I moaned a little and opened my eyes. My mom glanced over her shoulder and gave me an apologetic smile.
“Sorry. I’m trying to get laundry done. I didn’t mean to wake you up. Do you want me to wash your hoodie?” she asked, gathering dirty clothes off of my floor.
“No,” I mumbled, sleepily rubbing at my eyes. But then my eyes widened a little as I realized what I had said, and the fact that I was still cuddling with the hoodie. “Oh, yea, sorry. Wash it please.”
Mom set my clothes down on my chair and came over, sitting next to me on my bed. She gently brushed my hair out of my face.
“Jace, it’s okay to miss him,” she said softly.
“I don’t miss him. I hate seeing him,” I said.
“I mean it’s okay to miss the relationship. You fell in love with him,” she said. “You don’t just get over something like that.”
“Yea, well, love sucks,” I said bitterly.
“Jace, you’ve been growing more distant lately. To everyone, even me. Not everyone you love will leave you,” she said, and I could hear the slight trace of pain in her voice. She pulled me close, hugging me tightly, and I surprised to hear her voice choke a little as she continued to speak. “I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’m sorry your dad left. But not everyone will leave. And distancing yourself from people you love and who love you back will only hurt more in the end.”
“No, trusting people who always leave me is what hurts in the end,” I snarled.
“I’ve never left you,” she said, and the traces of hurt in that sentence shattered my heart.
Why did I always do this to my mom? I was the shittiest son. She did everything she possibly could for me, supported me emotionally and financially, accepted me, and loved me with her whole heart, and all I ever did was hurt her and let her down.
“Jace, please don’t get that look in your eyes,” she whispered, hugging me close again. “Please. I hate when you look like that. Like you’re so disgusted with yourself. Like you hate yourself.”
I dropped my gaze to the hoodie, suddenly filled with self loathing. This whole time I had been blaming Mitch, but I knew that Rio was right. I was the one who walked away. I was the reason Shane and Mitch had been fighting. I broke my family, and I broke the Marion family.
“Can you leave so I can get dressed?” I asked, pulling out of her arms and falling back against my pillows.
She sighed sadly. “Jace, I think we really need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk!” I said angrily. “I want to get dressed. I’ve got things to do today.”
She hesitated before standing up and nodding. She gathered my clothes in her arms and forced a smile for me before leaving my bedroom, shutting the door as she went.
I clutched the hoodie to my chest, closing my eyes and silently apologizing to my mom in my head. God, she deserved so much better.
I got out of bed and pulled on shorts and a tank top. I pulled on a beanie to hide my horribly messy hair. I had no desire to fix my hair.
I picked up the hoodie and sniffed it, taking comfort in Mitch’s soft vanilla scent. I set the hoodie down on my pillow and popped in my earphones, leaving my bedroom.
Without bothering to see if my mom needed anything from me, I hurried out of the house. I pulled out my phone once I was a safe distance away and texted my friend Max, asking if he wanted to hang out. He texted me back, telling me to come to his house.
I walked to Max’s house and rang the doorbell. His mom let me in and I made my way to his bedroom, letting myself in.
“Hey Jace,” Max said. He was sitting with our friends Jake and Sparky.
“Hey guys,’ I said, sitting down. I forced myself not to grin as I noticed the mixed drinks they had in front of them.
“Mix Jace a drink,” Max sad to Sparky.
Sparky nodded and grabbed a cup, pouring various alcohol and juice into it before handing it to me. “It’s kind of strong, so drink it slow, man. It’ll creep up on you,” he warned as I took it from him.
“Got it,” I said, taking a big gulp of it and loving the way it burned down my throat.
“Where’s Shane?” I asked. I didn’t want him to come, but Max usually invited all of us.
“I haven’t texted him yet. I was going to text you guys in about an hour. I didn’t think you’d be up yet,” he said with a shrug.
“Shane’s probably not up yet,” I said, checking the time. “I’m only up because my mom woke me up.”
Max laughed. “That sucks. But, anyways, it’s good to see you again. I haven’t seen you in months,” he said.
“Me either,” Sparky said.
“I’ve sadly seen you all year,” Jake said with a dramatic sigh.
“Yea, well, that’s what you get for going to the same the college as me. You get the pleasure of seeing me constantly,” I said with a grin.
