Check out the trailer above! It's a character trailer for Alex, portrayed by Colton Haynes! The trailer was made by @Dredge116 ❤️
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The next day we were on a two hour train ride to Chicago. We had a week of break left and he said he was only coming down for a New Year's party. I had never been to Chicago even though a $20 train ride was only two hours away.
"What's your favorite store?" he asked.
"I don't know. I don't really shop that much," I said. "Why?"
"We can go shopping."
"I don't have any money."
"I do. It can be a Christmas present. Richard gave me some gift cards but I don't really need any new clothes. You could use some."
I put a hand to my chest. "Excuse me? What's wrong with how I look?"
He smiled at me, looking me up and down. "It's not you. If I recall, you said you wanted to dress more androgynously."
I smiled too, looking at the passing towns out the train. "Yeah, I did."
"Don't let anything hold you back...including money. Whatever you want you can have it. You deserve it." He grabbed my hand. "You're allowed to be yourself, and I'll be there to support you and put haters in their place."
I leaned into him. "My knight in shining armor huh?" I asked.
"Whatever you want." He kissed me quickly, in front of people on the train, my first public kiss ever. Nobody paid attention. I kissed him deeper.
He took me to the seven story tall Macy's. I was stunned. What the hell did the Macy's at the mall I went to have? How could a Macy's have this much stuff? We went to the men's department and at first I was shy but then I had a cart full of different stuff I wanted to try on. I really liked fashion, and I wanted my wardrobe to be redone. At the end of the shopping trip I had twelve new shirts, nine new pants, three new pair of shoes, two jackets, and three cardigans. We hailed a cab and went to his guardian's place. I wanted to put on a new outfit. A lot of my stuff was black and white and denim. Very 90's. I bought a pair of black ankle boots, brown timbs, and white sneakers with black stripes.
As for pants I bought a pair of "boyfriend jeans," black pants that stopped above the ankles, blue denim cut off shorts, black shorts that stopped mid-thigh, khaki shorts that stopped mid-thigh, gray dress pants that also stopped above the ankles, blue jeans, gray sweatpants, and light blue pants. I bought a leather jacket and a denim jacket, already having a brown leather jacket and a bomber jacket at home. I bought a grey cardigan, a black one, and then a navy blue one, all of which were loose on me. My shirts were a variety, some just t-shirts, button downs, flannels, sweaters. I decided to change into my black pants and black boots, wearing my navy blue sweater that was slim in the waist but exposed a lot of my shoulders.
I looked damn fine, and Garrett thought so too.
"You look hot," he said. "It's very you. A little androgynous."
"Thanks, just wait until it gets warmer and I can wear my shorts," I said, pulling on my sweater. It was also a little longer, making it a little feminine. I was feeling myself.
"Looking forward to it."
I climbed on top of him as he sat on the couch. "Thank you for buying all of this." I held his cheeks in my hand, kissing his face. "I've never been this spoiled. The most expensive thing my parents bought for me was that car, but that's only so they don't have to pay for me flying or drive back and forth."
"You're welcome Alex. I like seeing you like this. You're happy."
I laced his fingers with mine. "Yeah, every now and then. I am right now, but sometimes those dark thoughts just enter my mind and then I can't stop thinking about how everything is just a heaping pile of shit."
He nodded in understandment. "Well, let's just get high when those thoughts come."
I laughed, kissing his soft cheeks. His cheeks were the softest things ever and I couldn't stop kissing them. "Sure thing."
"I have something else to show you," he said, patting my leg.
His guardian lived in a penthouse on the top floor of his recording company that overlooked Navy Pier and the city. It was beautiful. He had a living room, dining room, three bedrooms, kitchen, two bathrooms with massive tubs, and his office. Then through his office led to the recording studio, which had its own entrance too. He pulled me through to a room with a bunch of different instruments in it. "Remember when you wrote me a song?"
I did remember. Freshman year. "It wasn't specifically for you...or at least that's what I told you at the time," I said.
"I knew it was for me, or at least I hoped it was. I want you to record it."
My eyes expanded. "What? Here?"
"Yeah, and any other songs you have. I know how to record everything. We'll have to do things at different times you know, but we can do it. We have time to do a few runs."
I looked at the beautiful, shiny instruments. "Really?"
He nodded. He opened the door and told me to start with the drums. I knew how to play a lot of instruments because I used to want to make my own music but never had a way to record anything. This was my moment. "Do you have a drum part for the song?" he asked through the microphone that led to the studio.
