where are you?
oh, you.
yoongi left kim's coffee shop in a rush, as the people in there seemed to be working up the courage to speak to him. at one point some adult in the corner seemed to be urging her five year old to approach him, but before the kid could get close, yoongi had left the shop in one quick motion.
he hugged the cup of coffee to his chest, letting the warmth seep into his body. his flask and the takeout box were tucked into his bag, and he held a banana nut muffin in his hand. it was still warm from the oven. yoongi adored the muffins that jin made, especially when they were freshly made. he cursed at jin for being so friendly, and thanked him silently all the same.
if it wasn't for jin, he would probably be dead in a ditch somewhere. it was jin who offered yoongi the position at his shop. yoongi knew that jin didn't necessarily need the help, but insisted that he at least show up once. after that, it just became a habit to come to the shop after his fourth class, whether it be to work or to just pass time.
it was jin who constantly offered him meals and shelter. there was only so much yoongi could do before jin had him moving into his own apartment. he was one of the only people who cared enough to make sure he was actually alive the next day.
yoongi walked down the sidewalk, the wind blowing his dark hair out of place as he devoured the muffin and washed it down with the scalding coffee. the aching hunger in his body finally ceased for the time being, but was replaced with a feeling of dread.
maybe you should go now.
yoongi knew jin was right. eventually he would have to face the truth.
he sighed, taking a long sip of his coffee. his first class would be starting soon, but now that jin had mentioned it, he knew that he would have to go see him.
yoongi shook his head, muttering to himself. when the road forked left and right, he hesitated for a moment. left was towards the university. right led to the parking lot, and further away than that it led away from the city, towards the less populated parts of seoul. deep inside, he didn't want to do this. he would rather turn right and head over to his class and do nothing. but he knew that everything that led up to this moment would determine his life after.
he turned, facing the left road. without another moment of hesitation, turned and walked down the left road.
~~~~
"it's been a while, hasn't it?"
yoongi had never taken so long to get somewhere before. usually anywhere he would have to go was no more than 20 minutes away, but it took him about 40 to get there. this time, it was more crowded than he was used to, which didn't help yoongi's nerves.
he stared down at the gravestone, dull and grey. here lies park jimin, it read. son of park jaeeun and park sejun. loving brother and friend. 1995-2018
already, his heart was beating against his ribs. he knew that it wasn't good that he didn't want to be there, but his anxiety was kicking in. "jimin-" he tried, but his words stuck in his throat. he took a shaky breath, and then started again.
"how... how have you been?" yoongi knew he sounded stupid, talking to a gravestone, but he didn't want to treat jimin as if he had forgotten about him. jimin was his best friend. no matter how hard yoongi tried, he would never be able to forget him.
"i-i've been okay. struggling, ya know?" as he progressed, yoongi got more comfortable and sat down next to the grave. "jin's really been helping me out. great guy, even better baker. i can't believe the dude still stands me through all of this. you know, without you, we would have never met, and... i'd probably be dead somewhere in the shitty part of seoul. as... as much as you said that you never had an impact on my life, you really did. you... you did so much for me, and i can't believe i'm just now realizing." he sighed, looking down at his hands.
"i can't believe you're gone."
the gravestone remained silent, thank god.
yoongi looked around. people seemed to be watching his encounter with jimin, but he could care less. he was waiting to see if, by any miracle, jimin would suddenly appear. surprise, he wasn't dead! but... he was.
he really, really was.
yoongi sighed. suddenly, he felt so much lonelier.
"look. it's been hard, i won't lie to you. somedays, i can't even get out of bed. but... i just want you to be proud of me. if you were still here, i would want to make you proud. but... you aren't, so i'll just... pretend. like we used to do when we were kids. you're still here, with me. always. and i'll never let you down."
yoongi dug through his bag and brought out a single wrinkled flower. a yellow carnation. jimin's favorite.
"it's not much, but i stole one on the way here from the flower shop on the corner. the one you used to work at." yoongi scoffed, almost laughing. "see, i wanted you to be proud of me, but i think i just let you down."
in his head, yoongi could almost imagine jimin giggling at him, shoving him away playfully. hyung, he would say. you make me proud in your own, silly, unique way.
"i'll be back sooner this time. i promise."
another promise to be broken. but it was jimin. never again for jimin.
yoongi stood, brushing himself off. he picked up his bag, laying the single yellow flower on the grave, and without a second look, left.
but not before his clumsy ass decided to mess things up.
as he stood up, yoongi felt himself fall forward, and as he tried to catch himself, he felt someone crash into him.
yoongi fell, his back plastered against the cool ground. he probably wouldn't have minded it too much, except the fact that his fight or flight instinct was activated, and he was surely ready to fight.
he almost got up until he realized the person that he had crashed into was on top of him. he exhaled shakily, looking up at deep brown eyes.
yoongi noticed the girl had soft black hair that was cropped to her shoulders. her skin was olive toned porcelain and clear, dotted with freckles here and there. her lips looked soft and full, a shade of pink that complimented her skin tone. her eyes mesmerized yoongi the most: dark brown with flecks of gold swimming in the irises. she wore a white blouse, baggy ripped jeans, and a shockingly yellow windbreaker.
the girl had the nerve to laugh. "good thing i caught you, huh?"
yoongi realized that he, in fact, had not even touched the ground at all. the girl's arm was wrapped around his waist. yoongi was barely inches away from crushing the flower he placed on jimin's grave.
in a moment's notice, yoongi gathered his wits. he shoved the girl off, careful to not fall back, and grabbed his things. "aish, would you just get off me? i'm trying to leave!"
again, the girl smiled. "a simple thank you would be fine, you know."
yoongi scoffed. already, he didn't like this girl. her ability to smile at such a time irritated him to the core. "why would i thank you?" he asked. "you were the one who knocked into me!"
"alright, alright." the girl held up her hands in defeat. "i understand, you don't need to spell it out for me. i'm sorry for making you fall, i'll be careful next time."
yoongi wanted to say some kind of sarcastic remark to make her go away, but he knew his limits. the girl was apologizing; he shouldn't continue being rude.
he sighed. "it's... fine. don't worry about it."
the girl smiled yet again. the anger in yoongi grew a little bit more.
"but just stop smiling so much!" he exclaimed, unable to control himself. "why do you smile so much?"
"because there's always something to be happy about."
yoongi almost laughed. he himself was living proof that was definitely not true. "you... you keep thinking that, and let me know how far that gets you in life."
the girl's smile faded away slightly, but not completely. she looked at the ground for a moment, "will do, mister. i sure will."
as she walked away, the girl turned back to look at yoongi from over her shoulder. he half expected her to smile again, and he was ready to fight her if she did. but she just looked at him, nodded, and wrapped her yellow jacket closer to her body, leaving the cemetery behind, a beam of sunlight in an expanse of cold grey stone.
yoongi turned to face jimin's grave once more. the yellow flower was untouched on the grave, right where he left it.
"that was strange, wasn't it?" he muttered under his breath, hoping that jimin would be able to hear him somewhere. "who talks to someone like that?"
yoongi kicked the ground in front of him, and proceeded down the hill, out of the cemetery, and downtown, back to the university. the thought of the girl lingered in his head, if not only for a brief second. something about her made yoongi think if there really was something to be happy about, especially in his state.
it sounded ridiculous to him, but maybe it was her reality.