For a Friday night, the house was shockingly, and hauntingly, quiet. The little ones were at a friend's house for a sleepover, and I wasn't exactly sure where the boys had disappeared to, not that I was all that eager to find out. The near silence that had encompassed the house was eery and was leaving me straining to listen for any sudden sounds. I squirmed in my seat, gripping my mug of hot chocolate tighter and glancing out the window.
Moonlight had washed over the entire yard, giving it a magical glow. I kept my eyes concentrated on the kids' playset, unwilling to look over at the woods and enable my daunting fear. A dark hole was growing in my mind eager to devour me, but I was trying to avoid it as much as possible. I rested my chin against the table of the breakfast nook and closed my eyes. My mother's face appeared in my mind and I winced, willing it to leave. Guilt gnawed in my stomach as I pushed the image away. When would I forgive myself? I was beginning to think the answer was never.
"Nyx, sweetie, what are you doing in here all by yourself?" Jessica's sweet voice washed over me and I jerked up, lifting my head from where it had been resting to meet her eyes. She looked tired, but that was expected considering she worked long hours from what I had gathered. I was still unclear on what her job was and I didn't think it was right for me to dig into their lives just yet.
I swallowed hard and for a moment a lie almost passed my lips, but something about the genuine concern in her eyes had me speaking the truth for what felt like the first time in a long time. "I made myself some hot chocolate because my mom used to make it for me every Friday night," I whispered, my voice rough from the fact that I was trying to rein in my emotions. "It doesn't... I'm not... I don't think I can ever make it like she did. And I miss her. I really do. I wish the guilt that I felt would just let me miss her for one single moment but I can't because when I do it hurts and there's this voice in my head that screams that it's my fault but she was the only person who thought I was sane and oh god why can't I be sane?" My voice had raised in volume and pitch by the end of my rant, but chest heaving and tears forming in my eyes.
I expected Jessica to look horrified by my sudden melt down, but she only looked sympathetic and patient. She took the seat across from at the breakfast nook and reached out, taking my hands in her own. Her blue eyes scanned over my face, the tears trailing down it, the guilty expression that was almost always plastered on my face. She sighed, wistful and sad.
"Sweetheart," Jessica's voice was soft and sweet and slow. "Your family dying is not your fault. I don't know how you managed to convince yourself of that but it's not true. You're not a perpetrator, you're a victim. And I promise you, my boys and I, we think you're sane. Never once have I looked at you and thought 'that girl is as mad as the Mad Hatter'. When I look at you, I think, 'I've never met a young lady so strong and beautiful and radiant'. Nyx, if you would please just give us a chance, we'd like to become a family for you, a support system too. Just nod if you think you can give us a chance, okay?"
My grip on her hands became tight and I nodded hard. Maybe I didn't deserve their kindness and maybe I was crazy, but I wanted to give them a chance, I wanted to find people I could trust and love again. Footsteps approached the kitchen and I quickly wiped away my tears, looking out the window again. Jessica didn't seem disturbed by me suddenly closing off and looked over to the doorway.
"Jase, sweetie," Jessica exclaimed, waving over her foster son. "I'm so glad that you're home. Nyx is having a hard time adjust and I was hoping that you might be willing to take her out to the diner for dinner and a milkshake. I'll give you the money for it."
"I would love to take her to the diner," Jase said, flashing me a smile that I caught out my peripheral vision. "Do you want to get changed before we go?"
Deciding that I would at least try like Jessica had asked of me I gave a small nod then stood up. Before I could walk out of the room, Jessica caught my gaze and sent me a beaming smile; at least I could do something right. I changed out of the sweats and T-shirt I had been lounging in, into a black crop top with the words Girl Gang on it and some regular ripped jeans. The jeans were a little loose on me due to the fact I had lost some weight, but they still fit snug and made my ass look good which was what truly mattered.
I grabbed a black zip up hoodie that was thrown over the edge of my bed and returned to the kitchen where Jase was still waiting for me. Jessica was nowhere in sight and I sincerely hoped she had gone to rest, she deserved it. Jase looked up and smiled at me, pocketing his phone which he had been playing on.
"You look nice," he commented. I ducked my head down fast to hide the blush that was spreading over my cheeks.
"Should have seen me when I used to get dressed up for dates," I mumbled, raking my fingers through my hair and pushing it back. "That was some serious shit."
Jase's eyebrows shot up. "You're considering this a date?"
I almost choked on my spit. The prospect of me going on a date, the psycho whose family was dead, with Jase, handsome flirt who was sought after by an entire fan club at school, was absolutely ridiculous. The entire idea was preposterous, we weren't a good fit for each other and it was apparent. I raked my fingers through my hair again, yanking at it slightly this time.
"No," I said sternly, fixating an almost glare on him. "It's not a date. It's two friends hanging out."
