Emily: Such a dramatic title!
Me: More dramatic than Batman.
------------------
Me: HAI EV-ER-EE-BO-D-EEE! IT'S MOI! AND IT'S ALSO THE LAST DAY OF 2017! GOSH, THE YEAR HAS GONE SO FAST!
April: What's with the title?
Me: You'll find out later.
Lily: *rocking backwards and forwards* April b-b-broke the... Fourth wall...
Me: Lily, lemme get something straight. In this story, there is no such thing as a fourth wall. Or a third, second, first and ceiling.
Chloe: Well, a fourth wall is what helps a story function, so-
Me: NOT NOW CHLOE. Anyways, our first dare. Everyone has to go to Gay Pride.
Emily: BUT I'M STRAIGHT.
Lily: Who said last chapter that they had a crush on a girl?
Emily: THAT WAS ONCE I'M STRAIGHT NOW.
Me: Come on Emily! Even Chloe has embraced her non-straightness!
Chloe: I have?
Me: Yeah.
Chloe: Oh, I remember now.
Me: But if Emily stays, it's fine. She'll just miss out on meeting Peter PAN afterwards.
Emily: OKAY I'M COMING.
Kelsey: Wow, is that all it took?
Emily: I have very bad self-control when it comes to my beloved Peter.
Kelsey: I figured.
Me: Anyway...
**1 323/444 hours later**
Everyone: *walks in*
Me: Here we are then.
Kelsey's sign: *writing on it says* I HAVE A RIGHT TO KISS APRIL WHEN I WANT.
Me: Lovely Kelsey.
Everyone: *looks at Kelsey's sign*
April: Why would you write that? You cheated on me.
Kelsey: Really, April? It's not my fault! It's Chloe's fault! Don't blame me! I only love you!
Chloe: God, someone's got a hot temper today.
Kelsey: OH. MY. GOD. DO NOT MAKE PUNS ABOUT ME I DO THAT NO ONE ELSE DOES.
Chloe: *puts on MLG glasses* Deal with it.
Me: Do you really have to do this now?
Kelsey: NO.
Chloe: YES.
Me: Anyway, what are the others doing?
Emily: *looking around and talking to herself* It's just so hard to feel accepted...
Lily: *staring at Emily*
April: *eating rainbow doughnut*
Me: APRIL WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT IT HAS BEEN LESS THAN TWO MINUTES HERE AND YOU FOUND FOOD ALREADY?
April: This is my tenth doughnut.
Everyone: WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL APRIL HOW DO EAT THAT MUCH AND FIND THE PLACE TO BUY THEM?
(the rest is up to you!)
**at the lair**
Kelsey: *glaring at Chloe*
Chloe: *playing 'You're Welcome' on the piano with MLG glasses on*
Emily: *staring into space*
Lily: *probably writing Kapril*
Me: OKAY I NEED KELSEY AND APRIL PLEASE COME WITH ME! *walks out*
Kelsey and April: *shrug and follow*
Me: April must confess her real feelings for Kelsey!
April: Well, um, I like her...
Me: As a friend? Or more than a friend?
April: *whispers* M... More than... A friend...
Me: *fangirls*
Kelsey: *jaw drops*
April: *she does ze blush*
Me: OKAY THEN WE SHOULD DO THE OTHER DARES NOW.
April: *she is tomato*
Me: EMILEH MUST LOOK AT GIRLS! *whispers to Emily* In the fine print it specifies Lily.
Emily: Do I have to? I'm straight!
Me: Yes, and whatever. You're straight then... Like a circle.
Emily: STRAIGHT LIKE A LINE THAT'S 180°!
Me: Just do the dare.
Emily: *stares at Lily*
Me: *laughing*
Emily: *still staring at Lily*
Lily: Why is Emily staring at me?
Emily: *stares at Lily*
Me: *sips lemonade*
Chloe: *plays dramatic music on the kazoo*
Emily: *staring at Lily*
Lily: I feel really uncomfortable right now.
Emily: *shuffles a little to the left*
Kelsey: What's going on?
April: Some sort of staring competition.
Emily: *blinks and continues staring at Lily*
Lily: I'm really confused!
Me: Okay Emily, that's enough. You can stop now.
Emily: *continues staring at Lily*
Me: She's in a trance.
Kelsey: Is that bad?
Lily: *moves out of view*
Emily: *stares at the space where Lily was*
Me: In this case, yes. Really bad. We need her for one of the next dares.
Emily: *blinks and stares*
Lily: Should we help her?
Me: Yeah.
Me and Lily: *go to Emily*
Lily: Emily?
Me: *waves a hand on front of Emily*
Emily: *continues staring*
Me: *shakes Emily*
Emily: *blinks* Huh? *continues staring*
Me: SHE'S COMING BACK GUYS! EVERYONE COME AND SHAKE HER!
Everyone: *shakes Emily*
Emily: *blinks* HUH WHAT HAPPENED WHERE AM I?
Me: The dare messed with your head.
Emily: Oh.
Me: Chloe and Kelsey have to kiss.
Chloe: *puts on MLG glasses* Come on Kelsey, you can do this!
Kelsey: I wasn't worried.
Chloe and Kelsey: *kiss*
April: *she does ze blush again* Why...
Kelsey: *pulls away*
Chloe: WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?
Kelsey: I DONT LOVE YOU CHLOE! But if April leaves me, you're my next resort.
