DESIRAE
"Well what are you gonna do?" Monty inquired as he kept his glance on me making me unwrap myself from the thoughts that previously quaked my brain. What was I gonna do I thought. I never had the desire of becoming pregnant...at least not yet. But I knew all to well that in the inevitable future that the guilt of possibly murdering the fetus growing inside of me would eventually consume me whole, dragging me into a rocky shore that could probably never be calmed.
"I-I just don't know. I'm not gonna tell him and you have to swear you won't either."
"You know I won't tell, Des... but he has a right to know whether or not his son... or daughter will be conceived."
"I can't tell him that if I don't even know the answer."
"What the hell do you mean Des? I get that you're young and you have a future you don't want to uh... ruin but like damn, you're not really considering getting rid of the baby right?" He questioned my ulterior motives that I wasn't even sure about but he was right. I do have a future I don't want to ruin. By this time next year I intend to be enrolled into Howard university and that dream never ever included a stroller and a pacifier.
"Stop calling it that! It's not a baby yet. Look you know I have plans for college and the whole 9. Having this baby could just...derail me of becoming the best version of myself. "
"Now you sounding like Bari, his shit starting to rub off on you. But he ain't the one pregnant...you are. Des I'm not tryna sound like no preacher or nothing but...I think you better keep that b- fetus growing inside of you. You know it's a sign from... you know God. Everything happens for a reason Des." Montell rambled on shyly, remembering that I wasn't as big on God as he was. If I was I would still be a virgin which I should have. But Lord knows what Jabari does to me. From his hazel eyes to his large hands and his warm embrace and God ... that deep voice - that deep voice that has the ability to move mountains inside of me. He was a blessing in disguise. "Maybe that baby is a blessing in disguise Des." Monty continued as if he had just read my mind, stealing the sweet words from me that I believed described who Jabari was and is but to Monty that title belonged to the child that was yet to come.
Yet to come? Here I go confusing myself just because Monty was able to get into my head like always when I was bound to make a bad decision. He knew me like the back of his own hand. Ever since we were kids it's been like that...him saving me as if I were a damsel in distress, which was very well needed seeing that he's stopped me from multiple dumb decisions that could've earned me a whooping from my mother and a mark on my left butt cheek. Unfortunately Monty failed his mission of saving me this time around- as if he could've. I was and still am heavily infatuated with the man named Jabari and nobody but myself could've stopped me from delivering myself into temptation. I just wish we were kids again when it was me and him- and occasionally Boogie against the world.
"Montell...thank you." I whispered as I adverted my attention to him once again, watching him as he messed around absentmindedly with the laces of his fresh black and white Jordan twelves which I had already known he hadn't purchased with his own honest money- but I couldn't save him from that. He finally looked up at me, his back still to the wall of my small bathroom. He looked confused at first but he had finally got the message after a few involuntarily seconds.
"That's what friends are for Des. You don't gotta thank me." He reassured amongst a light chuckle
"I feel like I do you know. You're always there for me Monty and you know it."
"Yeah I bet it makes you wonder what would've happened if you chose me." Montell disclosed as he shied his deep brown eyes away from mine. With that being said I just knew he began to reminisce on the times he would leave a lily which he stole from some flower shop down the block from his apartment building on my fire escape. It was a boyish love case that had little to none potential to last if we had went along with it...at least that's what I believed at the time. Long story short, I met Jabari and so did he once we went to high school and we all know where that landed us.
"Oh come on Montell that was so middle school!" I joked lightly.
"Yeah,yeah whatever Des you had a brother strung out and everything. Almost had me standing outside your window with a boom box in hand playing 'Can You Stand the Rain.' " I hadn't known what to say leading to an deafening awkward silence. There was no way that he hadn't noticed the tension leading him to playfully say, "oh chill out Des you know I still ain't on that, everything happens for a reason remember it was best if we stayed best friends. I let you go Des. It's all good."
"Yeah you did."
"Look I gotta get going, Boogie probably wondering where I'm at sense I ain't go to his game today. Walk me out?" He asked as he arose from the tiled floor, reaching his hand out to me for me to do the same. I quickly latched on, arising in sought to walk him out just like he had asked. "Ima call you later." Montell let out just before exiting my apartment leaving me all alone to think. I might just have to think about potential baby names or just where I'll get the money to take care of it if ultimately all things do go left.
Just before I could even envelope myself within my thoughts the obnoxious ring of my home telephone began to bellow within my home. Hopefully it was my mom calling to tell me she was coming home late from work tonight, I hadn't had the nerve to face her just yet. I raced down the hall to pick up the call in my room rather than the kitchen simply because I wanted to snuggle myself in my covers. I picked up the white phone and placed my ear to it only to hear the deep voice that got me to lose my panties along with the one thing that made me feel holy in a sense.
"Ayo Des it's Bari!" He said breathlessly as if I hadn't already figured. I took a few breaths just before replying, readying myself to act as if nothing was bothering me at the moment.
"Hey babe, what's up? Why the hell do you sound like you was running laps? I know that game ended like an hour ago."
"'Cause that's exactly what I was doin'. My pops made me run around half the projects cause I cost the wolves the game...if you came we probably would've won, you know you my lucky charm Des."
"Uh-uh, don't go blaming me for that, tryna make me feel bad. Two weeks ago I hadn't gone and y'all won."
"Because two weeks ago your ass was weak in the knees, on some Swv shit and you know why." He reminded me, making me quiver with the help of his subtle but yet sensual voice. "Besides you weren't doing nothing today. You didn't even show up to school and why is that?"
