Exams are like loans which feel like the greatest burden on one's shoulders until it is not completely settled except that unlike loans, exams are never a choice but rather a compulsion.
The week-old schedule for the mid-semester exams would be finally over today; yielding back the happiness & license to the innocuous and distressed students to kickstart their old lives: full of fun, assignments & lectures. Today was the last exam and many students were anything but stressed about the pre-planned trips of theirs for the celebration of their last exam.
On the flip side, the exam break was a significant speed booster in case of Rohan's and Kavya's relationship as the abyss they felt during this exam week confirmed how much they had started admiring each other that the mere absence of each other for a week felt like countless years. Maybe this was what people share about love: a spell which doesn't allow either to live or die peacefully.
"All the best, Arvika," Dev susurrated beside Arvika and started reading his question paper concentratedly before Arvika could say Jack Robinson. She meekly replied a 'Same to you' and started jotting down the answers from the flip side of the question paper, as usual.
In this one week consisting of five continuous exam days of sitting beside Dev, Arvika had apprehended one thing that he wasn't the same Dev anymore. The Dev of standard eleventh who was a spoilt brat, who was a rebellious boy and who can forget, a stubborn teen. And forthwith, he was anything but the aforementioned boy; contemporarily, he was a perfect aristocrat who knew how, when and where to open his perfectly chiselled mouth. She had noticed how many supporters he had behind him, how many students worshipped him: there were many students and she had also perceived that she was the only girl who despised him out of all the girls of her college. She was always the odd one out...she didn't know why.
And who could overlook the modest act of compassion she had shown to him the very next day of the day when Dev had helped her solve the question of 'Ray Optics'. That day, Dev had forgotten to bring his magical-water containing bottle and because of the humidity trying to score full marks that day, he had got parched in the middle of the examination. Then as if Arvika had conjectured his thirstiness out of some divinely majestic powers, she had offered her pitcher to him followed by her minutest of smiles.
That was the day when Dev had once again fallen in love with her.
But the added unexpected element was the slight patch of coloured lip-balm that was adhered to one side of the peripheral of the bottle's opening. Dev had literally thanked his stars that day and later, he had sucked on that part while quenching his thirst from his love's affectionate droplets of H2O. And from that day onwards, he made sure of two things; first, that his bottle never encountered him whenever he was in the vicinity of his lady love and second, her bottle was now partially his.
Dev grinned mischievously like a Cheshire cat at his mastermind plan and after taking some sips of water, he continued his paper.
While focusing her attention back on her answer sheet, Arvika too started her calligraphic writing on the paper and the time passed like a spur. The exams were eventually over and all the students swiftly dispersed to their decided places, leaving only two souls inside the classroom. One was busy finding the cap of her Reynolds pen and the other was busy playing with that particular cap only, knavishly.
"Where is that dhakkan?" she talked with herself while bowing down the desk, trying to relocate her lost cap. (cap of a pen)
"Here it is," Dev answered and then Arvika looked towards him and then at his hands which were busy playing catch-catch with her pen's cap. She sighed profoundly at his childishness. Who would say that this person was the President of IIET Delhi? Seriously?
She almost glared at him and gave him a look, stating 'Give-my-cap-right-now' but Dev had some other plans in his mind.
"Firstly, tell me. Are you interested to join us for a trip?".
Trip?
Trip!
Yes?
No?
Definitely no!
Her face blazed like a dead ashen body.
All the tiniest playfulness that she might have developed flew away at the mere mention of the word 'trip'.
The 'trip' is that word which brings out all the delightful memories of a beautiful place anyone might have visited with their friends or family or want to visit in the future for creating artistic memories but for Arvika it was a whole different phrase. For her, it was the synonym of horror, terror and aversion.
The real hardship of her life started with this particular term only.
Arvika could still remember how her first and probably the last trip of her life was so much so wretched that she had to alienate herself from everyone. And the reason behind such dreadful memory was now standing in front of her asking her again to join a trip of wretchedness? Was it her fate or her stars were malicious? She didn't know why but she felt like slapping Dev for asking this inquest. He already knew how much melancholy the last trip had left on Arvika yet he was offering her a ride to presumably hellfire?
