CHEATING AND LYING aren't struggles of a relationship. They are a reason, a huge warning bell telling you to stop. Stop coming up with excuses to tolerate your unloyal, unfaithful partner. Once you knew about it, stop it. After all, a person wouldn't seek for the love of another if they're still in love with the current one.
It's almost as easy as that if the thing called love wasn't involved. Falling in love with someone means you are allowing them to heal you or break you a thousand times. You are vulnerable. That's why falling in love is always a risk. A risk so many are so willing to take.
The reason I'm thinking about this is because I just finished talking with Gain. I couldn't help myself from confronting her, asking her why she did it.
And as I walked to Yanan and Changgu's dorm, I recalled our conversation a while ago.
•
"So why did you do it? Why cheat on him? He's been trying so hard for you."
Gain looked at me with displeasure. "Aren't you always Miss-Know-It-All? Do you even really know your best friend? Or did you skip the parts of knowing about his romantic relationship because of your own little feelings?"
I was taken aback by the sharpness of the way she talked. "What is wrong with you?"
I followed her through the campus while she was alone. "You don't know everything, Chanmi. If we look back, Yanan cheated on me first."
"What are you talking about?"
"Do you think I didn't try for him, too?" she asked, stopping on her tracks. "But everytime we're together, I know who he's thinking about. Maybe he didn't cheat on me like the usual. He didn't kiss another girl or became exclusive with her. But every single damn time, I knew he was wishing he was with you instead. In his mind, he was already cheating on me."
"But he always put you first!"
"Did he? He always saved money to buy you a gift first. He saw the first snow with you first. It was my birthday but he had to pick you up from the station first. We set a date, but he had to go to his friends first. Something good happens to him? He tells you first. He's feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders? He goes to you first. And yes, I was jealous. I was the girlfriend. I didn't become one to be his second choice!"
When I didn't say anything, she chuckled bitterly. "And you blame me for having someone else? Every time I'm with another guy, I feel much more treasured than when I was with him. Yanan knows how toxic our relationship was, Chanmi. You can't get mad for him because you know nothing."
•
When I got to their dorm, Changgu was the one who led me inside. "Great timing. His parents will come soon." he said as we sat in the lobby.
"Changgu-ah," I said, staring at the distance.
"Why? What's with the long face?"
"Why is fate like that? Why is love like that?"
He chuckled. "Are you okay?"
"No, I... I don't understand how love could feel so intense at some point, and then just fades away when it wants to. I don't understand why Yanan didn't tell me about his feelings when I felt the same way. Every day, I learn a little more about how he felt about meㅡand how we have been lingering around each other feeling the same way without knowing it. I wonder what if we have known at the right time?"
Changgu sighed. "Right, I wonder too. You would probably be both the happiest people now."
"But Changgu,"
"What?"
"I think I like Yuto. I think I like him a lot." I said, feeling my chest tightened. "And I also wish I could go back to the time when I liked Yanan the most, so that I wouldn't hurt him, so that he won't go through what I went through."
Changgu sighed, smiling at me. "You both drive me crazy."
"But I... I'm actually thankful I met Yuto." I said. Changgu wrapped his arm around my shoulder and shook my hair with his other hand.
"I know," he said. "You're shot by cupid's arrow, I know. I know Yanan is our friend and you don't want to hurt him, but he'll be fine. He'll meet the right person for him and he will move on just like you did. You know the cliché, they say, time heals everything. We're still young. What if it's your time with Yuto right now? I'm not jinxing itㅡbut what if your time with Yanan is later in life? Or what if you both really find the right people for you and later on, you'll realize why you guys didn't happen."
I smiled at him. Changgu always believes that there is a reason for everything. And I really want to believe him right now. "Don't you like anyone?" I asked.
"Nah, I'm good. I love music."
I chuckled. "Ah, the time you love someone more than you love music would be epic."
"I'm going crazy enough with your drama and Yanan's. I don't need one for myself." he said, grinning.
But Changgu is a good looking mess. He knows a lot of girls are actually prying for his attention, and he is nice to them allㅡactually, kind of flirty to everyone but he never pursued anyone into a romantic relationship.
"They're here!" he said, getting up immediately.
We greeted Yanan's parents and led them to their room.
"Still the same circle of friends." His mother commented, nodding while looking at me and Changgu.
"How are you doing?" Changgu asked politely.
As we all chatted awkwardly, the elevator's doors opened and Yanan stood there waiting for us. "Hi, mom and dad!"
After his parents inspected their room, ending with a nod of approval, they treated us to an early dinner in a fine restaurant.
They talked about Yanan changing his major by the end of the year, which meant he was transfering too. Yanan already made it clear that he won't be moving out from their dorm and that, his parents allowed.
"Thank you for the dinner!" Changgu and I said in sync as Yanan's parents were leaving. And then we watched their car drive away.
And we could breathe normally again.
Yanan smiled at the both of us, shaking our hair. "Thank you, chingudeul!" He said, "It could have been worse without you two."
•
After everything, I met up with Yuto near my dorm. He smiled as soon as he saw me.
"Hi!" I greeted cheerfully.
"Hi," he said, wrapping his arms around me. "How did it go?" he asked. I texted him today, saying I'll be with my friends and Yanan's parents.
I groaned and buried my face on his chest. "Looong day. His parents are always people to impress." I said, grinning. "Well, how's your day?"
He smiled sheepishly. "Great now that I saw you."
"Ha-ha. Smooth." I said, frowning but blushing at the same time.
He smiled and kissed my cheek. "Yuto," I called.
"Hm?"
"Wanna see my paintings?"
"Now?"
"Yes."
"Of course."
"But..." I said reluctantly.
"What?"
"I'll have to sneak you in."
• • •
A/N: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
thanks for reading!~♡
how was your valentines day guys?
i spent it playing a new videogame i bought, eating and sleeping haha #potatolifeiscool
is the yanone ship sinking lately? bcs i see a lot of honggu 👀 and kinan? XD whats kino and yanan's ship name lol
also this book is actually... ending soon.