Chapter 49
“Dave, I really wish you had let me go to the NICU first,” I told him, chewing my lip as he navigated the streets of LA over to the Hawkins’. It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving, the day of my shower.
“Babe,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze, “He’s fine there right now. And we need to do this, our friends and family have put a lot of thought and a lot of time into this shower.”
“I just ache inside when I’m not with him,” I said, frowning. Dave pressed the back of my hand to his lips.
“I know, honey,” he said. “But this will be good for us, to do a normal, happy baby thing, to see all of our friends, and get some loot!” I laughed.
“You’re right!” I said, trying put myself in the mood for the shower. Dave looked at me and smiled.
It had been a week and a half since James was born and Dave and I had been to the NICU everyday. He was so tiny, but gaining weight and all signs pointed to a normal, healthy baby. He was so small, weighing only about four pounds. He had the tiniest amount of fuzz on his head for hair and it looked as if he was going to have Dave’s dark locks. It was so hard to see him hooked up to so many tubes and lines, but as Dave was constantly reminding me, this was just temporary and soon we’d be able to take home a healthy, happy baby.
My parents had flown in the day after I delivered J.D. and were staying with Dave and I. Virginia and Lisa had also been a constant presence and I was so happy to have them all there. Everyone had been so wonderful, supportive and helpful, and now, they were all throwing me this big baby shower! It was a truly touching experience.
When we pulled up to the Hawkins’ residence, there was a line of cars down the street. Dave came around and opened my door, helping me out. I was still pretty slow moving from the complications during delivery and my blood pressure was still slightly out of whack. As a result, Dave was never far from my side. I think that he was still beating himself up for not seeing the signs of preeclampsia the night I went into labor.
Alison greeted us at the front door, hugging me tightly. I looked around her house, which has been beautifully decorated with all things baby-blue. She took my arm and led me out back to the patio, where I was greeted by almost 100 guests! My mom, Ginny and Lisa came over immediately and hugged me.
“Thank you all so much!” I said, awe-struck, looking around. Dave and I made the rounds for a little bit until I need to go sit down. Alison led us over to a love seat and Dave sat down next to me.
“Where’s T?” Dave asked Alison.
“He just ran out to pick up one last surprise for Kate,” she said, smiling.
“More?” I said, astounded. “It’s too much, Alison.” She shook her head.
“You are going to love it,” she said. “Just wait!” We sat for a little bit longer and various guests came up to congratulate us and wish us well. After not too long, Taylor popped his head out the back door and waved to Alison.
“Ok, Katie,” she said, beaming. “Close your eyes!” I closed them and covered them with my hands, smiling with anticipation. “Ok, you can open them now!” she said after a few short moments. I removed my hands and opened my eyes and there in front of me stood Heidi and Danielle. I shrieked.
“Oh my God! What are you doing here?!” I said, rising to my feet.
“Surprise!” They said, hugging me both at once.
“We couldn’t miss your baby shower!” Heidi said, tears in her eyes. We had spoken quite a bit over the past few days and she never once let on that she was going to be coming out. I turned to Alison.
“You are an amazing friend,” I said, hugging her. “Thank you for flying them out here. Thank you for all of this.”
“Shush!” Ali said, waving my compliments away. “Just have a seat so we can get crackin’ on these gifts! You are going to be here for weeks!” She was right, the gift table or tables looked like they could buckle under the weight of all the gifts.
Dave sat with me and helped me open everything. Danielle, who was a professional photographer, got her camera out right away and made sure she captured everything on film for us! We got your basic baby stuff, onesies, bottles, pacifiers, outfits. Ali and Tay got us an extraordinarily nice stroller.
“This is like the Rolls Royce of strollers!” Dave said with a laugh. “Thanks guys!” Chris and Cara got us a nice Pack and Play playpen and a sweet little swing. But then the outlandish gifts started pouring in. For example, Pat Smear and his wife gave us an exact baby replica of the outfit Freddie Mercury wore at Queen’s Live at Wembly Show. Josh Homme and Brody got us a little hat that looked like a Mohawk and the smallest pair of aviator sunglasses I had ever seen. Jack Black & his wife Tanya gave a bunch of black onesies that head various metal band logo’s on them. Gwen and Gavin gave us some very sweet outfits and a few pairs of socks that were made to look like the Vans that Dave always wears.