“I also got the pleasure of almost walking in on you having sex with Pete,” he said, making a face. “Dear god. That was so uncomfortable.”
“At least you understand it’s a pleasure,” I said with a wink.
“I’ll be sure to return the favor by letting you walk in on me having sex,” Jake said.
“I’d rather not be scarred for life,” I said, taking another swallow of my drink.
I eyed my friends and mentally sighed. Maybe they would know something about Rio. I didn’t trust the kid.
“Do you guys know Rio?” I asked.
“Rio who?” Sparky asked.
“The only Rio in the entire town, dumbass. Rio Snyder, right?” Jake said. “My older brother used to be friends with his brother until his brother got a drug problem.”
“I don’t trust him,” I said.
“He’s alright, I guess. A little full of himself,” Jake said, shrugging. “His brother turned out to be a total mess, but Rio always seemed pretty stable.”
“I saw Rio hanging out with Shane’s brother a few times,” Max said. “Me and my cousin got really high one night and needed food so my brother drove us to Denny’s. On the way there, we saw Mitch, Rio, and two other guys walking together and drinking.”
“Rio Snyder and Mitch Marion together? That’s just asking for trouble,” Jake said with a sigh.
“Oh jeez. I bet they’ve got quite a few enemies,” Sparky said with a sigh.
“That’s what they get for talking shit,” I said, drinking more. I was worried about Mitch, but he could handle himself.
“Hey Jace, do you think Rio is Mitch’s rebound?” Sparky asked, and Jake smacked him in the arm.
“Who cares,” I said. “I’m bored. Let’s play something.”
“Battle shots!” Max said.
We all nodded in agreement and set up the game. We poured shots and set them up on the board. It was me and Jake versus Max and Sparky.
We played several games, steadily getting drunker and drunker. After a while, we stopped, all starting to get really bad.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I fumbled it out. “Hello?” I slurred, answering it.
“Fucking shit, Jace. Where are you?” Shane asked.
“Max’s house,” I said.
“Alright, I’m on my way you drunk dumbass,” he said and hung up.
I leaned against the wall, loving the thick fog that was clouding my brain. I didn’t want to think right now. I didn’t want to remember.
I closed my eyes. I could hear Jake and Max singing together, and Sparky laughing. Wasn’t this how things had been a year ago? No drama, just drinks and laughter. I wanted that back in my life. I didn’t want all this fighting.
“Hey, are you awake?!”
I opened my eyes, looking up at Shane. He bent down and pulled me to my feet carefully, steadying me as I stumbled a little.
“Hang out with us Shane!” Max said and nearly fell over.
“Nah, I’m bringing Jace back to my house. Maybe another time,” Shane said.
I didn’t want to argue with anyone anymore, so I just let Shane lead me out of the house and into his car. He drove us back to his house, silent except for the music playing out of his speakers.
We pulled into his driveway and he helped me out of his car. The world was starting to spin dangerously, and I slumped a little in Shane’s arms.
“Can you hold down the puke until I get you inside? Seriously, if you throw up on me again, I’m going to let you drown in your own vomit,” he said in annoyance, pulling me in through the front door and up the stairs to the living room.
“Jace?” Mitch said. He was sitting on the couch with Rio.
“Stay away from him. He’s going to puke,” Shane said. “MOM! GRBA A PUKE BUCKET!”
Carol came out of the kitchen with a bucket and over to me. She handed it to me and sighed, shaking her head.
“You idiot,” she said.
“’M fine,” I mumbled, but I knew I probably would empty my stomach in a minute.
“Go get him water,” Carol said to Shane. “Rio, Mitch, go away.”
“Go in my room,” Mitch said to Rio.
“Gladly,” Rio said, jumping up. “I do not handle puking well.” He turned and left to head to Mitch’s room.
“Mom, go away,” Mitch said, coming over to me.
“Don’t be an asshole, Mitch,” Carol said. She squeezed my shoulder comfortingly before leaving the room.
Mitch sat down next to me. “Jace, I hate seeing you do this to yourself,” he said quietly. “Please. Please stay away from alcohol. If not for me, than for yourself.”
I turned my head away from him as I finally released the contents of my stomach into the bucket. Mitch rubbed my back, pushing my hair out of my face for me.
I slumped back and he continued to rub my back. Shane came out a minute later and handed me a glass of water. I washed my mouth of with it and the brothers helped me stand up.
