TORYN'S DEMIN BLUE JEANS hugged her body tight, the sound of the heels on the bottom of her leather boots making heads turn as she walked through the eatery. She strutted like a girl who knew what she came here to do, but she was nervous. Toryn looked around the small café trying to figure out who the guy was she came to meet, but he stood up, waving her over.
Toryn walked over and allowed herself to be embraced in a hug. For some reason it felt really familiar being hugged by him. They sat down across from each other and it was quiet for a while with none of them knowing what to say. It's been seven years since Samir had seen her. They had never broke up, so it felt weird having her sitting right across from him.
"How are you?" Samir asked, "how have things been?"
Toryn didn't know how to answer that. How have things been? Looking at him, his yellow skin was appealing and he was very handsome with his plump lips. "Getting by I guess..."
Samir nodded his head, "Well do you remember my name from a few days ago?" He said, just wanting to test.
Toryn shook her head from side to side. Honestly after that big commotion had taken place that's all that had been on her mind. Anything else from before that wasn't really clicking. She didn't even remember some of the places she went shopping. She was just surprised she and Takashi's friendship was over now. And as Toryn looked at the man sitting in front of her, she knew it was because of him. But why? What was the issue?
"It's Samir. Samir Williams."
"Samir Williams," Toryn repeated, putting her elbow on the table. Toryn rested her face in her hand and narrowed her eyes as she leaned forward a bit. "Can you please enlighten me on the problems between you and Taka?"
"Who?"
"Takashi."
Samir didn't know she wanted to come here just to talk about him, but she did have memory loss and he figured she wanted to know what the beef was. Samir shrugged. "If I honestly knew, I would tell you. From the time I met him he never liked me. I'm guessing it's because he liked you or whatever. But we just never clicked. But for him to swing on me like that the way he did, that shit was uncalled for and imma deal with him when I see him."
Toryn looked down now super ashamed. She was pretty sure once she opened her mouth and spilled the beans, he would just get up and walk away. But she had too. If she came for answers she was going to have to give information. "Yeah, he was mad because I ended up in a brothel." She mumbled.
Samir leaned over the table so far people started staring. "What?"
Toryn knew he heard so she didn't repeat it. Her experience there had toughened her up but she wouldn't wish that type of bad luck on anybody. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. So many nights she prayed someone she knew would come rescue her. It was so scary being there in the beginning by herself, she knew no one and everyone was out for themselves.
"How?!" Samir whispered harshly.
"I don't know that's what I'm asking you. He said I was with you last before it happened."
Samir rubbed his temples, she was with him last but he had nothing to do with the outcome of her life. They were technically still together when she disappeared. Samir huffed, glad for the short interruption from a waiter offering them free samples of some new coffee flavor they were trying. Both Samir and Toryn took a sample and began taking small sips, staying quiet.
Toryn allowed him to gather his bearings. She didn't want to rush him or pressure him. She just hoped no lying would be involved. She was too done with the bullshit to be into the games at this point.
Samir cleared his throat. "You were having an episode that day, I should have known better. I should have seen it coming but I didn't."
Toryn didn't even notice she was curling her toes inside her heels, "What do you mean."
Samir looked off as if he was thinking about that day. "It was a couple weeks after your prom. You were eighteen and you had moved in with me...we lived in New Jersey. You'd gotten into some huge argument with your friend weeks before—"
"Who? Takashi?"
"Yeah so you guys weren't speaking."
"Do you remember what the fight was about?"
"You lost your virginity to me on the night of your prom. You came to my house and we did it there then you went back home. I'm guessing he noticed or you told him yourself because you called me crying and when I came over there he tried to spazz on me for no reason. After that day you moved with me," Samir smiled, "so like I said this was a few weeks later and things were going good between us and everything; but you started to say you were getting homesick."
Toryn soaked in the information trying so hard to picture anything or come up with a way to remember all of this.
"You kept saying how you wanted to go back to New York with your best friend and his mother. Each and every time I would calm you down and tell you it was alright and everything would go back to normal in the house...but this one day you just snapped. You weren't on your medication. You were angry, breaking shit, hitting me, just going crazy about how you wanted to go back to Laura and ole boy. I mean it took you hours to relax."
Toryn saw a quick flash in her head and felt it was a moment of what happened that day.
"So we ended up going to sleep that night and when I woke up the next morning you were gone. You left me a note saying you went back to New York. But I'm guessing you never made it. You must have gotten lost or someone must have picked you up."
