( JULIO POV )
My pop and mi madre had what you could call love.
At least I like to believe they did.
My mom had me when she was young and my pop was there for her to raise me in the beginning. They had no money to help them and my pop swore every day to my mom that they were going to make it.
My mom tries to sell me on the idea that my pop gave a shit about his kids but the one thing my pop could never be was a father. I just think he didn't have it in his blood to take care of the people he brought into this life.
The truth is real fathers stay at home and help their kids through life. They encourage them to do good. They make sure they support them no matter how hard it might be to do so. What has my father ever done for me?
Nada.
I think about all of this as I race down the road with my motorcycle. The wind whips my hair and I squint my eyes against the sudden bursts. My hands suddenly tighten on the handlebars as I think more and more about him.
The best my pop could do was make a call from prison once a month, asking mom if she had money to send him. Everytime he did this I would have to snatch the phone from my mother’s tear filled eyes and curse my father out.
I would tell him that we didn’t have the means or the money to send some low beat father who has never given a damn money. I asked him everytime why we should help support the person who was supposed to be at home, taking care of us.
So no, he wasn’t getting a dime from us.
I guess my father was better at getting to me than I first thought. I always prided myself in being the guy who can have control over situations, but the moment my father talks, it’s like control is the last thing on my mind.
He brings out the side of me I like to keep hidden.
When Becca told me that I held myself well and I got the job, the first thing I did was hop on my ride and head home to tell mi madre.
I knew she was going to be pissed that I wasn’t focusing on school, but the moment the paycheck came in in two weeks, I know she would think differently. Even the little bit I’m getting paid will help us out immensely.
Though the whole time I worked I kept thinking about Kelsey and that stupid red beanie she wore.
I’ll admit, the girl was prettier than I first thought. The way her nose was a little pink from the cold and how her cheeks seemed to hide her blush was even more enticing. If it wasn’t for the way she always looked at me when I wasn’t paying attention, I could almost believe she didn’t like me.
But I know better. The whole act she puts forth is just that; an act. If I could, I would break through the walls she has up and show her something more than the small world she likes to keep herself hidden in. A world where it was okay to be who you wanted.
When I got home the night after my first night at the Cafe, I learned that someone tried to contact me. I knew who it was without even thinking about it. My mom handed me the phone and I put it in my back pocket, threw my shirt on the floor, and dialled the number they left behind.
When someone picked up and started to speak in Spanish, I knew who it was immediately. I guess one thing my pop made sure of was that all his little drug employers kept an eye on his son and his familia.
His way of showing us his love I guess.
This caller in particular told me that I needed to meet them at this club called the Blue Lagoon on Sunday and make sure I made it there by nine o'clock sharp. I knew for a fact they didn’t like people not showing up on their expected time limit.
Plenty of times over the past months I made it a point to show up later than they expected. Each time it gratified me to no end to know it pissed them off. So that night when I told them to fuck off and hung up the phone, they knew I was going to show.
On time was still debatable.
One thing you should know about people like my father is they live their lives as if they were already in jail. They knew what choices they were making in life and could care less about the consequences.
They didn’t care if they got locked on the wrists and put in a jail cell forever. They were unpredictable and I would do anything and everything to make sure they went after me and not my familia.
It was just one of the other perks of having your father one of the main leaders of the biggest drug trade to hit Michigan in a long time. If it wasn’t for my pop and his business ventures, the trade probably wouldn’t be as big as it is today.
I showed up at the time they asked, more because I was annoyed than anything, and the minute I saw the guy with the bald head, tattoos running over his scalp and down his face, connecting to his thick arms, I almost stopped in my tracks.
“Pacho.” I said, sitting on a stool.
If I showed him I was even a tiny bit scared, he would be on me like a wild dog. So instead of leaving like I wanted too, I stayed seated and took a sip from the cup that was pushed in front of me.
He turned toward me and smiled, showing his two gold teeth and all. Behind him, two guys sat in matching stools, their hands shoved into their low riding jeans. Their eyes kept sweeping around the club and I knew they were packing.
You don’t have a drug lord as a father and not know what you’re walking into.
“Julio, my favourite man.”
He patted my back and I nodded to him, more out of annoyance then courtesy. When the bartender came around, I ordered water to go with the frink I just drowned and Pacho, always the predictable sort, ordered the finest liquor they had.
He pulled money out, slapped it on the bar, and said a compliment in Spanish. It was the number on unwritten rule when it came to rulling a gang. Always show respect even if it’s not given.
Then, only when he had his drink in front of him, did he turn to me.
He took a sip of his glass nice and slow as if he had all night.I knew for a fact that he didn’t. If he did, he wouldn’t have made sure I made it here on time. Also, if I knew it was him I was meeting, I wouldn’t have showed up period.
I locked my jaw and refused to say or make a move. When it came to someone like Pacho, it was better for him to make the first move. It was more to do with his ego than anything else.
The club itself was small and packed . In the corner near the exit, a group was sitting on couches, yelling and cheering, making most of the noise. Honestly they were getting on my last fucking nerve with all the racket they were making.