“We can dress a like,” Dave said, holding up a black onesie and the Vans socks. One of the most interesting gifts was a set of pacifiers from Juliette Lewis that had the little handles made out of the ends of drumsticks. Dave thought those were the coolest. Personally, I liked the Coach, Luis Vuitton and Kate Spade diaper bags, that each came with a matching purse for Mom!
“And last but not least,” Alison said, handing me a medium sized box. I pulled the card out, opened it and read it.
“ ‘Yes, it really is. Love, Dave/Daddy’,” I read, confused by the cryptic message. I raised my eyebrows and looked over at Dave. “This is from you?” He smiled and nodded.
“Open it up!” he said, excitedly. I tore the paper off and pulled the top of the box. I lifted the gift out by a small hook on top. I gasped with delight.
“It’s our Trini Lopez mobile!” I said, surprised. “You got them to make one?” Dave took it from me and held it up so I could see all the little Pelham Blue Gibson guitars. He wound it up and it began to spin slowly, the familiar melody filled the air. “Ain’t it the life!” I said. Dave bent down and kissed me.
“I already told you,” he said, nodding to the card I still held in my hand, “It really is.”
“It’s perfect, thank you so much!” I said, kissing him again. Our guests let out a collective “Awwww!” Dave carefully placed it back in the box and turned to thank our guest for coming and for their generosity.
The rest of the afternoon was very nice, but with each question about how James was doing, my heart would long more and more to be with him. Dave could tell my energy was fading.
“Ok, everyone,” he said. “I have to get my little mama over to the hospital so we can see the baby, then it’s home to rest!” People began to come up and say good-bye and I thanked everyone again for coming.
“We will see you in the morning,” Heidi said. “Ali put Danielle and I up at a hotel in the valley, not far from you’re house!”
“I am so excited you guys are here,” I said, hugging them both. “I will call you first thing in the morning.” Ali and Taylor appeared to walk us out to the car.
“We will take care of getting all the gifts over to Casa de Grohl,” Taylor said. “Just give little J.D. some extra lovin’ from all of us!”
“Oh, you don’t have to tell Kate twice,” Dave said, smiling and hugging me to him. “She loves that little boy to pieces!”
“Thank you so much, Alison,” I said, wiggling away from Dave to give her a big hug and a kiss. “I love you so much. You are the best friend I could ever ask for.”
“This is what we do! We are just one big, happy Foomily!” Dave and I climbed into the car and waved good-bye as we headed over to Mount Sinai.
“We aren’t going to stay too long,” Dave said, taking his eyes off the road to give me a look that meant business. “You are exhausted, I can tell. We will just pop in for a few minutes to see how he’s doing.” I frowned.
“Dave--”
“Don’t ‘Dave’ me,” he said. “J.D. has a whole team of people looking out for him, you just have me and I am telling you that you need to rest.” I leaned over the center console and wrapped my arm around his stomach and rested my head on his shoulder.
“I love you,” I said, smiling. “It is so cute when you think you’re the boss.” He kissed the top of my head.
“Thanks for playing along,” he said with a laugh. “I love you, too.”
When we arrived at the NICU, we greeted the staff, most of whom we were on a first name basis with. We made our way over to J.D.’s little covered bassinet.
“Hey little sweetie,” I said, kissing my fingertips and gently pressing them to his tiny little head. “I’m sorry we were late today, but we had to open, like, a million gifts for you.”
“One thing’s for sure, little man,” Dave said, smiling down at our son, “You are going to be the coolest dressed baby in the Valley!”
Jennifer, one of the NICU nurses came over to give us an update.
“James had a great day today!” She assured us. “The doctors are really happy with his progress! We are thinking that we can remove the oxygen soon!” I turned and looked up at Dave.
“That’s good news!” I said, happily. In order for J.D. to come home, he needed to be able to breathe on his own with out his oxygen levels dropping. He also needed to learn how to suck, swallow and breathe all at the same time in order to be bottle fed or breast fed, which I was still hoping to do. And finally, he needed to be able to maintain his own body heat with out his little incubator, which he was really close to doing. The doctor was confident than we’d be able to remove the incubator soon and move him to a regular, open bassinet. We visited with our precious boy for a little longer until Dave decided it was time for me to go. He was right, the day’s excitement was catching up with me quickly and I was fading fast.