How dare he!
"Last experience was enough for me, I guess to survive my whole life in guilt and shame of the crime I hadn't even committed," abhorrence, bitterness, and stiffness oozed off her lips and before Dev could comprehend all her words, Arvika started fleeing the classroom in haste with the warm gush of tears speeding down her plump cheeks.
Why did it always happen with her?
Why?
Whenever she thought that Dev was changed, something or the other would happen with her that would just extricate off all the good characteristics she observed in Dev.
"Arvika, stop," Dev sprinted after her when her words finally registered inside his head. He held her wrist and yanked her near him. His eyes were darted and red. But he immediately left her hands noticing her blazing eyes.
Time & again, Arvika was always stuck at one point. Why couldn't she just forget all this and start a new life from a new chapter? Why couldn't she?
Taking a deep breath, Dev continued, "I am sorry for the past. I shouldn't have done that but now, I cannot do anything other than feeling blameworthy about it. Please forgive me, Arvika and move on from..." before he could've completed his sentence, Arvika's humourless laugh blocked his vocal cords. He looked perplexed and baffled at her sudden change of demeanour.
"Today, on a very serious note, answer me one thing, Dev sir. Will you?" she asked in a subtle tone and taking a cue of Dev's nod, Arvika recapitulated, "What would you've done if some guy kissed your sister on her lips in front of all her classmates, teachers? Can you please give me an honest answer?" Arvika's voice sustained pain, desperation, and her eyes were swelled even more with those fat globules of teardrops.
The abruptly changed tone of Arvika deadened Dev. He was tongue-tied at her counterquestion. He didn't know how to answer her inquisition. "I...I would've..." and his babbling gave away the answer Arvika was yearning for.
She flashed him a satirical smile and continued, "You would've surely forgiven that guy by giving him some presents like a black eye, fractured limbs and lots of colourful words. Typical Indian elder brother if I am not wrong". She knew she hit a nerve; Dev's veins were protruding out from his temple and his neck as if they'd perforate out anytime now in sheer fury.
"Arvika...I know whatever I did was seriously wrong but why are you talking like this? Why are you associating my sister with this? Sakshi was your best friend, wasn't she?" Dev knew whatever he was saying wasn't making sense but he didn't like the way Arvika was declaiming which concerned his sister.
"That's my point, Dev sir. Even the mention of such an incident which is completely hypothetical associated with your sister is riling you up. Just think about me then? You did that 'thing' with me! In a real sense! What about that? Do you think any girl would forgive after facing such embarrassment?" her breaths were ragged and her tone was escalating every minute.
Volcanoes were exploding inside Dev yet he could feel that chilled ice cubes were thrown at his face directly. What could he possibly answer? How could he defend himself when every point spoken by Arvika was right and undeviatingly against him!
"Arvika, I love you. And, five years back, I was a spoiled brat. I am accepting that. But.....Arvika, wait. Please, let me complete. Arvika...."
"Keep this pen too with you...I don't need it," she threw the capless pen at him and sprinted away from him. Unluckily, the pen was a gel one and the ink flew out of it like water out a pipe.
"Fu*k," Dev cursed yet he didn't quit and followed Arvika outside the classroom. This ink stain didn't matter at all but the stain on his self and love did.
On the other hand, Arvika didn't stay to listen to any of his words and rushed outside the classroom where she saw her best friend Kavya standing alongside Rohan - the typical best friend of a playboy, wasn't he? She glared at the duo and without calling her friend, made her away hurriedly outside the college's premises towards the girls' hostel. Dev too was behind her trying to match her pace. She was surely a great sprinter, Dev pondered, otherwise, he'd have already overhauled her.
Before he could've gotten near her, his classmates surrounded him and started discussing the paper in which he was least interested. His heart was throbbing noisily yet here he was, discussing the answer to one question: either 99 or 100.
Wish he had a time machine. He'd have then undone everything whatever happened between him and his one and only love. Sadly, he could only wish.
