Chapter 28:
~HOLLY'S POV~
A man in a uniform that was identical to Mr. Happy Pants led me to my room. He told me that his name was Ronnie, but I didn't plan on remembering it. He slid a little key card on the door handle and it clicked open. The room was bright white, even the the furniture was blindingly too bright. A small bed was in the corner and next to it was a night stand. A desk was placed against the opposite wall of the bed and that was it. The room felt tight and cramped, but it wasn't that bad.
"You can get settled in, Holly." said the man. "The restrooms are down that hallway, and through that door is the common area. The rules say that you must be back in your room by ten o'clock each night. Meals are served in the common area. I am the manager of this floor, so if you have any problems, come see me." he talked lazily as if he'd said all of this a million times before, which he probably had.
"Thanks.." I muttered in response. He turned and left me standing alone in my new home for the next two weeks. I plopped my bag on the bed, and dug through it's contents. I had only packed clothes... I wished that I had something to make this place feel not so... bare. Like a picture or something.
I unpacked my clothes and shoved them into the nightstand drawer, then I sat on the edge of my bed trying to take in everything that had happened today.
I wonder if Gerard knew that I was here. Would Frank tell him? They probably weren't talking considering what happened with Gerard and I... Maybe Elijah would tell him. I wasn't sure why I wanted Gerard to know so badly, but I did.
I didn't even want to talk to him. I'd much rather talk to Frank right now, even though I have nothing else to say. He just makes me feel comfortable, and right then, I felt about as uncomfortable as ever.
The bed was stiff, and the room was just too bright for my liking. I felt so isolated being stuck in there. I suppose I could go into the common ares where everyone else would be, but I didn't feel like meeting new people. In fact, I was never up to making new 'friends' ever. I'm shy and besides, every relationship I have with someone gets fucked up by me anyways, so I stayed in my tiny room all night, pacing back and forth until I was tired enough to lay on the bed.
Sleeping was out of the question, for my thoughts were having a war in my head. One side told me to be mad at Frank for making me come here while the other told me to thank him. The rational side of me realized that he was right to make me come, but he could've at least asked me... I really wanted to be furious with him, but I couldn't.
~
I woke up the next morning to the sound of a knock on my door. I slumped over, then walked to the door while rubbing my eyes.
It was Ronnie looking annoyed. "You've got a visitor." he stated.
"Oh, who?" I asked. I hoped it was Frank and not Gerard. But then around the corner walked Gerard. He gave me a weak smile as he got to my door. Ronnie left and shut the door behind him.
It was quiet for a moment, and the room was still. Quite awkward. Gerard stuck his hands in his pockets, and sat next to me on the edge of my bed.
"This is all my fault," he muttered. It wasn't his fault. Not at all. I had caused all this to happen. I cheated on Frank. I was the one that decided to cut myself.
"No, Gerard, it's not-"
"Yes it is Holly!" he said loudly which surprised me. He was angry and I couldn't tell if the anger was aimed at me or not. His eyes were watery and his hands were shaking. What the hell was wrong with him? Even I wasn't that upset about being in a mental hospital, and I was the one who had to stay here! Not him! Why was he so concerned?
"How could you do something like that to yourself Holly?" he asked while gently taking hold of my arm. He rolled up the sleeve and sighed. Gerard stared at it for a moment then looked up to my eyes.
"I-... I just wasn't thinking straight." I confessed.
He wrapped his arms around me and I reluctantly laid my head on his shoulder. Gerard always had a way of making me give in to him without really trying. I guess I was just weak, and he was there for me. I took in the scent of his coffee and the smoke that lingered on his clothes, but this wasn't right. Gerard and I couldn't be together. Although I did really love him, or at least I thought I did, we were too much alike. Maybe he was a sort of bad influence on me... He broke down and tried to kill himself. Then I broke down and tried to do the same...
And in that time was when we became closest, but now, sitting in that room with him... He felt distant and no longer the same person. Or perhaps, I had changed. Maybe that was it. I had moved on from Gerard in a matter of days. He was still on of my best friends, but nothing more. The feeling just was no longer there.
"Holly," he said leaning his forehead against mine. The tip of his nose touched mine, and then his lips leaned in to meet mine, but I abruptly pulled back and shook my head.
I could tell he was hurt. His eyes said it all.
"Holly...Is something wrong?" he asked.
"Gerard we can't do this anymore..."
"You're not with Frank anymore! Now I can finally have you Holly. Do you know how badly I've wanted you?! Since the day I met you!" he yelled. "Am I not good enough huh? Is that what it is?!"
"Please calm down!" I begged, but he stood up in protest and pointed his finger at me.
"You said that you loved me! I thought you meant it!" he was screaming now. My eyes were wide, I felt the cuts on my arm burning. I scooted back on the bed as he kept pointing his finger at me.
"And you know what? I really thought you meant it when you said 'I love you'. But you're just like every other girl out there. You cheated on your boyfriend with me, and you'll go crying back into his arms, and where does that leave me?!" he was fuming and his face was red from yelling. "You're a slut! You didn't really love me!" he slammed the door and left me sitting on my bed with my knees folded up against my chest, and my mouth gaping open.
I'm a slut? A slut? How could he say something like that to me?! We slept together. It takes two willing people to do that! He knew that I was with Frank at that time! It was his choice too.
I sank under the covers and cried until I fell asleep again. When I woke up there was yet another knock at the door. I reluctantly got up to answer it.
"Would you like to go to your therapy session with Dr. Cooper now?" asked Ronnie. I shook my head no, and he sighed. "You have to do it sometime."
"I'll do it another day." I stated and shut the door closed. I wasn't in the mood for talking to anyone. I kept replaying those words that Gerard had said. Where they true?
I got the sudden urge to cut. Seeing the blood flow from my body felt like the only way to keep me from going crazy. It relaxed me, and made me forget about everything in that moment. Then I was reminded why I was at this hospital in the first place. To get better. I couldn't be thinking like that anymore.
I slept the entire day, and never even bothered to get up to eat something. The next four days were exactly the same for me. I stayed in my room, but eventually had I had to wander into the common area to get something to eat, but I didn't stay long. I rushed back to my room and shut my door to separate myself from everyone. There was only one person that I wanted to talk to and that was Frank.
The next few days that I stayed there, I had never felt so lonley in my entire life. The blank walls of my room were a constant reminder that this wasn't home. I didn't even have a home anymore... The urge to cut never fully went away until I finally got the visitor that I had been waiting for.
Ronnie showed up at my door and informed me that someone was here to see me. My heart skipped a beat as I saw Frank walk up to the door. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say to him. I don't think I wanted to say anything; I just wanted to be near him again because when I was in his company, everything was alright.
Something was off about him though. He stood in the doorway with his hands deep in his jean pockets while his eyes darted around.
I could smell the alcohol from across the room. I learned that he was far beyond drunk when he opened up his mouth to speak.
"H-Holly," he slurred, "I need to, uh, to tell you.. s-something..."