Now, this update came earlier than the others, didn't it?
And well, it is the last one cause this ladies and gentlemen... *drum roll*... is the Epilogue of Teach Me How To Fly!
TOTALLY UNEDITED.
Song on the side: "Runnin" by my beloved Adam Lambert.
I hope you enjoy!
EPILOGUE
"None of us can ever save himself; we are the instruments of one another's salvation, and only by the hope that we give to others do we lift ourselves out of the darkness into light."
― Dean Koontz
Avery's P.O.V.
As far as I can remember myself during the senior year I was swallowed up by the darkness inside me. I guess that's what made me and Asher best friends; our common past of unrevealed secrets that needed to come out so that they didn't tear our insides apart anymore.
I had met him when that bastard, Keith, had tried to hit on me for the first time. Ever since, he had become my friend, my guardian angel, my boyfriend, my savior.
The demon in my life, though, considered him as nothing more than a threat.
When I heard the gun fire, I felt like my eardrums exploded along with my heart. The thought of losing Asher shuttered me inside out. The guy was all I had, how would I forgive myself if he died because of me?
On the first morning of June, I paused the music that was playing on my i-pod and stood up without missing the reflection of my face in its small, black screen; my eyes were puffy and slightly red because of the absolute luck of sleep from last night.
I took a ghostly slow, hot shower that my muscles barely felt and then run a hairbrush through my tangled dark chocolate hair.
The well known loose black dress I had worn at Ali's funeral was hanging outside my closet emerging the soft sense of cleanliness which, unfortunately, was not in the slightest refreshing.
I slipped my flannel nightgown down my body and put on the dress along with my combat boots.
I made my way down the stairs and found my mother sitting all alone in the kitchen. Something deep inside me told me she would never forgive me for putting the love of her life behind the prison bars. I hesitated at first but then I walked to the table and took a seat close to her.
She gulped down some almond flavored coffee without looking at me.
I pursed my lips and took her tiny hand in my hands. I scoffed noticing her wedding ring; as if she'd take it off.
"I'm still here for you, mum," I reminded her soothingly and attempted to look in her empty maroon eyes.
"There's more fresh coffee, if you want," she replied still facing away from me.
I gave myself a small smile. It was a start, right? Children were not supposed to try that hard to have a relationship with their own mother but I knew how she used to depend on him to breathe and now that he was no longer with her she felt like I had taken everything she had away.
Almost an hour later, she caressed my hair for a moment and stumbled to the living room. Checking the clock above the window behind me I realized I was really late and I had to run.
The entrance and yard of St. Barbara High School were adorned with big bouquets of white and yellow lilies. People dressed in black walked around; some of them hurrying their way towards the school theatre where the funeral was going to be held and others taking a break from the thick tension in the room and smoking outside the premises.
I dragged my feet across the hallway and entered the room with a huge lump on my throat. His family was sat at the front crying softly as the sepulchral speech echoed.
The woman was hidden under the classy black hat but I could see her back moving uncontrollably as she sobbed while hugging the little girl next to her who was also dressed in black. The whole football team sat at the first rows. They were all wearing black tuxedos and navy blue ties; the color of the team.
My eyes wandered off to the stage were a podium was set up right next to the shut black coffin which was camouflaged under the flag of the school.
They suffering from trying hard to stop the tears that threatened to roll down his face, was written all over the blue eyed boy who gave the speech. His face was paler than his white shirt and he kept touching his navy blue tie nervously.
I let out a soft whimper not being able to hold myself back anymore. I was never one to deal with death. I knew I had to be strong for that boy, though; the boy who had lost someone who was like a father to him.
"And one last thing, guys. They say that the players are the most important thing in a team. They are not, though. If there's nobody to make them believe they actually can do anything, the players are useless. Aaron Miller, you have been a legendary coach, a father to all of us and you will be missed. Every single one of our victories is dedicated to you," the blue eyed boy finished his speech and joined the rest of his teammates, clinging on his crutch for support.
