"You'll need to change the bandages every day." Valerie explained to him, "You can take these after you eat." She gave him a small bottle of meds. "the dose amounts are written on it."
"Thank you" Eli put the medicine into his pocket. "Do you know what's going on out there?"
"They aren't letting anyone near it." Valerie started cleaning up the gauze and tools she's bloodied when patching him up, "I don't think she's awake though."
Eli almost asked if she knew what was going on, but he didn't have the energy for it. "I want to go home."
"I'll call a taxi"
He looked at the door, then at her working figure. "Why are you helping me?"
"I've figured out quite a lot since we last met" Valerie answered, "I know the truth and I know there isn't anything I can do to resolve this. Monroe..." She stopped cleaning the equipment, "I know what he is. I know that there's a pack. Ben and I have looked into it. His half-brother is one, we think that's why he was attacked before. And we looked into you. You're with one of them. You knew already didn't you? Before this?" She looked at the wounds on his neck.
Eli nodded.
"Did he tell you?"
"He lost control when we were together. I saw his eyes. That was after I'd seen the scary ones." Eli answered. "He told me after that."
"I've been dating him for three years and he never so much as hinted at something like this."
Eli glanced up.
"Monroe." Valerie answered his questioning gaze, "He knows that I have it figured out, and I'm not sure where we're going to go from here. But no matter what" She put her hands onto his shoulders. "We're in the same boat, so we need to stick together. That's why I'm helping you."
Eli wondered if they'd be in the same boat for very long. He'd already struck a hole into his, and it was sinking. The natural thing to do was jump ship, and he'd go down alone. "I did something unforgivable"
"The love of my life has lied to me through my most vulnerable moments, and he was never going to stop." Valerie made him look up. "People are capable of forgiving a whole lot when they care about someone. I'm going to walk you down to the taxi, you're going to go home, take those painkillers, and sleep. And when you wake up, you can talk to him. Okay?"
"Okay" Eli echoed, not believing it himself. He wouldn't be able to talk to him. He wouldn't be able to face him. Not after what he'd done.
Valerie didn't come in the taxi, but gave him a slip of paper with her number. When he got home the light was fading from the sky. He assessed the windows of the house, spotting Marcus and Jenny in the kitchen before he got out of the car. He rushed past the doorway, shouting that he was home, but not hesitating long enough to be seen. He couldn't handle being questioned right now.
He clicked the lock into place and sunk down to the ground. The puppies all jumped off the bed, rushing to give him kisses and scrambling to claim a spot on his lap. He took out his phone. He hovered over Cameron's name for a long pause, but skipped down to Oliver. He sent a text saying he was fine and at home, then turned off his phone.
Eli ran through what happened over and over.
He hadn't been in control.
But no matter how hazy it had been, he had been able to fight off the effects on him when it mattered. But he hadn't done that. He'd given in. He ran his fingers through his hair and took in harsh breaths. Brown licked the bottom of his chin with a whine.
"I need to talk to him." Eli turned his phone back on. He couldn't mope. He had to talk to him. He had to apologise, and hope that Cameron would forgive him. He ignored the messages and missed calls from Oliver, and dialled Cameron. It rung out three time before the other end picked up. "Cameron?"
"Are you okay?"
Eli's heart clenched. He could have guessed that he would say that. But hearing the genuine worry in his voice filled him with an overwhelming amount of relief and guilt together. "I'm fine. I'm home. Are you okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be? Nothing happened to me" Cameron's voice lost its gentleness. It was sharp. Angry.
"I'm so sorry" Eli's voice cracked. "It- I don't know what happened. I'm sorry."
"Hey, hey it's okay. Take a few breaths for me okay?" The edge immediately disappeared from Cameron's voice. "I'm getting into a car with Monroe now, we'll be there in twenty minutes."
"The hospitals at least an hour away." Eli pointed out. He didn't know what else to say. Cameron was comforting him. He was coming to see him. That had to mean he would forgive him didn't it? Eli squeezed his eyes shut, and prayed that's what it meant.
"We're not taking an hour." His voice came through the speaker dimly, as if he were speaking to someone else when he said it. Eli imagined him threatening Monroe. "Make sure to cover your neck with something. When we get there Monroe will take a look, but it will be dangerous if you bleed too much."
"I got patched up at the hospital before I left" Eli assured him.
"Ah, that's good."
Silence fell between them. Awkward silence, that neither of them knew how to fill. Eli just listened to his breaths on the other end of the line, and tried not to imagine Cameron leaving him. It flitted into his thoughts anyway. How he would act around everyone at school, how he would feel seeing him in the hallways, with other people. Maybe the next one would be a girl. Blonde. Sinclair mentioned that he likes blondes when they first met.
"Eli"
Eli swallowed down the tears, and wiped away the ones that had escaped. "I'm okay."
"It's okay." Cameron said softly, "What happened wasn't your fault. I don't blame you for anything."