The next morning, everyone showed up at our house. And I mean everyone! The Hawkins, all the Grohls, the Shifletts, my parents, Heidi, Dani, and Nate. Each had a car full of gifts to drop off for us. The real reason everyone was there, however, was the nursery. Today was the day we would finally get everything set up! We had several cans of Pelham Blue paint and the guys all took their brushes and rollers upstairs to get cracking on that part. The baby’s furniture was also being delivered today. The crib, the dressers, the changing table, rocking chair and a full sized bed were all going in later this afternoon. It was organized chaos!
Danielle spent the day with her camera, capturing their progress, as well as taking pictures of all of us together.
“Katie,” she called, “They are just about done! Why don’t you come up and take a look?” I slowly made my way upstairs to the end of the hall way and poked my head it.
“Oh wow!” I said, gazing around the room. “It looks so much bigger in here!” I looked at the guys, who were covered in pelham blue paint. “How did you manage to get any of it on the walls?” I asked, laughing.
“It wasn’t easy,” Chris said, wiping his paint covered hands on his paint covered pants.
“Do you like it?” Dave asked. I smiled and nodded.
“It’s going to look super in here!” I assured him. “Do you think it will be dry by the time the furniture arrives?”
“Yeah, definitely,” Dave said, nodding. “Ok, let’s get cleaned up and have some lunch!” My mother, Virginia & Lisa were working on getting all the left over food from yesterday’s shower out on the table for us and by the time the guys were cleaned up, everyone was sitting down to eat. After we all got a few good bites down, Dave clinked his fork on his glass, cleared his throat and stood up.
“I just wanted to take a second to thank all of you for everything you’ve done for us over the past week or so,” he looked down at me and smiled. “It’s defiantly been a trying time for all of us, but having you all you guys around us, supporting us, helping us with every little thing… James is the luckiest baby on earth to be born into such an incredible family.”
“Here, here,” I said, raising my glass. “Thank you all.” Everyone was all smiles, even my mom and Virginia, who had tears in their eyes. We all clinked glasses and when Dave sat again, I leaned over and kissed him full on the lips. “You are incredible.”
Later that afternoon, the furniture arrived. We had selected several really nice pieces, all darkly stained, which looked so great against the blue walls. I directed the guys as to where I wanted each piece placed and they good naturedly arranged and rearranged the room until I was happy.
That night, after everyone left, Dave and I made our pilgrimage to the NICU. When we returned home, we went back into the nursery to hang pictures and decor on the walls. Dave picked up a framed picture of us with the band. I was in the middle, Dave standing behind me with two hands on my pregnant belly. We had two band members on each side of us, each with a hand also on my belly.
“I love that picture!” I told him. “A little higher and to the left.” He shifted the picture. “Perfect!” He grabbed a small nail and tapped it in gently with a hammer. “It feels so strange to have this room but no baby to put in it,” I said as he placed the picture on the nail.
“He will be here, soon,” Dave said, turning to hug me. “The doctor’s can’t believe how well he is doing!”
“I can’t wait!” I said, “Now that we have this room ready, I am really starting to get impatient!”
The next week went by too fast. Heidi and Danielle stayed on until Thursday and it was so nice to have them around. Dave was so great to them. He took us all around Hollywood and gave them the star treatment. He even let them come by the studio for a rehearsal and the girls thought they had died and gone to heaven. The band was so awesome to them, too. They flirted harmlessly with them, making them feel like they were the coolest, most special girls in all of L.A. Having them there was also a nice distraction for me. We caught up, reminisced about old times and did fun girl things. I was sad to see them go.
Things were starting to look up though. James continued to make strides and I was also starting to feel more like myself. My blood pressure was finally stabilizing, and I was ready to start working off what little baby weight I still retained. I dusted off the treadmill in the basement and spent a few minutes on it each day.