Toryn slowly nodded her head. For some reason she believed his story and she knew that was probably the case. She circled the rim of her plastic cup with her pointer finger. "So I was your girlfriend and I told you I went back to New York...you didn't come back for me to see if I even made it?"
Samir sighed, now that he looked back on it he knew it was dumb to assume someone in her condition would have made it back unscathed. But he honestly did assume she did. Or it was probably his hurt and anger that made him think. "Toryn I was your boyfriend for three years. I literally saved up money just to buy us an apartment together. It hadn't even been five weeks yet and you left me to go back to another dude that's suppose to just be your friend. I was angry, I didn't wanna come look for you. I just assumed you made it back and that was that."
Toryn couldn't lie she was hurt, even if she couldn't remember she felt hurt. She grabbed some tissues from the table and began to dab at her eyes.
Samir sighed. "Come on ma, don't do that. You hurt me too."
"I never said I didn't, but I think I get a pass. You know my condition if your talking about me having episodes and stuff. I'm schizophrenic. I have severe memory loss. I don't just act a certain way or do things to get attention. I can't help myself. You could have still tried to look for me."
Samir nodded his head. "Your right. I should have and I'm sorry."
Toryn didn't even know what to say. It was a little weird because she couldn't even feel real anger toward this man. She didn't even really know who he was. Clearing her throat, she turned back toward him. "Can you tell me everything you know about me please?"
"Uh...your name is Toryn Knight...you wanted to be a psychologist once you graduated high school."
His voice faded out and she felt a sting in her head as this scene suddenly played out in her mind.
Toryn envisioned a room decorated with white and pink. White walls and pink carpet. The bed was about a twin or queen size. She saw a vanity mirror with dozens of colorful sticky notes all over the place. The room was definitely something that belonged to a teenager.
Samir nodded his head. "You in advanced psychology? Okay, look at you. So you wanna to be a psychologist?"
"Mm hm," Toryn chirped, "I'm taking my first college course for it by doing this advanced class."
"Word? Aight...so tell me what I'm thinking." Samir smiled.
Toryn abruptly looked up, her heart hammering at the flashback she got in her mind. They looked like teenagers there so she knew she must have known this man for some time. He hadn't been lying.
"What's wrong?" Samir asked, seeing her face.
"I think I remembered something. We were in some room, I think it was mine from the setup. It was a White and pink room and—"
"Yeah your grandmother's house."
Toryn fanned herself and let out a breath.
Samir stayed quiet for a while to let her have her moment, but when he saw water in her eyes, he reached across the table and put his hand on top of her's. He felt so strange sitting next to a girl he use to be with seven years ago. It felt like time hadn't changed though.
"What's the matter?"
Toryn shrugged. "I still feel so...empty. Like I'm searching for answers about myself but it's like when I get them then what? Will it change anything for me? Will it do anything for me...you know?"
"You feel like it's too late to even need to know about yourself because there's nothing you can do anyway. But yet you find yourself still wanting to know everything about yourself from the past."
If he wasn't in her head then he had to be a mind reader because there was no other way she could have put it.
"How did you know that?"
"That's how I felt about losing you. I told myself all the time to just move on...but part of me couldn't stop wondering where you went and what happened to you. You honestly broke me Toryn."
Toryn watched Samir's clenched jaws and the intensity in his brown eyes. She didn't know if she could handle it. She abruptly got up, backing into a waiter. He almost dropped the whole tray of drinks he was fetching.
Toryn spun around, putting her hands over her mouth. "Oh my gosh I'm sorry!"
"Look at you, clumsy ass bitch."
"Trouble not right now," Toryn mumbled, her head was hurting. She felt a thousand emotions and all she wanted to do was cry and throw things. It wasn't what Samir said to her that bothered her, but so far all of these people she encountered in her life seemed to genuinely care about her, but because she couldn't remember them she couldn't feel connected back. She felt like a robot and it hurt. She wished she could remember so she could care.
"If I was that waiter I low key would have threw a drink on your dumb ass and pretended it was your fault since you bumped into me."
Toryn clutched her hair making Samir quickly come to her side. He knew the signs of an episode coming and he knew when it was coming fast. Samir dug into his pocket pulling out a wad of cash held with a rubber band. "I'm so sorry, please forgive her."
The waiter was pissed but he had to go by the customer was always right policy. So he just accepted Samir's $100 dollars, knowing that was damn near close to his actual paycheck and kept it pushing. Samir put his hand on Toryn's shoulder.
"Please calm down, tell me what your thinking."
"I wanna go...I wanna see him."
