feeling unlovable

By ablackthorn

338K 8.5K 952

I loved Felix, I really did. With every part of me but he didn't love me back and that killed me. Especially... More

note
cast
hey, cutie, wanna hear a joke?
no one said yes to the black man's son
i'm not something he'd want to love
you've had dreams about my mom?
i didn't appreciate you dancing with another man
so... you're really getting married?
save me a dance?
you are my wife
i got fucking married today!
it's rude to stare, felix
my hair was always this colour!
why didn't you tell us you were bisexual?
same first letter, same name
where's your ring, emma?
i don't trust him alone with you
you ruined me
you going to sing to me, papi?
why you so...giggly?
make me forget
tell felix not to keep you out late
treat me like a princess and i'll stay with you forever
you better come home early tonight
you are acting as real husband and wife
you have her back now, you don't lose her
eww, libraries
he's not interested so get away from him
i hate reading
do you have a thing for necks, marcus?
how you land a chick like emma?
thinking about how much i want an us
don't ever doubt i'm not falling for you
your date is ready for you
i'll always come back to you
you're the one whoring around
your secret isn't going to be hidden for long
pack your bags, papi
seduce him and make sure the girl sees
i'm not falling for her, i don't fall
goodnight, papi
don't ruin my manly moment
she wouldn't belive you
juro amarte toda mi vida
even if it was my last night with you, i'm glad we did it
i ain't a lanky kid no more
i'm not done falling in love with you
i'll smack that fake lashes off your unnatural face
you're pregnant?
i didn't even get to say goodbye
felix likes it strong
happy birthday
make her fall for you
there was no need for a dick pic
i wouldn't want my baby running off
he's still in love with you
why the fuck is he here?
oh god, don't tell me you're in love with emma too
i thought you'd forget about him
last night, it was a mistake
i promsed her i'd come back
god, i missed you, mi amor
this is all your fucking fault
she's not emma
pretty boy is back in the family
i'm not attrached to nina, at all
why didn't you tell me you loved me earlier?
why'd you forgive me?
this hurts like a bitch
it's emma...
damon
felix... what's going on?
i saw the way you looked at him
he doesn't give a fuck that his little dick it hanging out
why don't you tell me what you've been hiding?
i knew he was gay
do you, marcus juan valentino take nina pagie, as your wife?"
make love to me, marcus
spread your legs
make your own fucking decisions
i'm giving my company to you
happy birthday to damon!
you're a cockblocker
i can't lose them both
please, remind him everyday that I loved him, so much
i wasn't ready to lose him, emma
why the fuck are you smiling?
are you drunk?
i was busy looking at him, not the weight on his arm
i want you to touch me
as soon as you're married, bring me a baby
do you, emma quinn harper, take marcus juan valentino as your husband?
let's take this dress off you
not every man needs sex, emma
i'm sure satan needs company
oh, cut the crap! what the fuck is this?
just for that, you're eating from a fucking paper plate
it's best to say your goodbyes before
queen emma and mr. rich
i love you
i'm here for you
sleep tight, my ángel
i just want to love you
i'll always be here for him
feeling lost
other books

i really want to kiss you

5.1K 158 20
By ablackthorn

IX

As soon as Emma laid her hand onto Felix's, he pulled her onto his hard chest. Felix's heart raced, trying to shake off any nervous feelings when he felt Emma place her hand over his heart and from the shocked look on her face, he knew she could feel it hammering against her hand. He'd never had her this close in years. All Felix could hear was his heart beat that taunted him as he spun Emma around in his arms. The music surrounded them and Felix concentrated on it, focusing his main thought.

Emma was his and only his and he had to prove that.

Wrapping his arms around Emma's small waist, Felix took in a deep breath. Emma's sunflower perfume calming him as he started to regain all rational thought and then he was the old Felix again. Smirking down at Emma's slightly confused face as he laid his hands against her wedding dress and tightened his hold on her. As if that would reassure him that she was his.

Emma hesitantly placed her hands onto Felix's shoulders and allowed him to lead the dance. Her feet following closely after his as he guided them across the dance floor and it was the perfect first dance as husband and wife, until Emma felt Felix's hands start to lower. Emma's blue eyes snapped up to meet Felix's jealous green ones and glared. Her hands tightening around her husband's shoulder in warning when he started to near the curve of her wide hips.

Felix's rose them back to her waist when Emma gave his shoulder another meaningful squeeze and clenched his jaw. Ignoring Emma's heated gaze as his eyes scanned the crowd until they landed on Marcus who sat at the bar, watching the couple dance with narrowed eyes and Felix smirked. This was what he wanted, to prove to Marcus that Emma was his and none of his puppy love would change that.

This time, Felix didn't stop his hands from lowering, even after Emma had squeezed his shoulder a number of times. "Felix!" She warned, eyes glancing around the room towards her guests, to see them smiling and giggling as they watched Felix tried to feel up his wife. Some of Felix cousins shouted for him to wait until tonight and Felix smirked, chuckling when a startled gasp left Emma's pink lips his hands finally cupped her ass. "You are mine."

The words were hard, harsh and Emma almost flinched at the claim he made. She shook her head, ignoring her families giggles and she took a hold of Felix's neck and lowered him until her lips were near his ear, "Not anymore."

<><><>

Marcus had never been one to drink, he hated the bitter taste it sometimes left and headache that came after but in that moment, he needed something. Anything to relieve him from the heartache he was going through.

Emma, the girl he thought was the love of his life was married.

Marcus shook his head, his index finger twirling around the edge of the shot glass in front of him before sighing. Drowning the shot, Marcus stood. Chucking slightly when his legs wobbled and he slowly steadied himself against the bar, ignoring the concerned stares from the bartender as he dried up previously used glasses.