I had just finished a good run Saturday morning when Jordyn dropped the girls off. I was wiping the sweat from my eyes as I climbed the basement stairs and entered the kitchen. As I pulled the towel away from my face, I saw her standing there with Dave, impeccably dressed and, unlike myself, free from sweat. My stomach dropped.
“Hey, Jordyn,” I said, trying to smile. This broad had some sort of radar and always managed to show up when I was looking my worst. I cursed her silently.
“Hi, Kate!” she said, happily. “It’s so good to see you doing so well! You gave us all quite a scare!”
“Yeah, well,” I said, wiping the sweat from my neck, “Looks like you’re all still stuck with me.”
“You look fabulous, by the way,” she said, sweetly. “Almost all that baby weight is gone.”
“Almost…” I said, grinding my teeth while I tried to smile.
“Jordyn actually brought you something,” Dave said, nodding at a small gift bag his ex-wife was clutching in her bony hand.
“What the shit?” I thought to myself. I remembered the cook book and shuttered to think what could be in that small bag. “Oh…Kate, here is some nipple cream, Dave hates cracked and sore nipples, trust me, I know!” or “Here’s an alarm clock, when I was with Dave, I could never depend on him to wake me up for feedings.” I smiled and aloud, I told her,
“Jordyn! You are just too thoughtful!” I accepted the bag from her and gently removed the tissue paper. I reached inside, resisting the urge to grimace and squeeze my eyes shut. I pulled out a small package with funny shaped pacifiers.
“They are for preemies,” she said, quietly. “They are specially shaped for their little mouths. It helps them to learn how to suck and breathe at the same time. The woman at the store said a lot of mother’s dip it in their breast milk and then give it to the baby.” I was stunned. I mean, I was freaking speechless. I looked from her to Dave, who also looked astounded. I struggled to find words.
“Jordyn…” I stammered. “I’m so touched…” And I was touched. Genuinely touched. It wasn’t a backhanded gift, it wasn’t a slap in the face. She smiled and looked at Dave.
“Give us a minute,” she said to him. His eyebrows flew up and he looked at me. I nodded slightly, giving him permission to go.
“Ok,” he said, turning to leave. “But thank you Jordyn. That was really nice.” She smiled and nodded. Once he was out of ear shot, Jordyn took a deep breath.
“I’m not going to pretend like this is easy, Kate,” she said quietly. “None of this has been easy, but I guess it’s not supposed to be.” I stared at her. “You are a mother now, so, from mother to mother, I want to tell you how sorry I am about the complications with your son. I could not imagine going through all this. If my babies were sick, I’d be climbing the walls, Kate. I just want to tell you that you all are in my thoughts and I would love to meet baby James when he comes home.” She reached out and squeezed my hand.
“I think that would be nice,” I said, quietly.
“And if there is ever anything I can do to help,” she said, looking down at me, “Even if you just need someone to talk to… just give me a call. I mean it.” I swallowed hard and nodded.
“Thank you,” I said. She took another deep breath and flipped her hair off her shoulders.
“OK!” she sighed. “I have a ton of stuff to do today, SO! I will be off,” she turned and headed out towards the foyer. Dave was standing by the front door waiting. “I will see you tomorrow afternoon when you drop the girls off!” She turned and looked at me for a second before bending slightly and hugging me, sweaty gym clothes and all. It was all I could do to keep from laughing, thinking how horrified she must me. She straightened up and turned to Dave, hugging him, too. We both thanked her again, then waved as she left.
“What the fuck…?” I said, turning to Dave.
“I know,” he said, shaking his head. “What the fuck indeed!” We turned and headed upstairs to see what the girls were up to. They were actually sitting on their beds, waiting patiently for us.
“Is Baby Jamie home yet?” Hayden asked.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Not yet! Do you guys want to see some more pictures of him?” They nodded excitedly. Dave pulled out his iPhone, which was full of recent pictures.
“What’s that tube in his nose?” Violet asked.
“That’s how he gets his food right now,” Dave explained. “He’s too small to eat or drink.”
“I can’t wait to hold him,” she said, pretending to cradle an imaginary baby. I bent down and wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tight and kissing the top of her little blonde head.
“Soon, sweetie!” I said, biting back tears. “He’ll be home soon!”