Contrastingly, Arvika's dam of tears was annihilated and the past memory flashed through her eyes. How humiliated she had felt that day! How many bad words were used against her! Her own mother had called her a dirty girl. Why? Why did all this always happen to her? Why?
Getting inside her dorm's washroom and after latching it, she unfurled the shower and stood under it.
"Maaaaaaa," a shriek left her mouth and she felt her knees contacting the hard marble floor but the stinging pain of her heart was overpowering the new bruise formed on her knees.
Old traumatic moments are never forgotten; they're like the hidden sharks inside the deep waters, they will come on the surface, either today or tomorrow.
****
"You've brought shame for us. We never thought that you would stoop so low just like your father". Her mother barraged her ruefully.
"Arvika, you won't be living here anymore....that's my final decision. Otherwise, even Akshit & Akshita too will become like you. I don't want my children to be anywhere like you. You have to go." Mr Srivastav articulated in a dismissing tone and shared a look with his wife.
"One family is ready to adopt you". If all these were trailers, this scene was surely the climax of Arvika's life. She felt the ground slicing underneath her. Her own mother was handing her to some other family for adoption? Who could believe it?
"Mumma..." a cry left Arvika's mouth and she ran towards her mother but stopped at her mother's hand gesture.
"Look. I really need to tell you now. I am not your biological mother. I didn't give birth to you. You're not my daughter. We've adopted you from an orphanage...." Arvika was numb. She wasn't reacting. She felt that suddenly she had been thrown from a skyscraper. How could she not know? How? Rohini Srivastav wasn't her mother. Thirteen years of her life was a lie? Just a lie? She somehow managed to stand on her wobbling legs and put her hand on her mouth. She didn't want an emotional breakdown.
"You were too juvenile to understand all these until now. But I think you're now mature enough to understand this. We were not able to conceive, that's why I decided to adopt a child and it was you: a newborn baby. But after three years of your life, luckily we conceived. Vijay was never in the favour of adopting a child but it was my stubbornness because of which he had to comply with me." Rohini Srivastav then made eye contact with her husband and then again looked at the terrorised Arvika whose face was as white as a ghost.
Numbness, paralysis: all the synonyms of immobility clouded Arvika; her breaths were too tranquil with the unmatching frequencies of her foster mother's harsh hidden truths.
Mrs Rohini Srivastav recommenced further, her throat getting parched and discomfiture clouding her features, "But after Akshit's birth, everything changed. You no longer appeared cute to us. You felt like somebody else...uh...how do I say it....somebody else sins''.
And that was the end of it.
End of everything Arvika had ever thought of her family.
It was not her family.
It could never be her family.
She was just an orphan baby....no....an orphan girl.
She was someone else's sin whose repercussions her foster family was taking care of for many years.
Her heart throbbed. Heartbreakingly, she managed to ask the last question wiping off her warm tears across her cheek, "Then why did you always talk bad about my father? Why?".
"What kind of father was he then? Probably you're a child born out of infidelity or who knows some rape victim's unwanted child. But what you did is definitely very wrong. We cannot keep you anymore with us. Our responsibilities are already delivered to you. Now, it's over."
Infidelity?
Rape?
What was that?
Arvika didn't even know the meaning of these contexts. But whatever her juvenile mind could understand, she calculated that it must be something really immoral that's why this lady always talked ill about her father.
Drawing back all the love and care she might've developed for this family, Arvika spoke, "I don't want to be anyone's responsibility. Hand me over to an orphanage," saying this, Arvika ran past her foster mother without glancing back. "I don't need anyone, I don't need anyone," she kept on chanting this while furiously scrubbing her cheeks to erase all the residues of her excruciating pain of the absolute truth of her life. Her whole body felt like she was under the boiling waters...like she would burn herself in this deadened truth of her life.
She was the daughter of someone named Chandrashekhar Arya, but who was he? She didn't have an iota of idea about it.
Who was her mother?
Again, she was clueless.
She didn't know whether her parents were even alive or not.
