S P E N C E R
6 months later. Summer.
"Mommy, when am I going to daddies?" Lydia tugs the bottom of my shirt while I distractedly read the labels on the multivitamins. When I finally pick some that appear to have the potential to give me some oomph, I pop them in the basket and notice four bags of candy that I know I definitely didn't put in there.
"Lydia, put those back." I huff and start scanning the shelves for the candy section, which doesn't appear to be on this aisle. When did she put them there?!
"But I want the sour babies!" She pouts, folding her light bronze arms across the pink unicorn shirt that she's wearing.
"Lydia, you have to ask nicely." I crouch down to her level and push back the brown curls that are in desperate need of a trim. I just can't bring myself to cut her hair though. "You say please. You don't just put them in the basket and hope that I don't notice."
"Well, Mommy." Her eyes widen and I can see that she's about to delve into a tale that she wants me to take very seriously. "When - when daddy takes me to the shop, I put candies in his basket and - and he gets to the lady at the front and just buys them anyway."
"I'm not Daddy," I state with a flat tone.
Co-parenting is nearing the hardest thing that I've ever done. I can't tell Grayson how to parent, just as he can't tell me how to parent. But he has some bad habits and I find myself being compared to him by my gorgeous wee four-year-old, a lot!
"How about if you ask nicely you can have one of these candy bags."
"Can I please have one." She smiles like a little angel. I have to admit, kids are deceitful things. One minute she's pushing me to the edge of losing all sanity and the next I'm melting at the sight of her cute little dimples.
I allow her the one bag of candy and check over the small shopping list to be sure that I've got everything before we head to the checkout. On the way out, I glance at the advertisement board beside the exit sliding doors. I've been meaning to go in decent search of a new house and there are often 'roommate wanted' slips hanging amongst the 'cats for sale' and 'babysitting wanted' ads.
"Go play with the gum ball machine for a sec honey," I tell Lydia, handing her a couple of coins before she skips over to the vintage machine.
There's a lot here but that's hardly surprising. It's over halfway through the summer break so people are getting their houses sorted out before school and college start. What's more surprising is how many people I've come to know in this town and how many of them I wouldn't live with. Ever.
"Spencer?"
I turn around to the deep voice that I know so well and meet Nathan's charming smile. A box of beer hangs from one hand and I admire how fit he's become over the summer. He's always been fit but I know that he's been working hard for his new job. He's the new coach for the Archwood football team. I think it suits him.
His black t-shirt sleeves which are stretching at the seams around his biceps are a dead give away to the hours he's been putting in at the gym.
"Hey Nathan." I smile kindly at my best friend's brother. "How are you? You're looking tan."
"Oh thanks." He chuckles and glances down at his arms. "I just got back from LA."
"Oh right, yeah, Dallas said you were visiting. How was it?"
"So good." He beams with an elated expression. "Have you seen their new place yet? Damn. I kinda wanna move in with them."
"Ugh, I haven't yet! I'm actually heading over in a couple of days for the last two weeks of summer! Lydia will be at her Dad's. I'm so excited."
He flinches a little at the mention of my breakup.
"Right. How are you, with— all of that?"
"Oh I'm fine." I laugh at his awkward expression. I bump into Nathan often and he always takes this approach to the situation. It's cute. He's never really known how to talk to me when it comes to personal matters. "Yeah, I mean, I'm fine now. It definitely sucked at first. But I'm good."
"Good." He smiles warmly and although there's a constant stream of beeping scanners and trolley wheels filling the air with sound, it becomes rather quiet between the two of us.
"I'm actually looking for my own place now." I wave at the ad board. "I just can't afford to rent on my own."
"Your parents can't have you anymore?"
"Oh it's not that! It's just— time, ya know? I really feel like they deserve to have their space. They spent such a long time apart and I want them to enjoy each other's company without a houseful of people."
"Right right." Nathan nods with his gaze on the floor. I shift closer to the wall as a trolley passes and glance over to make sure that Lydia is okay. She's chatting happily to little old Mrs Croft who occasionally sees her at the library.
"You um— you can move in with me if you want?" Nathan suggests with a low voice.
"Wait— what?"
"I've got a spare room." He slides his hand into his pocket and shrugs a shoulder. "You already know me and you know the house. Plus I own it so you wouldn't have to pay a lot."
It sounds like a good idea. Especially the part where he mentions that the rent would be affordable. Considering I'm only doing a part time night shift job on the weekends, I really don't have a lot of cash.
"I dunno—" I absentmindedly chew on my lip while I watch Lydia swinging her legs from the plastic row of seats that she's sitting on. "Lydia can be. . . very energetic. I couldn't expect you to go from living alone to living with a four-year-old."
