"Rubber bullets," Kyle told me as he handed me a hand gun. "Not my idea, but I agree with it."
I smiled and took it from him. "Come on. I thought we were past this."
Kyle shrugged. "You've been doing great, but they want you to work with this until everyone is sure that you'll be ok with a real gun."
I spun the gun around my finger. "This is a real gun. Fake bullets."
Kyle held his hands up. "You got me there."
It had been over a year since I burned down Lab 7. Between surgeries, physical therapy and mental therapy, I had a busy time. I don't even remember most of the details, but Kyle had taken it upon himself to make sure I got through everything.
He didn't say this, but I could tell he was angry at Nathan and Chelsea. After all, it was their job to look after me and look what happened. But I could also tell that he was mad at himself.
I couldn't tell if he was mad at me.
"So how come Agent Katherine thinks I can handle a gun but won't let me near a pool?" I asked.
Kyle shrugged. "Bad memories? I don't ask her the details."
I raised an eyebrow. "Yes, you do. You literally always do."
"I do not!" he said back in fake shock.
"Remember that time when you were banned from missions for a week because you went crazy on her?"
Kyle didn't respond. I realized what I said.
"I'm grateful that you did that, really. But I'm just proving a point."
"Let's see how you do," Kyle said as he motioned to the target on the wall. "I'll do it with you." He pulled out his own gun.
"But you get real bullets."
He nodded. "Sorry, Brookie. Rules are rules."
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever." I positioned my feet, which was harder than before because of my leg brace, but I was doing much better controlling it. My mile time was now under 10 minutes, which was huge for me. Everything else was slowly improving too. It was forecasted that if my improvement continued at this rate, I would be able to go on my first mission in less than a year.
I released the safety on the gun and pulled the trigger. The rubber bullet made its impact a little bit to the left of the bull's eye. I took a deep breath through my nose and sighed. The smell from the gunpowder lingered for a second. The smell of the smoke.
Kyle raised his gun and took his shot. He had the real bullets in his and it hit right in the center of the target.
It was such a small amount of smoke, but the smell triggered so much for me. So much pain. So many memories.
I put my gun down and Kyle walked over to me. "You ok?" he asked.
He wasn't expecting it. It took only two motions, and I had his gun in my hands.
"Brooke, put the gun down," Kyle said to me.
"Why? Why should I?" I asked. "It's not like I'm going to get better."
Kyle held his hands up and took a step towards me. Then he held out his right hand. "Give me the gun."
"Why won't you let me do this?" I asked him. "I can't do this anymore!"
I heard the door open, but I kept my eyes on Kyle. He took a second to reply. "I need you to be alive, ok?"
"For once, stop thinking about what you want or what your job is an think for a second what I want!" I screamed back.
"Brooke, please," he said painfully.
I shook my head as tears filled my eyes. "I can't be the Brooke you need me to be." Then I flipped the gun around and pointed it at myself.
The next few seconds were a blur. I know Kyle sprang into action, and I know I pulled the trigger. I closed my eyes as I heard the bang, I felt Kyle's hands wrapped around my wrists, but I didn't feel the bullet.
But I did hear a scream.
I opened my eyes and looked. When the door opened, Mallory had entered. And in those few seconds, I had shot her.
I watched as Kyle tried to stop the blood flowing from Mallory's stomach. I held my hand to my face in shock.
I had shot Mallory.
Kyle carried her out of the room, and as he opened the door, he turned around. "Don't go anywhere."
I nodded, but lying is a part of the job.
~~~~
It was dark outside. There were barely any people around. I knew I had wandered into a very sketchy part of the city, but I didn't care. I needed to go somewhere new. Somewhere that wouldn't remind me of everything that I had been through.
I sat down and started crying as I leaned back against the brick wall of a liquor store. After everything Mallory had done for me, I shot her. Sure, it wasn't on purpose but that didn't matter. If she died, it would be on me, just like Ned's death.
It had been a year. I thought I had made it through the worst. But the worse kept coming back. And I couldn't do anything to stop it. That year of recovery was just the eye of the storm. And the aftershock was still on the radar.
I heard voices from the alley, and I rolled my eyes as I wiped them dry. I wasn't in the mood for people, so stood up and started walking the other way.
The voices continued to get louder, and I heard laughing too. Between sighs, I thought about what was about to happen.
I continued to walk, even after someone yelled, "Hey, sweetie, what are you doing on this side of town?"
The series of footsteps was faster, until they were right behind me. I stopped and turned around. "What?" I snarled. There were four of them, all of them bigger than me and with a greedy look in their eyes. Right, go after the girl in the leg brace. Easy prey.
Joke's on them.
"You shouldn't be out this late," one of them said.
"And you shouldn't be targeting people. At any time of day," I replied.
The four of them laughed. "Do you really think saying that will stop us?"
I flipped down the hood of my sweatshirt and smiled. "So how are we doing this? Four on one or one at a time?"
That shocked them for a second. None of them responded.
"I say four on one that way we can get this over with faster," I said. "What? Do you not think I can take you all in a fight?"
One of them stepped forward and my training kicked in. I used his momentum to throw him to the ground. The second and third ones attacked at the same time, but that wasn't a problem. When the second one threw a punch, I grabbed his elbow and snapped his arm back. The third one grabbed my shoulders as the second one tried to punch me with his not broken arm. I dodged the first two punches, but the third one hit my square in the nose. I snapped my head back and the third guy loosened his grip. I felt something shift in my pocket. I still had a gun. I couldn't remember if it was Kyle's or mine, but I pulled it out anyway.
The second guy took a step back. I traced my thumb along the chamber. It was heavier than the one I had used earlier in the day. I smiled. "This has been fun, but it's time for me to go."
The fourth man, who hadn't done anything in the fight up to this point pulled out a gun as well. "I disagree. And I doubt that you even know how to use that."
I smiled again. "Challenge accepted." I pulled the trigger and hit him directly between the eyes. Then I did the same for the other three.
The smell of smoke didn't even bother me. Neither did the blood dripping down from my broken nose.
Then a car pulled up in front of me. The window rolled down and I saw Kyle in the driver's seat. "Get in," he said angrily.