She didn't know her existence.
She didn't know who she was.
****
And that's how all the educational or identity certificates of Arvika had her father's name incorporating Chandrashekhar Arya but her mother's name was blank, everywhere.
She wished she had someone to call her 'Beta'.......
She wished she had someone to love her dotingly.......
She wished she had someone who could be her 'First superhero'......
She wished she had someone who could pamper her......
She wished she had someone who could braid her long tresses.......
But alas!
Life had some other unmerciful plans for her. Her guardianship was given to the owner of an orphanage and this year in the month of March, on her eighteenth birthday, the brutal reality called 'life' was handed off to her as her birthday gift to sustain it however way she would want it to. She was now an independent spirit without the restraints of any rules or limitations or anyone's watchful eyes on her yet she always wished for someone to scold her for her wrongdoing.
Those who have parents never treat them respectfully. And those who don't have parents, they die every single day to just have someone whom they can call as 'Papa' & 'Mumma'.
This life was getting tough for her!
She couldn't remember the last time she had laughed freely without the tension of washing her clothes, without the tension of her safety or anything else. She wanted a doting mother, a loving father and a beautiful family who could take care of her but it was a dream. A never-happening dream. She was on her own since time immemorial and she would always be like that. For she knew that this world has produced more wolves than humans.
And as if this loneliness wasn't enough, that Dev guy every now and then was getting on her nerves, reminding her time and again how viciously she was disowned to some orphanage, all because of him.
Sometimes being ignorant of the harsh truth is thousand times better than being cognizant of it. How could she forgive him! He was the sole reason why she was called names. He was the reason because of which her absolute truth of life was disclosed to her. She wished she never knew about her existence because this truth made her feel rejected, worthless, and abominated. He was the constant reminder of her past tragic life. She could never forgive him for this.
"Arvika....Arvika....open the door".
The unexpected panicked tone of her best friend alarmed her and Arvika reverted back to the present and noticed the state she was in. Her favourite peach top along with her white jeans was now completely drenched and she would have to wash it again; she was coercively ready for a long queue and competing against her co-hostellers for she lived in a government college's hostel, where rinsing clothes in a washing machine was a luxury.
After making sure her voice wasn't sounding hoarse, Arvika asked in a small voice, "What happened Kavya?".
"Why did you run like a bull from the exam hall? Dev Bhaiya stated that he had just asked you about the trip and then you turned berserk on him. Come on, Arvika. Why are you still living in the past? And come outside. I am talking to you," Kavya's voice was anything but soft. She knew her best friend was an extremely emotional girl but she needed to bring her out of her pain and sorrows which was day-by-day making her pessimistic.
Past shouldn't decide the future; past is nothing but the good-for-nothing far-relatives whose decisions shouldn't be the deciding factor of our lives.
Unlatching the door, Arvika came outside the washroom and looked at her friend with her bloodshot eyes. Her lips were quivering and her cheeks crimsoned. Kavya felt a sudden pang of guilt hitting her heart. She pulled her best friend in her embrace and hugged her tightly not worrying about the drenched clothes of Arvika which could also soak her newly purchased chiffon top.
"He reminds me of my ugly past, Kavya. I really don't want to associate myself with my past...it's excruciatingly painful....I...I feel burning here, here, in my heart. No one wants me...whoever comes into my life...they just push me away out of their lives. I...I...." and an insurgent cry filled the whole room, making the place suddenly exceedingly morose and depressed.
"Who said no one wants you? We're best friends for five years and for many years to come till eternity. Don't ever say that. Sometimes, we're destined to meet bad people at the beginning of our life but time is never the same. Just have faith in yourself and the almighty. Calm down now, will you? See, the saturated fat started dripping out your nose," the last commentary made Arvika chuckle in between her crying. Kavya continued her bickering, "Sssh. It's all fine, my Rondu Mondu Aru".
(A cute name for the person who cries a lot)
"You'll always be my best friend, promise?" Arvika whispered dolefully, matching her eyes with Kavya.
