WARNING: Suicidal thoughts.
Some days I woke up with the scent of burning flesh and a deep ache in my bones, and the sensation that I'm missing something; that if I tried a little harder I could move my wing. Most days I woke up feeling tired and wondering what would happen next. What was left for Mark to take?
I went into the arena once more after I had figured out that I could use the chains to help me fight. The so-called training sessions had stopped as well, and I could almost sense the tension in the air. It felt like there was something in sight that we were hurtling towards.
A lot of my time I spent sleeping or working on my control over my limbs, because I needed to be able to control every twitch and movement of my muscles. Furthermore, it was a task that took my mind off other things and ensured I concentrated on the present. It kept me from reaching for something at the back of my mind that wasn't there anymore. It kept me from ruminating on memories of a better time, when life was simpler, nicer – or maybe when I was more ignorant of the real world.
Some days I woke up and remembered words someone once told me that if you're breathing then you're alive.
Some days I woke up and I just wanted to die.
***
The arena was starting to become a familiar place in both my nightmares and my reality. The cheers and jeers of the crowd felt like something from a half-forgotten memory, familiar and unfamiliar. I ignored the crowd – they were useless to me. I didn't want to meet myone'smybeautifulone's Mark's face.
I looked across the arena to see my opponent; a maybe-green dragon. They snarled, loud and angry. They knew me, obviously, had fought against me based on their emotions. They probably blamed me too.
The other dragon launched forward with a loud roar and I had no time to dodge. I dug my paws into the ground and tried to hold my position as the other rammed me. I gave no ground, but the other dragon strained, desperately trying to push me back. A second later, they took to the air and I huffed, eyes flickering to watch the other dragon. I had no chance of climbing quickly enough to keep up with the other as they flew. My best bet was to wait from the ground and dodge when necessary.
The other dragon dropped towards me, I reared up on my hind legs and let fire burst into life, streaming high into the sky. The other dragon swerved around the flames and kept diving down. I shifted out of the way, moving out of their reach. With a frustrated growl, the green dragon pulled out of their dive and spiralled higher.
Instinct or maybe thought told me to look closer, but I ignored it and concentrated on the other dragon as they dived down once again. A half-thought formed in my mind, and I crouched on the ground and waited for the other dragon to get closer. When they were about five metres above my head, I leapt up vertically, my hind legs being the last thing to leave the ground and pushing me higher.
We clashed briefly, barely touching as I reached out with open jaws. The other smacked my head away with one paw, and I used my own momentum from the blow to spin and hit the other with my body, before I fell back to the ground. I landed awkwardly, but wasn't too hurt from the crash landing, and was quick to get back onto my paws.
I blinked and – STOP. Look beyond, beyond green, look and see – forced my wandering thoughts to stay away from what I guessed was a past memory or a recollection of something, focussing as the other dragon as they came down to attack again.
Something sparked in my head, I leapt away as the other dragon landed heavily where I had only stood less than a second ago. Wild and anger-filled eyes watched me, but still held intelligence, indicating that they were in control of their self rather than their emotions controlling them. We charged at each other, and met with dust rising beneath our paws and claws scraping scales. I head-butted the other dragon, sending them reeling backwards, and pressed on my advantage, but before I could, the other dragon was up in the air with a beat of their wings.
I snarled in annoyance and frustration. I froze as my entire vision flared and flickered and disappeared before reappearing. I sucked in a deep breath as emotions plagued me, hurt flashing, anger crackling, grief glinting, shock rising.
When had it gone? When had I lost my own ability? I wondered silently to myself, even as I took a defensive position. I could see again and it was amazing, marvellous, and heartbreaking because all I was seeing was resulting in more pain. When had I blocked off my own sight?
The other dragon came closer and now I could see the mass of energy that rested within them. It was amazing to see the light that no one else could see, and once again, I wondered when I had lost the ability, when I had lost part of myself.
I leaped out of reach with a smirk, feeling the strength of the ground beneath my paws and the strength of my own legs and muscles, seeing the energy of those around me and the light that filled my world once more.
I was about to attack when something rose in my mind, heavy and jarring, a memory swept through my mind like a torrential rain, leaden with meaning. I froze in shock, blinking quickly as my thoughts fell out of order before reorganising themselves.
Look beyond, beyond green, look and see – see? No one else sees what you do. Look.
I focussed my gaze on the green dragon just as image and memory of another dragon overlaid the dragon I was fighting. I exhaled in a fast motion, before just stopping. Who was I to fight who I needed to save? I couldn't kill the leader of the rebellion. There was no other thought in my mind. It had to be her.
Seeryath roared at me and attacked, claws scraping down my sides as fire washed over me, not a welcoming warmth but a burning blaze. I didn't bother fighting back. There was no point. I was here, but my life was worth less than Seeryath's. The blue-turned-green dragon kept attacking, and I gritted my teeth with every injury I gained.
The other dragon landed and attacked from the ground, battering my already bruised and injured body. One heavy blow from her tail sent me stumbling backwards, legs unlocking and wobbling. I fell. I wheezed, trying to breath but all I could feel was the blood dripping off my scales and my body being torn open beneath angry claws and talons. I dropped my head onto the ground, lacking the energy and the need, the want, to keep it up. I waited for her to end it for surely she would.