"Uh...no," I said. "I can do it though."
"Right, it's fine if we have to do a few takes."
We didn't have to do a few takes though. We only had to do one. I never thought I was more musically inclined than other people in the band except for the fact I could play a few instruments. The reason is because I thought everyone could play what they heard in their head. I didn't know people could be tone deaf. It just came naturally to me. Like clockwork. I played the drums and everything I wanted to happen. I didn't have to think about it. I sang the song in my head and it came out just the way I wanted it to.
"That was really amazing Alex," Garrett said. "Amazing. One takes are impossible."
"Nothing is impossible babe. Can I do bass now?"
"Go for it babe."
I pulled up the bass and warmed up since it had been a while since I played. Again, it took only one take. One take for the guitar. One take for the trumpet. Then it was time to sing, and I nailed it.
"Alex," he said. "I knew you could sing and play a few instruments but...I never knew you could do this."
"Do what exactly?"
"Alex, nobody can produce a song in a single take. I mean, multitrack recording is normal but I'm saying for each track you only had to do it once. That's...great, and so...vintage."
"Vintage?" I asked.
"Well, before multitrack recording all instruments played at the same time and the whole band was there and then they just played in one or two takes. Nowadays it take multiple times. I mean, that's like Freddie Mercury level right there."
I put a hand to my chest.
"I know," he said. "Your favorite."
We ended up recording about ten more songs for the rest of break. He said he would send them to Richard and he could check them out, work his magic. After break was over we went back to campus, holding hands on the train. I wondered what my dad would think if he saw this, saw how in love I was, how this was the most comfortable I had been in so long. It still scared me, but Garrett didn't pressure me. I didn't have to come out to my family, or anyone. I had a semester left of school, no clue what was going to happen once I graduated, but it didn't matter.
I added the Film & Video Studies with a Theater Concentration and Dance Minor for the semester. I was taking two dance classes which would count for the minor and theater concentration, and then two film classes, and then intro to LGBT Studies. I wish I could've added it as a minor but I knew one class would still do wonders.
On Monday I was up at 8:30AM for my dance class, Ballet II. It was only on Monday for three hours and was the perfect way to start the day, and the week. I ate yogurt for breakfast and then walked to class in the brisk cold. After my three hour class I went home, showered, ate a healthy lunch, and then went to my Film and Video Studies Class which focused on how to make music videos. It was fifty minutes long, 1:30 to 2:20, and met Monday, Wednesday, Friday. After that I was done for the day and went to work at 4:00. In between that time I hung out with Garrett at a hole in the wall cafe where we sat in a back corner booth, talked about our days, and held hands.
He walked me to work and later got off at 11:00. He picked me up and I stayed the night at his place. On Tuesdays I was up at 8:00 and so was Garrett because we had class at 9:00. My class was LGBT Studies and it lasted until 10:15.
After that Garrett and I would eat brunch and power nap at his place until around 1:00 when we got hungry. We both only had that class that day and I would go to work at 4:00 again. Wednesdays I got to sleep in until 10:00 and go to my three hour Film and Video Studies class, a screenwriting class. That was also my only class of the day but Garrett had three classes that day and I didn't get to see him except for thirty minutes because he had to go to his internship in the evenings. Thursdays were the same as Tuesdays but in my own apartment and then I had my second dance class 4:30 to 7:20, which was a choreography class that was hard to get into but I qualified. After that it was Thirsty Thursday but Garrett and I decided to stay in at his apartment. So on Friday we woke up at 11:00, ate, and went to class. It was a wonderful schedule and Garrett and I coordinated them perfectly.
Saturday was different. I worked the morning shift that day and worked until five. Garrett picked me up and we ate supper together. I napped while he worked on homework, and later in the evening there was a party going on. This is when it got interesting. A lot of people didn't like me anymore after hearing about how I punched Garrett. He told people it was nothing and Cassie told people it wasn't what they thought it was, but actually a lot of them still didn't like me or trust me which sucked but I got over it. Garrett and I showed up to the party together and all eyes were on us. People were confused, and Garrett and I realized the last thing people remembered was that we hated each other. It made me nervous.
"What do you think people are saying?" I asked as we stood in the kitchen.
"Nothing, it's fine," Garrett said. "Don't worry about what they say."
"But they are probably saying stuff about us right?"
"What does it matter?"
"I don't know Garrett, what if they start asking you why you're hanging out with me and that you shouldn't because I hit you?"