Samir furrowed his eyebrows. "Who?"
Toryn squeezed her eyes shut trying to remember what she called him. He was six feet, always in a suit with a breifcase in his hand. He took great care of his hair and he had a very beautiful smile. It's been weeks since they spoke and she couldn't remember why. She was just saying his name two minutes ago, now she was forgetting. "Real Estate guy."
Samir was lost, he couldn't tell if this was somebody in her head or if she was dead serious. "Toryn who?"
"I-I gotta go, I'm going home." She said walking off.
Samir quickly caught up, grabbing her arm. Once she turned around to look at him, he quickly let go not wanting to come off aggressive. "Can I drop you, please?"
Toryn looked down and opened her mouth to think of a polite way to decline but Samir lifted her chin and took her breath away with the innocent look on his face. He smiled and she felt moisture between her legs. "Please Toryn, I rather take you. I just want to make sure your safe. And I want to keep seeing you too. I feel like we could be friends again. Maybe more..."
"Bitch you better get that dick!" Trouble shouted inside her head.
Toryn looked down again, suddenly too shy to look him in the eyes. "I can tell you the address of my house." She said not answering his other questions.
Samir smiled and took her hand. He was planning on getting back into her life and never messing up again. He was going to be the only man she needed and wanted to make her happy.
******
BRIELLE TRIED RUNNING FULL SPEED ahead of her parents and somehow was still only a good three feet in front of them with every step she took. Her short three year old legs weren't really equip yet to give her the Usain Bolt speed she was looking for.
"Bri don't run too fast, your gonna fall." Takashi said, with his hands in his pockets. Even though it was Winter and not really a time to be outside idling around, instead of heading straight home from work, Takashi and Braelyn decided to take a stroll through the park.
It was a big Central Park near the church Braelyn worked at. They were all well bundled up with gloves, jackets, boots, hats and scarfs. And Braelyn was going to make chicken soup when they got home so it wasn't likely they would get sick. Walking side by side, Braelyn narrowed her eyes from the harsh wind.
"How was work?" She asked, looking at him. Real estate wasn't a walk in the park. It could be very stressful, she knew that from living with her father who use to do real estate.
"Good. I met with five clients today and four of them want the houses I showed them. So, pay day coming up will be nice." Takashi smiled.
Braelyn stopped walking and gasped. "Really honey? That's amazing!" She tiptoed to hug him before kissing his cheek. They kept walking, approaching Brielle who was trying so hard, but failing to pick up an old rotten acorn.
"Brielle," Takashi said, "leave it alone."
The toddler ignored him and stooped down, the leather gloves she had on making the acorn continuously slip out of her grip.
"Bri!" Takashi called. He knew she could hear him because she kept glancing at him but going back to what she was doing.
When they got within arm's length of her, she took off running again leaving the acorn on the ground. Takashi sucked his teeth and shook his head. Braelyn chuckled.
"How was work for you today?" Takashi asked.
"It was good...you have a secret admirer though. Do you remember Katie? The Indian girl that sits way at the back?"
Takashi didn't even try to remember. Braelyn had over thirty kids in her class.
"Sorry, I'm drawing a blank."
Braelyn smiled. "She had this paper and you guys were holding hands and she drew a line through me. She says she likes your smile and because you always ask what she did on her weekends."
Takashi asked all the kids what they did over the weekend just to be polite. So he didn't know who she was talking about nor did he really care. He shrugged. "Okay...that's...weird."
Braelyn smiled. "It's not weird, she's a little girl and she has an innocent crush."
"What them kids bout' five? Six? What they know about crushes? That's what's wrong with these fast tail girls nowadays. I wish Brielle would tell me she have a crush on some little boy or grown ass man. I would mush the fuck outta her."
"Tee stop it." Braelyn mumbled.
Brielle had stopped once again, bending down to pick up a piece of bark that fell from a tree. Takashi snuck up behind her and snatched her up so quick her terrified face made it look like her soul left her body.
"See how you don't listen. Cut it out girl," he said tickling her. She began to laugh as Takashi tickled her and tossed her in the air over and over again. "Daddy gonna beat you up girl."
Braelyn stood back and watched. Her heart warmed. They were so cute and this was the Takashi that she loved. For the past few weeks he had been like this. Really kind, caring and they didn't argue. Braelyn noticed that he suddenly became mellow now that Toryn wasn't around. Takashi did always have a temper but it wasn't as bad until Toryn showed up. Now that they weren't talking, he was more laid back and rational about his behavior.