They all cheered loudly with tears rolling down their faces making the woman with the black hat cry harder.
Coach Aaron Gordon Miller died on May 30th when his heart gave up on him.
At the end of the ceremony, Asher Yale spotted me resting against the doorframe. I offered him a small smile and he walked towards me still clutching on the crutch.
"The hardest thing I've had to do," he mumbled referring to the speech he had to give as the team captain.
"You did it, anyway," I replied and he nodded.
He hugged me and buried his face in my hair inhaling their scent like he always did when he was hurting. The wariness of last night was engraved on his facial features mirroring mine. We had spent all night on the phone. None of us talked. He occasionally cried -when the pain was too much- whereas I cried softly all the time without letting him hear it.
"Can we get out of here, please?" he begged and I walked with him towards Dean's car.
Dean was holding onto Hayden's arm like dear life as his eyes roamed the school aimlessly. Since the moment they found out Dean had been the most silent among the team. He was the only one who hadn't cried, screamed or cursed but for some reason we were all sure that he was hurting the most.
Hayden drove us to Asher's house and helped me take Asher to his bedroom. I loosened his tie and made him lie down under the covers. I lay next to him and cupped his scared cheek.
"Thank you for being here, angel," he mumbled.
"No, thank you for being here," I replied lowly.
He knew exactly what I was talking about. Even though the bullet hit his thigh, he was lying unconscious on the hospital bed for four days. Until the moment he opened his eyes and shook down every possibility of death that haunted the place and my insides I had no life inside me. I was having a mental breakdown after another and the idea of him passing away increased my panic attacks to the point I was almost hospitalized.
Thank God my friends were there to keep me under control.
Luke hadn't left Asher's side for more than ten minutes and the rest of the guys had scheduled their visits so that there were not too many people in the room. Even when they were not there, though, I had Mandy and Ashton who refused to leave me.
When he did wake up, I felt like the carcass that was left of me was fulfilled with life and happiness. Tears streamed down my face but I was not sad anymore; I was more grateful than ever.
One month later, Asher and I found ourselves outside the local prison.
"You can do it, Ave," he whispered to my ear.
I nodded. "Yeah."
I marched to the front gate and gave the guards my identity card. They wrote down my full name, my birth day and my father's name along with the time and then one of them accompanied me to the building.
Looking over my shoulder, I shot Asher a worried look but he gave me a supportive smile.
The corridor smelt of mud and dirt and the old walls had turned yellow along the years. I scrunched my nose at the disturbing odor and accelerated.
I entered the room the guard indicated and found my father dressed in a bright orange uniform sitting across a mahogany table. He looked like he hadn't shaved in a while and his eyes were barely open. Honestly, I was more than glad to see him in such an exhausted and pathetic position.
"Avery," he acknowledged and I couldn't tell if he was angry because I had pressed charges before Asher was even awake to do so too or surprised to actually see me.
I clenched my jaw. "One thing, why?" I demanded leaning over the table that separated us.
He knew this was not about Asher; we both knew why he had shot him.
"That's all you have to say?" he demanded.
"Let's make this quick now, Warren, shall we?" I hissed wondering where the hell he found the guts to use this kind of tone.
"I guess I wanted to stop you from becoming an artist and you just wouldn't give up on coloring. And then, I just lost it."
"I never wanted to be an artist," I spat with venom lacing my every word.
He frowned. "What?"
"What did you think, Warren? No matter how much I love drawing, I have always been perfectly capable of telling the difference between an actual job and a hobby."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
I stood up and turned to leave. "You never asked," I retorted coldly.
"I-"
"You? You fucking what? You're freaking pathetic. After all these years you can't even give me a real goddamn reason that might excuse you to a certain extent. You are a disgusting excuse for a man," I screamed feeling pushed over the edge of sanity and made my way out breathing heavily.
"I wanted you to be perfect!" he urged making me stop dead on my heels.
"What?"
"We had a very tough time raising you-"
"You never raised me," I growled.