He tilted his head, his eyes sympathetic. "Alex, I'm obviously with you for a reason, and despite everything. You won't hit me again."
"What if I do Garrett? As much as I don't want to you never know how fucked I can be."
He put his hand on my shoulder. "Alex, you're not your dad. And besides, I grew up in Chicago. I can easily take a punch. Yours are nothing compared to my second foster dad's."
I nodded, sipping on the sour punch. "Do you think they think we're together?" I asked.
"I don't know, is that a problem? Do you not want them to?"
I pulled on my shirt. It was hot. "I don't know."
"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Alex."
I nodded again, sipping again. I sighed in relief when Cassie came through the room to meet us. I hugged her. We started talking about break , our first week of classes, and Garrett patted my arm, saying he was going to get more punch. That's when Cassie asked me, "So when did that happen?"
"When did what happen?" I asked.
"You and Garrett being nice to each other. You came together."
I looked around. "Uh...let's go outside."
"It's snowing."
"It's serious."
We went outside without our coats because we didn't wear any, since there was no place to hang them up. We huddled close together by the shed, away from the party. Cassie was probably one of my best friends. I was so honest with her, but my heart was racing standing with her in the reflective snow. "Garrett and I are...kind of together actually," I said.
"What? No way! Since when? Tell me everything," she said, holding her arms.
"Well...like we spent the last week of break together at his place in Chicago. And this whole week we've met up and stayed the night together a few times. It's nice."
"How did it even start?"
My heart skipped a beat. "It's kind of...messed up actually, and...I don't know. I don't know, I really hate thinking about it because if it didn't happen would we be together and I wish it didn't have to happen and..."
"What are you talking about?" she asked softly. "Is everything okay?"
"Over break, I met up with some other guy. I just wanted to make a friend or something. It was the first time we even met and I didn't come off across as though I just wanted to have sex at all, or at least I didn't want to, but that's all he thought and..." I paused.
"And what? Did you have sex with him?"
I shook my head. "No, it wasn't that. He wanted to but I said no, and so he grabbed me and...I don't know. He like..." Her eyes were shiny. "He like...sexually assaulted me. It wasn't...rape, but he did touch me in ways I didn't consent to and was really aggressive." She grabbed my hand, her brows furrowed. "So after that I called Garrett and asked for a ride. He was mad about having to come and get me at first but then he saw something was wrong and so I told him what happened and I told him how I can't let the good people in my life go. There's a lot of bad people in the world and it made me realize how important it is to keep people like him in my life." I wiped a tear from my face. "I just really wish I didn't have to have that happen in order for me to realize it."
"Oh Alex. Can I hug you?"
I nodded and we held each other tightly. Cassie was another person I couldn't lose. She was too good, too nice. My best friend. I didn't have that many friends in the first place.
"You okay?" she asked when we pulled away.
"Yeah, thanks Cass." I grabbed her hand and we went back inside. Being the gay man that I was who was just now accepting the fact that I was gay, I didn't realize the brevity of holding Cassie's hand in front of people. I didn't even realize it until Garrett came up to us with a tipsy smile on his face and asked, "So you two are dating now?"
"What?" we both asked.
"Well, through the grapevine I heard that you two were seen holding hands together."
"And that means we're dating?" Cassie asked.
"If they knew I were gay then they wouldn't think that," I said.
"Let's all hold hands," Garrett said, taking mine and Cassie's hands. "Good news everyone, all of the drum majors are in a polyamorous relationship."
Cassie and I laughed. "How would that even work with us?"
"I fuck Alex and you sit and watch," Garrett said.
We laughed louder, getting looks but we didn't care. My best friends. We were a happy trio, and if Garrett and I liked women then maybe we would be into that.
"So are you out at all?" Cassie asked, leaning against me as Garrett leaned on my other side.
"I don't know," I said. "I'm nervous but I don't want to have a confrontation with anyone about it you know? Like I just want everyone to know and not talk to me about it."
"Unfortunately it never stops," Garrett said. "Coming out is continuous."
"Well for everyone in the band because they're all nosy as fuck and need to mind their own business. I mean literally five minutes after we come in and somehow everyone thinks we're dating just because we're holding hands." I rolled my eyes.
"So let them mind their own business. Don't come out but don't hide," Cassie said. "Like, if you wanna kiss Garrett then kiss him, but if anyone comes up and says anything tell them to fuck off. I don't think anyone will though."