"Oh don't sweat it." He dismisses my statement with a flippant wave and knit brows. "Lydia's great. I swear it'd be fine with me. You'd have to share a room, that's all."
"Oh we do that now." I laugh.
"Perfect!" He rocks back on his heels with a sheepish smile and I suddenly feel a bit overwhelmed. Am I really going to move in with Nathan?
I came into the supermarket for some multivitamins in an attempt to have a healthier lifestyle and I'm leaving with plans to live with my best friend's brother. It's not a big deal, I mean, I've known him forever and I'm completely comfortable around him. I just can't help but worry that he'll find living with a kid harder than he thinks.
"Well um, I have the two weeks in LA but could I move in when I get home?"
"Absolutely." He nods with an enthusiasm that takes me by surprise. I can't for the life of me understand why a hot bachelor would be so keen to take on a Mom and her four-year-old but it's a blessing that he's so willing to help. "I'll make sure the room is ready for you."
It feels as though a weight's lifted off my shoulders when I leave the supermarket with Lydia singing Disney songs in the back seat. She's a lot to deal with sometimes. She has more energy than I have after four coffees and she makes mornings somewhat chaotic but she's a blessing and I'd be lost without her.
When I pull up in front of the little house that Grayson and I used to share, I feel the familiar sense of vulnerability that I've become used to. I'm no longer a mess over our broken relationship but it's still an odd sensation to no longer call the house mine and spend weekends without my baby girl because she's at her father's. It's been a huge adjustment.
"Can I take my candies too?" Lydia chirps when I open her door and let her out of the seat. "I'll share them."
"Yeah of course baby."
She leans over and fishes them out of the grocery bag with excitement before diving out of the Jeep while I collect her bag.
I always miss her when she spends the weekend away but it works in favour of my job. I'd contemplated keeping her this weekend considering I'm leaving for LA soon and I won't see her for two whole weeks. But we have a custody arrangement that hadn't needed to involve the courts and I'd rather respect it so that there are no lines blurred. Lydia had a hard time with the split to begin with. She couldn't understand why Mommy and Daddy didn't live together anymore and it broke my heart to see that confusion. I've always attempted to keep things civil so that it's easier for Lydia. It helps that Grayson is a great Dad. Even if we failed in our relationship, our daughter has always come first.
"Hello my little princess," Grayson coos and collects an excited Lydia into his arms when he swings the door open.
The small home that used to belong to both of us is quaint. It's painted a taupe colour with black detailing and a white front door. The small front lawn isn't fenced but the backyard is. It houses all of Lydia's toys. Her swing set, slide and sea-saw. All of the things that she loves and reminds me how much she misses as often as she can.
"I bought some candy Daddy," she tells him as he cradles her in his arms. He widens his eyes in excitement and reaches for her overnight bag without glancing in my direction.
"Should we watch a movie tonight and eat them? I went and got The Boss Baby on DVD today."
"Yes!" She squeals in delight.
He sets her on her feet and asks her to put her bag in her room, stopping her before she disappears out of sight. "Say goodbye to Mom, Lyds."
I get a quick hug and kiss and don't take a lot of offence to her eager attitude to begin her weekend. It's the same each time. Friday night goes without a hitch and by Saturday afternoon she wants to come back to me. In fact, up until recently, she would ask me to sleepover whenever I came to drop her off. It's hard to explain why that won't happen to your precious small child.
"So— how are you?" Grayson leans on the door frame and folds his arms across his chest once Lydia has taken off in search of her baseball and bat.
"I'm fine. How are you?"
"Not bad." He scratches under his chin with a disinterested expression. "Still looking for a new place?"
"I found one actually. I'm moving in with Nathan. Dallas' old house."
This news seems to gain a bit more of his attention. His brows pull together as he straightens up and I prepare for an argument at his telltale mannerisms.
"Do you think that's appropriate?" He questions but it comes out as more of an accusation than anything. "Were you going to talk to me about the fact that you're moving our daughter in with some guy."
"Nathan isn't some guy." I smile in an attempt to calm down. I don't like arguing with him and most of the time we can get through these visits just fine but the odd disagreement does happen. It's bound to. "I've known him for over half of my life. When he interacts with Lydia, he's great. Plus it'd help financially."
"You could always move back in here?"
"No." I immediately answer with a slight head shake. "No Grayson. Let's not go there."
"Spence—"
"Don't Grayson. That's not an option so let's just— let's just not bring it up."
"Alright." He agrees with disappointment. It's not enough though. It's a weak attempt to rebuild the family that he'd lost. It's jealousy over the thought of me under the same roof as a man. It's not genuine. Which is how we ended up in this situation in the first place.