As I was lying broken and bleeding on the floor, Seeryath paused. "And so you have been brought low by me, Seeryath the Nameless! Death has at last come to claim your soul, evil and corrupt as it is. This is a blessing you shouldn't have! Perhaps now your rider will at last realise what he has done. What he has made me feel!"
My breath stuttered and I wanted to defend Mark, instincts from old memories rising, but I did nothing. Mark didn't deserve my protection and he was no longer mine to protect anyway.
"Weak you are indeed to not even try to defend yourself. You have lost everything. You are less than an insect, less than prey. You are ni-yoth yol gruth!" Seeryath shouted and I drew myself up, standing and ignoring the blood that flowed from my wounds. I may be less than an insect, less than prey, but I deserved my fire. My fire was mine and I deserved it! I had not cast away all my morals. I had reclaimed them! I had remade myself!
I could lie down and take what I deserve, for I knew I deserved this, but I refused to take it lying down because I was Thirak the Fighter. I fought. I was made to fight.
I had sworn an oath. I had sworn to redeem myself. I had sworn to never let people walk all over me again! Yet here I was, letting Seeryath do such a thing. I would not give in so easily. I would not die on my side!
"You deserve to die," Seeryath spat at me, violet eyes glaring at me from a body clad in green scales.
"I will wait for death until it comes," I responded, "I have done so for the longest time. I will die on my paws, though," I continued, determination etched into my words, "and not on the ground in a heap. This I say and know it will be so. I only thank that you take you for taking my life from me."
I had decided this. This was my decision. I had decided that I would die on my paws. I would not die bowing down to another or falling to another. I would die by my choice and my choice alone.
Seeryath screamed in anger, teeth bared and attacked with a roar. Instinct – instinct that I was born with and had cultivated through endless fights and years of experience – made me dodge. I stepped out of reach and darted around the next blow, twisting around a jet of fire.
I dodged and avoided almost every attack that Seeryath dealt out, striving to stay on my paws. Every so often, when I needed a break and when I couldn't keep dodging, I launched a half-hearted attack at Seeryath to defend myself from her attacks.
"I should just let you live," Seeryath snarled at me, "and be in pain for the rest of your measly life!"
"Only one of us can survive here," I responded, truthfully and thoughtfully. "You should live. You can save the other dragons." Seeryath paused, and I felt my legs tremble as I waited; panting and bleeding.
"Hurry up already," a bored voice said, a voice I knew too well. "Kill Thirak already, dragon! Honestly, he's useless."
I roared, spinning– forgetting the enemy at my back – and leaping, paws clinging to chains as I climbed higher and higher. I stopped in front of Mark, feeling anger in every bone of my body. Every inch of my being ached with pain and Mark was responsible for this.
I breathed out, fire – hotter than anything else I had breathed – slipping around chains and flying straight at Mark. I tore at the chains, ignoring how shards of metal were flung up and cut deep into my paws. I snarled and growled.
There was a sound from behind Mark as the fire slipped around Mark, and I knew that he had managed to put up a shield in time. A large white dragon rose, blue eyes locking on me, and Alvah opened her mouth and fire hit me.
I fell from the force of it, pushed away from the chains and into the air. I twisted, and knew there was no way I would land without suffering a major injury. Then, a gust of wind. And suddenly there were claws digging into my spine briefly as Seeryath slowed my fall before letting go.
I managed to land safely, only jarring my body and throbbing with pain. Seeryath landed in front of me, violet eyes pinning me to the spot and I breathed, trying not to fall down. The green-once-blue dragon blinked and something calculating left her gaze.
"One can make a ripple, but we need a wave," Seeryath said. "I'll let you live if, in return, you help me safe these dragons and help the dragon riders."
I had sworn an oath. My oath was to redeem myself. My oath was to save the dragons. My oath was to ensure that the right dragon riders rose to power.
"I'll do anything and everything I can to make up for what I did," I promised, the words heavy on my tongue but strong with determination and stubbornness, and maybe... maybe tinged with hope.
Seeryath stood opposite me but didn't do anything. I lifted my head higher, because I was proud, because I had strength, because I may be broken and bent but I hadn't given in, hadn't given up yet. They couldn't take that decision from me. Here I would stand against them and I dared them to try and make me bow, to make me fall, because I wouldn't.
I wasn't going to back down!
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I've been counting down until we got to this chapter! The real plot - the not dream sequence one - begins now! Seeryath - Rya - is back, and kicking and alive and angry and hurting, mourning, grieving. But Sky left her mark - Rya once never would've given Thirak a chance, but the Sky Rya remembers would've, and for that Rya will.
Damn, I'm so happy I got this chapter out! I can't wait to see what you guys think!
Also, for those who cared, I managed a total of 8,871 words today, leaving me to write about 12,000 tomorrow... It's gonna be a challenge, but I'm hoping to succeed (also, that's like 6-8 chapters, which brings us to 2-4 chapters left until the end of this book - and I still don't know what the plan is for the next book! Need to figure that out quickly... Hmm, that's a plan for after November though. Maybe I'll look into getting a cover soon).
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please comment! I'm looking forward to seeing some reactions guys!
SilentSilverSlip/Gabby is out and maybe to sleep because I've been so tired I almost feel asleep at 1pm today. Night/morning/afternoon/hi all!
Edited: 1/02/2021