His words made the efforts to stop crying meaningless. He sniffled and pulled Brown tightly against his chest. "What happened with the Luna?" He asked so that Cameron would talk about something else.
"She hasn't woken up. But one of the rogues showed up. We think it's the alpha." Cameron answered. "He's in the room now and nobody else can get in. Even if she doesn't wake up, I think it's fine. Her soul is back, so they won't be pestering us about it anymore."
Eli let himself think about her for a few moments. Let himself think about everything he'd felt when the soul was controlling his actions. "Is what I felt, her?"
"It could have just been wolf instincts that took over."
"Do wolf instincts typically make you betray your mate?"
Eli imagined Cameron tensing up on the other end of the line. Imagined his pained expression. "No."
He knew that would be the answer. Cameron wouldn't ever do something like that.
"You're breaking my heart"
"I'm sorry" Eli silenced the cries into his arm. Brown whined and started licking his cheek.
"And now it's a mutt comforting you instead of me" Cameron grumbled, "It's the dirt coloured one, isn't it?"
"He's not dirt coloured" Eli chided him gently, "He's chocolatey."
"Oh, that's why you like him."
Eli smiled.
"We're pulling up outside. Can I come straight up to your room?"
"Yeah"
Eli kept the phone to his ear for a few moments after he hung up. He listened to the doorbell, then the door being opened. The voices were too dim to make out, then a set of footsteps were coming up the stairs. Eli took in shaking breaths to calm himself as they reached his door. He reached up from his spot on the ground and unlocked it.
Cameron closed it behind him. His eyes raked over every inch of Eli before coming to his neck. he took in the bandages, then the streaks on his cheeks, and finally met his eyes. Eli waited fearfully for him to say something. Waited for him to react, when there wasn't a phone to hide his real expressions. Eli didn't know if he was hiding his emotions, or if it was because of the blurriness in his vision that he couldn't read him.
Cameron knelt down, and pulled him against his chest so hard that it hurt. The puppies escaped being crushed between them with squeals. Eli shuddered, and leaned into him. He wrapped his arms tightly around Cameron's back, and didn't object to the strength that made it a little hard to breathe. He didn't mind because he was close to Cameron. Cameron was letting him be close. "I don't want to lose you." Eli got out in a shaky voice.
"You're not going to lose me." Cameron reassured instantly. "I'm so, so sorry about what happened. Nobody is ever going to make you do that again. Nobody is ever going to make you feel this way again. I promise, I'll do a better job protecting you." Cameron's arms trembled as he spoke, and the tremble extended to his voice.
The relief and guilt that shook through him was overwhelming. Cameron wasn't going to leave him. "I'm so sorry about what I did. It will never happen again, I swear that I won't ever do anything like that again." Eli couldn't even say 'he would never cheat'. He already had. He could only promise not to do it again, and hope that Cameron could forgive him.
"It wasn't your fault." Cameron pulled back. He cupped Eli's face and made their eyes meet. "What happened, wasn't your fault." He repeated himself half a dozen times with blazing eyes until Eli nodded. "Don't blame yourself. It was the soul, it wasn't you."
Eli nodded again.
Cameron pulled him close once more. "I'll tell you it as many times as you need."
He squeezed his eyes and leaned into his warmth. He stroked Eli's back, and whispered assurances until Eli was out of energy, and couldn't protest. But Eli wasn't just subdued. He was able to relax. He was able to believe that it was going to be okay. Cameron wouldn't leave him. They would move past this, and in a few weeks, it would be forgotten. He knew that it wouldn't be forgotten in just a week or two, but Cameron made him feel like it could be. It gave Eli the strength to talk. "Are you mad?"
"Not at you."
"Then at who?"
"That Luna. Richard, for giving you the bloody thing. David. Oliver. Quint. My dad. Myself." Cameron's grip tightened again. "Nobody was looking out for you like they should have been."
Eli wondered about David. He'd been affected by the soul too. But Cameron knew that. Eli wasn't going to defend him right now. Not if it would anger annoy Cameron. "I put it on." Eli reminded him, "I didn't say anything even though I knew something was up with it on the way to the hospital."
"I couldn't stop myself, and I'm a shifter." Cameron said, "There's no way you could have fought against its influence."
Eli listened to the instant defence. He got the feeling that no matter what he said to blame himself, Cameron would have a reason why he was wrong at the ready. He wasn't going to let Eli be miserable. Even if he was furious at everyone for what happened, he was going to make sure that Eli didn't suffer anymore. "Does that mean you forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive" Cameron squeezed him tightly to his chest.
Eli didn't agree, but he wasn't going to be convinced otherwise. "Cameron" he rested his head in the crook of his neck, "I love you."
Cameron jolted.
"I'm sorry" Eli immediately regretted saying it, "I shouldn't say that while I'm upset"
"You're not allowed to take it back" Cameron said suddenly. Eli was once again being crushed to the point he couldn't breathe against Cameron. "I love you too."
