4 years ago,
"Oh god, again these less marks! Have to think of some other excuse today, otherwise my parents aren't going to let me in the house." Dev said.
"Well, once you think of the excuse, then surely let me know!" I said.
"How much did you get?" Shefali asked.
"Some fifty out of eighty. How much did you get?"
"Oh no, I can't tell" she said as she hid the test papers behind her.
"Come on, show me."
"No no, they are quite less."
"Are they more than mine?"
"Yeah, obviously. But still, I'm not going to tell you."
"What did you mean by obviously?" I said. And then some other classmate called her.
Priyanka was going through her test papers, and looking at her face, I assumed she scored very badly. She didn't talk to anyone actually. She just sat there, in the class, at one corner, with a sad face.
That time, I actually wasn't a close friend of hers. Like, I didn't even think of her as my best friend and we only talked to each other when we were in groups. Otherwise, not at all. But that time I felt something. That time I never paid any attention to what I was feeling, but I thought that something good was going to happen.
"Come on guys, let's leave, it's already 8pm." Shefali said.
Dev, Shefali, Priyanka and me, four of us used to go to the same tuitions four years ago.
We came out of the class. We were standing near the gate. And before leaving we all used to just talk stuff a little and then leave. Shefali was never close to Priyanka. And there was one another girl, with whom Priyanka went home with. The two were very good friends actually.
"Come na, let's go! See we'll be back home in an hour." Priyanka said.
"No way! It is 8 already!" her friend said.
"Yeah, so what?" Priyanka said.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Priyanka wants to go for shopping now." her friend said. "You know it'll be late. And moreover looking at your marks, you really shouldn't go for shopping."
Priyanka's face went down. She was sad. I didn't bother that much, but I really felt bad for her. I think even Dev did.
Later that night I and Dev came home. And I happened to have an old phone without touchscreen. So I freshened up and I was in my bedroom when I messaged Priyanka.
Hey it's okay that you scored less. It happens. Tell your parents that you'll try even harder next time and score well.
And then for a while I didn't care about her reply. I had my food, and was spending time myself watching TV and all, that's when I thought of the message I sent. I got a bit nervous, because I wasn't really close to her and honestly, I never wanted to. But then I messaged her that time. Did I do the right thing? Or would she not care and just have an impression of me that I'm just trying to flirt with her by talking such encouraging lines? Will she even reply? What will she think of me?
So to answer those questions, I had to see whether she had replied or not. And yes she had replied.
Heyyy...that's so sweet of you Manav :)
And I couldn't believe my eyes! Did she really reply that to me? I checked the message again and again till the time I didn't digest that the message was real!
But that time was the time from when we became very good friends. She felt that yes, there was someone who cared about her. We had a fixed time of messaging each other. Initially few days, I would text her and see at what time she replies and then as days passed she started texting me first. We started talking a lot and really became very good friends.
Rishi
That voice! Once again.
Manav, where are you?
I'm with Priyanka. And who are you?
You have lost a lot of time!
What are you talking about?!
Those months after you had a fight with Priyanka, do you remember what happened then?
Who are you?!
Don't you think she might have met her ex after that fight? Don't you think that her ex might have realized that it was his mistake and that he came to ask her to get together again? Don't you think she is dating him right now?
No she is not!!
How do you know? And what about those four months when you decided to hide in your cave?
NO! Who are you?!
I'm you, Manav.
What's happening?!
Get up now. Don't you realize that you are sleeping on your bed? At your home.
My home?
You've lost a lot of time. Don't waste this time. Time once lost can't be brought back.
Manav can you hear me?
Manav can you hear me?
Manav can you hear me?
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
"Manav?" Shlok said.
'Shlok's voice?' I thought.
"Manav! Are you okay? Should I bring water? Manav! Open your eyes!" Shlok said.
I heard some footsteps go afar. Where was I? total darkness. What is this? What is happening to me?