"Those things and those useless people in your life... They were keeping you behind, Avery. They stopped you from becoming everything you could be."
I stared at him in disbelief; was he for real? I wanted to laugh. Laugh until my lungs grew sore. Laugh until my voice went hoarse.
"I wanted you to be the best you possible," he stated.
And this time I did laugh. I laughed so hard that I felt my stomach and throat ache.
"Shut your mouth."
The blood was pulsating so quickly in my temples that I missed the sound the chair made as it cracked on the wall behind me as I laughed louder.
"Goodbye," I smiled.
"Avery, wait!" he called in agony.
I, indeed, stopped but did not turn to look at him.
"Will you ever forgive me?" he questioned in a low tone.
I frowned deeply feeling taken aback. I took a deep breath and growled at the gazillions of pictures of my life that arose in front of my startled figure. I turned around with all the hate I could ever feel and slammed my hands on the table between us, never having felt so sure of myself before.
"No, I will not. And you know why, father? I will never forgive you because you fucked up my whole life; my past, my present and my future. All of me. You destroyed me and I will always hate you for that," I yelled at his bruised face.
I found Asher waiting for me outside the building with a smile on his face.
Without uttering one single word I wrapped my arms around him, feeling him hug me back. I was so upset that I was practically shaking against his healing body. He caressed my hair and pressed his lips against my forehead.
"Well done, baby girl," he praised and I lifted my head to offer him a smile.
He held my hand as we walked down the road. I had never felt lighter before. There were definitely a million of other things I would have loved to rub on his face but there was no need. He had been given a life sentence by the court and his new cellmates were already taking great care of him; my intervention was no longer obligatory.
The afternoon found us sat next to the huge window of Bethany's Coffee Shop. He was still holding my hand while staring at me; love and caring deeply rooted in his shining blue orbs.
"Now there's only one thing left to do before we leave for Cyprus," he stated.
Asher had decided to take me on vacation to Cyprus when his thigh had completely head but he had insisted I left no "open cases" before our departure.
I couldn't visit Ali's grave, though. I had not come to terms with the idea of not seeing her again yet. A part of me waited for a phonecall that would inform me that this was all a sick joke and Ali had moved in with Tristan and was perfectly happy somewhere in Italy.
"I am not ready, Asher," I deadpanned.
"Yes, you are, Avery. You faced your father. There's nothing you can't do, now," he stated.
"I have to go, Mandy must be waiting for me. I'll talk to you later," I brushed him off not so smoothly and run out of the coffee shop.
Mandy's beaten up blue Ford Fiesta was parked at the corner. I climbed in the backseat and greeted her with a big smile. She turned the engine on and drove to the local stadium. We were going to attend Ashton's championship finals given that I was not exactly capable of doing last time.
"After somebody's heart, now, are we?" I teased raising an amused eyebrow and Mandy's cheeks flamed up.
Her hair was braided at the side of her oval face and she was wearing a floral dress that reached her mid-thighs along with a light gray cardigan.
"Shut up," she mumbled.
Like it was even possible to miss the looks she was giving him.
The soft music that filled the vehicle and the idle chat actually managed to take my mind off of Ash's plan for a while.
Entering the natatorium, we found some seats at the front row right when the swimmers appeared and took their places. Mandy and I cheered for him loudly.
I had to admit Ashton Jefree looked quite hot in his fitting, dark blue bathing suit and his toned torso was worth drooling over.
When the time came, Ashton dove in the pool. He moved so gracefully in the water that it looked like he was actually made for this.
During the race we jumped off our seats and yelled along with the crowd that cheered for all the part takers. We whistled and shouted loudly, supporting Ashton.
"In the third place, Jason Kobay," the speakers announced at the end of the competition.
A boy with short, dirty blond hair walked on the lowest part of the pedestal with water running down his skin.
"In the second place, Ashton Jefree," we heard and started clapping and shouting 'Go Ashton!'
He beamed when he saw us.
"In the first place, William Holloway," the voice finished.