"Look I was busy, J I'm sorry." I didn't lie because I was busy- crying that is but he had no reason to know why.
"Yeah yeah, whatever. Look shorty I got some good news." He began excitedly, not even waiting for me to ask what is it before continuing. "I got the Princeton Tigers looking into me! Baby they interested and you know they shit Ivy League! Ima be in there kicking it with the white folks!" He confessed giddily and I could just imagine the wide grin he had on his face at the moment. Best believe I was happy for him. I was proud even. His plans are slowly coming true and I had no business ruining them. I didn't have the heart to.
"No shit! I'm so happy for you!" I yelped honestly but deep down inside of me I was hurt. He had way too many stuff on his hands I can't add to it. And I won't. At least not for now. "Babe you know that shits in Jersey right? And how you got them looking at you? Do they even know about your grades?"
"Babe don't sweat Ima get Monty brainiac ass to help me with some of my shit you know I'm just fucking around in Spanish...and government."
"Exactly so your dad must have some connects or some shit because y-"
"What you tryna say right now Des? Look I got plans to be a ball player not no Lawyer like you, you feel me? But I got this whether you with me or not."
"I didn't even say all that okay? And you know your dad do have connections so why you acting brand new and shit?"
"Never mind, you wouldn't understand. You see my mind is on the court and you know this Des. My dad put me on to this shit and I'll be damned if he don't get me into no good college. You oughta fuck around and learn to dribble a ball if you tryna get into Howard so bad."
"What the fuck is up with you Bari? You letting this shit get to your head all to quick ain't shit written in stone."
"That's what the recruiter said too Des, I wouldn't be surprised if his ass turned out to be your daddy."
"Your crossing the fucking line J. I swear to G-"
"Don't say his name in vain baby. Ima check you later I'm boutta get Coby to buy me a pizza. Later." He ended the conversation coolly as if we hadn't gotten into another one of our arguments. I don't know why he blown up on me like that I always knew he was a hothead but wow. He always told me he wasn't gonna change when he got into college and I don't even have to wait till the fall to know that he lied. Wow was all I could say.
Just wow.
• ✧•
JACOBY
"CAN I GET TWO pepperoni slices." I asked the Italian male behind the counter as I fumbled around with the inside of the pocket of my black bubble Goose coat that kept me warm in the chilly January weather. "Put some extra pepperonis on that shit too, don't play me like last time." I insisted gaining a glare from the male getting ready to put the pizza from the open but I simply laughed it off. "Yo tell me when it's done Ima take a seat right over there mister." I trailed over to the booth on the side of the shop right by the window, the seats I always believed were the best. The shop was quite empty and quiet which only lead me to pulling out my Walkman that already had my A Tribe Called Quest tape inserted. I pushed the earbuds into my ears as I absentmindedly zoned out as I listened to the music that made me wish I was able to rap a bar or two.
"Ayo lil nigga!" I overheard the voice that seemed to be calling out to me causing me to turn away from the windows and to who stood in front of me.
"Oh what up, Khalif. You chillin'?" I questioned him as he took a seat across from me in the red booth.
"Yeah bro I'm just handling shit out here. What your young ass doing out here without Bari?"
"You thought you was funny?" I joked amongst a chuckle. "Nah but I'm just getting a couple slices, I don't know why this shit taking mad long." I confessed as I turned my neck to check on the guy in the kitchen.
"Oh, cool. Cool." He began while analyzing the place as if he were looking for someone. "There go your shit man." Khalif alerted me as he pointed over to the kitchen where the employee was boxing the pizza I supposed was mine seeing that I was the only one in the shop that ordered at the moment.
"Good looking out." I thanked him just before arising to get my pizzas.
"That'll be five dollars man." The guy assured me as I rummaged through my pockets. A feeling of embarrassment consumed me as I pulled out the three dollars that Bari had gave to me after he specifically told me that that would be the price of the food.
"I don't got it man, can I repay you the rest next time, I know you raised them prices." I negotiated with him only to receive a 'no money no pizza' speech from the dude.
"Ayo B chill I got you." I heard Khalif say as he came up beside me pulling out a crisp fifty dollar bill to pay the simple five dollar fee which only led to me feeling a bit intimidated. "Ayo give the change to my mans right here." He stated coolly, allowing the man to hand me the leftover forty five dollars and the box of pizza.
"Thanks man. I owe you one." I thanked him as we walked to the table we previously sat at.
"Nah you good kid. But you can't be out here looking broke. You needa make your own money instead of waiting for your dad to hand you that allowance. You lucky I even held it down for you I coulda walked the fuck out and had your ass with no dinner for the night."
"Yeah whatever Ima get me a job when I turn sixteen no doubt."
"You don't need no job that's just gonna fill your pocket with chump change." He went on just before reaching his hand in his pocket to pull out a wad of cash. "You see this shit? All this fucking green I get is from selling that green shit and occasionally that white shit. You get what I'm saying?" I nodded, not even looking at him at this point but at the abundant amount of cash that laid before me. I could practically hear my Dad's voice in my head telling my black ass to up and go but the voice in my head allowed my butt to stay in that booth.
"I don't know about all that Khalif. I'm not tryna get booked you feel me."
"You won't, I swear. I just need a little nigga to watch my back and help me with this shit. I'm telling you kid, when you with me no nigga would step to you and you most def won't get caught."
"I don't know man."
I don't know.
UNEDITED.