"Okay." Jase seemed thoroughly amused with the situation. "Well let's go on our Not-Date now, shall we?"
"Don't be an ass!" I laughed but followed him out the door, to the car, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach that might convince someone that this was more than a Not Date.
***
"This place is cute," I mused as we pulled into the parking lot of the diner. My statement the wasn't a lie whatsoever; the diner was a good combination of vintage and contemporary. What drew me in almost instantly was the neon light signs that lit up the parking lot and front entrance. I leaned in, peering through the windshield to get a better look. The neon lights above the door were a bright redish pink and dark blue, Valentine's with a heart next to it. I had only seen the outside of it and I was in love.
"If you're done gawking," Jase said, smirking at me. "Then we should head inside. I texting Kaleia to know we were dropping by."
My head snapped over to look at him and my brows furrowed in confusion. "Kaleia? Why would you let Kaleia know?"
"She works here," he replied simply. I was so dumbfounded that it gave Jase enough time to get out of the car, come around to my side, and open my door for me. Finding him staring at me patiently, I unbuckled and clambered out of the car.
The inside of Valentine's was just as pretty as the outside. The theme of neon lights carried on inside, the walls littered with old signs and old photos. And while the neon lights and black and white photos gave it a vintage look, the sleek black and white floors, silver counter, wood booths, and black tables gave it a more modern look. I'd never been to such an intersting place.
Jase slipped his hand into my own and tugged me towards the shiny silver counter. There was no standing behind it at the moment, but Jase was a patient man. He slid onto a stool and I slid onto the one next to him, wondering what we were waiting for. A flash of faded blue hair went past me and I brightened at the sight of Kaleia's scowling face. She did a half twirl, stepping behind the counter, then leaning against it on the opposite side of us.
"My favorite customers came to visit me," Kaleia announced to another waitress passing by. The passing waitress let out an abrupt laugh then disappeared into the kitchen, the silver doors swinging shut behind her. "I'm going to leave you two sitting here so I can converse with you and take care of you myself. Can't have that Kate bitch trying to flirt with Jase again. What do you guys want to drink?"
"Dr. Pepper," Jase said and Kaleia nodded, as if she expected this, then looked over at me expectantly. I was too busy pulling a face at Jase to answer her question though.
"Dr. Pepper is like the ass of soda, ew," I declared then looked at Kaleia to answer her before Jase could argue with me. "Just water, thanks."
After Kaleia walked away to get our drinks for us, I turned to face Jase, smirking slightly. He looked truly offended by the fact that I had just insulted his choice of drink. I remained unbothered, because what I had said was merely the truth.
"What's wrong," I began in a mocking tone. "Are you offended by the truth?"
He shook me off, shooting me a grin. Pleasure shot through me, wondering if he enjoyed the light hearted side of me that I could show occasionally. I leaned against the counter, content with the fact that I was making some progress. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Jase stare at me, and after a few minutes of this I sent him a confused look.
"What was your family like?" He blurted out and my heart came to a stop. I couldn't remember the last time someone had decided to talk to me about my family. Usually it was a minefield that was carefully tiptoed around, everyone too afraid to dare disturb it. And who could blame them? After all, every story they had ever heard about me was dark and twisted.
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. I could manage to talk about my family for a few moments, and maybe it would even help heal my wounds.
"They were wonderful," I started out in a breathy whisper, my eyes fluttering shut to prevent tears from falling. "Each and every one of them, I promise you. Even my no good, asshole father."
"Your father?" Jase inquired softly. "I've never heard you talk about him and Jessica didn't tell us anything about him..."
I swallowed hard around the ball of emotions in my throat. My chest ached at the thought of my absentee father who no longer wanted me; he signed away custody of me, he abandoned me when I needed him most, and for that, I would never be able to forgive him. "My dad left my family when we needed him most," I explained quietly, staring at the countertop. I wouldn't be able to make it through this discussion if I looked Jase in the eyes. "I know I shouldn't, but I hate him."
"You have every right to hate him," Jase said with a surprising amount of conviction and anger. "What he did was fucking awful. Now, Nyx, don't think about him. Tell me about the others. I want to know about why they were so wonderful."
"My mom was wonderful in every aspect." My chest tightened at the thought of my mom, but I pushed through, knowing that I had to this for myself. I kept them to myself and pretended like they never existed, but I couldn't do that. I had to accept they were gone and move on, I had to allow my new family to support me. "She made cupcakes every Friday and always asked me to help her, and I always did. That was our designated time to catch up during the week. Hugs were kind of her thing. Even if you weren't her child, she'd hug the life out of you. My grandma was kind of the same way."
I paused, glancing at Jase, wondering if he wanted to hear more. His green eyes were lit up with interest, indicating that I had his full attention and wasn't boring him whatsoever.
