A/n: got my English teacher into BTS and now she plays it in class, win win.
Taehyung's POV
It's warm.
Hitting against the back of my neck in measured droplets, the hot water from the shower burns away the icy touch the rain left on my skin.
It replaces the cold with its warmth, making the goosebumps retreat, but it's not getting rid of the chilly feeling I still have.
The strong feeling of guilt.
I close my eyes as I lean my arms against the tile wall of the shower, putting less pressure on my feet as I recall what happened.
I didn't think he'd notice my absence, but I guess that's just how unsettled he probably felt through all of it.
Jimin is terrified of thunder and lightning, and I knew that, anyone could tell; he becomes such a weak little thing when it's present.
So when his parents are out during times like this, I question, what does he do to prevent himself from not breaking down every time?
Is his first instinct of self defence what he did in front of me a few hours ago, to squeeze his body tight together like that alone can block out all the bad things.
Because I've tried that, year after year, and I admit that it did feel like it kept trouble at ease for a little, but it never truly made my feel shielded from all the dread.
Having someone to lean on like Jimin is what really made me feel secure.
He made me feel protected, and became my safe haven. I desperately want to do the same for him. I want him to depend on me, so that I can have the chance to make him feel safe.
I've noticed that his parent are out a lot, many times leaving him all by himself, and being unable to protect him when he needs them like now.
I can't help but imagine a little boy rocking himself back and forth during a storm, trying to calm himself down as panicked tears pour out of his frightened eyes.
Being unable to sleep because he's too fearful, afraid of being crushed in his unconscious state as he's supposed to be dreaming. I would understand the little boy's feeling, because that's also my past.
I just suffered from a different kind of storm.
But with Jimin,
He's rarely down, or maybe he's just really good at hiding the faults in his emotions, but when I came back to him looking petrified, lost, and all balled up on the harsh wooden floor crying by himself, it broke my heart.
It's not a sight I want to see him in; ever.
I don't want him to be like how I was.
Scared and alone.
Our eyes had met when I called out his name after I had return from the abandoned car, and the gaze he gave me at that moment was so relatable my heart quenched at the sight. It was a mixture of relief and something very sad behind it. Like reliving terrible memories.
He walked up to me so desperately as his sobs grew in volume, wanting to be near someone.
I could tell he wanted a hug from me for comfort, for reassurance that I was really there, and I'm sorry that I had to keep him at a distance at such a crucial time for him.
I didn't want him to get wet from the cold rain that followed me in.
I ache with regret for just leaving him like that, and feel so lousy for causing Jimin to go through that little break down of his. His face was flushed with terror in the that dark, lonesome room.
"Please don't leave me like that again," he had wailed at me, his words only coming out in shrivelled sobs. A lump had formed in my throat and started to choke me when I heard him plead me not to leave. It pained me more than being shot to see him like that.
He looked so vulnerable,
so fragile.
I promised him that I would always be by his side, and he believed me, but I already betrayed that trust. Without thinking, I just left suddenly, not even leaving a note for him to know where I went.
I left his side when he needed me the most.
Wiping my face harshly out of frustration with myself, I sweep my hair roughly out of my eyes as I turn off the water. I sigh as I pick up the towel, letting the remorse sit back for now as I let worry step up into the spotlight.
I'm worried about Jimin; even before what happened today.
The concern I have for Jimin, is that he's had that fragile look in him many days before, like something has come back to haunt him again, and his tired of fighting.
It feels like he's been hiding behind me now a days, not letting me know what he doesn't want to confront, and it's slowly eating away at him.
He's quiet down a lot, not the loud charismatic guy he usually is, and every night he asks me to sleep next to him, like he's frightened something will appear out of the dark if I'm not there.
I don't know what's wrong, and I don't think he'd tell me.
But he seems to flinch severely when his parents raise their voices at each other; I wondered if that was the problem.
I'm not sure how it's supposed to be; I've never experienced having a mom and dad together, but arguing is normal for a married couple right. That's why I disregard that option.
But I wouldn't know unless he tells me, and I want to ask, but like I said, I don't feel like he'd open up to me. He never does.
It was tricky enough to get him to let me know about his fear with thunder and lightning, this seems like a bigger issue entirely. Right now, all I can really do is blindly comfort him.
That's all I've ever been doing.
I sigh once more, a sprinkle of pain hitting me. Drying my skin thoroughly but also rushed, I throw on a baggy white long sleeve with some shorts to wear; in the process not really bothering to dry my hair fully.
After making my way out of the bathroom, I stand in the doorway as I let my eyes fall on him. I watch as he plays with his small fingers patiently, no longer crying as he seems to have calmed down a little.
I hope he'll open up to me more, it'll make me feel like I'm not always the one depending on him and being such a burden. Even though he tells me it's nothing,
Im still scared, afraid that he'd stop loving me if I'm not helpful enough to him, and in the end, just leave me.
He denies that ever happening, but it haunts my thoughts, making me anxious at times.
I can't help it, he never seems to need my help, even during now with the thunder, he didn't choose to reach for me, and I only forced him into depending on me.
It makes me sad, to know that he doesn't want my help, or chooses not to accept it when I try to offer some.
I hope I can change that.
That he took my promise into consideration, that I'd try my best to be there for him when he needs someone, and make it so he doesn't always have to be independent.
I realise that his eyes had found mine, gradually drawing me in and snapping me out of my thoughts.
I make my way over to the couch where he sat, his gaze catching on my expression, and I feel uneasy as I don't know what kind of face I'm making.
