Lauren's PoV
"Gago, ang ganda."
I don't even know what that means, but I'm pretty sure that girl is talking about me, considering I'm the only person to pass by her and her friend in the hallway when I see her elbow her friend's rib as they stare at me. I would say ogling because that's pretty much what they're doing right now, but I don't like that word. Ogling is such a vulgar word for me, like, just hearing it makes me feel invaded, and I've had several past experiences when I felt ogled at, and boy did I feel like I was some meat at a deli store, I didn't like the feeling one bit. It's probably why I always bring a book wherever I go, so when I walk along the streets and I feel like someone (or people) ogling me, I quickly flip open my book and just read. It's my way of looking down and drowning out the self-consciousness creeping all over me as people look at me like I'm an object being judged or rated.
Unfortunately, I don't have a book with me because Hogwash: A History of StraightWashing Queerness in Hogwarts (a book Dumbledore insisted I should read to get extra credits) is too heavy to pass for light-reading, and I'm meeting with the gang, so I had to leave the book in the dorm room.
We're all going to Diagon Alley to buy our school things, and Dinah told me we're gonna get our magic wands today, and that's what I'm most excited about.
I hear the leering girls giggling, and I quicken my steps to escape them. They don't look hostile, but they look like they'll eat me alive if they could get away with it. Girls scare me. You never know what they're thinking when they're looking you up and down.
I keep walking, partly unaware of my surroundings, partly amazed by the sheer magic just floating in the air.
Literally floating, as I stare in horror as a school ghost floats melancholically straight into a brick wall in front of me. I don't think it even noticed my presence.
I wonder, since ghosts are past residents of the place they're currently haunting and some of them aren't even aware that they're long dead, if they think humans are the uninvited ones crawling all over their territory just like us humans think ghosts are pests that needed to be exterminated?
It's only been a few days since I got into Hogwarts, and while I'm already getting used to the magical feel of the castle, I still couldn't believe how weird everything is around me. The bigger problem I have encountered so far are the doors with tricky locks and staircases that changes direction the second you get off of it, and several times I had to find another way to go back where I came from.
Living in the Ravenclaw towers is exhilarating, though. It's airy, it's got a nice view of the school grounds, the lake, the Forbidden Forest, and the mountains, and the dormitory itself is quite serene, the sound of the wind whistling against the windows giving off a calming vibe which immediately puts me to sleep.
Ravenclaws are nice to live with, they mostly keep to themselves, usually sitting in a corner reading a book (we have really awesome bookshelves in the common room), but it's not like they're anti-social. No, they do love conversations, and I find it very interesting the way some of them could be deep, while others are interesting in an unconventional way, like, that weird girl, Luna, who looks like her mind is floating in outer space, but she always poses questions which makes me think outside the box.
When I turn towards another corner, an unsurprising realization hits me. I'm lost. For the third time this week.
Were the Hogwarts founders high on acid when they built this damn place? Someone told me this castle has one hundred and forty-two staircases, and that our very own Rowena Ravenclaw, God bless her tricky ass soul, has designed the ever-changing floor plans.
The castle is a literal maze, and it doesn't help my stupid ass that staircases move. And apparently, some of them have a vendetta against first years as one of the steps purposely tries to trip me which almost causes me to fall and plunge to my death. It's funny how I was trying to escape the girls' prying eyes, only to find myself almost dying a senseless death -- murdered by mischievous staircases.
Good thing there's a gentlemanly suit of armor which grabbed me by my sweater, but then it literally stopped moving, its steely grip on my collar unbreakable, and I hung in there for several minutes like a damn Christmas decoration, totally useless and hopeless. I swear if I ever escape this embarrassing situation, I'm going home.
Just when I was about to start crying (a freaking ghost passed by me -- as in literally passed through my body and I felt the icy cold chilling my bones) out of fear and frustration, I hear that familiar husky and mirthful voice of Camila echoing in the hallway to my left.