Slowly I opened my eyes with effort. Shlok came running with a glass of water in his hand.
"Here, take some water." He said.
I took a sip of water. And I asked him,
"Where am I?"
"Calm down. Relax. You are in your house. I brought you here."
"Brought me here?"
"Yeah, well, you were acting very weird out there, on the street. Priyanka called me and..."
"Priyanka? What happened to her? What did I do?"
"Stay down. Hold yourself. I don't really know, but you were crying. You were in pain that Rishi left you."
"Rishi!" I thought that I need to ask him about Rishi. "Well, what else did I say about him?"
"You said he wasn't real."
My eyes stretched wide.
"Who is Rishi exactly?" Shlok asked.
"What's the time?"
"It's eight in the morning. I was here the whole night."
"Whole night?"
"Yeah. Don't worry, I told your parents that I came after so many months that you wanted me to stay. But what happened to you now?"
"What do you mean?"
"You started making noises. And you were repeatedly uttering the word 'messages'. Is there anything wrong?" Shlok asked. He speculated that something was wrong with me. But I didn't wanted to disclose anything to him.
"Umm..no, nothing actually."
"See Manav, if there's anything you are keeping from me, then please don't. Try and share it with me. You know I can help you out." He said.
"Yeah, definitely. By the way, how's Priyanka?"
"Priyanka? What happened to her?"
"Last night..."
"Oh yeah. Well, she was shocked to see you in that way, moreover you started talking about such things that took her back into her past. So she freaked out yesterday, but I called her up this morning, she's okay now."
I rubbed my forehead. "Oh, okay. Thank you so much Shlok. Wait, did she ask about me?"
"Yeah."
Damn. She's going to banish me out of her life again.
"Actually, I told her that you were very drunk. And so your behaviour was just a consequence of it."
"Oh my god, Shlok, how can I thank you for all this?!"
"No you really don't have to. Just that, everybody of us is going to meet today evening at my house. So try to be there, and keep in mind that you were drunk yesterday."
"Yeah."
"Okay then. Your parents have gone to work, and I shall take my leave."
"Okay, thank you once again."
He smiled and he closed the door.
* * * * * * * *
I got up. My whole body was aching. I didn't know what was happening to me. Slowly I managed to go to the washroom. When I got a bit freshened up, I went in the kitchen, to make some coffee. I needed some caffeine at that point of time. I somehow made coffee, a strong one. Then I sat on the sofa, calm, silently, and I slowly let all the thoughts seep into my mind palace. I inhaled the aroma of the hot coffee, so strongly that it seemed that I was snorting it in. and then that voice started soaking its presence by which everything around me went dark and all the noise went to mute. Only a spotlight was above me which I felt. When I looked at it, it came from infinity.
Manav...
Yes?
What are you thinking?
What? Is there any need for me to always think?
If you weren't thinking anything, then where did I come from?
Oh yeah! Who the hell are you?
I am you Manav.
What the fuck do you mean you are me?
I'm your subconscious mind.
Oh... So who am I? I mean do I have schizophrenia? Why do I think so much? What is up with me? Do I overthink as Rishi said? Okay maybe yes I do overthink. Okay, I do overthink. But it's okay to overthink, it makes you be ahead of the curve.
But wait, then who was Rishi? And how did he come into existence? He popped up that night after that fight. Oh my god!!! My mind was blasting!
'Okay, so how do I figure this out?' I started talking to myself, well, for once, directly to myself.
'Rishi was a part of me. He actually didn't existed. So that means he was me. Or wait...how is that even possible? He figured out most of my life's problems, so if he was me, then that means, I was solving my problems myself. This is so confusing. If he was just an imagination, then, that means I can bring him back. Yes, I can do this.'
So I closed my eyes like any little kid who saw a falling star in the night sky and wished for his favorite fictional comic character to come into reality, I did the same.