Braelyn had to say she did like it more this way. She didn't know Toryn personally and she seemed like a wonderful woman, but she rather them not communicate if it was going to cause stress in the house.
"Daddy I want icecream," Brielle mumbled.
Takashi pulled his head back. "Ice cream? Girl it's forty three degrees out here. It's too cold for ice cream."
"I not cold, I romise."
"You romise? What's a romise? You out here making up words," He mocked, nuzzling his nose against her's. "You promise you not cold."
"Yeah I romise."
"Okay but no ice cream still."
"Awwww," Brielle said hugging him extra tight and burying her head in the crock of his neck to cry disappointed and angry tears.
Takashi hated when she cried, it was hard raising a girl because he wanted to spoil her with the world; but apart of him felt she was a little too spoiled and he had to prevent it from getting worse.
"Bri look at daddy."
"Um, excuse me,"
Takashi turned around when he heard a woman close by but then realized she was talking to Braelyn. The woman was an old woman with a heavy Haitian accent suggesting she hadn't been in America for too long or had never really gotten the hang of English.
"I applaud you two, I love when the world mix and come together!" The Haitian woman said clapping her hands as she dipped her head dramatically.
"Excuse me?" Braelyn asked with a confused smile.
"You and your boyfriend adopt young girl. I see you take care of her, even though she not yours. I like that. Because America is very selfish country with selfish people. But you guys not selfish. You see she needs help and you help. I like that. Good for you!"
Takashi just shook his head and started walking off, continuing to play with Brielle. Braelyn gave the woman a weird facial expression. "No, she isn't adopted. That's our child."
The woman looked surprised as if she was now realizing she had overstepped her boundaries. Older people were known not to have filters anyway. "Oh? Small girl your baby?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Small girl also your boyfriend baby."
"Yes, and he's my husband."
"Oh wow, I sorry! I think she no belong to you guys by Blood. She does look like you, you can pass for mother. But she no look like your husband." The woman then put her hand on the side of her face and apologized once again, walking off in shame.
Braelyn turned around but Takashi was already gone. She looked around and caught him near the exit of the park as she power walked quickly to catch up to them. Once she did she gently tugged his arm. Brielle reached over now wanting to go to her mom.
Braelyn took her, placing her on the left side of her hip. She looked at Takashi. "Are you ready to go home?"
Takashi just nodded his head. He knew it was childish to be angry about the situation, but he wasn't. He was just a little irritated. And even though he knew he still shouldn't be because the woman was a stranger and couldn't possibly know if he was biologically Brielle's father or not; it was still annoying because it wasn't the first time it had happened. People came up to them all the time and always thought Brielle was from a previous relationship Braelyn had or he was a cousin or uncle. It just got irritating as hell after a while. Not because people didn't know, they just assumed and then ending up saying dumb shit before just asking and finding out.
"Tee don't be upset," Braelyn said, stopping as she looked at him. She knew how he felt because she was always next to him when people approached and said things like that so it was awkward for her too.
He sighed, running a hand down his face. "I'm not upset Brae."
"You are."
"I'm not."
"You know your Brielle's father so who cares. Their just strangers who don't know anything. It's not their business anyway."
"I know, and I'm not mad I promise. See?" He bent down and kissed her forehead. He smiled. He took her hand and they walked toward the car.
******
WEEKEND CAME AND TAKASHI found himself at his mother's house. He was low key here hoping to run into Toryn. But he was mainly here because the situation that happened at the park with the stranger was starting to get to him. The only person he could talk too about it was his mother. She was the only person he could tell anything too.
"Man, I don't know," Takashi said rubbing his temples, "this shit is starting to really blow me..."
Laura shook her head, staring off into space. They were in her bedroom with the door closed. The only place in the house they knew the conversation couldn't be overheard. If anything, Laura was surprised when Takashi brought it to her attention. She never thought or felt like Brielle was not his child, there was no possible way.
"Honey kids don't always look like their parents. Sometimes they look like one and not the other. Which is the case with Bri. She looks like her mother, but it doesn't mean she's not yours." Laura informed.
Takashi nodded his head with his hands in his pockets. He sat on top the dresser while Laura sat on the edge of her bed. Brielle was at Braelyn's parents house for the day. And although Braelyn didn't have work; she was feeding the homeless at a church. The service ended at 4:30PM and Takashi had to go pick her up when it was done.
"I mean I know, that's what I been saying to myself forever, but it's just...too much people been saying this stuff and now it's irritating me. It's almost like a hint, you know?" Takashi said, "Even Toryn said it."