We made our way outside, blended in the crowd and met Ashton close to the pool. He was still half nude and the silver medal looked as bright and shining as his eyes did.
"Congrats," I squealed and Mandy pecked his cheek.
"Thanks, McKinnon," he smiled ruffling my hair, "Anything you like?" he asked Mandy when he caught her staring at his glorious nakedness.
"Pull your head out of your ass, Jefree," I snorted.
"You're just jealous."
I gave him a flat look and elbowed his side.
He laughed deeply and gave her a side hug and a wink.
"Don't make me a third wheel now," I whined earning a glare from Mandy.
We gave him time to shower and change in some clothes and then, like he had promised, he took us out for pizza. I thought about inviting Asher but apart from the fact that I knew he was going to turn up his nose, Ashton would probably kill me.
The second night I spent at the hospital, Ashton had told me what was going on between the two of them. Sonya, the girl had taken his anger out on was Ashton's best friend and first love. She hadn't only chosen Asher over him but she had also got abused. It was needless to say that the memory fell like a stone on my chest; and I couldn't exactly blame Ashton for despising my boyfriend. Given that, it was better to give them time and not push it.
We ordered pepperoni pizza and some coke and dived in meaningless and light conversation. I left the small pizzeria half an hour later offering them some privacy and alone time.
I stumbled my way back feeling tired as ever. The day had exhausted me both physically and mentally. I lay under the covers without bothering changing in my pyjamas or removing the makeup I had on.
Despite my fatigue, though, I was too restless for my own good. I was tossing and turning with some millions of thoughts buzzing in my head. Around half past two in the morning, against my better judgment, I jumped out of my bed and dialed Asher's number.
"Hello?" his sleepy voice mumbled from the other side of the line.
"I'm doing, Asher. I'm doing it tonight."
"Okay. I'll be on my way in five," he blurted and hung up.
I stood up and put my shoes on. I grabbed my keys and tiptoed down the stairway. For the first time in my life, I used the front door to get out in the middle of the night. I sat at the edge of the pavement and waited.
He appeared on my doorstep around ten minutes later and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
We walked to the cemetery in absolute silence. As I approached her grave, Ash stayed a few meters behind me, giving me some space.
I kneeled and touched the cold stone.
Alysson Luise Farell, 1996-2014, Beloved daughter and sister.
"Hey," I muttered almost incoherently.
I cleared my throat and run my tongue over my upper lip before speaking up again. "I miss you, Ali. I really fucking miss you. I was... I was alive you; I could live, with you. I mean, how am I supposed to go on with my life without half of it with me?"
Tears welled up into my eyes. "Things have changed a lot since the moment you left, you know? Tristan came back a-and he's okay- he's alive and I really hope you know that. And your father... he got killed, murdered. They say they have no evidence whatsoever on who did it but the point is that's he's actually dead. My father is behind prison bars as I speak to you for everything he ever did," I paused.
I pursed my lips together and hid my face in my hands.
"It's just... sometimes, I just can't help it; I blame myself for what happened, not your father. I was not there to stop you- I didn't manage to save you. I failed you!"
My insides hurt as I spoke because of the force of my sobs. I was rubbing my arms like crazy trying to compose myself but it was futile.
"I know that you're in a better place now, Ali-rose. You're safe and nobody can hurt you. Nobody..."
My breaths came out labored and uneven making my head dizzy and my limbs shaky. I took in a good amount of air and then exhaled loudly.
"As for me... Well, I am better," I whispered and looked over my shoulder to see Asher standing at the same spot as before, "he's a really amazing guy. You'd like him if you met him. And he... he looks at me the way you used to; like I'm perfect," I admitted lowly and glanced at him again.
"I occasionally fear the he'll see me the way I see myself and he'll leave. I used to think the same thing about you; I waited until you see the nothing I was in your life and hate me; but you didn't. You knew I was no flawless saint but you loved me anyway."
I was doubled up in pain as my memories shuttered my bones.
