"Anything yet?" I ask as I walk into the kitchen.
Alex had been sending me on errands on my own this week. One of the longest weeks of my life. Waiting for Killer to return. Not only was I not sure if she would find Lena, but also I had no idea if Lena would read the letters or respond. Despite my anxiety, I was trying now. I was trying to be apart of the group that had adopted me into their ranks.
"Not yet Kara. Have patience. It's a long way to Kandor from here." Alex gives me a sympathetic smile.
"Okay. Hey, what do you guys do for Winter Solstice?"
"Winter Solstice? Nothing. Why?" Maggie asks back.
"Nothing! How do you do nothing? It's one of my favorite holidays. At least it was when I was a kid." I exclaim.
"How is the darkest day of the year one of your favorite holidays?" Alex asks.
"How is it not? All sorts of lights twinkling in the street, fires burning in every corner of every village. Everyone gathers and give thanks to Rao. We give gifts to share Rao's light. Families sing and eat together, all to fight off the darkness until Rao's light shines again."
"Wow, that sounds... like a fairy tale," Maggie says.
"Apparently it is in Cadmium," I say, downhearted by knowing that I may not be able to celebrate Winter Solstice again.
In the army, it was usually just a night off for the men with a lot of drinking. I hid in my tent and lit candles for my missing family. I had looked forward to seeing Kandor lit up so bright that night would turn today. I had heard stories of the celebrations every since I was a kid. Now I would never see it.
"I'll see you guys later. I umm... I'm going to go for a run." I leave the two puzzled women and head back outside to clear my head by jumping across the rooftops.
_____________________________________________________________________________
I watched from across the street as the woman discovered her bag of coins on the counter of her fruit stand. Almost as soon as the guardsmen had left I had swiped the purse from the commander, only earning a shove to the ground before the men moved past. It was almost dark and I had no desire to return home.
"You are getting good at this." Alex's voice comes from the alley behind me.
"I love watching how happy they get. The hope that sparks in their eyes." I nod to the woman who is near tears as she casts about, trying to figure out how her coin purse found its way back to her.
"Is that all you want to do? Make people happy?" I think about Alex's question and the meaning implied behind it.
"No. I want to make a difference." I see Alex nod out of the corner of my eye.
"Okay, well your time may be coming soon. But you won't be alone." Alex says solemnly.
I start walking and Alex follows. We wander through the streets as the night starts to come to life. People still bustle to and fro because it is still early, but the darkness has already descended. The air had become cooler as the weeks passed but Alex had told me she had never seen snow. The weather hardly changed here. A commotion up ahead caught our eyes so without a word we weave into the crowd. Soldiers with torches are hanging up posters and One of them addresses the crowd.
"Attention! If anyone has seen this woman, please report to the nearest Guard Post. She is a dangerous, banished Kryptonian. She is only known by the name of Kal Ward and anyone with information leading to her capture will be rewarded. Kal may be a danger to the crown and a danger to our society, so please do not confront her."
I stiffen at my brother's name and pull my hood higher up on my head. I look at the picture on the posters, now clear in the torchlight. I almost do not recognize the face that used to stare back at me as I cut my own hair. They must have found someone who could describe me from right when I came to Cadmium, probably from my short time in the fighting pits. I still look very much the man I had tried to be. My hair was short, expression neutral, and eyes fierce. I had to admit the likeness was good. Now, however, my hair was much longer and I knew my face had softened from actually being able to eat and the happiness I had found.
"Don't worry, it doesn't look like you anymore," Alex whispers to me.
"But why are they doing this now?"
"I think they are trying to find you to get to us. The commanders of the guard are frustrated. Constantly short on taxes, men missing their guard duties because we drug them, and the crueler ones... disappearing. If they find you then they may be able to get you to find us."
"Alex, I would never," I say firmly.
"I know, that is just my theory."
"Ward is not a Cadmium name. I thought if I ever needed it though it would be fine, I mean some villages near the borders could have it as a family name. Now though, with my face being plastered up under it, I will never be able to use it."
"So take mine."
"What?" I ask, not sure if I understood her right.
"Kara, you are my sister now. You may not have wanted this life but I know you are here for a reason. From the moment I saw you fight I knew you would do great things. I have watched you change so much in so little time. You may not have your real family anymore, but this family chooses you. I choose you to be my sister if you want it." Alex had placed her hands on my shoulders to make me look at her.
Her eyes burned into mine and I felt like something squeezed in my chest. My vision blurred for a moment before tears slid down my cheeks and I nodded. I was vaguely aware of the crowd dispersing all around us. I wrap Alex in a tight hug and she doesn't hesitate to put her arms around me.
"Thank you, Alex," I whisper into her shoulder.
"Come on, Kara Danvers, it's time to go home."
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Alex came to my room the next morning to let me know we were not training. She had to go do something with Maggie that she shared very few details about. So I dressed in my street clothes and headed into one of the marketplaces. I had heard rumors of a merchant selling books, precious commodities that were very limited outside of royal and titled circles. I sought him out and was able to barter with him for a historical manuscript about the split between Cadmium and Krypton and also for a fictional story about a man who was selected by a magical sword to lead a country.
