"Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending
Than have to forget you for one whole minute
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies"
-Paramore, 'crushcrushcrush'
⚑ Luke ⚐
Ashton left at 9:42. Luke remembered because he had looked down at his phone, already wondering when it would be long enough for it to be okay to text him.
They stood at the door for a moment, staring at each other from opposite sides of the frame.
"You have my number, right?" Luke asked awkwardly.
"Yeah. And you?"
"Yeah. I've got it."
"Good." Ashton said, bouncing uncomfortably on the balls of his feet. "Listen--about earlier--,"
"Don't worry about it." Luke interrupted, feeling his heart sink. "I--we were tired."
"I--oh. Yeah." Ashton said, his gaze dropping. "Yeah. I'll...see you around then?"
"Sure." Luke told him.
Neither of them moved.
Neither of them spoke.
They were doing the staring thing again.
Several tense hours passed in twelve blinks of an eye.
"I've got class--,"
"Yeah I have work--,"
"This was fun--,"
"Really good, yeah--,"
"I'm gonna--"
"Yeah, I think I'll just--,"
"Be going--"
"Leave so--,"
"Bye."
"Later."
Slam.
Luke threw himself on the couch in frustration.
Later?
-
You: Hey.
10:42 am
You: Dude I know you're in school right now but I took a sick day at work and really really need to talk to you.
10:57 am
You: I know I got pissed last time we talked and I'm sorry but I need you. We've been friends for long enough for you to know I never ask for anything but I'm asking for this. Begging, even. I'm confused as fuck and I don't know if I can figure this out by myself.
10:59 am
You: Please. I'll do anything.
11:06
Louis: Even make me cake pops?
11:07
You: Anything you want. That's really strange, though.
11:07
Louis: Fine. Meet me at the Bell in twenty?
11:09
You: A bar? In the morning?
11:10
Louis: It's just Gracie working. She won't judge us.
11:13
You: You sure...?
11:14
Louis: Do you want to talk to me or not?
11:16
You: See you in 15.
11:17
-
"So you have a crush on Ass-Face Ashton?" Louis asked as soon as Luke walked in to the musty pub. The Bell was unsurprisingly deserted except for the tiny bartender swabbing down tables in the corner.
"I--what?! How...he..did you--?"
"Calm down," Louis chuckled, tossing a can of soda at Luke smoothly. Luke didn't catch it because he was both paralyzed with shock and not coordinated in the slightest. The Coke clattered to the floor, fizzing menacingly.
"Smooth." Louis said dryly. "Sit down."
"I--okay." Luke slid in next to him, glad to see Louis only had a can of Sprite and a slice of pie.
"Hey, what kind of--,"
"Peach. You're buying because I'm still mad at you." Louis informed him. "And for your information, next time you try to be straight, don't go all Jacob Black on me for yelling at your boyfriend."
"I...what? Who's Jacob Black?"
Louis looked at him disgustedly. "Are you sure you're gay?"
"No!" Luke ran a hand through his hair. "No, that's why I needed to talk to you. I need you to help me figure some stuff out."
"I won't be your sexuality experiment. I have a boyfriend--,"
"God, Lou, no. Oh fuck, no." Luke felt a little nauseated at the though of doing--that--with Louis. "I just need to ask you some stuff. You're my only non-straight friend."
"Non-straight? That's what the kids are calling it these days?" Louis smirked and took another bite of pie. "Who makes this, Miss Heredia? It's wonderful."
"Gay. Fine. You're my only gay friend." Luke said, frustration brewing in his chest.
"Really? I can't be your only gay friend. That's nearly impossible. How many people do you know? Because statistically speaking, if you've met 10 people--,"
"Can you quite fucking around and be serious for like three seconds!?" Luke finally yelled, slamming his fist down on the bar. "I need to talk to somebody and you're the only one who I could think of and I'm trusting you, Lou, I am and you know how hard this is for me right now so can you just try to fucking listen?!"
The already silent pub took on the aura of a padded room as the leprechaun bartender awkwardly polished glasses and Louis studied his pie intensely and Luke tried to calm himself down by breathing in and counting and
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
6...
"Harry!" Louis said triumphantly all of a sudden. "You met Harry! You know two gay guys. I knew statistics wouldn't lie!"
Luke stood up, knocking his stool over with the backs of his knees and letting it clatter to the ground as he tensed his jaw and stalked to the door.
"Fuck. You." He muttered, slamming the door open with his fist and squinting into the bright sunlight.
"Have a nice day--mother of God, Grace, what the hell?!"
"You better fucking go after him, Louis. Remember what happened to Niall?"
"Please, you--,"
"Watch me, asshole. Who's the one with the towel whip here?"
-
Luke was sitting on a deserted set of stairs when Louis sauntered up, hands stuck deep into his pockets as he shifted awkwardly back and forth. Luke was mad. No, scratch that--Luke was furious. He was so furious he couldn't think straight and couldn't see straight and had almost been run over by a car on the way here and he didn't even care because red was blurring the edges of his vision and he wasn't sure why he had let Louis get to him like this because he knew Louis was like this, he did, but for some reason he had thought that--
"This is where Harry found me right after Niall did us all the liberty of informing him that I was gay." Louis said softy, leaning against the building a few feet away from where Luke had his hands fisted in his hair.
Luke didn't say anything.
"I was mad. I was really, really mad. I remember thinking that Niall had ruined every chance I had with Harry by telling him that." Louis chucked a little. "Funny. Funny to think that had Niall not told him, I never would have gotten a chance with him at all. I've never told him thank you for that."
Luke was still running hot, but he couldn't help but soften as Louis handed over little pieces of himself.
"We were both too scared--or at least I was, and I'm assuming Harry was too. We were too wrapped up in worrying we'd screw up what we already had, when really we should have realized that there's no point in torturing yourself wondering. You only have one life, and as cheesy as it sounds, it's way too short to pass up the one person who could make it worth living because you're scared." Louis slid down the wall, sitting on the curb and staring across the street at nothing. "When Harry found me, I was in the fetal position sobbing. He took me home and gave me tea, and then I told him to leave because I was scared of what I was feeling. I've been hurt before, you know? It's not all flowers and rainbows. I'm not as strong as I'd like to think."
Luke was staring at Louis' eyes that had glazed over. He looked a little sad, but relieved too, like this was a weight off of his chest.
"And then I kissed another boy and fuck, Luke, I hated every second but I told myself it was the right thing to do because it was way easier to not feel because feelings get hurt and they get complicated. The process of falling in love is never pleasant. But the end result--," Louis grinned and looked up at him, "--the end result is worth every millisecond of struggle."
Luke nodded, not sure what to say.
"Now, I only have two people to thank for my relationship with Harry; Niall and an old homophobic man called David who told Harry that I looked at him like he was sunshine. I figure that's a pretty accurate description of the way I feel about him." Louis looked at Luke meaningfully, slowly standing up. "But Christ, Luke. If I look at Harry like he's sunshine then you look at Ashton like he's oxygen."
"I do?" Luke finally choked out, feeling bile and realization building in his chest.
"I was in the dark for a long time. Don't let yourself suffocate because you're too afraid to come up for air." Louis told, looking down at him one last time before turning and walking back toward the pub. Luke was already sprinting in the opposite direction.
-
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