Chapter Seven - The Decision
"I still cant believe I didn't notice him from History class!" Emaan cried for the third time.
Sabrina and Emaan went back to school after Jumah prayer, all the while discussing Jamaal and his cute little brother who accidentally launched a kufi at Emaan's face. Oh, and the fact that Emaan didn't recognize him from her History class back in New Hope. The two girls exited the University with their book bags in tow. Sabrina sighed and turned to Emaan.
"Emaan." She sighed. "You were late to school, right? If I remember correctly, you came a few days later. So the class had already gotten to introducing themselves to one another. It makes sense if you didn't see him if you missed that!"
Emaan nodded, though she looked slightly unconvinced. "Its still embarrassing though!"
As Sabrina got into her car and unlocked the doors, she sat there quietly for a moment, tuning out Emaan's rant on how embarrassed she was about the whole situation. Sabrina had her mind elsewhere, on a particularly sensitive subject: Leila's mother. She'd promised Leila, who had taken the day off to be by her mothers side, that she would visit them after school.
"Hey," Emaan said softly, placing a hand on Sabrina's shoulder. "It'll be alright, in'sha'Allah."
Sabrina gave a small nod and started the car. As she drove to Blue Bells Hospital, she couldn't help thinking of what Leila had said to her when she found out about her mother's condition. She swallowed back tears as she thought of her best friends words.
"They're saying she has weeks left to live. That's what's wrong. Everything is wrong."
* * *
When they arrived at the Hospital, they nervously walked through the shiny white halls and Sabrina was once again, reminded of the distaste she felt towards all hospitals in general. At the front desk they got the room number and took the elevator up to the fourth floor. Leila's mother, as it turned out, was not lying in the hospital bed as Sabrina had assumed so.
She was praying.
Leila jumped up at the sight of the two girls and ran over, crushing Sabrina into a tight hug.
"Asalaamu'alaikum." Sabrina whispered, staring over her shoulder at Leila's mother. Aunt Halima is praying, she thought.
"Walaikum'asalaam." Leila replied and turned to Emaan.
While they awkwardly exchanged small talk, Sabrina turned to her best friend. Leila's eyes were red and her hijab was a mess. She was wearing no make up for once, and Sabrina could see how pale she was, the chalky paleness of one who stayed up all night, probably crying their eyes out. Sabrina's throat tightened at the thought.
"How's..your mom?" She asked hesitantly.
Leila fell silent and looked back at her mother who was bent over in prayer. She stared at her for a few minutes, blinked and turned back to Sabrina with dry eyes.
"Malignant tumour. They said they'll see if they can get rid of it with surgery and chemotherapy but they hinted that its...unlikely." Leila explained, her face so focused on not showing any emotion that she looked like she was made of marble.
"In'sha'Allah it'll work." Sabrina said firmly and then turned to Aunt Halima, who was still praying. "Subhan'Allah." She said softly.
Leila heard her and chuckled dryly. "I know. She's dying of brain cancer and yet she still prays."
Sabrina turned to find a bitter smile on Leila's face. "That's...good, though."
"But surely Allah can excuse her prayers!" Leila snapped, tears springing in her eyes. "She's going to die of brain cancer!"
"She's not going to die because of brain cancer." Emaan spoke up, her face hard. "She's going to die because Allah will take out her soul."
Leila stared at Emaan in confusion. But Sabrina understood what she was saying. Brain cancer didn't kill you. Smoking and drinking alcohol and severe car accidents didn't kill you either. No, those things were how you died. But they weren't why you died. That question lay in the hands of Allah, and with Him alone did the decision lie. He made that decision. Not brain cancer. He finishes you.
And so it only made sense that you asked Him for intermission.
Aunt Halima suddenly called out to the girls after she finished her prayer. She smiled warmly at Sabrina and Emaan, enveloping them in hugs and sitting them down. She herself went back to lying in her hospital bed and Sabrina was struck with the fact that her best friend's mother had a severe tumour growing in her brain. She bit back a rush of tears and continued to smile. Sure, pretending everything was alright was not going to change things. But sobbing and tearing our hair over the matter wouldn't either.