Chloe: Oh.
Me: That means that Emily and Lily must be a couple! And actually, they're the vict- I mean, subjects of the next dare.
Chloe: So, what is it? *cleans doughnut and gives it to April*
Me: Emily and Lily must play the pockey game.
Kelsey: YAY - I mean, I'll go and get the thing. *walks off*
Lily: *shaking* D-do do I have to?
Me: Yes.
Emily: *whispers* I'm straight. *rocks backwards and forwards*
Kelsey: *comes back* I GOT IT! *waves pocky around*
April: They're actually doing this?
Chloe: They have no choice in this, remember?
Emily: *wipes tear away* I'M STRAIGHT.
Lily: *shaking so badly all you see is yellow* L-l-lets just g-g-g-get it done.
Emily and Lily: *play the pockey game*
Me: *fangirling*
Chloe: Interesting.
Me: So while that happens, Kelsey has to lick Nutella off of April's lips.
Chloe: *spreads Nutella on April's lips*
April: I CAN FEEL IT AND I WANT TO LICK IT AND IT'S KILLING ME BECAUSE NOW I'M HUNGRY.
Kelsey: Well, here goes nothing... *licks Nutella off of April's lips*
Me: *nudges Chloe*
Chloe: *"accidently" pushed Kelsey into April so they kiss*
Me: *winks and fangirls because two ships are happening at once*
Emily: HEY CAN I HAVE HELP I THINK LILY DIED.
Lily: *on the floor asleep*
Kelsey: *pulls away* OKAY, first, she's just being melodramatic, second, CHLOE WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?
Me: Next dare! April and Chloe must do the spaghetti kiss!
Emily: I KNEW THIS WAS COMING SO I MADE SPAGHETTI FOR THEM! *brings out 10 plates of burnt spaghetti*
April: YAY! FOOD.
Chloe: *brings out medicine* Just in case.
Me: Get to it then!
April: *already eaten 3 plates*
Kelsey: HOW DO YOU EAT THAT DID YOU FORGET THAT EMILY MADE THAT OR SOMETHING?
Emily: HEY! It's not that bad...
Me: While you do that... I'm a bit busy... *watches Dokidoki Precure*
April and Chloe: *do the spaghetti kiss*
Kelsey: :'(
Lily: *wakes up and draws fanart of April x Chloe*
Emily: *taps Me*
Me: WHAT.
Emily: Next dare.
Me: Oh. The RGB trio have to go on a date.
**at the place where dates happen**
April: *ordering 10 courses*
Kelsey: *eating food*
Chloe: *just kind of there*
April: *mouth full* fith thoog ith doog.
Chloe: What?
April: *swallows* This food is good.
Kelsey: OKAY.
*awkward silence*
**at the lair**
Kelsey: The date failed.
Me: Oh. Okay, next dare. Everyone has to play FNAF.
Lily: Sounds cool.
*then they play*
Emily: *crying* What. Happened.
Kelsey: I LIKE THE BEAR.
Lily: *crying on the floor*
April: Okay why are Emily and Lily crying?
Chloe: Interesting devices used there.
Me: *turns phone off* So you're all done. Nice. Next dare. Emily and Chloe have to slow dance.
Emily: Okay then.
Emily and Chloe: *slow dance*
Lily: *crying*
Me: You all have to sing gay or European.
Everyone: Okay!
Emily: There! Right There!
Look at that tan, well tinted skin.
Look at the killer shape he's in.
Look at that slightly stubbly chin.
Oh Please he's gay, totally gay.
Kelsey: I'm not about to celebrate.
Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate.
This guy's not gay, I say not gay.
Everyone: That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to assume
that a man who wears perfume
is automatically radically fey?
Lily: But look at his coiffed and crispy locks.
April: Look at his silk translucent socks.
Chloe: There's the eternal paradox.
Look what we're seeing.
Emily: What are we seeing?
*and the rest because I'm lazy*
Me: Do you know what's funny? I live in Europe. Okay, next dare is for Lily and Chloe to play Kiss or Slap.
Lily: Yaay!
Chloe: Okay.
Lily and Chloe: ROCK PAPER SCISSORS!
Lily: *special rock paper scissors move*
Chloe: Hey, that's cheating!
Lily: No it's not! It's paper, scissors and rock all in one! I win! *slaps Chloe* I wouldn't have kissed you anyway. *peace sign*
Me: You must all flirt with boys and girls.
*at somewhere*
Emily: *flirts with Lily, a girl called Jessica and some nameless guy*
Kelsey: *flirts with Jessica, a man called Jeff and April*
Lily: *cries while flirting with Emily and Jeff*
April: *flirts with Chloe, Jessica and Jeff*
Chloe: *flirts with April, Kelsey and Rascal*
**at the lair**
Me: Now some truths. Kelsey, what colour is most attractive? Green, or blue?
Kelsey: Blue.
Me: Lily, is the stuff you read and write and draw always innocent?
Lily: Yes.
Emily: NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST. You showed me a bad one the other day.
Lily: Oh yeah...
Me: Emily, who here is the cutest?
Emily: Lily.
Me: April, is Emily's cooking edible?
April: Well I'm not dead so yeah.
Me: And finally, Chloe, if you had a daughter, what would you name her? And NO FROZEN.
Chloe: Gretel.
Me: Okay then. Ask or dare the girls and HAPPY NEW YEAR!