Sitting down next to him, I take a deep breath before looking him in the eye.
"Once again, I'm sorry for leaving you like that. I'll never do that again and I'll never take off my necklace from now on." I apologise quickly, having the urge to hold my breath just because I don't know how his response will turn out.
But he only watches with the shadow of a smile on his face, and I instantly let go the tension in my body.
My spirit begins to lift as I observe his more jubilant mood, all the guilt seeming to lighten its weight on my my shoulder and face, allowing a smile to be drawn from its withdrawal.
"You seem more cheerful. I'm glad to see you're feeling better," I mention happily, the goofy grin still displayed on my lips.
He says nothing about my words, his response being a stare with a blank expression, and before I could even ask why he's so quiet, he cuts off my upcoming words with a rough kiss.
I didn't expect him to launch at me, and it took my mind a minute to catch up with my feelings. I kissed back abruptly, a sloppy wanting of each other being said through the quality of it.
He slowly pushed me up against the handle of the couch, slipping his legs between mine as he held me down on my chest with his small hands; letting the force slip through his mouth as his tongue found its way trying and succeeding into having dominance over mine.
It was a new feeling, a new sensation since we never used tongue before. My vision started to become hazy as I let ecstasy take over me. His hand slips from my chest to find my jawline, pushing it up to make the kiss harsher.
A groan bubbles from my throat, and he pulls away to look at me. My face feels flushed as I look up at him, my eyes half open as I feel like I'm in a dreamy state. My breathing is heavy and shallow, all the butterflies in my chest and stomach making it harder for me to breathe.
Like a vampire, he goes in for my neck, catching me off guard, making my body stiffen by contact. A gasp escapes my swollen lips as he bites me softly, but with all the adrenaline going through me, it sounded like a needy moan.
"Wait-" I struggle to say as my throat becomes clogged with more strange noises, my breathing harsh with it."Jimin stop, I'll make the weird noise again."
But my words don't get through to him, and instead he licks a long stripe up my neck, making my whole body tingle. I start to sweat from all the heat coursing through my body, moans and groans leaving me.
I can't control the sounds coming out of my mouth.
His hands make its way under my shirt, his cold palms sweeping against my warm stomach. I shudder at the contract, his fingers grazing over the scars of my chest. His hands pause for a second when he feels them, but he continues again as he tries to not make it obvious why he hesitated.
But the pain of being cut comes back in sharp pricks.
These disgusting scars that my mother carved, I hate it so much. It brings around a hurt that will last with me forever even after I die. I can't get rid of my past, as it sticks to my physically, and Jimin also knows about it.
"Jimin," I call his name with bitter tone laced between it. I need the reassurance. I need him with me."Do you love me."
He stops completely as he meets my anxious gaze. His eyes trace over my flushed features, really studying my structure as his mind processes my words. I wouldn't call it hesitation, but he took his time to really think about it.
His eyes glisten with an emotion I can't describe. Leaning down gently, his lips meet mine in a sweet manner, not rushed nor harsh, but a soft yet strong connection to it.
It was passionate, our lips moving in sync, all the feelings that can't be explained flowing through it. I smile in the kiss, and he seems to do the same. I live this feeling.
A feeling probably called love.
I begin to bring my hands up, ready to wrap my arms around his neck to bring him closer, but the light stop me.
All the passion we shared in the dark was now seen in the light, and my face becomes paler for the reason why.
I watch Jimin with a nervous look, and he returns it with higher voltage behind it. A whole package of a sick expression taking him as he slowly got off me.
His head hung low as he couldn't meet the eyes of the one who found us, but my gaze was snatched as when I looked up to Jimin, I also had to meet the eyes of his dad.
It was a disgusted look he threw at me, pure disapproval of what had happened between his son and I. The gulp I did made my throat hurt as it was wrapped in layers of pain and anxiety, the hate from his dad that bore through me like multiple deadly stab wounds.
His gaze rests on his son as Jimin started to ascend his, the expression of his dad changing slightly as he looked at him. It had less hate, but more disapproval.
It was a look I've felt so many times when my mother looked at me, but I was never able to decipher what it was.
I think it was a look of disappointment. Now it's happening to Jimin, and I instantly know how it'll effect him. It's his biggest fear.
To disappoint his parents.
"Jimin, have a word with me now," His dad demanded with a cold and harsh tone, making Jimin flinch at the intensity of it.
His dad disappears after releasing his scolding tone, putting Jimin in a tough situation as he doesn't want to follow but he knows harsher consequences will come if he doesn't.
So he hesitantly follows, keeping his head down and not looking back as he disappears around the corner. I hear a door slam, and quietness returns back in the air around me; an uneasy feeling bloating up in my stomach as I nervously play with my sweaty hands, waiting for him to return.
It doesn't take long after that that I hear the door reopen, and Jimin reappears, his face pale, but is eyes and cheek swollen.
He definitely cried, and I think he got slapped.
Hard
Anger starts to rush through me as concern follows it's lead, and I go up to caress his cheek in hopes to make it better, but he dodges my hand swiftly as he pushes it away.
Time seems to have stop as we both stand still after his rejection.
"Taehyung" he croaks, his eyes not meeting mine; glued to the floor like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
Oh
something's wrong.
I watch him reluctant to hear what his about to say, fear crawling my skin and bones as he opens his mouth to let the words flow out.
"I think we should stop dating."
—-
A/n: and on that note. MERRY CHRISTMAS.