"The thing is... you were the best thing that ever happened to me. Cause unlike me, you did it, Ali. You saved me. You saved me from my father and from myself- from killing myself when I was eleven years old. And I am so sorry I was not enough to help you too. I am so fucking sorry and I just... I just wish you were here."
I wiped my face and smiled.
"I love you, babes. I did, I do and I'll always do love you."
I shut my eyes and sang 'Lucy'; exactly like I had done on her funeral with her favorite song.
"I'd give upon the world to see a little piece of heaven looking back at me."
My voice died down when as I finished the song. I stood up, mentally promising to come back and run to Asher. I threw myself in Asher's and cried while he held me in silence.
He took me back home and asked if I wanted him to stay but I told him to go sleep and get some rest. He kissed me goodnight and I hurried my way back to my bedroom.
I didn't even think about trying to sleep. I sat down by the window and glued my gaze at the sky. The night looked clearer and the stars shined brighter. Even though it was highly unlikely a part of me thought that it was probably my best friend who caused it with her smile and that made me smile at the darkness.
I spent the next twenty hours sleeping on the floor like I was dead. It was Asher's voice that woke me up around one in the afternoon informing me I had around five hours to pack my suitcase and get ready before we left for the airport.
I quickly shoved him on the black couch in the living room and handed him the remote before dashing up the stairs to take a shower and pack.
"Don't take only black clothes with you, please, babe. It's too hot and sunny down there," his voice pierced my ears.
Yeah, no. I was certainly not ready for this, period.
I went through my wardrobe and threw a pile of clothes on my bed.
Needless to say it took me legit two hours to fit my clothes and toiletries in my brown suitcase and then I ended up sitting on top of it so that I could zip it up. I threw my sunglasses, i-pod, keys and money in my backpack and found Asher leaning against his car waiting for me.
"Took your time or what?" he asked giving me a flat look.
"Sorry, babe," I apologized biting my lower lip.
"Apology not accepted, woman. I ended up watching Desperate freaking Housewives," he filled me in and threw his hands in the air in exasperation.
I snorted and got in the car after throwing my suitcase on top of his in the port baggage.
Our flight lasted for twelve and a half hours during which Asher snorted lowly in his sleep whereas I sketched his figure by three possible angles. The food that was served was, unfortunately, too tasteless and by the time we landed I was hungrier than words could describe.
A cab took us to our hotel which was situated ten minutes away from the local beach. Asher Yale insisted on renting a small car even though I thought it was needless.
When we were given the card-key to our room, we dumped our luggage and left to find some place to eat.
We parked our little red Chevy and walked in a small restaurant by the seaside. The air smelt like salt and sun. I took a moment to close my eyes and breath in deeply.
We ordered some seafood and white wine.
"My mother sent me a text message telling me to have fun," I stated smiling.
"She will forgive you, baby girl, don't worry," he supported even though he kind of wanted to hit her for treating me like I had killed everybody she loved on planet earth.
For the rest of the day, we walked around the city and took countless photographs being slightly dizzy thanks to the wine.
We went back around midnight. Our simply decorated room was dark and we didn't bother turning the lights on. We grabbed the sheets and pillows from our bed and pulling the heavy, light blue curtains aside, we spread them across the balcony.
He stripped down his clothes and lay on our impromptu bed only in his boxers. I put on the shirt he was wearing and lay down right next to him with his consuming scent lingering around me.
"I still can't understand why the hell you love me," I blurted.
"Why wouldn't I?"
"I incarnate darkness."
He laughed deeply. "I... I like gazing at the stars, baby girl. How would I if I was not in love with darkness?"
I didn't say anything. I just let a smile crawl its way to my lips and snuggled closed to his warm chest.
He made me happy.
The sunrise made my eyelids flutter open at daybreak. I rubbed my temples and sat up allowing the soft, salty wind caress my bare legs.
"Asher?" I called.
No answer.
I stood up and stumbled to the bathroom.
"Mo-i-ning ba-y," he mumbled with the toothbrush in his mouth and I laughed.