Kavya smiled fondly at the naive question of her best friend and answered, "Promise, Aru". She knew that the mere mention of Dev again would agitate her friend; so, she deliberately skipped taking and explaining the side of Dev. It was probably not the right time to launch the marketing drive of DEV KAPOOR, she breathed and smiled at her friend assuringly.
"Now, can we go for a small break? I think I am too hungry. Let's go and have some pizza. I'm famished but firstly, go and change your dress," after saying this, the duo went out towards the cafeteria where someone special was already waiting for them.
****
"How dare you to taint Dev's shirt? Don't you have any respect for your seniors? What do you think of yourself?'' The moment Risha's eyes landed on Arvika, she marched towards her in sheer fury and admonished her harshly in front of almost all the seniors and juniors who were currently assembled inside the humongous cafeteria of IIET.
A new fight was up but Arvika had the least energy left inside her to compete for it.
Arvika wanted anything but sharp glaring eyes on her, so she chose the only option she was left with right now.
"I am sorry".
"What would your sorry do? Tell me? The whole college saw how ruefully you threw your pen at our President. This apology won't work now. Rachit, bring out a sheet of paper and a pen. This girl would give a written apology to our President along with apologising before him. She needs to learn how to respect her seniors."
Stinging pain transpired through Arvika's eyes and heart, she didn't know that this day would get this graver. Hot tears were clouding her vision but she knew where she was being taken to. Risha had held her elbow tightly and was taking her towards a table and almost all the students were the spectators of this occurrence.
Kavya tried to retaliate but a single glare given by Risha was spooking enough to shut her up. She too was now one among the mute spectators.
"Write down an apology for what you did otherwise, this matter will reach the HoD and then the Director. So if you don't want to be debarred, write it".
Risha's ultimatum horrified Arvika. She had come here to study. She didn't want to be blacklisted from this college. She'd do everything to sustain her life here for the next four years. She could do this. She could surely do this.
She wrote an apology letter with drops of disgrace and gloominess speeding down her eyes whose witness was almost all the students. If the humiliation of standard eighth was bad, this humiliation was the worst she had ever faced in her life.
"Dev! Good that you arrived here. Look. I have made this girl write an apology letter for you. Hey you! Ask for an apology from President sir."
Dev didn't know what was happening here as he had gone to the hostel to change his shirt. Luckily, his classmate had a new shirt which fitted Dev really well. When he arrived in the cafeteria, he saw someone like Arvika whose back was towards him.
And the rest is history.
"Risha? What are you saying? What apology? I don't need an...."
"I am really very sorry, sir....it was a very big mistake of mine that my ink tainted your shirt. I am extremely sorry, sir".
One thing Dev never wanted was: for any woman to bow in front of him.
But his one and only love was now standing in front of him with her head lowered as if she was not his junior but his slave. His heart sliced into a gazillion of pieces and rage intensified inside him.
And the final nail in the coffin was embarked by Risha. She forcefully handed Dev's tainted shirt inside Arvika's hands, and said, "And take his tainted shirt. You'll wash his shirt, you Behenji".
(wallflower)
The last tear of disgrace disembarked her eyes which didn't go unnoticed by Dev.
"Arvika....." he whispered in absolute poignancy but her body parts were completely paralysed other than her legs and she ran towards a destination even she wasn't acknowledged of.
"How dare you Risha!"
****
"Tujhko jo paaya aha...Toh jeena aaya"
Who knew that the cat would be out so soon? Everyone had already guessed the chemistry between the duo but no one had comprehended that the proposal would be this quick like electric current.
Arvika was astounded would be an understatement along with all the students surrounding her on the foothills of Himalaya.
Suddenly, the lush green hills which were concealed under the blanket of velvety night sky appeared extremely vivacious as if they too sensed the arrival of the flowering time.
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4200 words!
I am seriously the most ineligible writer out there who takes such long breaks but I seriously have started to despise my laptop a lot. Almost every day, I am spending nearly 8-10 hours in front of my laptop and that's why I don't have the desire to write "A desire to win her" but I will write and complete this book.
Jab tak hai Jaan....