I tugged on a loose string of my shirt, continuing, "My grandpa was rough around the edges, came off as intense and scary, but not once did he ever show me anything but love. He accepted me into his house with open arms and on my first night there, he hugged me goodnight and whispered to me that he didn't think I was crazy and if he ever got a hold of my father he would shoot him. My grandpa tried to make sure I was as happy as possible and for that I will always be grateful."
I was near tears at this point, and it was hard to even breathe, but I couldn't stop. Now that I was talking about them, I didn't want to ever stop. Maybe if I continued to talk about them, I could pretend they were still there with me.
"Were you an only child?" Jase asked, tilting his head curiously. The question was innocent enough but it knocked the breath right out of me, causing me to nearly double over as a memory consumed me momentarily.
"Sissy sissy sissy!" a voice wailed, summoning from me where I had been doing homework at the kitchen island. I dropped my pencil and skidded across the kitchen floor in my socks, coming to a stop at the living room door.
Carson was sitting up on his knees on the couch, peeking over the back of it. His big brown eyes that were nearly as dark as mine stared me down expectantly. I raised my eyebrows and crossed my arms, waiting for it. Whenever Carson wasn't getting enough attention, he always called for me, demanding for cuddles.
"Yes, Car?" I decided to humor and tried my best to contain my smile at the situation. Even though I had homework to do, I would put it off to spend time with my favorite brother.
"Cuddles?" He inquired in his soft child voice.
I grinned, aware that this would be his request. Without hesitation, I threw myself over the back of the couch, landing next to him. He giggled as he bounced from the impact of me landing. I shot him a smile while grabbing the remote, deciding to find us a movie.
"You're seriously hanging out without me?" The whine of my elder brother reached my ears. I looked over my shoulder, finding him standing in the doorway with a pout though it didn't reach his eyes. He was putting on a show for Carson like I did.
"Xander Xander Xander, come join us! Sissy said she would cuddle!" Carson exclaimed, bouncing in place. I rested a hand on his head to stop him and he sent me a sheepish grin. He knew I despised when he channeled his excess energy in such a way, and since he practically worshipped Xander and I, he tried to please us as often as possible.
Xander joined us on the couch, and soon, my homework was completely forgotten. I was too busy entertaining my brothers and trying to watch a movie, my side in stitches from laughing at the boys antics. I fell asleep with Carson in my arms and Xander's feet entangled with mine, my heart full of warmth.
"Nyx? Are you okay?" Jase's voice broke me out of my reverie and suddenly I could breathe again, tilting my head back and running my fingers through locks of hair so similar to Xander's.
"Two brothers," I told him, grimacing at the pain in my heart. Out of everyone in family, I had worked hardest to forget them. They had been my everything and then they had died, and I wasn't sure how I could ever recover from something like that. "A little one and an older one." I paused and tried not to let the next words burn my mouth. "They were my best friends in the entire world. I wish you would have been able to meet them."
Luckily, Jase didn't get the chance to say anything about my brothers or ask about them, because Kaleia arrived with our drinks in her hands, an annoyed look on her face. I was tempted to ask if she was alright but the look in her eyes that promised death kept my mouth shut, and instead I produced a thankful smile. She gave Jase a questioning look and he told her to just get us some fries to share, and I was glad that he did, because I wasn't certain my stomach could handle a real meal at the moment.
"Okay," I said after Kaleia had walked away at a brisk pace, her eyes set on a booth in the back, shooting daggers. I wondered what unfortunate customer was about to get a new asshole ripped. "I talked about me. How 'bout you tell me about you?"
By the time we had left the diner I had learned a great many things about Jase, and he had learned a fair amount about me. I'd found out that he despised Caesar salads, secretly preferred Thorne over Sophia, enjoyed soccer more than football, and could somewhat sing well. He had managed to get out of me that I had an obsession with Shakespeare and poetry, I couldn't stand smoothies, and that I was considered the world's best sister.
In the car, when we arrived back at the house, we sat in silence and darkness for a moment. I stared at him, chewing my bottom lip. His eyebrows furrowed together and he opened his mouth, as if prepared to make sure I was alright, but I didn't give him the chance. I threw myself across the center console, winding my arms around his neck tightly.
"Thank you," I whispered, sniffling slightly to keep my tears at bay. "Thank you for letting me talk about them and not pushing the matter and for being my friend and everything. Thank you, Jase."
He didn't move his arms at first but then they would around my waist tightly, and he buried his face in the crook of my neck. "You're welcome, Nyx. Remember, we're always here for you. I'm always here for you."
And somehow, even though we barely knew each other, I knew that was the truth.
A/N: This one is a little bit on the longer side, I dropped a bomb on you guys, and there was cuteness at the end. What do y'all think? and oh yes enjoy the fluff while you can, we're gonna get into intense stuff within the next few chapters :)))
xoxo,
ry.