"Camila! Help!" I shout desperately. I don't care if I cause a ruckus, one more ghost invading my body will send me straight to the psych ward. Do they even have psych wards in here? This world is mad crazy and I wonder what sort of insanity they would deem too much which would qualify being locked up in an insane asylum. I bet Dumbledore is really a crazy old fart with delusions of grandeur and an overactive imagination.
The talking and giggling stops and I hear footsteps advancing towards my location.
"Lauren?" Camila gasps. "What happened?"
"Please help me down. Man of Steel here saved my life, but, apparently, there's a price to pay for being spared from the indignity of broken bones and a crushed skull." I whimper as I struggle against the unmoving armor.
Camila quickly starts jumping up and down, trying to grab the armor's hand, but it's like seven feet tall and it stands on some sort of a stone pedestal, so considering Camila's tiny stature, she's pretty much useless, as well.
I see a movement of black robes and blonde head and before I could see what's happening, I feel myself free falling for a second or two, and I land ungraciously on my butt.
I look up to see Camila offering me her hand, and the tall blonde girl who saved me snickers beside her.
"Lauren, are you okay?" Camila asks worriedly.
"I am. Thank you." I pat my butt, for lack of better things to do, because I can sense the girl's gaze focused on me -- and that's what I meant by ogling, I hate it. I feel like she's judging me in her head and I can't even muster the confidence for an unshakeable eye contact.
"Oh, by the way, Lauren, this is Taylor Swift. Taylor, this is Lauren Jauregui."
A chilling smile forms on Taylor's angular face, and I nod and thank her for saving me.
"You just have to tickle the armor. It likes grabbing anything that flies by within its range, but it doesn't mean any harm though. It's just lonely, I guess, and it wants to befriend anyone who wanders through here." Taylor explains. "There's a myth that the soul of Romeo possessed the armor, and he's forever waiting for his Juliet."
"So he thought I was Juliet?" I ask incredulously. So, what now, is Shakespeare a wizard, too? I can't fucking handle this shit.
"What are you doing here, anyway?" Camila asks. "Aren't you going to Diagon Alley?"
"I am. Dinah, Ally, and Mani are waiting for me by the entrance, but I got lost."
"Oh, well then, come walk with us." Camila links her arm with mine as we walk out of the dark hallway.
I notice a creepy-looking girl's bathroom where Camila and Taylor must have come from and I shiver when I hear someone moaning inside. It's not even the sexy kind of moaning, rather, it's so hauntingly sad that my heart constricts in commiseration.
Whatever that girl is going through, I hope she heals from it.
• • •
The second we step into Diagon Alley, Dinah starts dragging me all the way to a quaint little shop -- narrow and dusty, with a lone wand on a purple pillow passing for a window display -- and I see, in peeling gold letters, the words 'Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C.' and underneath it, in smaller silver letters, says, 'Only Ollivanders can make wands that could do wonders!'
"Our wands are like our souls, so c'mon, let's hope we get picked by amazing wands! I bet Ally will get a six-inch wand!" Dinah laughs.
"I'll hex you, Dinah Jane!" Ally grumbles.
"Wait, what do you mean?" I ask Dinah. Are we supposed to audition or something? What does she mean she hopes we get picked by wands? I didn't prepare for anything! "I thought we're buying wands? You know, pick one and pay for it?"
"The wand chooses the wizard, Lauren." Dinah says, while Normani and Ally slurp on their chocolate and blueberry flavored ice cream with chopped nuts which they bought from Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor.
I finished mine a while ago, and Dinah dropped hers due to her overexcitement when she sees the newly-opened shop called Fenty Beauty glittering in pink and purple and blue under the sun, and an exotic-looking witch, called Rihanna, dressed in what looked like an avant-grade robe winked at her and handed Dinah a coupon which gives her a discount to a wide selection of lip-plumping lipgloss and love spell lipsticks made from real wild berries hand-picked by a group of renegade wizard-loving centaurs from the forbidden forest in Albania. Dinah tells me all that in one breath I'm surprised she didn't choke on a fly that was buzzing around her face.
Once we enter Ollivanders, I see an entire shelf of little boxes on one wall, and only one chair in the corner which Ally quickly perches her butt on.