They talked about the weather and Aunt Halima asked how Emaan and Sabrina's families were doing. Sabrina told her that her mom would come visit later on today and the conversation drifted off to how Aunt Halima was feeling. She sighed and complained about painful headaches and Sabrina racked her mind, trying to remember anything she knew about brain cancer. She was pretty sure a mass of abnormal growth tissue pressing against her brain would call for a nasty headache. Sabrina shivered and, aiming to redirect the conversation to safer tides, remarked that it was Friday and school was finally out for the week.
"Did you girls go to Jumah?" Aunt Halima asked.
"Yes." Emaan and Sabrina replied and Emaan added: "The khutbah was on patience. Imaam Rashid sure knows how to give a good kutbah."
As they discussed the various hadith on patience and why it was such a good characteristic to have, Sabrina couldn't help but notice that Leila was staring at them all with a troubled look on her face. She supposed she had every right to be troubled - her mother might die! - so she smiled softly at her and tried to include her into the conversation to get her mind off of things.
* * *
A nurse came in and politely asked them to leave, so the three girls waited outside in the hallway. They stood in awkward silence and finally Emaan broke the tension.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked Leila.
Leila looked up with shattered eyes. "What's there to talk about? She's going to die."
"Don't say that, Lee." Sabrina cried. "Have some faith."
"I cant!" Leila snapped, frustrated. "She had a seizure, you know. Before we took her to the hospital and found out she had a freaking tumour growing in her brain. A seizure! I'ver never felt so helpless in my entire life. And I am helpless. I cant save her! I cant do anything, except sit and watch her die!"
Silence stretched out between them like a heavy fog. Leila's outburst echoed in Sabrina's ears.
"You can help her. Make dua. Pray for her. Allah can help her." Emaan offered.
Leila hung her head. "Does he even listen to people who only call on Him when they need Him?"
"Actually, yes." Sabrina smiled.
* * *
Four days later, Sabrina was helping Leila catch up on all the work she missed when she caught sight of Khalid. She leaned back from the small lunch table and lowered her gaze. For some odd reason the sight of him made her feel queasy. He was wearing a white polo shirt and fitted track pants and Sabrina's heart jumped at the sight of his face and especially those dazzling blue eyes. She wondered how long her heart had been betraying her like this before she finally remembered.
"OH NO!" She gasped, causing Leila and Emaan to look up. "Its...been a week! I have to make my decision! But...but...I don't even know yet. What am I going to tell him?"
"Oh Khalid." Emaan said, the issue dawning upon her. "Just ask him for more time. You have been quite...distracted lately."
Sabrina nodded. She'd been so worried about Leila's mother that she hadn't even spared a thought for Khalid. Well, except for when I'd see him in the hallway and realize that his hands were really quite nice or his jaw was well defined...Sabrina shook her head. Focus, Bree! She peeked a look back at Khalid and was horrified to see that he was walking towards them.
"Oh my Allah." She groaned and hid her face behind a textbook as if it could make her invisible. "What do I say?" She wailed.
"Relax, Bree." Leila half giggled, amused to find Sabrina in a state of panic. It didn't happen too often.
"Assalamu'Alaikum." Came Khalid's greeting, making Sabrina jump in spite of herself.
"Wa..Walaikum'assalaam." She mumbled, not looking at him directly.
"So..uh, can I speak to you?" He asked.
Sabrina looked pleadingly at Leila and Emaan, who urged her to go on. Sabrina bit back a groan and got up, stepping away from the table so they could talk out of earshot from the others. Or so Khalid thought. Sabrina could see Leila leaning towards them from the corner of her eye.
"So." Khalid began, obviously nervous. He rubbed the back of his neck and Sabrina fought to keep her eyes off his flexing arm. "Have you decided yet?"
"Well...I've been kind of busy...." She admitted, trying to put together an excuse that would not hurt his feelings.
"Oh." Khalid said, and his voice sounded defeated. Sabrina glanced up at him, to see a war going on in his eyes.
"I...give me one more-"
"Obviously I'm not important to you, so what's the point?" He spit out, acidly. Sabrina grimaced.
"That's not true! I told you-"
"No, I get it. You don't want to marry-"
"Didn't I say something about listening to her last year?" Leila interupted.
Khalid looked over and gave her a 'who are you again?' look.
"Because if you do want to marry her, get used to listening to her. My mother has brain cancer and thats why Sabrina has kind of been distracted these last few days." Leila said without a trace of emotion. "I hope you can find some sympathy in that heart of yours to giver her a little more time to decide."