Chapter 50
“This is the best birthday present I have ever gotten,” Dave said, excitedly drumming his hands on the steering wheel. I laughed, giddy with excitement.
“I can’t believe we are brining J.D. home on your birthday!” I looked in the backseat of the car and saw his little baby carrier car seat, which he would soon inhabit. I sighed happily. James had come a long way in the two months and now he was finally ready to come home, just a few days shy of his actual due date. “This means I am officially a mom, you know,” I said, smiling over at Dave. “Now I can say things like, ‘Oh man, J.D. had me up alllllll night!’ or ‘I will just have to try to schedule that around nap time!’” Dave pulled up to a red light and leaned over and kissed me with an intensity that caught me off guard.
“You make me so happy,” he whispered when he pulled away. “Today is one of the happiest days of my life.” I gave him a quick kiss back as the light changed to green. Once we arrived at the hospital and parked, I practically had to run to keep up with Dave’s long, excited strides up to the step-down unit where James had been transferred to, after “graduating” from the NICU! The nurses helped us dress him in his cute little coming home onesie and he was sucking away on his special pacifier that Jordyn had given him. We said our good-byes to the staff of the NICU and the step-down unit, promising to bring J.D. back for a visit in a few weeks. I gently loaded him into the carrier and buckled him in, gazing down at him in wonder. He defiantly had a head of dark brown hair and although still small, he looked like a normal baby. His eyes were open and he was looking around him, his arms and legs making jerky, bouncy little movements. I placed my finger in the palm of his hand and his tiny fingers curled around it. My throat felt tight and my eyes stung with tears. I lowered my lips to his perfect little head and kissed him.
“Ok, James,” I whispered. “Let’s go home!”
“You ready, Mama?” Dave asked as I stood. I nodded and he scooped up the carrier. We waved a final good-bye to the hospital staff that had been our angels for the past two months and headed to the car.
I rode in the back seat with J.D. while Dave drove, slowly, home. When we pulled into the driveway, I was surprised to see everyone’s car there! I knew that Virginia had planned on being there with our girls, and possibly Lisa, but I didn’t know that the rest of the band and a few other close friend were coming over.
“Did you know about this?” I asked, smiling at Dave. He looked back at me.
“No, honestly,” he said, looking confused. “I thought you set it up!” I shrugged.
“They are so wonderful,” I said, feeling overwhelmed once again by the outpouring of love our friends always displayed. Dave parked the car and got out and retrieved James from the back seat. I followed them up to our front steps, where everyone was waiting. J.D. had fallen asleep on the way home, but when Dave had lifted him out of the car, his eyes peeked open and he looked around at his new home and his new family.
“James,” I said excitedly. “This is your family.” Dave set him down and reached in, unbuckling him from the carrier.
“Grandma?” he said, passing him to Virginia. She took James in her expert hands and kissed him, tears in her eyes. I wrapped my arm around Dave’s waist and rested my head against his arm. Virginia knelt down so the girls could see.
“And these are your big sisters!” she whispered to him. Violet and Hayden were beside themselves, giving him little kisses.
“Look, Katie!” Hayden whispered. “He’s holding onto my finger!”
“He loves you guys already!” I told her with a wink.
“Can we hold him?” Violet asked.
“Later, when we go inside and you are sitting down,” Dave said. Violet nodded like a good girl.
“Hi handsome,” Alison said, peeking down at him. “I’m your favorite Auntie Ali!”
“He’s awesome, man,” Taylor said, nodding in approval. “Good work.”
“Thanks, you know I try,” Dave said, shrugging like it was no big thing. I tipped my head back and laughed. After everyone had introduced themselves to our son, it was time to bring him inside, up to his room, for his first feeding at home.
“This is your room, J.D!” I said, walking around his bedroom showing him different things. He was starting to fuss. I turned to sit in the rocking chair, but Dave was already there. I looked at him for a second, waiting for him to get up. Instead, he slapped his thighs, motioning for me to have a seat. I smiled and took a seat, leaning back against him and cradling James in my arms. Dave wrapped his arms around us and rocked us all back and forth while J.D. fed.
“I love being a family with you,” Dave whispered, planting little kisses on my temple. “I have everything I have always wanted here with you.”