"Toryn?!" Laura asked, perplexed.
"Yeah. The day I found her again and took her to my house, Brae popped up with Brielle and Toryn compliments her and goes your daughter is pretty. Is she Spanish?"
Laura gasped with a hand over her mouth.
"Right, how can somebody just assume that? Maybe it's something sbout the situation because everyone I run into says things like that and it's now bugging me. And people saying it is one thing, but Toryn?"
Laura smiled. "Oh so because Toryn said it her opinion matters more than everyone else who said it before her?"
"Nah, I just mean Toryn is so lost, you feel me? She not all the way there herself. So for her to make a comment like that...what if it's obvious?"
Laura felt her heart breaking, she would never know what it was like to feel like their was a possibility a child might not be her's. She couldn't imagine what her baby boy was going through. Part of her wanted him to take a DNA test because she didn't want him to be a fool; but then the other part of her rather him not. She knew her son's temper and the wrong results could possibly end up in a death.
The room got silent and Takashi wanted to ask where Toryn was. It's been days and they hadn't spoken once since the mall incident. He wondered if she was locked up in her room or out somewhere. He didn't want to ask Laura because he knew she would blow it out of proportion and tell him he was way too worried about her when it wasn't his business.
"So, what you—"
"Yo'!"
Laura jumped, looking at her son like he was crazy. Toryn was right in the next room sleeping. There was no way he hadn't woken her up. Laura sucked her teeth. "Tee!"
Takashi felt like he got stabbed in the back with a pocket knife. His mouth fell open and he just looked at his mom.
"What?" She asked.
"Yo'...remember how I just said people always tell me Brielle looks Spanish?"
"Yeah," Laura said, raising an eyebrow.
"There's this Spanish dude at her job named Miguel."
Laura put her hand up not even trying to hear it. It sounded like a LifeTime movie and honestly, she was starting to feel bad for even doubting Braelyn now. This whole thing was getting silly. She felt it in her heart that Brielle was her grand baby. "Takashi..."
"No ma I'm serious. Her coworker, this real annoying dude that stay in her face. He has a crush on her but she doesn't like him. She said he makes her uncomfortable." Takashi said. As he spoke he was more shocked at himself for not picking up on any of this stuff before.
"Yeah maybe because she loves you but that man keeps bothering her."
Takashi hopped off the dresser now starting to get hype as different thoughts filled his head. "I don't know man...what if she's nervous around him because she knows Bri is his. And she made him promise to keep it as a secret but he never okayed it so every time he comes around she gets scared thinking he might blurt it out one day." Takashi even thought about the comment he made the other day. I like that attitude you have Mr. Maxwell. I can tell that nobody is gonna mess with your little girl. Brielle right? Takashi clenched his jaws.
Laura tilted her head to the side. "Tee think about this. He's a Sunday school teacher, his life is God. You think that man will abandon his child and leave that duty to another man? Why would he know Brielle is his child and not say anything? It obviously means it's not his daughter, honey."
Takashi felt like his head was spinning, he didn't know what to think anymore. "Maybe your right, I just feel like something's off though. What if it really is his kid? I mean Braelyn doesn't work everyday. She could always take Bri to go see Miguel while I'm at work. All three of them could be hanging out and he could be spending time with her that way."
Laura wasn't buying it. "I'm sorry but if that's the case then Braelyn would have to be an idiot to think as a three year old, Brielle wouldn't open her mouth about her second daddy," she said putting up air quotes. "I doubt this man is secretly spending time with Brielle, Tee. She's a baby, she would have said something even if they bribed her to stay quiet."
It was like everything he said Laura had a counter argument for. And he got where she was coming from. It wasn't like Laura didn't want Brielle not to be his. She was three and Laura invested three years of love into that little girl. Takashi wanted Brielle to be his too, he didn't know what he would do if she wasn't. But honestly, he couldn't shake this feeling. It was especially bothering him because Laura was almost right about everything, but this time something in his heart was telling him otherwise.
Takashi nodded his head. "I don't know when...but imma get a DNA test done. I have too. I'm losing sleep over this shit."
Laura got up from the bed and hugged him. "Your breaking my heart with this Tee. Don't do this to Brae. She's your baby Tee, I know it."
Takashi's heart did unnatural pumps in his chest. The funny thing was the more his mother stood up for Braelyn the more his heart broke. Because he wanted to also be on his mother's side as well, but the way his chest was hurting was letting him know it wasn't the winning side. He just hoped like hell he was wrong.