People were on the dance floor, slithering away to the music, and there I sat watching my father’s replacement sit next to me, acting as if it was nothing but a completely normal chat. I thought the night couldn’t get any worse, but it did.
When Pacho finally put his drink down, I knew things were about to get serious. His dark eyes met mine and he smiled that fucked up smile he did so well. The smile I’m sure got guys like me to join him every day.
“Julio I want you to reconsider my proposition.”
“The answer is no.”
I had the words out before he could even close his mouth.I think deep down he knew what the answer was going to be but decided to give it another try anyways. He dropped the smile and grabbed for his drink again, taking another long sip. He was trying to buy time for me to reconsider his offer.
Didn’t matter, the answer was still going to be no.
I would never join into the business like my father did.
I would rather die a man that live like scum.
“I’m sad to hear that Julio.” Pacho said, sitting his drink down on the counter. He leaned forward a and I smelt smoke roll off his breath. It just gave me a damn headache.
“What do you think your mamacita of a mother would think of this?” I was out of my seat before he could even think. If there was one thing you never do, it was insult my familia. I don’t give a fuck who you are.
I had my hand around the collar of his shirt and I twisted him in the seat and slammed his back against the counter. I tightened my hold and felt the two guys at the bar stand up, their hands going further into their pants.
Pacho gave them a quick look over my shoulder and I felt them withdraw, but I didn’t loosen my hold. The chains around his neck hit wrapped around my fingers and I looked him straight in the face and I made my voice low and like ice.
If he wanted to play this game I would play right back.
“If you ever think about bringing my mother into this, I will fucking matar you, do you understand?”
He held up his hands and I let him go, jerking him away, and he sat up and smoothed out his wrinkles as if I didn’t just threaten his life. Why the guy was wearing a suite in the first place was beyond fucking me.
“I’m just giving fact Julio. No need to get angry.”
He stood up and brought his hand out, clearly done with the conversation, and with my last ounce of will, I took his hand shook it. The moment he let go I wiped my hand against my jeans.
Before he made his grand exit he slapped more money on the counter and put his hand on my shoulder, a little too hard. He was trying to intimidate me again. “I hope you change your mind soon Julio. Things can happen. Remember that.”
I locked my jaw at the threat and he patted my shoulder, whistled for his men to follow, and then walked away. I watched them go and the minute they left, I cursed and sat my elbows on the bar and closed my eyes.
The bartender kept asking me if I wanted a drink, but I wasn’t listening. I had my mind on more things than a stupid ass drink.
I hadn’t talked to my father in years, I refused too, but if his men were going to start coming after me and my familia, it meant I was going to make a little phone call to my dear old pop and give him a few choice of words.
If he could somehow get his men to back off, it would make things easier. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold off my Pacho and his men. All I knew is the moment he actually made promises on his threats, things would infinitely change.
As I sat there, brooding in my own shit of a world, I heard a familiar cut voice through all the music. I could have known that voice if it was whispering in my dreams. I would know it from a mile away.
I saw the guy before I saw her.
There the guy was, buzz cut and all, running his hands over Kelsey, nice and roaming. I saw her trying to jerk away from him, but he kept bringing her back and whispering things in her ear. I was out of that seat before I even thought about it.
Because here's the facts:
I’m the type of guy who can break a girl’s heart without thinking about it.
I’m the type of guy who could care less about what a girl feels.
I’m the type of guy to tell you lies and not think twice.
But,one thing I would never be, was the kind of guy to force myself on a girl. Men like that are like my pop. Scums; low lives. Once a girl says no, it means no. There was no questioning it.
People like the guy on the dancefloor disgust me and the minute I jerked the guy off of Kelsey, I made my hand into a tight fist and sent it straight into that scum’s jaw. I didn’t care how much I shouldn’t have done it.
He fell back fast and I went after him without a thought. All I could think about was his hands on Kelsey, her telling him to stop, and I wanted to kill him.
Maybe I was my pop’s son because at that moment in time I didn’t care.
The only thing that kept me from going to jail that night was Kelsey.
Her voice wrapped around me and I knew I needed to stop before I even started. I closed my eyes and I jerked the guy away. She was there to tell me he wasn’t worth it .
He scrambled away and when I turned toward Kelsey and I saw the fear in her eyes, even though she was trying to hide it, I wanted to gather that chica in my arms and hold her. I also wanted to find the guy again and inflict even more damage.
I wanted to show her that nothing was going to happen. I wanted to run my hands down her arms to calm her. I wanted to tell her that everything was going to be fine, but who was I kidding?
I wasn’t the kind of guy to make such promises. I wasn’t the kind of guy who can make situations better. I just made them worse. So I just asked if she was okay and told her to go back to her dorm.
It took my all willpower to leave before I went back and said or did something me and her both would have regretted.
I have never wanted to comfort a girl before, never even thought about it, but when Kelsey stood there and looked so helpless and scared, God dammit I wanted too. I wanted to help and it hurt knowing I couldn’t do anything. I couldn't make what just happened go away.
