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When my eyes fluttered open, I caught a blurry glimpse of Alex hovering over me with a concerned look on his sleepy face. His bedhead hair was sticking up all over the place and I tried not to smile. Suddenly, he perched to the edge of the bed, groaning. I sat up instantly, reaching for my glasses while last night's events came crashing down on me.
"Fuck. I don't think I can remember the last time that I was this hungover," Alex sighed, his eyes closed. I didn't say anything as I found a Tylenol pill and a half drunken water bottle in my bedside drawer. I tossed it to him, and he let out a sound that probably meant "Thank you".
I watched him drain the water bottle in a matter of seconds, and I especially watched the drop of water that trickled down his defined jawline.
I caught myself before he saw me and turned my head away. I was beginning to notice the small things. It was just like Dominic all over again; Except this time, I wouldn't let myself get hurt. I was smarter than that.
I realized I was on my bed and then almost died right there. That meant that somewhere in the night, Alex had lifted me onto it. Even while hungover, the guy was responsible.
A few seconds of silence hung around in the air before he spoke.
"How drunk was I last night?" He asked the question as if he were dreading the answer.
"Wasted," I murmured, trying to keep my voice as steady and normal as possible.
"Sorry you had to pick me up in the middle of the night," He mumbled. It struck me that he was embarrassed, but tha meant that he remembered what happened last night. Right?
"D-Did I do anything stupid last night?" He piped up.
I blinked, my heart rate accelerating.
"Wait, so you don't remember?"
"Sorry Dest, my head is killing me and everything is kind of a blur."
Except for the fact that you practically made me want to kiss you, nothing happened. Nothing at all, Alexander North, I thought bitterly.
I was contemplating if I should tell him the truth. If he really didn't remember last night's events, that meant he was too drunk-- Too drunk to say anything he actually meant. But what if I told him? That would make things awkward. I didn't even understand what I was to him and I didn't want to ruin this valuable friendship just by saying one sentence about yesterday.
"Stop overthinking whatever you're thinking, Dest. Tell me the truth, did I actually do some dumb shit last night?" He repeated.
He was right, I was overthinking. Just like I had with Dom, and I'd ended up screwing everything up.
"Nah, you were kind of loopy, but just fell asleep on my bed when we got home," I lied, clutching my blanket in my hand so hard.
He let out a sigh of relief which felt like a knife puncturing through my heart.
"So uh why were you on the ground when I woke up this morning?" He furrowed his brows at me, and I sheepishly stared back at the oblivious emerald eyes that had been so dangerous last night.
"Oh um, this is kind of embarrassing but I was on my period and the cramps were really bad. So I just uh sprawled on the floor because that was the only comfortable position. . .?" I explained, feeling like an idiot.
"Dest! You should've told me. Do you want me to uh go out and get some like pads or tam-"
"Alex, just shut up," I quickly hissed. "It's okay, I'm fine. Just go and eat something, I'm er going back to sleep."
He chuckled and then walked over and ruffled my hair and goosebumps trailed over my arms at his touch. Before he left, he said,
"Thanks as usual, Dest," with a soft smile.
It took everything inside of me to not run after him. He wasn't mine. And I was okay. . . Was what I told myself.
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And so it took all of my willpower to not break down in front of Alex or in front of anyone in that case. It was hard not to stare at him while he drove, or smile at the thought of him. Although I was acting like a total creep, my mind was just all over the place right now.
Every time I was alone with Alex, whether it was in the kitchen in the early hours or in his truck, breezing past packs, I struggled to act normal. On some days I was so close to saying "Fuck this" and kiss his tempting lips, while other days I wanted to run away as far as possible as I could from him. Obviously, I couldn't really do any of those things.
The worst days though were when my mind decided to think back to Dominic. As much as I scolded myself that I was done thinking about him, I still wandered off back to that crevice full of our memories together in my head.
I often found myself wondering if he had a mate or a new best friend by now. Even though I didn't care that he never saw me as a love interest, I hated to let go of such a big part of my life. It was hard to let go of a childhood friend who was literally one of the only people who didn't choose to abandon me. But nothing gold can stay.
I silently thanked him though, as if it weren't for him rejecting me, there would be a slim chance that I'd ever get to meet Alex. I thought what it would've been like, if Dom decided to accept me and we became more than friends. What would've happened if I'd bumped into Alex then? Probably nothing. I never would've befriended the tall, bookish, handsome dork-- Nevertheless fallen in love with him.
Thus in a way, I was grateful for Dom. My heart still lurched at his name, but not as much as before. Shivers still went down my spine with thoughts of him as my mate, but those thoughts were drowned out with Alex's presence. I loved Dom, and hell, I still did. But I wasn't in love with him. I was just designed to feel that way.
I had found out what it really meant to fall in love with someone without knowing you would. It was cliche to say that what Alex and I had was "true love", but it was realistic to say that we'd never end up together simply because we weren't bonded together by a mate link. Even if he tried to mark me, the chances that the mark and bond would actually last would be zero.
So I didn't talk to Alex as much as we used to and I avoided him whenever I could. I told myself repeatedly that in the end, it wouldn't hurt us. But in this moment, it fucking hurt like a bitch.
" 'Ello, Destiny?" Alice yelled in my ear. I jumped and then blushed a deep red. "Whatcha' like me to make for ya'?"
