A/N: Cause it never is easy and I love my roller coasters, lolol.
Enjoy!
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Mike arrived at the studio not in time as he should have but in time that the others weren't mad yet. Joe and Rob synthetic studio as they weren't even supposed to be but Brad and Dave sat at the front of the mixing table looking not particularly annoyed but just bored. Chester was no where to be seen which was a huge relief for the half Asian.
"Are you fine?", Brad had noticed the weird tone on his friends voice already in the phone.
"Yeah yeah... Just had an argument with Anna. Where were we at?", he brushed the comment off. He couldn't tell the truth so he didn't even bother lie further.
Brad explained him where they were trying to to get the emcee's mind focus. He was obviously distracted but Brad didn't want to push it.
Soon they were all driven by the music they were creating. Or at least trying to since they were really only at the beginning. Few songs needed some singing, but the lyrics weren't even ready yet.
At lunch time Dave yawned and got up to get some coffee. They were already exhausted by all the thinking but Mike was so glad cause it was distracting him from all the other thoughts. His mind started to go on how stupid he had been but next Brad pointed out a part of lyric and it was all forgotten.
But then the door swung open and the singer stepped in. Looking so damn good that it made Mike's stomach ache.
"Sorry I am so late. We went to see Talinda's friend and you know how the women are", he rolled his eyes smirking.
Of course it was Talinda that had caused it. Didn't surprise Mike at all. He was so jealous that it made him angry but instead of stomping out from the studio he just turned around back to the table. And Chester tossed his bag on the floor and sat beside them like nothing had happened. Which made him even more angry. "How dare he!", the emcee thought. It sure was Mike's mistake but he could at least nodded to him. Or texted that he was coming and all is fine. Or that he hated him and didn't want to see him ever again. But nothing, it was like nothing had ever happened. And it sure did happen. Mike could still feel the electricity and the softness of the kiss that was so short. Which made him only think about longer kiss. How could have it been like. Maybe light touch on the cheek or a hand traveled under Chester's shirt...
"Mike!", Brad broke the daydream.
"Dude, where the fuck are you. It's like you're floating somewhere high above", the guitarist frowned and pointed at the paper making sure the emcee saw now what they were talking about.
Now Mike tried to focus. In the corner of his eye he saw the singer drink his takeaway coffee and answer to Brad's questions. And again he was alone, deep inside.
"So maybe we should try some vocals on this and then decide how we should go from there. I don't feel the lyrics are done like that but... Will see", Mike said after a while of talking with the others.
He let Chester have the paper with the lyrics and watched him to go to the vocal booth. Not like he hadn't seen the walk before but he just loved it. The way the singer hung his head when he was reading the lyrics trying to feel them. And the way he straightened his shirt when he was walking. Like he was trying to prepare himself for something bigger.
Dave headed to another room to focus to other stuff while Mike adjusted some things before giving Chester permission to sing. And then he closed his eyes to enjoy the voice. Same voice that made him happy and sad. Angry yet peaceful. A voice that made his blood boil and shivers travel through him. Then it was over and the voice asked how was it.
"Could you push more force into the endings?", Mike said to the mic feeling his throat tighten.
The singer nodded and they continued. But after ten takes Mike wasn't still happy and Chester started to get frustrated. It wasn't probably even the final lyrics and there he was repeating them over and over again.
"I think that was good, right?", he asked when he had once again finished singing.
"Yes. But not perfect. Again", Mike said absentmindedly. His mind was yelling him to stop: "It's getting ridiculous and leads to nowhere". But he couldn't stop.
Chester sighed and started again. After few more takes Brad raised his brows. He was now noticing the tension and Chester getting more and more annoyed.
"Mike, I think that was enough already. We aren't even certain are the lyr...", the singer said now his voice tight with anger.
"No. Again", Mike shook his head. It wasn't enough. It couldn't be enough.
"Mike what the fuck is wrong with you!", Chester dropped his headphones and stormed back to the monitor room.
Which was cue for Brad to follow Dave to the other room. Mike waited for the door to click closed.
"It wasn't good enough", Mike stood up and waved his hands in the air.
"No, it was! There was many versions that were good enough! But it isn't even final lyrics!", the singer yelled to him.
"Okay! I'm angry. You just came here like nothing happened. You could have said that you hate me and don't want to see me again. Or that we can forget it. Or that you don't want to talk about it. But instead you don't say anything. I know I messed up! You don't have to remind me of that but at least say something!", the half Asian was now yelling back equally frustrated.
"So you mess up and then you take it back on me?! I was going to talk about it but not today, not here for fuck's sake!", the angry singer pushed him back against the wall which startled the emcee. What the fuck is this now?, he thought.
"So talk now. Say that you hate me, say it! And don't fucking dare to pretend that it didn't make you feel anything", Mike tried to push him back but Chester didn't budge. He was pinning him to the wall by his shoulders his big brown eyes filled with anger and frustration.
But Mike could have never be prepared to what the singer did next. He waited a punch, a scream or even him to just turn around on his heels but instead Chester pushed his lips on his roughly making him yelp with surprise. The kiss was so hungry that Mike didn't know what to think. His mind was total whirlwind now. After the singer pulled back he was gasping for air baffled.