I yelp in surprise when an old wizard comes out of nowhere -- I eventually notice that there's a little door at the back, so obviously he came from there -- and he immediately starts taking out boxes and laying them on the dusty counter, without us saying anything.
"You..." The old man points at me. "Albus told me about you...
Ollie, you'll never find a girl so gay
Give her a wand don't dare make her pay
Eyes the color of kush,
Brows as thick as a bush,
Oh, she's the face of the LGBTQIA"
"But I'm not g--"
"-- gonna say no to a free wand! She'll take it!" Dinah pushes me towards the old man, just before she whispers harshly in my ear. "Wands cost seven galleons, Lauren, don't be stupid. Take the free wand and just pretend you're gay! -- Hey, Ollie, she's ready!"
Ollie? I guess this old guy is Ollivander himself. I take a step forward as he scans the boxes he took out. It's not like I can afford to make a scene, considering Dumbledore only gave me five galleons and three Knuts in exchange for my agreeing to read Hogwash and write a long ass essay by the end of the week. Dumbledore tells me not to worry about expenses, as he has funds set aside for "promising students" he deemed deserving of his help. I only have to promise my loyalty and vow to secrecy about future things he's bound to disclose to me. I know nothing yet, but he assured me that I'll know more as time passes by.
I see him wave his hand in a quick motion, and an old-looking measuring tape starts to fly around me, measuring my arm (Ollivander asks me which hand I favor, which confused me a bit because my mind automatically think I always use my left hand when I diddle my skittle, but I figured he doesn't mean that, and so when I stare at him blankly, he clarifies that he's asking about my dominant hand. Like, he could have just asked me that in the first place. Duh.) and shoulder and height and whatever, I don't care what it's doing.
"Um, sir? How did you know I'm the one Professor Dumbledore is talking about? It's not like I'm the only girl with thick eyebrows and green eyes."
Ollivander smiles and his hand reaches forward and grabs something on top of my head -- what now, is he stealing my aura? I wonder.
In his hand is a slippery-looking colorful wisp of liquid smoke -- not quite gaseous, but definitely not liquid.
"Only a few people chosen by Dumbledore can see this -- people belonging to a secret order -- and he has put this mark on students that the Order must protect and serve. His eyes swept the entire room and nods his head gravely. "All of you bear Dumbledore's mark."
"Does that mean we all get free wands?" Dinah asks in a hopeful tone.
Ollivander chuckles and shrugs. He proceeds to open one box and takes out a long pink wand and he hands it to me with both his palms up as if he's offering the Holy Grail.
So theatrical.
And I don't know what he expects me to do! I'm starting to panic, but then I felt a nudge on my back, so I grab the wand and I felt a warm rush of energy flow from my fingertips to my arm and to my body and I almost drop the wand because I thought I was electrocuted.
I stare up at Ollivander in panic, but his face is calm and encouraging, and I feel my breathing slowing down again.
"C'mon, give it a wave." He smiles.
I feel stupid. Here I am holding a glittery pink wand as four pairs of eyes expect me to do something extraordinary, and all I can think of are the tv shows and movies I've seen with ugly and goofy witches, so I try to copy them and I wave my arm round and round above my head, and I hear loud snickers behind me.
"Girl, he didn't say be a cowboy! What are you doing? That's a wand, not a lasso!" Normani laughs, and I almost turn around and throw the wand at her face. I may not know what to do with it, but I sure as hell can throw it like the awesome softball player that I am.
"What do you know about cowboys?" I glare at her.
"My cousin loves anything muggle-related -- and he got disowned by his parents -- and he always shows me stuff from your side of the world. He's happily married with a muggle now."
Dinah steps beside me, shifting my attention from Normani, and teaches me how to do a little wave.
So I tentatively do it, seeing tiny sparks emanating from the tip of the wand, and I smile excitedly as I feel the wand vibrate a little, and I thought that maybe I can use the wand in some other ways -- if you know what I mean (wink wink!).