"I'll see you on Sunday," I tell him with as much kindness as I can. I desperately want to get to a place where the two of us can be the kind of co-parents that become friends. It'd mean so much to me if we could reach that level one day. It'll take time though.
"Yeah. Have a good weekend." He gives me a small smile and steps back over the threshold. He waves out as he closes the door and as I spin to walk towards the car, I attempt not to cry. I'm not in love with Grayson anymore. That's not what upsets me. It's the broken family that my daughter has to be raised with. It's the fact that I couldn't offer her the white picket fence and the example of two parents that love each other. It's the feeling that I let her down. I just hope that she understands one day and that it doesn't ruin her perspective of love.
Later that night I arrive at work and as usual, spend about fifteen minutes in the bathroom, staring at my reflection in the mirror. The skimpy one-piece lingerie set is always a tough pill to swallow. But I do it for Lydia.
Waitressing at a strip club that is. I don't dance and I don't accept the multiple offers that are thrown at me for a little happy ending in the back room. I make and serve drinks to the old men and horny dudes that come in during the weekends.
Mom and Dad do a lot to help me out financially. But the last thing I want is to sponge cash off my parents for the rest of my life. So to get me through the week, I wear a little less clothing than I usually would and mentally pep talk myself through seven hours of grot.
This is temporary. That's what I keep telling myself. I want to do something. I want to have purpose or drive for something more than being a mom and underwear waitress. I love being a mom, but I want more. I want to have an identity outside of that. And I really don't feel as though I do right now.
I just need to figure out what that purpose is and how I can achieve it so that I can make Lydia proud and not humiliate her with my current job choice. She deserves the best.
"Spence," one of the dancers — Summer — taps my shoulder and when I turn around, I attempt not to glance down at the tassel covered boobs that are out on full display. "Marty is asking for you again."
"Seriously?" I groan in protest, my eyes scanning the large dark space. It's hard to seek people out over the platforms, dancers and steady cloud of smoke in the air. But typically the middle-aged man is sat in the leather booth seat, watching a striptease with a filthy stare.
With a huff, I set the tray of glasses down on the bar, causing them to tinker when their edges meet. With as much subtle hostility as I can muster up, I approach the table where Marty is sat with a predatory stare. I do what I can not to judge the people that visit this establishment. But not when it comes to Marty. He's forty something, is married and spends so much time and money here that you'd think he's a single, wealthy businessman. His thinning light brown hair and wrinkled features make him look older than he is and it's a huge turnoff. If you insist on scoring girls that are half your age, why not put some effort into your appearance.
"What can I get you Marty?" I ask, folding my arms and sticking a leg out to the side in a no-nonsense pose. His lips curl up as he takes in tonight's attire. It's objectifying and gross and just the look in his eyes makes me want to crawl inside my own skin.
"Six hundred, that's more than I've offered before." He shifts in his seat, nodding in approval as his gaze sweeps me from head to toe. I can't help but shudder at how damn nasty it is.
"I've told you a thousand times, I'm not a stripper or for fucking sale. Leave me alone."
Before he can argue or plead or say something that'll thwart my self-control and I get fired for throwing a beer bottle at a customer, I turn around and head back to the bar to collect the drinks that I need to hand out.
"I'm quitting," I tell Crystal, another one of the girls who work on the bar. She's less opposed to the lifestyle though and I know that she's been waiting for a position to come up so that she can become a dancer.
"Marty again?" She gives me a sad smile, pouring a line of shots for a couple of men further down the bar. "You're not really gonna quit because of him though, are you?"
"Yeah, I'm done with this place." I lean against the bar, watching the space with mild self-loathing.
It'd be comical that I'd ended up pregnant at the end of school and this is where I now work if it wasn't my reality and I wasn't so depressed about it. All of the girls here have their own reasons for their choice in career. Most of them are doing it because it's their only choice. Some are doing it because they love living a lavish lifestyle and it does pay well and some just enjoy the attention of getting naked in front of a crowd. I don't judge any of them, it's not for me, but that's personal.
"Once I'm back from LA, I'm handing in my resignation and I'll . . . I dunno. I'll do something else."
"I am so jealous that you're going to LA. Take me with you?" Her blue eyes are playful as she flicks her blonde locks over her shoulder and starts sliding the shots down the bar.
"I would if I could." I laugh as she winks and starts to serve another customer. My voice becomes a mumble, picking up the fresh tray of drinks. "But right now I don't even know if I wanna come back."
• • •
Please tap the star to vote ! I hope you're enjoying the sequel so far. I can't wait to get further into our new romance. I'm so excited. 🙌🏻