“I never in a million years dreamt that my life would be this full,” I whispered, looking down at James. “It’s just incredible.” When J.D. had his fill, I gave him to Dave to burp and change and we brought him back downstairs.
“Do you girls want to hold him now?” I asked Violet and Hayden. Eyes wide, the nodded solemnly. They knew that he’d been born very little and that he was “sick” for a while and they both had been practicing holding him on their baby dolls. “Ok, you remember how I showed you to put your arms?” I asked. They cradled their arms out in front of them and nodded again. “Ok, have a seat!” They climbed up on the couch.
“Hayden can hold him first, since she’s a new big sister,” Violet said, very matter of fact. I looked at her and smiled.
“That was very nice of you V,” Dave said proudly, bending down to give her a quick kiss. I grabbed a Boppie pillow and placed it around Hayden’s middle.
“OK, Haydie, show me your arms,” I asked her and she held them out like we’d practiced. Dave bent and placed little J.D. in Hayden’s arms.
“Support his head,” Dave said, making sure she had a good hold on him.
“Yeah, Hayden, support his head,” Violet whispered, watching her brother and sister intently. Ali snapped a few pictures for us while Hayden proudly held her new baby brother.
“Good job,” I said, smiling at Hayden. “Are you ready to let Violet have a turn?” Hayden thought about it for a moment and I almost laughed at how cute she was. She didn’t want to relinquish her new baby, but she knew she had to be a good sister and share.
“Ok,” she said at last. I smiled and plucked the baby up while Dave arranged the Boppie pillow around Violet’s middle this time.
“Arms,” he said and Violet held her arms out, ready to accept James from me. I gently placed him down with her.
“Hold his head,” Hayden said, matter-of-factly. I had to stifle another giggle.
“She’s got it,” Dave said, biting back his own laughter. “What do you think, V?”
“He’s so cute!” She cooed. “Baby Jamie! You are so cute!” Dave turned and pulled me in for a hug, squeezing me tightly to him, trying to keep it together in front of everyone. I rubbed his back gently. I gave Alison a look and she nodded.
“Ok, I think it’s time we get out of here and let these new parents get some rest,” she said, “Thank you guys for sharing your gorgeous new son with us!” Dave finally let go of me and turned to say good-bye to everyone. I moved to hug Alison.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“Anytime,” she whispered back. I lifted James from Violet’s lap and held him to me, reveling, as I always did, in the weight of him in my arms.
“You girls go grab you stuff,” I said, kissing them each. “You are going to have a slumber party at Grandma’s tonight!” The girls hopped up and began to gather up their things. We followed everyone out to the front steps and waved good-bye as they all left for the night. James got one more feeding and then it was time to put him down for the night. I kissed him and gently laid him in his crib.
“Welcome home, buddy,” I whispered as I crept out of the room, Dave hot on my heels.
“What a day!” he said, smiling.
“It’s not over yet, baby,” I said, giving him a look. He raised his eyebrows. “It is your birthday after all!” I smiled and disappeared into the bathroom. I stripped out of my clothes and looked at myself in the mirror. I was back down to my pre-pregnancy fighting weight and was absolutely relived. Dave and I hadn’t made love since James was born, partly because you aren’t supposed to for at least six weeks and partly because the stress of having a baby in the hospital. But now, I felt like we were complete now. James was sleeping peacefully a few doors down. I took a deep breath and felt all the tension fade away. I pulled on a sexy little nighty I’d purchased for this occasion and gave myself a quick once over in the mirror. I was ready. I just hoped Dave was.
I walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. All the lights were off and he’d even lit a few candles! I guess he was just as ready as I was. He was sitting, fully clothed, on the edge of our bed, smiling from ear to ear.
“Happy birthday… to you,” I sang, padding over to him. I bent down and took his pony tail in my hands, pulling is head back and covering his mouth with mine. I let go of his hair and moved my hands to the hem of his shirt. “Happy birthday…to you…” I sang again, pulling it up and over his head. He chuckled. I knelt down between his legs and worked his belt buckle. “Happy birthday, dear David,” I said, pulling the belt from the loops of his jeans. I stood up and pulled him to his feet, unbuttoned his jeans and yanked everything down, before pushing him back on the bed. “Happy birthday, to you…”