The trade took most of the allowances I had been saving up but I had missed books. The DEO had very few and the absence of them just made me long for Kandor and Lena's study even more. I took my new treasures to a public park and curled into a corner to read. The fictional book was amusing and easy before I knew it the story was over. I delved into the manuscript which was much more tedious and caused me to stumble over many of the words. I only stopped to get food from a nearby vendor. When darkness fell I packed everything into my small sack and made my way back home. Loud, excited voices greeted me before I made my way out of the tunnel.
"Surprise!" a chorus of voices shout as my eyes adjust to the brightness of the usually dark cave.
"What is going on?" I ask the women facing me.
"Well, you seemed upset yesterday, so we..."
"Excuse me?" Maggie interrupts Alex.
"Fine, so I thought that to cheer you up we could celebrate Winter Solstice with you."
I look around the room. Candles cover almost every surface. The small table from the kitchen has been moved and is heavily laden with food. Packages wrapped in colorful clothes sit in one corner. My mouth hangs open and I can't think of what to say. It is better than I thought I could ever have again. My jaw works as I search for words and concerned faces stare back at me. I burst into tears.
"Hey, hey, hey. What's wrong? Is something wrong? Did we do..." Alex rushes to me to grip my shoulders as I vigorously try to wipe away my tears.
"No! It's... It's... it's wonderful. I never thought... I can't... Thank you!" somehow that doesn't seem like enough.
Relieved laughter erupts from everyone. They all, in turn, hug me and for once it does not put me on edge. Soon we gather around the table but I stop them before everyone eats.
"Do we have an unused candle?" I ask Alex.
"Let me check the kitchen." She hurries away and I hear cupboards opening and closing.
"What are we doing?" asks Felicity.
"Before the meal, we always say a prayer. I know that none of you know it but it got me through a lot of very dark times." small nods from everyone present.
Alex returns with a candle and a long splinter of wood to light it with. I take it from her and carefully set it onto the center of the table. All their eyes focus on me. I close mine and take a deep breath, remembering the words that helped give me strength so many times. Words I could still hear my mother speaking as she lit a candle every Winter Solstice. I open my eyes and focus on lighting the candle myself as I speak the prayer.
"Rao binds us to those we love. He gives us strength when we have none. In the darkest place, He guides us. Rao, protect us so that we might protect others. And we shall rise, a fire in His hearth, burning and free." I let the silence sit comfortably among us after the last words for just a few moments.
"Okay, let us eat," I say with a big grin at the thought of food.
"Kara, that was beautiful," Thea says and I blush.
"I really like that. Its kind of like us, protecting others and rising free," adds Sara, Alex stands with her glass held up in front of her.
"We will rise, burning and free," she says with determination on her face. I stand and touch my glass to hers.
"Burning and free," I repeat. Almost at once, everyone else stands and does the same. Cups are banged together and then everyone drinks deeply.
After that, the meal continues with a lot of laughter and teasing. The food disappears quickly, mostly to me, but drinking continues long after it is all gone. Soon Kaitlyn and Felicity scoot the pile of what I can only assume are gifts, closer to the table.
"You just said something about giving presents so we weren't really sure what that meant. We got something for everyone."
"It's different with every family. This is perfect Alex, thank you. I couldn't have asked for a better present than this night."
Everyone opens the package with their name on it and find an array of different items. Sara and Thea have matching knives. Kaitlyn gets a new herb box that has intricate woodwork and her initials carved into it. Felicity a small pile of books, Maggie gave Alex what appeared to be some sort of bracer, but then I got too distracted by my own. Inside the small box was a tightly rolled scroll with a wax seal that I would know anywhere.
"She wrote back." I turn to Alex.
"Yes, it came today." I hold the paper in my fingers and stare.
"Open it, Kara." Alex urges.
With my thumbnail I pick at the wax, popping it off and letting the page uncurl. I almost cry again at the sight of Lenas tight, elegant handwriting perfectly spaced on the page. A sob threatens to escape my throat at the greeting.
My dearest Kara,
Oh, the joy I felt at seeing your words. At knowing you are alive. Guilt has wracked my soul at not being able to speak to you before you left. I am so sorry that fear froze me from saving you in that courtroom. How I wanted to run to you and let you hold me one last time. To my shame, it was Winn who saved you. He found ambiguous writing in the old laws of Krypton that never specified gender for Knights. It was my mother's cruel pride at being deceived that forced you away.
I swear once I am the queen you can return to me. How treasonous that thought would be if any but you read those words, but I do not care. I love you, Kara Zorel Ward. I want you by my side. For now, make the difference that you can. Protect those you can because you are a hero. You always have been. When you can return to me I will make sure that you will be a knight again, council be damned.
There is so much more I wish to say but I do not think a quill will be able to do it justice. For now, my love, stay safe, stay alive, and figure out who Kara is without Kal. I, for one, cannot wait to meet her.
Forever Yours,
Lena Luthor
Tears trail down my cheeks as I read the words over again. And again. I feel Alex's hand on my shoulder.
"She loves me," I whisper.