“Go lay him on the couch,” Shane said.
Mitch pulled my arm across his shoulders and helped me stumble my way into Shane’s room. He gently lowered me onto the couch and sat next to me.
I curled up and Mitch pulled a blanket over me. He got up to leave, but I reached out and grabbed his shirt.
“I want things to go back to normal,” I whispered, barely away of my own words.
Mitch sat back down next to me. “I don’t know if you’ll remember all of this when you wake up. I hope you do, though. Maybe we can try to just get our friendship going again, okay?” he said.
I nodded and closed my eyes. “Yes,” I mumbled, already drifting off to sleep.
***
I blinked and slowly sat up. It was dark outside, and Shane was passed out in his bed. My head had a light throbbing, but nothing too severe. I got up off the couch and quietly left Shane’s bedroom.
I went to the bathroom, taking the toothbrush I always used when I was here. I brushed my teeth, hating the stale puke taste in my mouth. When I was done, I left the bathroom and went out to the kitchen.
“Shit,” I hissed, jumping back in surprise.
“Sorry,” Mitch said. He and Rio were sitting at the counter, a bowl of popcorn in between them. They were playing spit.
“Look who rose from the dead,” Rio said, slapping a pile when Mitch was distracted and pulling the cards towards himself to shuffle them.
“Cheater,” Mitch grumbled.
“How long was I asleep for? What time is it?” I asked.
“You’ve been asleep all day. It’s almost four in the morning,” Mitch said.
“And you’re still awake?” I asked in surprise. But then I rolled my eyes in disgust. “Oh, right. I forgot you go out all night.”
“Yea, actually. We just got back a little while ago. We were watching movies and got hungry so we went to McDonald’s,” Mitch said as he shuffled his cards. “We ate in the parking lot. Do you want a detailed report on it? I can give you the receipt from my order.”
I fought off a blush, because I could smell McDonald’s, and noticed the bags stuffed in the garbage. Mitch glanced at me and amusement entered his eyes.
“You do remember what we talked about before you fell asleep, don’t you?” he asked.
“I’m probably going to regret that because you’re an annoying bastard,” I said. But as I sat down next to him and was dealt into a game of go fish, I nearly smiled. It felt good not to be resisting Mitch anymore. I didn’t have to have a romantic relationship with him. I just wanted our playful, brotherly friendship back. I wanted things to go back to normal.
“Shut up,” he said and punched me roughly.
I winced and laughed, punching him back. “Great, now I’m going to have bruised arms again.”
“Being friends with Mitch has a serious downside,” Rio said, pulling his sleeve up to reveal several bruises on his shoulder. “He’s very abusive.”
“I don’t want to hear it from you. You kicked me so hard I’ll be lucky if I can ever have children,” Mitch said, his hand sliding down to his crotch.
“I was doing the world a favor,” Rio said.
“Ass,” Mitch grumbled.
We played go fish for a while, eating popcorn and drinking. I could see Rio growing tired, but Mitch seemed only lightly sleepy.
“I’m out. I’m exhausted,” Rio said after a while, standing up and stretching. “Night.”
“Night,” Mitch said.
Rio went down the hallway and out of sight. I was a little surprised that Mitch actually let Rio just go into his room without him there.
“Aren’t you tired?” I asked him.
“Not really,” he said.
“I’m pretty sure you have insomnia. You should probably get that checked,” I said.
Mitch shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me.”
“Does anything ever bother you?” I asked with a sigh.
“Not being friends with you,” he said. “That bothered me a lot.”
I dropped my gaze to the counter, pretending to shuffle the cards. Maybe I wanted things to go back to normal, but I wasn’t ready to open up and get close to people again. Especially not Mitch.
“When we were dating, I said we would go at your rate. That still applies,” he said, forcing me to meet his eyes.
I looked into those light blue orbs of his, suddenly aware of the vanilla scent that had been on my hoodie. Mitch might be shady, but right now, he was looking at me with a sort of open honesty on his face.
“Yea,” I said, forcing my eyes away from him as old feelings began to swirl around in my heart.
I would work up to some sort of friendship with Mitch again. But I never get close to him again. I would never let my feelings for him overpower the memory of our relationship. Because Mitch and I would never work out together, and even if he couldn’t accept that, I could.