"He's gone." I said.
"Who?"
"Rishi."
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Memoirs
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"How can you say that!"
"Just because I feel that way."
"Get lost from here. I never want to meet you or talk to you again. Just go!" she said.
I gave her a look, and a teardrop slipped from my eye. And I ran, ran the hell out of me. Just kept on running till I reached my house. But on my way, there was a school, so outside that school, on the footpath, that lonely footpath beside the highway, I bumped into someone. And later I found out that, the 'someone' was Rishi.
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"I'm calling all my friends, and I want you to be there. You have to come."
"Um...I'm sorry Shlok I'll not be able to come."
"Why??" he said.
"'Why?', a word which is used to question innumerable aspects of reality, facts, thoughts, ideas, etc." Rishi said.
"Yes, and I want you to find a way, about how to tackle it." I said, crunching a chip. ... "I'll try my best." I said to Shlok.
"Ah...okay. But is there any important work you got that day?" Shlok asked...
..."Actually, no! You'll not have any work to do, but by whole heartedly accepting what the person asking you expected, you simply avoid the true answer to the question 'why?'!" Rishi said.
"Perfect!" I said, while a chip was still in my hand, lonely and frightened. I stared at it, and then crunch!
I came back home and Rishi was there, glancing my plants kept outside the window. He maintained a strange silence. And as I saw him, I was puzzled. That was when I reminisced that I had to water the plants.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
'Rishi's mind worked so differently and cunningly that he could infer my day schedule just by looking at me. He was that smart kind of person. Well, so it was obvious, that for any help or advice, I'll try to discuss with him. But he walked in my life only when I quit social media. I had accounts, but not a single app. For texting anyone, which mostly be Dev, I'd use the default messaging system. Rishi was strange, and I never tried to interfere in his life. Well, I guess that's why he was like me.'
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
"Yes, I'll go to the party." I said.
Rishi got interrupted while he was drinking water.
"What did you say?" he asked.
I looked hard at him. He understood that I was being serious. But then I didn't understand why did he behave like this? I mean, there are quite less moments like this when where he'll act like this. All of a sudden he'll behave like he knows nothing about philosophy and everything. Because, let me tell you, he was way too philosophical. But the only reason I never told him to stop being like the way he was, was that his thoughts were practical, and obviously, they helped me in my life.
"Why are you going?" he asked.
"I'm going because..."
"No! I mean, seriously tell me, what did you think about?"
"Have you forgotten that there is a human being out there who would also be at the party and with whom your relations as of now are not that great?"
"Yes, I know. I absolutely know it and I understand the fact, but..."
"Wait, wait, wait...What are you going to do there? And what about you're 'no social media, no friends, no parties, and no hangouts life'? What about that?"
"Yes, I did consider that. But well, will you let me speak?" I yelled,
"I thought about this. You have really helped me a lot in life. Whatever happened between me and Piyu, I mean, Priyanka, I'm ready to forget everything about it; me going to that party would make Shlok happy, make Dev happy and make some other friends happy."
"And what about you and Priyanka?"
"About me? Well, I'll feel okay, maybe I'll feel good. And about her, I just don't know."
"But then, doesn't this seem like you going to your past again?"
"No"
"Well, I'm asking you because, even if it's a small thing, it will somehow, at an extent, decide who you'll be after few days, depending on what happens there."
"I have decided that I want to go to the party, then why are you trying to force me not to go?"
"I helped you get out of everything, I helped you in controlling your thoughts. I gave you exposure and now, you are going back in that atmosphere of 'Yay! I'm going to be with my friends tonight'? Why?"
"Why are you thinking this way? I'm fed up! Why don't you just go? Actually, its my mistake that I trusted you! Please leave, before I get angrier!"
"I can't go, because I told you long back that my time of departure will be your time of arrival of maturity, wisdom, and gentleness. When these abstractions come to you and when you'll be in a position to understand these well and inculcate these abstractions in yourself that will be the time when I'll go, maybe forever."
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
"Hello?" I said.
"Hi! How's everything going there?" Rishi asked.
"Well, as of now its good. Met two knew people, and had the worst daydream nightmare."
"Haha...yes, I know." He said.
"Wait, how do you know?" I questioned.
"Expected. It was expected." He said.
"Hmm..."
"By the way, guess what I'm doing right now."
"What?"
"I'm looking at pictures of you and Priyanka, oh let me correct myself, pictures of you with Priyanka on your old phone."
"Damn. Don't do that." I said.
"I can't help it. It's not in my hands, as you are also thinking about moments with her. Few months, without any attachment, without any emotional thinking, wow! But let me tell you, knowing that you don't feel anything, knowing that you are different than others, knowing that you don't give a damn about what others think or feel, is itself a feeling of resistance. And when you accept this, you are free." Rishi said.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
"One week ago, everything was different and now it has all changed. I am out of any thoughts right now." I said that time in the balcony. When I was all confused about everything, that's when I got a call from Rishi.
"Hey" I said.
"What's up?" he said.
"Nothing, I'm here in the party, and now we are going to play some kind of a game which is more like a pact."
"Oh, okay."
"Yeah. By the way, how come you are not sleeping this late?"
"Well, I was watching football."
"Oh, wait a sec...You don't really like football right?"
"Yeah, you are right, but it feels good to say that I am watching football."
"Haha...yeah."
"So what's the plan for the night?" Rishi said.
"There's no plan. I am totally confused. On one hand I'm like I'll go home, but the other says wait, maybe this is an opportunity. I don't know what should I do?"
"You know Manav, did your parents think before loving you? Did they think that, well, my time would go if I raise this kid?"
"Wait...you've gone a long way. There's not relevant here."