I stalked out of there before I did anything stupid and I went home, slammed my door shut, and tried my hardest to get some sleep. I needed to get my mind off what happened only hours before.
That did shit.
Images of Pacho, my pop, Kelsey ,and that scum kept playing over and over again and I stayed up half the night, my mind on overload. It was like no matter how hard I tried to just sleep, the thought kept creeping back, haunting me.
When I had to wake up and go to college today, I was pissed, tired, and wasn’t in the mood for shit. If it wasn’t for my mom watching my every move, I wouldn’t have even bother coming. If I didn’t, things would have went differently.
When I walked into Physics, put on my white lab coat and sat at my table, the one thing that made me smile was seeing Kelsey. I was relieved to see she did what I said and went straight back to her dorm room.
She was slumped in her seat sleeping; her head on her lab table with her light brown hair fanned out all around her. Her light snores could be heard from where I was. It was actually cute if you actually thought about it.
I tried to keep Mr. Clark distracted, to let the chica get her sleep, but halfway during his rant he noticed her and set her a new one. From the moment I took this class I knew Mr. Clark wasn’t a guy to fuck with.
When her partner woke her up and she jerked, looking up and wiping her mouth, I bit my lip to keep the laugh from escaping.
Dios Mio!
I bit my lip?! The fuck was that?
When those hazel flecked eyes met mine first, I saluted her and mouthed a little good morning. She snapped her head away as if she wasn’t even looking at me in the first place. Please. That girl couldn’t get enough of me.
I’ll admit, messing with the girl was exciting and when she became my partner, I was more than ecstatic. Now that I had an excuse to see her it was going to be a lot easier to get under skin. So when she just sat there, trying to pay attention to Mr. Clark lecturing us, I couldn’t help but mess with her further.
I wanted to know what this girl’s breaking point was. I wanted to feel the softness of her flesh give and take, to bring her head back until her neck was exposed and I could run my lips back and forth on the little part where her heart beat was exposed.
I wanted to rip my hands through her hair until her breath was lost and then found again. I wanted to make her cry and then lick up the tears on my own. I wanted to take her in my hands and tell her things she never knew.
I wanted to take her mouth in mine, to devour her alive, and tell all the things she couldn’t understand in that one moment alone.
The girl was broken.
I could tell.
By the way she said her words; by the way she moved her body. I could tell from the way she kept to herself. Sometimes she looked at me as if she didn’t know who I was and sometimes she looked at me as if she knew exactly what I was.
It was unsettling.
I took those thoughts, the crazy things I didn’t want to think about, and I put them in the farthest part of my mind and brought my hand up to her knee and I laid it there. If she wanted to pretend I didn’t affect her, then so be it. I was just going to prove her wrong.
I felt her body tense but even she couldn’t hide the fact that her body came closer to mine.
And I couldn’t deny my body getting closer to hers.
I teased, I played, I made little secrets with my fingers on her skin, and the more she tried to act like I wasn’t affecting her the way she was affecting me, made me laugh.
I have been with a hundred girls in my life and Kelsey Mays was just another girl who couldn’t hold her desire. She was just one girl in a line of conquest. At least, so I thought.
When she suddenly stood though, making me drop my hand, I took a deep breath to steady myself. The goal was to affect her, not affect me. Who knew one girl could get under my skin so fucking fast?
So when she left me sitting there, left with my own thoughts and wanting, I had to get up and chase her. I needed to know what she was thinking. I needed to know if I went to far.
Now thinking about it, I should have stayed in the classroom. When I saw her face walking out of the bathroom, I knew whatever almost did or didn’t happen would never happen again. I knew I shouldn't have pushed her. It was selfish on my part.
Though, my breaking point was when she acted as if I didn’t care.
No, not care, as if I didn’t have the emotion to care.
I left her standing there and I made my way back to the Physics room, pulling the door open and not looking back. After that, I made sure to keep my distance.
Now where was I?
Racing down the street, replaying last night and today again and again, while trying to keep my shit together. Kelsey Mays was in my head and it wasn’t looking too fucking good.
I didn’t even like the chica; I just want to give her a taste of what the free side was like. I wanted to break her holds on that little controlled box she hid so well and show her what life was like.
For once, I wanted more than just sex from a girl. No, I wanted that too, don’t think I'm going soft, but I wanted to show Kelsey another side of what this life could be like. I smile a little, thinking of the plan forming in my head.
She wanted an A on this project.
I wanted to show her what being bad really felt like.
And in the end, Julio Hernandez always gets what he wants.
All it will take is a little teasing, persuading, compromising, and then Kelsey Mays was going to get a glimpse into my life.
The chica won't know what hit her.
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If you want to check out one of the books that inspired me to go with the furture plot, it's called Along For The Ride (:
Though, if you want to check out another book by this author, I suggest go for Just Listen , This Lullaby or The Truth About Forever.
Hopefully you check them out <3