But then Ollivander snatches it from my hand and gives me a piercing look, and a rush of shame floods my face as I wonder if he could read minds. Oh god, I have to ask Dinah if wizards could actually read minds oh my god I'm actually panicking now! I hope he doesn't read about what I did yesterday with a Vibrating Golden Egg (a gift from Dumbledore, telling me I'll figure out what to do with it when the right time comes -- well, I sure did come at the right time). Shit, why am I thinking about it oh my god Ollivander is looking at me again!
Dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies!
I breathe a sigh of relief when he doesn't say anything as he hands me another wand, this time, it's a little more elegant and less colorful. It's dark brown, with elaborate engravings all over, and just a hint of intertwined purple, pink, and blue hues at the base of the wand.
"Beech wood, slightly yielding, eleven and a half inches -- impressive, impressive -- dragon heartstring -- a smidge of Blue Dream, two drops of joyful tears from a beautiful virgin Veela -- quite a combination -- oh, curious -- a black moon rock burnt by the bloodred sun which only appears once every century, and the tree from which this wood came from was severely guarded by bowtruckles and winged-Jaguars -- yes, yes, amazing potential and luck."
At this point, Ollivander is just mumbling to himself. I don't really grasp what he's saying, but my friends nod their heads as if they approve of what he's talking about.
"Go on, child, give it a flick."
I do as he asks, and the second I move my wrist in little circular motions, I know this is the right one for me.
"Less circles, more swish and flicks." He instructs me.
I obey, and it's like the wand is slowly possessing me, because my movements starts to become more natural and instinctive -- as if I've been doing this all my life -- and the wand starts to give off a lustrous glow, quite hypnotic and calming.
"Now try it with a spell."
Under normal circumstances, I'd already be panicking and sweating, but it seems that this wand gives me some kind of confidence, and I find myself admitting to Ollivander that I don't know any spell yet.
"It doesn't matter for now, just swish and flick, and say the first words that enter your thoughts."
So I swish and flick, and flick and swish, and Ollivander nods his head encouragingly, and when I open my mouth, I say, "Swish and flick this magical stick, turn this dick into a chick."
Bham!
A burst of sparkly purple lights shoots out of my wand and straight into Ollivander's direction, and I hear Ally scream in the background, and Dinah and Normani clapping loudly. Thankfully, the spell passes by Ollivander's shoulder, missing him by an inch or two.
I apologize, ready to get down on my knees and beg him to not change his mind about the free wand, but he waves his hand nonchalantly, assuring me that it wouldn't have done any serious damage -- although he says he might have to pee sitting down for a few days if the spell hit him.
He says I'm a natural.
"The true match for a beech wand will be, if young, wise beyond his or her years, and if full-grown, rich in understanding and experience. Beech wands perform very weakly for the narrow-minded and intolerant. Such subtlety and artistry rarely seen in any wood." Ollivander speaks as he stares upwards, as if recalling a speech he memorized from years forgotten. "I think you've been chosen by a formidable wand, Lauren Jauregui... Albus would be proud."
And just like that, I feel that I'm a different person. I feel like I'm starting to piece myself together, and holding this wand, is like finding a missing piece of me.
I sit down as I watch my friends "choose" their wands, listening to Ollivander's commentaries about each wand's characteristics.
Dinah gets herself a dogwood wand, glittery pink and silver all around its handle, solid thirteen and a half inches, Phoenix feather core, a single silky thread from Aragog's web, and a strand of hair from Beyoncé, the great soothsayer from the far beyond."
"Dogwood wands are quirky and mischievous; they have playful natures and insist upon partners who can provide them with scope for excitement and fun. It would be quite wrong, however, to deduce from this that dogwood wands are not capable of serious magic when called upon to do so; they have been known to perform outstanding spells under difficult conditions, and when paired with a suitably clever and ingenious witch or wizard, can produce dazzling enchantments. Dogwood wands refuse to perform non-verbal spells and they are often rather noisy."
Ally gets an alder wand, whippy, eight and a half inches, unicorn hair, crushed Occamy egg shells, and a slimy booger of a mountain troll that enhances healing and potion-making. Her wand is super straight, a mix of light pink and brown.