"That's what! Why are you trying to build a base by first building a reference? You are at a party, not a grooming class. Be free! Chill! Relax!"
"Hmm...but..."
"Again a but?"
"Well, I mean, why shouldn't I try to build a base and everything?"
"Because in that you are wasting your time. Where you can feel the warmth of your friends, you are busy thinking how to feel. Leave behind every annoying thing of theirs. They are what they are and you are what you are. Don't bring a time where you'll fear time."
"I feel you are right Rishi. And I'm saying 'I feel' and not just 'think'. Where do you get so many different kind of stuff from? Are you reading something?"
"Yes, I am reading."
"What is it?"
"Your mind." And he hung up.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
"Don't!" Rishi said. "This is not the right time! Listen to me!"
I was quietly removing my laptop from my bag. I kept it on the table in the living room. And I switched it on.
"See, you might feel this is right, but give it a second thought! What if everything goes wrong? You've come so far! Don't just mess it up now!" Rishi kept on yelling at me.
"See, let me tell you! So many months, fighting all this shit, and standing here, with me, and making some coffee, it's a big thing! Don't you go out there and mess your image in front of the world!" he said.
"What? What's the problem? I am just trying to take a step, to make a leap forward, to change a little in life and you, the guy who helped me through these few months prohibits me to not to open a Facebook account? Seriously?"
"You try so hard to act and contradict your own statements." I said.
"What do you mean?" he said.
"You wanted me to take this leap forward right?" I said. He smiled at me and focused on stirring. Then he looked at me again and said,
"Always."
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
"What? What is it?" he asked.
"I'm getting a feeling that I know this guy. He seems very familiar."
"How is that possible?"
"What? Now are you telling me to think over my intuitions and get an answer to this?" I said and slide chair and distanced myself from the laptop. That intuition became stronger.
"Come on now. Dig in more. We have to find this guy. Somehow all the answers lie with him."
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
Beep! Beep! Beep!
My phone was vibrating. I picked up the phone,
"Yes Priyanka?"
"Yeah sure." And I hung up the phone.
"Again her?" Rishi asked.
"Yes"
"Absolutely, why not? There's no problem in it." He said with a serious look.
"Exactly" I said and took my bag and keys to leave.
"Nowadays you don't tell me stuff happening in your life."
"Oh, actually, I've been busy, I'm sorry, I'll catch you up in evening." I said as I tied my shoe laces. "Okay then, I shall leave." He nodded and I left.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
"You've been a lot with her since a few days. And you are going to tell me now what's happening in your life." He said.
"Oh, oh, yeah. Actually, I'm just being a good frie..." I was saying but a phone call interrupted me. "One sec." I said to Rishi, took the phone and picked up the call.
Rishi was freaking out. He couldn't bear this closeness of me and Priyanka. I didn't understand what did he really want. After I was done with my call,
"I'm so sorry Rishi, but I have to leave."
"Where are you going? Did she call again? What is up with you Manav? We were together on this! We were just going to find that guy and try to answer our questions! What are you doing? Settling down?" he was full of anger. I shushed him, and said,
"What's wrong in meeting Priyanka? What's wrong in spending time with her? What's wrong if for once I forget about that guy? What's wrong with you? I mean you also wanted this to happen. Now why are you behaving as if this is not what you wanted?" I said.
He maintained silence for a while.
"Nothing." He said.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
"I went through each and every information regarding Naina which I could get. And guess what, as I kept on searching stuff about her, I felt the same intuition which you felt about her. And trust me, I came up with something."
"What?"
"The one who I think is the emoji guy."
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
Rishi was busy looking at my plants outside my window. And that's when I remembered I had to water them. I pour water on them and he said,
"Manav."
"Yeah?"
"You need to ask Priyanka who is Arush."
I kept the mug of water on the window pane.
"Have you lost it?" I said.
"Arush is that guy."
"He can't be that guy."
"Why?"
"Because, all this time, I was trying to find this guy, and then only an hour of internet browsing tells me that you've found this guy? How is that even possible? Four months to one hour, you calculate the ratio." I said.
"Sometimes, life shows you that what you were thinking of something huge and jaw dropping, was actually a simple, small truth." He said.
"You know Rishi, you told me that I stopped telling you what was happening in my life. But what about now? I came from Shlok's house and you didn't even try to read me and ask me that did Shlok asked you about Priyanka and your friendship? Didn't you tell him about Dev and Naina? Doesn't he know Naina? No! no! no! You only started off with this suspicion over this guy Arush. And now you want me to ask Priyanka who is this guy?!"
He only kept looking at me. I was pissed off.
"You know what Rishi. Come, sit here." I gestured him to sit on the bed. "You've always been there talking about my life. Let us today talk about yours, okay? So tell me. How's life? What are you doing nowadays? What's been happening around? Any relations you might have kept with anyone? And oh, are you following Mark Zuckerberg? Because he also wears only one T-Shirt as you wear. He wears a plane grey tee, and you a black one having that line 'Think Out Of The Box'. Come on, tell me something about you."
He didn't utter a single word. I thought, he understood what was he doing. But the next thing which he told me, shattered me like anything.
"I must leave."
"Oh, you are going somewhere?" and he got up and went to the main door. "When are you going to be back?" I asked.
He turned back, looked at me, and he said,
"Never."
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"I don't have his phone number. He wasn't on social media. He had no friends except me. There is no way I can contact him. He used to come to my house without telling me. I don't even know where did he stay. And yet, he was the one who was there for me all this while. Was I too wrong with him? Will he forgive me? He's very good in solving problems than me. It was my fault. I had no picture of him. He just went.
He's gone." I said.
"Who?" Shlok asked.
"Rishi."