier than I do at this moment.
"Wow, it looks like you do have a heart" Louis snickers.
Not if you keep tearing it apart. I ignore his remark and continue walking to the living room, sliding my shoes off as I walk.
I sit down on the couch and pray to God that Louis had decided that now wasn't the time to talk and left me alone. After hearing no movement I bring my knees up to my chest, resting my head on top of them. I ignore the voice in my head telling me not to let my emotions show and to cut and let the tears fall. It's been a long time since I've properly cried.
"So stupid. Ugly. Weird. Pathetic." I whisper to myself.
"Harry.." a voice chocked out from behind me. I was quickly shook out of my damaged state when I realised someone heard that. Louis to be precise.
"You haven't been taking your pills.." he sobbed. All I want to do is run and hug him. Tell him he shouldn't be crying over me because I'm worth nothing, no tears, no emotions, nothing.
"Of course I have, don't be stupid." I say, my body shaking slightly as I wipe my cheeks. Destroying any remains of my tear tracks.
"Don't fucking lie to me Harry. If you had would you really be saying that about yourself?" He said, still crying. His cries were not audible but the tears were still flowing and visible.
"Do you really expect them to work like that? For them to just instantly click and make me better? Louis I know you tried but you don't fucking understand so please stop trying to get inside my head" I say, sighing at the end.
I'm a horrible person. Louis tried so hard to understand and be there for me but he doesn't understand. The only thing which could make me feel better was when we'd cuddle and watch a film but that time is long gone. That's Eleanors job now. To be his company.
This whole argument isn't helping at all. It's like a bottle. You're trying to keep it all in, adding more into the bottle, more and more until there's no more room. To store more some has to come out and that's literally what's happening. The bottle is overflowing. Both Louis and I have been storing so much in and we're trying to add more but of course we can't fit anymore in without letting some out.
"I'm sorry. You know I tried, do you expect me to just understand that my best friend is depressed? That he cuts? Because let me tell you, it's not fucking easy." Louis growls. I scoffed when he called us best friends. Could you even label us as best friends anymore?
"You have my sincere apologies Louis. How selfish of me to have depression and cut myself. If only I hadn't asked for it, because you're making it out as if it was my choice." I laugh. I'm being selfish but so is he.
"Harry, you know that's not what I'm saying! Please can we stop shouting, fucks sake. We can't even have a conversation anymore without it leading to one of us screaming. What happened?" Louis pleads.
What happened? I had to be a fuck up. I had to fall in love with a boy who happened to be you. For some reason signed a contract with Modest! and since then they've made me feel completley and utterly worthless but nothing major happened.
Obviously I couldn't say that to Louis, it would only leave him asking me hundreds of questions which I couldn't answer so I just sat there, staring at him.
He really was beautiful. His hair was growing back into it's old style. Back when we were on the X Factor to be precise. Sometimes it would flicker over his eyes but he'd be quick to tuck it back. I was thankful of that. His eyes were a mesmorising colour. There isn't really another blue like it. He has lost a lot of weight. I asked him about it but he just said he was working out more. I didn't question him no more knowing I wouldn't want anyone to continue pleading me after I had tried to avoid it.
And his lips were a pretty pink. I've kissed them that one time, during a dare. That was the time my feelings for Louis were confirmed. Since then I've realised the smaller things about Louis which only made me love him more.
"Did I do something, Harry? Honestly, please tell me what I did because I'd do my best to change. I just want us to be how we used to be" Louis whispers, walking towards me and sitting on the couch.
My heart breaks as we're both now in fragile states. He's right. We always end up arguing, whether it's been a good day or a bad. Something happened to make him so emotional and I'm ashamed to say I'm the only one to blame. Louis had an amazing life. His career was going well, his love life was going great and his overall well being was fine, then I came along.
"No Louis, you did nothing." I say. My mouth can not form any other words. What is there to say? I've burried things down. Below my flesh, deeper than my blood which rushes through my body. There is no way- no possible way- that I could tell him anything.
"Then what's the solution because I'm not going to continue living arguing with one of the people who mean the most to me!" He shouts. I can tell I'm pushing him to the edge, he- nor I- know what to do anymore.
"We give up." I whisper.
Sorry for the wait. I had no internet then everything was taken away from me and I had no way to even start a draft. Once again I'm really sorry.
I'm going to start doing dedications because the few of you who actually read this story mean a lot to me and I want you to know it.
Just comment or whatever and I'll try to do everyone (if there is anyone).
Thank you, loves.
-Anna