Firstly, it became hard for me to imagine him, because I had seen him at different times in a day. I mean, in the morning, in the night, in evening. Light on his face fell differently, so his picture in my mind wasn't clear at all at first. But slowly, I decided one spot, so that I could have a uniform light. Once I got that, I started focusing on his body structure. His image was slowly getting clear and clear. He was appearing, in the bedroom, in my mind.
'Ugh!!! Why is this not working! I imagined his eyes, his body structure, his hair, and his clothes, by why did my face appear instead of his when I tried to concentrate on his? This should work right? Why isn't it working?!
Damn!' no option was left for me. I kept calm. Thought of thinking of some another way.
'Okay, so one thing is clear that he was me. And I was him. He helped me. That means, all this while, I helped myself. I made myself understand that I used got to the party. I made myself understand that I need to focus on the relation with Priyanka. Moreover I actually spend an hour over internet and searched for Arush. So if that's the truth, then I can think like Rishi. I can be him. I don't need to think of anything else. I can be Rishi. Yes, I can be him. This is perfect. He doubted Arush to be Piyu's ex. He wanted to find out who he was. So actually, I wanted to find him. But wait, I fought with Rishi about this. And I told him that I didn't want to know who was Piyu's ex. Then how can two contradicting statements be with me? How can I think of them?'
* * * * * * * *
In the balcony,
"It's quite difficult to believe what Manav did last night." Priyanka said with dull and sleepless face.
"Oh come on. He's Manav. This was expected." Naina said.
"No! You don't understand. This was that one thing which no one knew!" Priyanka said.
"See Priyanka, if one thing is kept secret, it doesn't mean it is impossible and it doesn't mean it always has to be a surprise."
"But...only I can feel what I went through yesterday."
"Well, maybe. But one thing is correct of what you said. He's really weird. And yes, no one of us thought about this. How did he turn out to be this kind of a person? What happened?"
"Is it because of me?" Priyanka said.
"What do you mean?"
"That fight, which we had. Manav and me. It started off from there. I mean, I remember that day when we actually became good friends. He was there, a normal kid who has fantasies, but doesn't know what to do with them."
"You can't blame yourself Priyanka. It's not your fault. Maybe you never knew that he was actually different than what you thought of him."
"That's what! He was different. Now look at him. And this only shows that I knew what kind of a person he was. He changed because of me. Because, he thought that fight was a fantasy, but that day, the way he ran, it had already hit him that it wasn't a fantasy, it was a reality. It wasn't that one fight which lead to all this. There were many fights even before than that. We have fought severely a couple of times, but somehow I managed to maintain the friendship with him."
"Now that's a surprise. So like you mean to say, that the day you fought, and all that he said and ran, that was the time when he really didn't want the fighting again?"
"Yes, maybe." Priyanka said. Naina was put into a thought. She rolled her eyes here and there. And then Priyanka said,
"You know you had told me, 'There are secrets Priyanka, you only need to gulp them down your throat', well today I feel like telling you that."
Hearing to that Naina smiled.
* * * * * * * *
'Problem, that's what it is called. Thinking about two contradicting statements at the same time and fighting with you about which one to choose? What do you decide when you are in such a dilemma? Someone called my name, isn't it?'
"Manav."
I opened my eyes and I realized that I was no longer in my house. I was all the way up, far above the ground. And there I heard a voice calling out my name. My ears had gone num. So I didn't recognize whose voice was it.
* * * * * * * *
"You know you had told me, 'There are secrets Priyanka, you only need to gulp them down your throat', well today I feel like telling you that."
Hearing to that Naina smiled. And soon her phone started ringing.
"Oh god, its Dev." She said. She talked to him for a while and then,
"Okay listen, Dev is coming here. So before he comes I need to leave and come again. I mean he told me to come to Shlok's house."
"Oh okay, hurry up." Priyanka said.
Naina left the balcony and she wore her shoes and she headed to the main door. When she opened the door,
"Naina? How come you are here?" Dev said.