Riley's POV
I lean against the side of Maya's bed once the song fades out. I haven't been able to get her saying I'm adorable off my mind. I mean I can try to brush it off as a simple compliment but the way she looked at me makes it pretty difficult. It's pathetic, but I've been pushing my crush on her away for a little over two months now. I kinda take pride in hiding it well. Or at least I hope I'm hiding it.
Coming to terms with the fact that I like her as more than just my friend hit me hard. She had been in a deep state of concentration, sketching something in the corner of the room. The way the sunlight shone on her face from the bay window, it was mesmerizing. As I studied her for way too long everything just fell into place. Which, in turn, resulted in me practically falling off the side of my bed in total shock.
I don't think Maya is aware of how much I've learned from late nights of questioning my entire existence. I've may have come to terms with the fact that I'm a raging bisexual, but that doesn't mean I know how to handle falling for my best friend. I honestly don't know how the people in my life would respond to any of this. I'm lucky that they're all relatively accepting as far as I know but I don't know what I should do. Sometimes I want to come out and have the world know and other times I'd rather be flat against the back wall of the closet. I've had things click in my mind, gotten over the whole 'guess I'm not as straight as I originally thought'. Well except for the part about crushing on my straight best friend, but I can't help it I mean just looking at her takes my breath away sometimes. No matter how cliche that sounds it's painfully true.
Tonight has given me a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, there's a chance she feels something too. I can't let myself overthink it. The thought of screwing up and losing her forever is terrifying. Maya may still think she's broken and someone who doesn't deserve love but she's not. I've broken down her walls and the only thing I can see is a wonderful girl with a beautiful mind. One I'm currently losing my own mind over.
I snap out of my daze when I hear a door close. I'm facing the main door so it couldn't have been that one. I hadn't even been paying attention after the song, just letting the next one play through. I look around the room noticing that Maya has disappeared.
I get to my feet, remembering that we do have a door that leads out to the balcony. The teachers made it a rule that we couldn't go out there but knowing Maya, she didn't listen. I turn the handle and see her sitting with her back against the wall. I hadn't even realized it was pouring. When did that start?
"You do realize it's raining right? How did you even get out here anyways?" I ask.
"Yeah. The rain is calming, I wanted to come out here and watch it. It's pretty late but I mean this seems peaceful to me. A good way to wind down. To answer your second question, you're best friends with me babe. Picking that lock isn't that difficult" she responds with a dramatic flip of her hair.
I shrug and slide down the wall next to her. It takes a few seconds to register that she just called me babe.
As if I wasn't already internally flipping out, she reaches my hand and intertwines it with her own.
I stare ahead and watch the lights of cars speeding by in the dark of the night. Her hand is always so soft. It's warm and gentle, nothing like when I held hands with Lucas. I catch myself there and refuse to let my mind wander more. I stand up to get a better view of our surroundings.
"You should be glad this balcony isn't completely open to the weather or you'd be getting soaked" I point out, hoping to disrupt my current train of thought. She stands next to me.
"Yeah no shit Sherlock" she says playfully and I don't have to see her face to know she's rolling her eyes.
"Well I mean can't you see how much rain-" I'm cut off when Maya pushes me a few feet forward into the downpour.
I scramble back into the dry part next to her as fast as I can.
"What was that for?! Peaceful. Yeah right." I say shaking off the water.
"It was to see your reaction and I was right, it was hilarious" she says and bursts out laughing.
I can't even pretend to be mad once I hear the sound of her laugh. I just stand there watching her illuminated by the dim lights of the city around us, letting my emotions get the best of me once again.
"Well I don't think you thought that through, you jerk, because now my shirt is all wet. I didn't bring another one and you're gonna have to deal with this" I joke and gesture to my soaked shirt. Thankfully my shorts didn't get too wet.
"Totally worth it to see your face" she giggles.
I glare at her and punch her arm lightly.
"Let's go inside we'll need sleep if we're going to have energy tomorrow. Oh and you need to get dry" she says standing and holding the door open to the room.
I shiver slightly as I walk in, feeling a blast from the air conditioning hit my shirt.
"Um here, you can wear my hoodie and sleep in that. Sorry by the way" she says and tosses me the one she wore this morning before the weather got too warm.
It's black with the word 'dream' surrounded by a colorful splatter paint pattern. I remember the day she bought it. It was in the back of this small store Farkle had wandered into. The three of us were walking around the city last November and he saw a jean jacket he liked in the window. He pulled us along into the store. Maya found the hoodie and insisted on buying it instantly, making me hold her beanie just so she could put it on right then and there. She couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day and even then I thought it was extremely cute. It quickly became one of her favorites that I'd see her wear constantly.
"Don't be, you were just messing around like always" I assure her suddenly remembering I'm in the middle of a conversation. She nods dismissively and I go into the bathroom to change, making sure to take everything with me this time. Don't need a repeat of my stupidity with the shower. I walk out into the room again. This is comfortable I see why she loves it so much.
"You look really good in hoodies, you should wear them more" she replies, looking me up and down.
She did not just check me out. No I'm just delusional. It's midnight, we're both tired, and I have an awful habit of reading into things too much.
"Only if they're yours, then maybe I'll consider it."
Wow what happened to trying to being secretive about everything.
She smiles softly, playing with her hands in her lap as I lay down next to her on her bed. I pull the covers over both of us and turn off the light switch next to the bed. When I turn back to face her I inhale sharply at how close her face is to mine. I can see her smile at me in the moonlight as she brushes a few damp locks of hair out of my face.
I almost died right then and there but manage to whisper "goodnight Maya."
And with a sudden surge of confidence I close the space between us, gently pressing my lips to her forehead. I could've sworn I saw a blush coloring her cheeks in the darkness.
"Goodnight Riley" she whispers back sleepily and shifts to face the window.
As much as I wish she didn't turn away I'm glad she did. Every part of me was screaming to truly kiss her right then. I need to learn to tone it down because hoping that the feelings are mutual is a one way trip to getting my heart broken. I'm no stranger to stories of how wrong this type of thing can go. There's so many reasons for me to keep my distance but then again so many possibilities if I don't.
After about a minute I can't stand it anymore. I slowly move closer to her so that I'm laying against against her back, placing my arm over her hip. I take a shaky breath and move her hair to the side resting my head in the crook of her neck. I squeeze my eyes shut and hope she doesn't notice how fast my heart is racing. I wait for her reaction praying she won't shake me off and move away. She just sighs quietly, seemingly content, and I'm taken aback by it.
I open my eyes slowly and ignore all the emotions swirling in my head. I focus on the fact that we're actually cuddling like this. I'm wide awake until I eventually I feel Maya drift off to sleep. I find myself wishing I had drank some coffee or something this morning because it's becoming harder to keep my eyes open. I want to stay awake. I want to remember every detail of her face in the moonlight, how soft her skin feels against mine. Stupid sleep ruining everything. But soon enough the long day takes its toll and I have to give in.
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a/n: just a note that I was listening to Fast Car by Jonas Blue and Is There Somewhere by Halsey a lot while writing this and I feel like it's reflected slightly and they're both calming so I'm writing it in here. I actually like the mood of this chapter and it's from Riley's point of view as promised. It's snowing where I live right now and everything is just festive so I'm happy