"The fuck", was only thing he managed to say while swallowing hard.
"See. I don't hate you", Chester murmured.
"If that is pity talking save it for someone else cause I don't want it", Mike narrowed his eyes. It couldn't be anything else than some sort of twisted pity, he thought.
"No. I... love you. Have loved you since... well I don't know. Some years", the singer dropped the bomb. Mike felt like someone had just driven over him.
"Why haven't...", his mouth was like sandpaper.
"I don't know. Guess when you have been married long enough you feel like you can't divorce. I thought about it. But then I didn't know why would I just take such a big leap maybe for nothing and leave a miserable woman behind. And destroy it all cause of something so... well I thought it was a little thing. Just a crush or so cause we spent so much time together. I started to think that maybe we just had grown attached. But then I couldn't stop thinking about you and I have tried to bury it ever since. I never thought you could feel the same. Oh wait... That was what I interpreted the kiss to be. Feelings towards me, right? Please say that I just didn't pour my heart out for nothing", the singer explained and cringed then.
"No, that's exactly what I feel. Fuck, this is so messed up! It could all be so much easier if...", the emcee groaned.
"Without Talinda and Anna?", Chester asked.
"Well I was going to say that if humans started to talk and express their feelings more but you're right there too", Mike laughed sarcastically.
Then knock on the interrupted them and Chester backed away quickly.
"We'll talk later, okay? Let's just finish the day and please don't make me sing the fucking lines again!", he then groaned waving for Brad that he could enter the room.
Mike was so gobsmacked that he really would have wanted to be alone for a while but he also knew that running out would just raise more questions so he decided to push it back down and focus to the music. Watching the singer sit down calmly with the other two made him think that why he couldn't be like him. Obviously the situation was equally bad for both but the singer didn't show it. He just build up a wall. Which was now the easiest thing, despite what he had just said few minutes ago. And then looking at those partly closed eyes when Chester was thinking hard and trying to really feel the lyrics he shivered.
Brad was baffled why the sudden screaming had changed to this working together calmly. The tension was still there but it was different and not as tearing like before. He wanted to ask what had happened but felt like it wasn't good idea.
And Chester was thinking the same thing as he did yesterday: How the fuck did I end up in this situation. He had suppressed his feelings so long and suddenly the other man had kissed him. Which pushed him almost over the edge but somehow he still managed to stay sane. Late at night in bed he had tried not to look too concerned or too anxious. Cause he had seen a glimpse of something lovely which didn't include his wife. The woman who was reading book next to him.
And when Talinda kissed him goodnight he hoped more than ever that she wouldn't soon start to kiss his jawline and neck what she always did when she was in the mood for sex. He couldn't think about anything else than the particular emcee that was sleeping just above their bedroom. Next morning when Talinda had asked when would Mike leave he wanted to yell her to shut up. Which wasn't like him, at all. And it wasn't even bad thing to say.
But the tone... It told everything she felt right then. It wasn't "I hate him, why doesn't he leave already", but more like "What is he doing here. He has his own home and wife who waits him". He had asked what Anna had said when Talinda called her but got only eye roll and "What do you think" back. Which basically meant that Mike's wife was bothered and enraged and Chester figured out that also humiliated that Mike hadn't went home but instead let the singer help him.
"So will continue from here tomorrow", Brad placed his pen down like ending a conversation.
"I'm not coming tomorrow but I think Rob is also supposed to be here?", Dave stood up stretching.
"Yeah, we'll see you in few days", Chester nodded and let the bassist leave.
"I think we will stay here for a while with Mike and try to get lyrics right", Chester tried not to mumble.
"Okay, well I'll be here around 9 AM. Please don't be late tomorrow", Brad handed the key to Mike staring straight to his eyes receiving a smile and nod.
"Lyrics huh?", Mike started when the door closed behind them. He couldn't help it, but he was still slightly pissed.
"I think we needed to talk it through without interruptions", the singer sighed.
"Right... Okay. So....", the half Asian didn't really know what to even say. Like what ever he would say seemed wrong.
"I just can't let it go. Especially now when I know I'm not alone with my feelings", Chester mumbled rubbing his temples.
"But... Really we can't even like... I don't even know what you want. But there's the band and our wives and... Oh my god this is such a huge mess", he continued groaning.
"Tell me about it. Why do you think I was standing alone in the park yesterday?", Mike rolled his eyes.
"Really? Cause of me?", the singer frowned.
"Yeah well... More like would I throw it all away to make a move or would it be better to just stay miserable", he turned his gaze to look at his shoes. "Yay, nice shoes. Stop it", his mind was mocking.
"Is that what you really have been? Miserable?", Chester inhaled sharply. Surprises that weren't really surprises.
"Since I realized my feelings towards you I haven't been able to be happy. Cause I feel nothing. Except when I'm with you", the emcee gulped leaning back on his chair.
Chester wanted to smile but it wasn't really how he should react to that. The emcee had really done good job hiding it all.
"Guess we just need to move on. But I'm still glad that you know now. Sharing a secret with someone is way better than dealing with it alone", Chester muttered.
"Guess so", Mike heard his voice say even though when his mind was screaming: NO!
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