"Uh, a coffee and toast please. Thanks," I replied, sinking back into the stool. Alice furrowed her brows, her bright blue eyes were full of confusion.
"Sweet pea you've really lowered your appetite. . ." She mumbled. I didn't know what to say, everything tasted so bland now.
A few minutes later she handed me the toast and black coffee. I gave her a side smile and then went for the coffee.
"That boy's got ya' hooked onto that coffee too now, eh?" She laughed heartily.
Hooked onto his heart too, I thought.
After finishing my so called breakfast and then chatting with Vivian for a bit, I went down to the office as usual to begin working. Nothing like a good eight hours of staring into a cold monitor and replying to emails. In all honesty though, the extra work that I'd been loading in had kept my mind off of things for the past few weeks.
Sometimes Alex would hang around downstairs to talk to the others and he would notice that I'd be too caught up in my work to say hi, so naturally he didn't bother me. I felt like shit for doing this to him, for seeing the slight hurt in his eyes every time I avoided him. It was killing me softly, but I just wanted him to think about another girl. I told myself that he'd eventually find a smart and mature girl he'd fall in love with, anyone but a broken girl with issues.
By 8 pm, my stomach was grumbling and I had to take off my glasses and close my eyes for a while. I was hungry, tired, and utterly hopeless.
I yawned and stuck my glasses back on and tried my best to concentrate on the screen. But a few minutes later, the delicious smell of fresh pasta flounced into my nose. I closed my eyes again. Was I so tired that I was beginning to imagine things? Wait no, you couldn't imagine smells. . . Could you? Was there such a thing as your nose having hallucinations?!
"Yes, it's real. Now eat up before it gets cold,"
Startled, I turned my spinny chair and smiled. I didn't know what it was exactly that made me smile; the plate of pasta on my desk, or Alex's dimpled, crooked smile. It was probably both. I didn't even say anything as I dug into the pasta right away, enjoying the saltiness contrasting with the sweet garlic Alfredo sauce which melted perfectly in my mouth. Who needed a man when this existed?
Alex pulled up another spinny chair next to mine and rested his chin on his elbow which was threateningly close to me.
"It's been weeks since you last ate like that," he smirked, and then gestured a hand at the smear of Alfredo sauce by my mouth. I quickly grabbed a napkin out of my desk and wiped it off my face.
"I can't believe you noticed. ." I admitted, pushing the empty plate to the side.
"Noticed what? The abundance of sauce on your face or your abnormal lack of eating nowadays?" He chortled.
"Both, I guess," I replied, resting my head in my hands. I didn't want to look at his face after not properly talking for a while.
"Dest, seriously," his voice was suddenly soft and quiet that I couldn't help but look at him. "What's going on?" He looked so sincere and worried as he studied my face in concern.
I wanted to pour my heart out to him, tell him how my wolf inside the comfort of Dom, yet how my heart wanted him. How I felt homesick but still dreaded the thought of returning. How I felt like I'd lost everything I'd ever had, but here I was, sitting in a marble mansion.
"Nothing's wrong, it's just that. . ." I struggled to come up with a remotely real excuse. I felt so embarrassed. "It's nothing."
His green eyes flashed in disappointment and I saw his jaw clench ever so slightly. He let out a noticeable sigh. He and I both knew it wasn't just "nothing". I had let him down. Again. After weeks of him trying to talk to me, I had blocked our connection.
"So, uh what brought you here to my office?" I asked, just wanting to forget about the last five minutes.
"I needed to make it up to you because you helped me out that night I was drunk as hell, and I felt like I owed you something. So I thought you'd want some pasta I made today," he explained.
"You can cook?!" I nearly fell off of my chair.
"Don't expect me to speak Italian or have some hot Spanish accent," he laughed, which sounded like pure music to my ears. "My brother was the one who taught me how to cook."
I cocked my head to the side.
"Hold up. Alexander North has a brother?" I questioned. And here I thought Alex was a lone wolf. He'd never mentioned his family or even having one. I guess it was fair, considering the fact that I'd barely spoken about my own family as well.
"He's dead," Alex replied, playing with the hem of his red flannel.
I tried to keep my mouth shut.
"I-I'm sorry," I sputtered. "What happened, Alex?"
His green eyes were full of grief and vulnerability, but they became hard.
"It's. . It's nothing." He replied curtly.
I sat there, agape. That really stung. But I deserved it, I mean, I had just done the same thing to him about ten minutes ago when he'd asked me what was wrong.
He wordlessly stood up and grabbed the plate, he looked away from my eyes and then walked away.
I wanted to chase after him and apologize, but he'd probably had enough of my bullshit to last him an entire lifetime. Besides, there were so many things I wanted to do, but they were just out of reach.
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Hi gang :) Yeah ik, hella late update and all but life got in the way.
I got a shit load of homework, tests, etc etc. Oh and a bonus-- My depression's kicking back in again! How fun.
Anyways, I can't wait for the next chapter because I think y'all have been waiting for it forever. I swear, Y'ALL WILL DIE. SERIOUSLY. :') Omfg it feels like I just started this book yesterday holllly crap.
Lolol so my right arm is hurting like a bitch, I have two tests tomorrow, and it's 12 am. I should probably sleep, but writing is the only thing that is keeping me sane (and remotely happy).
Alrighty, I'll catcha' later ✌️
-Popclouds