"Oh, uh, I'm sorry about your mother." He mumbled, awkwardly.
"No, you're not." Leila rolled her eyes. "You have no idea how its like."
"How what's like?" He asked, his eyes flickering dangerously. "Losing a family member. You have no idea what its like. I know better than you think!"
The three girls stared at him while he stepped back, his face crumbling. He looked like he'd been slapped. He spun on his heel and stormed away, Sabrina staring after him in shock and confusion. But his parents were alive, she thought. She'd seen them a few months ago and she'd have known if they'd died. Sabrina's eyes widened when a name came to her head. Someone she hadn't quite known and saw very rarely, but thirteen year old Khalid had complained about him quite often enough for her to remember.
She ran after Khalid. She didn't even realize what she was doing, she was just running, following his white polo shirt through hallways and around students and finally he led her into the University's courtyard. He stopped in front of a fountain and leaned over it, peering into the water. Sabrina softly approached, stopping a foot behind him.
"Zayn?" She asked.
Khalid looked up, surprised to see her. "Yeah. He died over a year ago."
"I'm so sorry. I didn't even know...how could I not have known?" She said, more to herself than him.
"He died when you were at another school. Besides, even then, he was in University. He was two years older than us, remember?"
She did. He was in Junior High when they were in Elementary and then he'd started High School when they'd started Junior High. Zayn must have died when Khalid was a sophomore. But she only came to New Hope as a Senior which meant Khalid had went through his death when she was at another school. She took a breath.
"How did he die?" She asked, in a tiny voice, unsure of how Khalid would take the question.
"He was shot. He bled to death." He said, his jaw working.
"Oh my Allah." Sabrina whispered. "Did the police find out who did it?"
"No."
"Was it an accident or..."
"I don't know." He said, putting his head in his hands. "All they said was that it was a gang crime."
Gang crime. Khalid was in a gang. Sabrina made the connection. She was bold - or maybe stupid - enough to ask.
"Do you know who did it?"
Khalid was silent for a moment. She saw his adam's apple wobble. "Yes."
Now it was Sabrina's turn to be silent. She thought. Perhaps Khalid knew the guy from a different gang. He used to be in a pretty well known one. He probably had plenty of enemies. But if he knew...
"Why don't you tell, then?"
"It doesn't work like that." He said shaking his head.
Sabrina almost smacked herself. Of course. He couldn't tell because if the guy found out then Khalid would be number one on his hit list. But wouldn't he be safer if that guy was in jail? But then he would get his gang to go after Khalid...Sabrina's head hurt.
"If you're thinking about being unsafe if you marry me because of my gang history, you can stop." Khalid said, interrupting her thoughts and giving her yet another worry to worry over.
"Why is that?" She asked, nervously.
"Because I won't let anyone hurt you." He said simply. "Hell, if you wanna move to Russia just to be sure then we'll move to Russia."
Sabrina laughed. "Well, I wasn't thinking about it but thanks."
Khalid glanced at her skeptically, and Sabrina noticed his eyes were wet.
"Im sorry about Zayn...again." She said softly.
Khalid grunted and Sabrina went on. "And as for the whether or not I want to marry you..."
Khalid looked up, his eyes betraying his hope. Sabrina, played with her sleeves, suddenly nervous. The whole conversation made her realize that Khalid was a human. She couldn't expect him to change in a week. He needed more time. And she would give it to him. But this time: she would be there.
"Yes." Sabrina smiled.
________________________________________________________________________
SHE SAID YESSS!! ARE Y'ALL HAPPY NOW!? I KNOW I AMMM!
Khalid, broooo. WHAT UP WITH YO PAST? What do you guys think about Zayn's death? Or are you too busy fangirling?
Zayn's pic on the side. Drool away. Just not on the keyboard. They're expensive to replace.
Dedicated to @le_Muslim_Man because I've recently decided he's more awesome than annoying. I know - Im dying of shock too. Also, Empires of Faith! GO READ IT RIGHT NOW! Btw, Ishaq is mine so y'all can stay the hell away from him. Dont even breathe his air.
- - -
Subhan'Allah: Glory be to God
In'sha'Allah: God Willing
Hadith: a traditional account of things said or done by the Prophet Muhammad.
dua: supplication