*
"Are you ready?" Cameron kept his hand firmly in his own.
"Jenny's going to have to have a fit, I bet" Eli murmured. His eyes were red and puffy. He was pale. His neck was covered in bandages. "I'm probably going to cry again."
"If you want to cry, go ahead" Cameron soothed, "you'll guilt them into letting you go to bed earlier."
Eli squeezed the hand in his, and took in a deep breath. He stepped into the kitchen. "Dad, I have something to tell you."
Monroe was seated at the table. Jenny was sitting opposite him, and both of them looked tense already. Marcus was at the kettle. All of them turned. Jenny jerked up from the table. "What happened?" She rushed over. She seized his cheeks, and tilted his head back to expose his neck.
Adrenaline and fear rocketed violently through his veins. He wrenched his hand free from Cameron and threw them up protectively in front of him. His entire body pushed back, causing him to fall against the doorway, as Jenny went the other way. His head came back down, and he covered his neck with one hand. It was only after a few panicked breaths that he took in Jenny.
Marcus was helping her up from the ground.
"I'm sorry." Eli took in a sharp breath, "I didn't mean to-"
"It's okay" Cameron said gently, putting a reassuring arm against his lower back. "Take deep breaths."
"Sweetie" Jenny flashed him a soft smile, "It's okay."
Eli looked down. Like he predicted tears were bubbling at the surface ready to come out at the slightest provocation. He'd just pushed his dad's wife onto the ground.
Cameron covered his trembling hands with his, "She knows you didn't mean to."
"It's understandable that your wary of anyone going near your neck," Monroe's doctor voice added, "It's a survival instinct, and after what happened one that isn't easily controlled."
"After what happened?" Marcus asked tersely.
"There was an incident at the hospital" Monroe answered his dad's glare with a calm voice, "A wild dog was loose in the parking lot."
Cameron's hand tightened. He turned his face away from Eli, with guilt and anger written into his features. His jaw was clenched. Eli wished that Monroe hadn't said a 'wild dog' had done it in front of Cameron. He squeezed Cameron's fingers that were twined together with his. Cameron gave him a smile that didn't reach beyond his lips.
"This happened hours ago, and we weren't contacted?" Marcus's demeanour wasn't as influenced by Eli's condition like Jenny's was. "Why was that?" He was angry. His eyes were narrowed at Monroe, and Eli knew that Jenny must have told him about the bad experience he'd had at the boarding house. "He fell down the stairs? He slipped in the woods? He got into an accident at your house, and now it was a stray dog? All over the course of a few weeks?"
Eli's stomach clenched. His dad wasn't just angry about today. All of it had made him snap. From where he was he could see that Monroe's hand clenched under the table. Eli wasn't sure why, but he was getting blamed for it. "Dad-"
"I'm not done." Marcus cut him off. "I don't know who it is, but I'm sure that it is someone from that boarding house isn't innocent in all of these matters." His eyes landed on Cameron. "From this point on there will be no contact with anyone living there until it's sorted out."
"Dad!" Eli interrupted again, his chest filling with hot anger as the accusation landed on Cameron. He could see that Cameron was already blaming himself for the injuries on his neck, and he wasn't about to let his dad make him feel worse about it. "This isn't his fault! You can't blame him for-"
"Eli, I'll speak to you after, for now go to your room."
"No." He refused.
"Elliott." His dad's angry gaze finally turned on him.
Eli flinched at the tone used to say his name. It was a little different from the way Jackson used to say it; always with a stern growl, that didn't allow for disobedience of any form. Now it was anger, that expected Eli to give way without a fuss. He was already stretched thin from the day he'd had, and his emotions were a mess – and now he had to fight with his dad?
"Why don't you head up?"
Hearing him agree with his dad did a funny thing to his chest. It was like cold bits of ice pricked at the muscle causing physical pain. If it hadn't been today he'd think he was just saying it to protect him. If he hadn't seen the guilt in his expression, he'd know he was trying to spare Eli from getting yelled at. But now it meant something else. He was agreeing with his dad. He was agreeing to having 'no contact'.
Cameron had said he'd forgiven him, but Eli knew he wouldn't have said the same thing yesterday.
He didn't even say anything when Eli met his eyes, and he knew that he wasn't hiding his emotions at all.
"Why don't I do that" Eli dropped his hand, and left the room. How was he supposed to argue against his dad when Cameron was agreeing with him? What would be the point if Cameron didn't want to be around him in the first place?
He sank onto the ground inside his room again.
It was more than just the sting of rejection.
It was telling him he loved him, and being turned away minutes later.
It was being turned away at all.
Cameron hadn't done that before.
It was always Eli trying to calm him down. Eli telling him to hold back.
Now he was leaving. The confidence that everything would work out okay was gone. A new understanding took its place. A despondent, hurtful understanding; even if they were together, it wouldn't ever be like it was.