"The ideal owner of Alder wand is not stubborn or obstinate, but often helpful, considerate and most likeable."
Normani takes longer to find a suitable wand, but when she did, she looked so pleased with hers. It's made of unyielding ebony, ten inches, Phoenix feather, powdered essence of a mermaid queen, and a strand of hair from Beyoncé (the esteemed soothsayer only gave Ollivander two strands of hair... just two...). The base of her wand is shaped like a mirror ball, and its tip is said to light up whenever there are racist bullies nearby and will automatically fire a hex (without leaving a trace to protect its owner).
"Ebony wands have an impressive appearance and reputation, being highly suited to all manner of combative magic, and to Transfiguration. Ebony is happiest in the hand of those with the courage to be themselves. The ebony wand's perfect match is one who will hold fast to his or her beliefs, no matter what the external pressure, and will not be swayed lightly from their purpose."
Around the same time that Normani was choosing her wand, I hear a tinkling sound on my right and I see the door softly open and in comes Camila peeking inside.
"Hey, Camila!" I wave at her happily.
She smiles and enters the shop alone.
"Where's Taylor?"
Camila ruffles my hair (what am I? A dog?) and smiles at me. "She said she has to buy something at The Spiny Serpent down at Knockturn Alley, I'll just meet her later at the apothecary. -- Have you got your wand already?"
I lift my hand to show her my wand and she nods in approval. She tries to touch it, but my wand gave off a greenish glow and I swear it vibrated and jumped a little bit, as if it was swerving Camila's touch.
She shrugs coolly, and then she walks towards Ollivander, who starts the same process as he did with us. I could have imagined it, but I think I saw Ollie glance above Camila's head, just like he did with me when he mentioned Dumbledore's mark.
"Redwood wands are strongly attracted to witches and wizards who already possess the admirable ability to fall on their feet, to make the right choice, to snatch advantage from catastrophe." I hear him say.
"This looks cute." Camila says, twirling the dark wand in between her long slender fingers.
"Redwood, eleven inches, supple, -- hmm, interesting -- dragon heartstring --" Ollivander throws me a subtle glance, so quick that if I wasn't paying attention in the first place I wouldn't have noticed it, "-- a tiny piece of a blood red sun, which fell off straight into the mouth of a volcano, when it exploded after burning the old moon to a dark crisp... A teardrop from a melancholic fairy, essence of nicotine, wait, no, heroin, oh, yeah it's morphine -- I apologize, this particular wand is quite confusing, I made it when I was hypnotized by a Veela, while Dumbledore was sneaking off with his old pal Gellert."
"I feel this wand so much, Ollie. I feel like I'll never be the same again now that I have this."
"My work is done." Ollivander gives a slow bow.
"I haven't paid yet."
"You know what, I'll just send Albus the bill for all your wands. All of you can now scamper off."
Just before I step out of the shop, with Camila gallantly holding the door for me, I hear Ollivander muttering to himself, "A curious pair indeed."
Once we're out of the shop, Dinah smiles excitedly and says, "Now, we look at the brooms!"
• • •
A/N: that "gago, ang ganda" bit trended when 5h came to the Philippines and a girl at the airport was obviously mesmerized by their beauty (I think Lauren in particular, coz the vid was focused on her) and her voice sounded lifeless when she said those words -- like her soul was so shook it just left her body and she's incapable of emotions. I think it was funny. 😂😂
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wand descriptions in italics were taken from HP WIKI.
I haven't properly edited, so if there are mistakes, I'll fix it later.
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I know this chapter is a bit boring, but I'm just trying to get familiar with this story lol I don't know what to do with it so we're just both waiting for the next chapter to see how the story unfolds. This chapter is just a filler. Like my entire life. 😅
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I said before that I'll be following HP canon, but I changed my mind and I decided to just be random af. I still don't know how it'll be, but so far, we've seen that Potterverse will overlap 5Hverse, and nobody's dead yet lol. Potter will be a few years older than 5h, and I'll be putting little bits of fake backstories as the story progresses (they're not main characters tho, so the inclusion is minor and just for fun).
I won't be following the book events. At least not all of them.