"Morning, sweetheart," I replied and wrapped my arms around his waist from behind.
He whipped his mouth and beamed resting his head against the side of mine.
I bit down his shoulders and sucked on his flesh creating a quite obvious love bite.
"Woah, babe, it's not the time to get naughty; he have stuff to do," he whined child likely.
I gave him a flat look through the mirror. "You must be the first man to ever deny sex in the morning."
He gaze my ass a squeeze and left the bathroom. "Go get dressed, slut, we're going to the beach."
"Fine, fine," I grumbled.
I put on some black jeans and a tight shirt and waited at the door.
"Forgot something," he said holding up some piece of fabric.
"What's that?" I questioned raising a worried eyebrow.
" A swimming suit," he shrugged.
"Huh, no, no, no. There's no way."
"Baby-"
"No, Asher. Have you forgotten what's beneath this shirt? Forget about it."
"I told Cora to get you some one piece, Avery, cause I knew you wouldn't want me to see."
"It's not only you. I am covered with bruises and cuts. I don't want anybody to see. I hate receiving shocked and pitiful looks."
"You won't. I have everything planned. Just trust me on this one, okay?"
I stared at him with a deep frown engraved on my face.
"No."
"Just put it on and we'll see when we go there."
"Okay, I will- like it will change anything," I scoffed and grabbed the white swimming suit.
We drove to a deserted beach with our rented car. Getting out, I dumped my flip flops in the vehicle and walked on the sand barefoot. My feet sunk in the cold sand and the still young sun fondled my arms.
I really wanted to dive in the water and with no person around it was more than tempting but I couldn't. I was too ashamed of my body to do so.
He left me sitting right by the water as he swam in the cool waves, his skin shining under the sun. He occasionally resurfaced and told me how it was awesome and I was missing out until he eventually convinced me.
"Turn around," I ordered before taking my clothes off.
I quickly got in the sea and swam to him, folding my limbs around him.
We had a splash fight and a race which he shamelessly won. We kissed underwater until we almost choked by holding our breaths. We didn't care, though. I felt loved and so did he.
At some point, he grabbed my hand and made me walk out of the water. We climbed up some high rocks. When we reached the top he hugged me and stretched my arms, tangling our fingers together.
"What are we doing?" I asked as the air hit us forcefully.
"Remember what I promised you, Avery McKinnon?" he whispered.
"What?" I muttered.
"I promised to teach you how to fly, didn't I?" he asked.
"You did," I admitted.
"I love you more than I can ever scream," he murmured in the crook of my neck, using my favorite lyric and gave my back a gentle push.
Within moments I was, indeed, flying. My body was fully taken by the wind and the saltiness that lingered in the air. It only last for a few seconds before my body crashed on the blue depths underneath me but for those seconds I felt like I was nobody. A nobody who hadn't still lived; a nobody who knew shit about pain. A nobody who hadn't experienced anything bad. A nobody who couldn't even fantasize about the chaos inside me. It seemed like Asher had managed to untangle the dark mess inside me; I was grateful but most of all, I was liberated.
For good.
When I got back to the hotel, the sky was midnight black. I had asked Asher to give me some alone time and he patiently waited at the pool bar. I sat down on the floor, leaned against the bed and shut my eyes. The room was totally dark but I wasn't scared of it anymore. The empty space was no full of sparks that gushed out of my chest. Without everything that kept pulling me further and further downwards I no longer feared the monsters in my bed.
After a painful year, he had made it and I would never be able to thank him enough.
Asher Yale had taught me how to fly.
~*~
So this chapter was a serious emotional rollercoaster but I hope it was worth it.
I am really going to miss this story even though I had a really hard time writing it lately.
I really want to thank everyone who reached this point with me and waited for my updates that took forever. Thank you beautiful people!
So, um, this is the last time I talk to you via this story and even though there are always more to come, I am getting emotional.
It's almost two am here so, have a beautiful say or night depending on where you are.
THANKS FOR READING!
COMMENT AND VOTE (For the last time on this story!)
<3