DRUNK TALK IS REAL TALK. So when Yanan muttered 'I'm sorry' repeatedly, I knew how terrible he must have felt about his breakup with Gain. I wondered how it led to this.
I'm afraid our friendship might have been the reason.
Yanan doesn't drink alcohol unless he's really upset. "I'm sorry... I... didn't... know..." he muttered at last and I froze.
"What?" I asked.
"I... didn't know..." he repeated.
"You didn't know what?"
"I... am... sorry..."
I sighed and called a taxi for them. "We'll talk tomorrow." I told the both of them. I showed their dorm address to the taxi driver and headed back to my own.
•
The morning sun is up and here's reality: my best friend, my long time love and his girlfriend have broken up. I went on a date last night with Yuto, a guy younger than me.
I closed my eyes again and rethink it over and over. In the end, I pushed myself off the bed because I'm going to be late for my first class.
•
I didn't see Yanan or Changgu, so I spent my vacant hours in the painting room. The colors are a mix of bright and dark. They didn't match my painting. It looked utterly confused.
I sighed, staring at the painting, wondering if my skills are slipping away from me when I felt hands covered my eyes.
"Who is this?" I asked lazily.
The other person sighed. "What's with the long face, Chanmi?" Yanan asked.
I turned to face him. "I was wondering if I can't paint anymore." I said, gesturing to the canvas.
He looked at the painting and snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. It's nice. Just decide whether you want it to be dark or bright." he said and then he scanned my area where canvases rested on the floor against the wall. "Your recent paintings are dark." he observed.
"Yeah?"
His eyes returned to me. "Let's get out of here."
•
So unusual that Yanan and I are in Seonata's for lunch. The place isn't as crowded as it is at night.
"I'm sorry about Gain." I said genuinely. "I know you really liked her." I added, even though it felt a little weird to say.
He smiled just a little. "Eat before talk." he said and stabbed his chicken barbecue with his chopsticks.
We tried stalling the topic until we finished lunch. Yanan and I sat by the park. "I guess, it's not good to say this, but it's like I've seen it coming." he said.
"Have you been fighting a lot more recently?"
He nodded, breathing out. "It was exhausting. We were both tired."
Why isn't my heart leaping with joy? The question was answered in my head almost immediately: because I'm still just a best friend.
When I didn't say anything, he continued. "I really wanted her to stay. That's why I wanted to do everything that would make her stay. I spent holidays with her. Tried to make her friends with you guys." He shook his head with a faint smile. "It took one question to stop it all."
"What question?" I asked.
"Just... one that made me realize why."
"OK, you are my best friend but right now, I just don't get it."
"Chanmi-ah," he called softly.
"What?" I asked so naturally.
"Someday," he said. "I'll tell you."
I looked at him and frowned. "If it makes you uncomfortable, it's okay."
He smiled and looked into my eyes. "Can you wait?"
I rolled my eyes. "It's really alright!"
"Just answer me." he said quietly, looking away.
"Of course." I said, a bit confused.
"Chanmi," he called again softly. My heart would burst if he kept on calling me that way.
"Aigoo, why?" I asked, frowning.
"Let's ditch our classes and go to a karaoke house."
"You got a deal." I said with a grin.
•
I texted Mrs. Adachi that I won't be able to come today and that I'll be working until Saturday instead.
Yanan and I have gone through all the songs and sang our lungs out when we decided to call Changgu to join us. The three of us made the room seem like a dozen of people were in it with our noise. Thanks to the soundproof rooms.
"You guys, next time you drink, don't wander around the streets. Who knows what would happen next time?" I told them with a frown.
"Mian, chingudeul." Yanan said, smiling.
Changgu grinned, throwing a corn chip (our snack) at him. "We missed you, Made In China."
I hit the ballad songs. I'm a very, very bad singer but Yanan and Changgu pretended to slow dance in front of me so I sang worse with laughter.
And then Yanan grabbed the mic and sang Starlight by Taeyeon. When he started singing Dean's part, I almost melted to the ground. How could someone be so beautiful and precious? I thought as I watched him with a smile on my face.
You are my starlight,
shine on my heart
When I’m with you,
it feels like I’m dreaming all day
You are my starlight, I get so happy
Your love is like a gift~
Changgu passed me the mic, urging me to sing Taeyeon's part with my terrible voice.
I was used to being alone,
my days were gray
But I remember the day you lightly
came to me, knocking on my door
You shined on me like a light
Woke me up from darkness
Opened the closed door of my heart
My smile faded as soon as I sang the lyrics and realized I was thinking of Yuto. ButㅡYanan is in front of me. My heart had never been so confused as I sang the next verse of the song and Yuto fades away. Early memories with Yanan resurfaced.
Reflected in my eyes is
your squinted eyes, yeah
You’re smiling behind
that awkward face
You’re so lovable,
I couldn’t hold back, oh
I discovered you like a miracle,
you always make me smile
You are my starlight...
The first time I met Yanan, we were both in the gym of high school. He was running laps and I was chasing a badminton shuttlecock. We bumped into each other. Just as cliché as that. From the very first day that I stumbled upon him, sunlight shone on his face and he was the most beautiful guy I've ever laid my eyes on.
I liked him before we were even friends. I loved him through our friendship.
For a moment, everything seemed perfect again but then Changgu had to leave for band practice and Yanan got a call from Gain, asking him to meet up.
"You'll be alright?" he asked before he leaves me... again.
I nodded. "Yeah."
He would always go to her. Always.
But then, Yanan did something unusual. He didn't shake my hair. He caressed it with his hand and looked into my eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow."
My heart was barely recovering when I nodded. "Okay."
•
I was on my way back to the dorm when I spotted a familiar figure leaning against the brick walls of the building. "Yuto?" I asked to myself and hurried over to him. "Hey!"
He looked up to me and I immediately feel something was off. His eyes lacked the usual shine they had whenever he looked at me. "What are you doing here?" I asked.
"To see you." he said unsmiling.
I fidget on the strap of my backpack. "Are you alright?"
He let out a deep sigh. "Why didn't you come today?" he said as if accusing something.
"I was with my friends."
"I was expecting to see you."
We looked at each other for a while. "Look, I'm sorry. Yanan just broke up with his girlfriend andㅡ"
"So, now that he broke up with her, you can just throw me around as if last night didn't happen?" he snapped.
My jaw dropped in disbelief. "No!" I exclaimed, ridiculed. "No," I repeated. "It's not thatㅡ"
"Then, what?"
"What is wrong with you? Why are you suddenly coming here and snapping at me for being with my best friend because he needs me?"
Now, I was mad too.
"Because I waited for you!"
Silence. The silence was too loud for the both of us. He turned away. Walked away.
"Yutoㅡ"
And then he turned back to me and rubbed his face. "I'm sorry." He said more calmly. His eyes dropped on the ground.
I walked to him and tugged at his sweater. "You didn't wear a jacket again." I said quietly, taking off my scarf. "Here," I wrapped my scarf around his neck carefully.
He let out a mixture of a groan and a sigh. "God. Chanmi." He muttered, smiling as if he didn't want to smile but he couldn't help it anyway.
And I knew we're alright again.
× × ×
A/N: Youuu are my starlight~ 🎶
when i was writing this, i was obsessed with starlight xD
thanks for reading! i know the chapters seem short ㅋㅋ it's why i update 3x a week ~ this story is really meant to be a short one.
anddd happy happy birthday to our giant maknae, wooseok! i love him so much istg ♡