Waving off the bartender, Marcus turned his gaze back onto the dance floor and hated when the ache in his chest eased when Emma slowly released herself from Felix's grip and disappeared into the crowd.

Tomorrow she'd been in his arms again.

<><><>

Macie smiled brightly, watching as her daughter sent everyone sweet smiles as she existed the dance floor. Felix not far behind as he greeted guests that passed him on their way to the dance floor. Macie was so happy, her daughter was set.

She was with someone she loved and that was all Macie asked for.

Yet Macie couldn't ignore the nagging voice in the back of her head that kept yelling that all of this was a bad idea, that this wedding just ruined her daughter's life and Macie frowned, knowing that that nagging voice appeared the minute Marcus left their house last night.

Everything was different now and Macie didn't even know what caused her to think this.

Sighing, Macie turned to her husband to tell him her concerns when her eyes locked on Marcus's figure and every cell of her body froze and her heart raced, that nagging voice in the back of her head getting louder and louder as she watched Emma slowing make her way towards him through the mass of people that tried to talk to her.

Nicholas frowned, noticing his wife's tense figure placed his hands on her shoulders and softly massaged the tense muscle, "Honey, what's wrong?"

Macie gulped, "Did—did you invite Marcus?"

Nicholas frowned, confused on why his wife would ask him this questions. She and Olivia, Felix's mother had been in charge of the invites. All he did was hand Macie the money she needed. "No, I thought you did. Maybe Emma invited him?"

Macie nodded, knowing that what her husband said could have been true. Extremely true, Macie thought as she watched Emma give Marcus a once over before leading him into a storage room at the back of the hall. She must have thought she was being sneaky because she didn't look back to see if eyes were watching her.

Nicholas frowned, confused about everything around him as his wife stood from her seat and trailed towards the storage room, stopping only a few times when family came over to congratulate her.

"Macie?" The older woman froze and slowly turned to her, now, son-in-law who looked down at her with loving look. Macie almost wondered how he could have broken their daughter's heart all those years ago. He was frowning, hands in fists at his sides as he asked the question that was worrying Macie, "Where's is Emma? I lost her in the crowd."

Macie shrugged, knowing she could never expose her daughter when she was alone in a room with a boy that was not her husband. "I don't know, honey. I'll let you know as soon as I find her, why don't you catch up with a few of your cousins? You're going to be taking over your father's business soon, you need some advice."

Felix smiled, excited by the idea and nodded his head. Thanking his mother-in-law before wondering off, squeezing through guests towards one of his older cousins who shouted his name across the hall to get his attention.

Turning to her husband, Macie gestured for him to hurry up with her head and speed up her pace towards the back storage room until her face was almost pressed against the small glass window of the storage room door as she took in the scene in front of her.

"She looks so...happy." Was the words whispered between the couple once they laid eyes on Emma and Marcus. Macie frowned, she felt stupid for not noticing her daughter's feelings when listening in on the phone call earlier that day. She felt as if she could have stopped the wedding, she knew it would have looked wrong but if her daughter was happy with the Hispanic boy then Macie would do anything to keep the two together. It was too late now. Emma was no longer a Harper.

Nicholas sadly looked towards his daughter as she twirled around in Marcus's embrace. He had been so strongly positive that his decision to marry his only daughter to the Hayden's only child would be a good idea. It all seemed selfish to him now as he watches his daughter laugh with another boy, a boy Nicholas thought much of. A boy that Nicholas knew more than his own daughter's husband.

<><><>

Marcus finally felt at ease, this feeling that he got whenever Emma was near was something he never wanted to let go of. He was here, at her wedding and he still couldn't give her up. Especially when after ten years of loving her, she finally was starting to requite his feelings. His heart hadn't stopped racing since he stepped into his old room and his hands couldn't stop sweating and getting even more sticky as they were placed on Emma's small waist. She fit between his arms so perfectly, how could he let her go when he was made for her?

The soft sound of the music from the hall flowed into the room and he hummed along to it. Smiling when their prom popped into his head and he'd danced with her so close to him. Kissing the side of her head, Marcus leaned down to whisper into her ear as he swayed them slowly back and forth, "Thank you for saving me a dance."

Trailing her hand down his shoulder, Emma tried to memorize the feeling of his arms but the material of his shirt was in the way. The feeling of being in his arms made Emma feel complete. Knowing that he loved her and thought she was the most beautiful girl in world made her feel on top of this world. She'd been in love with someone who didn't want her most her life and to finally have someone love you the way you want to be loved made her selfish. She never wanted to let him go but she knew she had to eventually. Emma couldn't help but wish he was the man her parents had gotten her married too.

And Marcus couldn't help but wish she wasn't married, he really wanted to kiss her.

Raising his hands from Emma's waist, Marcus cupped Emma's face, thumb rubbing the soft skin that was pink with blush. Marcus couldn't help the hitch in his breath when Emma leaned into his touch and looked up at him with an expression he'd never thought he'd see. Adoration.

She absolutely adored him in this moment.

"I really want to kiss you." The words were like vomit, coming out before Marcus could stop them and his entire body buzzed when Emma didn't lean away and tell him she couldn't. Because he feared that the kiss they shared last night would be their last. Marcus didn't want to stop kissing her so when she smiled and leaned closer into his embrace, Marcus didn't hesitate to follow her next command.

"Then kiss me."

What people didn't know wouldn't hurt them, Felix had said those words to her once when she'd found out about the girl he was seeing while they were engaged.

Marcus leaned down and kissed her. He kissed her as if it would be their last, he kissed her as if she would be the last girl he kissed and Emma kissed him back. She kissed him with her fears for her life without him like this. She kissed him with the feelings she developed for him over this short period of time.

And together they kissed as two people starting to fall in love.

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