Many people considered being a member of the Cast of Top Gear, before the demise of the show by the ridiculous decision of the BBC to sack Jeremy Clarkson and in turn get rid of the only saving grace of the show, to be the most desirable job on the planet. Fast cars, exotic locations and shenanigans. These are all things most old people consider a luxury job. Me, and like millions of others around the world, now consider Gaming, and those situations surrounding Gaming, to be the most desirable Job on the planet. Most desirable of all, a place on a thriving YouTube channel.
That was the job Andy Farrant currently enjoyed, but that wasn't to say it was without its hardships. Hardships? Well, what could possibly be hard about a job that involves nothing more, than playing video games and thus comprising entertaining lists for the world to enjoy? Surely nothing could be easier right?
Well... I'll give you two words that make working on the set of the Outside Xtra production office very hard indeed: Ellen Rose.
As Co-Editor of the channel Ellen was an extremely important member of the team. She was both quirky, quick-witted and knowledgeable in the world of gaming. A factor that endeared her not only to the other members of the team, but also endeared her to the audience. The only problem she had, through no fault of her own mid you, was that she was also 'smoking' fucking hot.
"Hey guys!" Ellen said as she came onto the set of today's video shoot. "What's the request we got today?"
"Well..." Luke Westaway, a second editor on the channel said whilst flicking through the production notes. "Our twitter feed was swamped with requests for another list about Guns."
"Another one?" Mike hissed in annoyance as he swivelled in his chair and sighed. "That's the forth this week."
"Guns are big business boys." Ellen said, words issuing with an enticing smile. "But Mikes right. We're better than just making lists about the top 5 Guns in the Doom Franchise or the Most Overpowered Gun's in CoD."
Andy rolled his eyes, as did the rest of the team, including Ellen. Those lists were such obvious click bait. Too easy, too... conventional for Outside Xtra. It was only then, after navigating his PS4 browser that Andy turned in his chair and faced his team. And felt the damn blood flood from his brain to a certain... suddenly taut part of his frame.
'Bloody hell!' He gasped, eyes sighting Ellen for the first time since she came into the office. The girl had her trademark highlights at the tips of her long brown hair, but was also wearing a sexy, Simpsons themed Donut shit. No I don't know about you, but I find a hot girl, wearing a top depicting a tasty ring of sugar on their tits, more than a little suggestive. Add to that her tight, toosh hugging jeans and converses sneakers, and you have a while lot of sex, standing on long fucking legs.
It seemed, Andy wasn't the only one feeling Ellen's appeal today, as he saw a couple of his fellow cast members trying to maintain a professional environment. A fact made all the more difficult by Ellen not realising just how god damn up tight her cast members were.
"Maybe we could do a list on the top 6 hardest guns to unlock? You know? Which guns make you work those sticks... before finally giving you that well earned relief, you guys feeling me?"
"God..." Luke hissed, under his breath, who caught Andy's eye. The two men exchanging a look that said quite clearly. 'I feel you pain, mate.'
"What about the most needlessly sexualized guns?" Ellen said, using her quirky, outside-the-box thinking to consider genuinely funny lists for the channel. After all a list of the top 6 overly sexualized bosses had been a massive hit over on the main channel Outsidexbox, a few years back. That had been a great video to watch and one of the main reasons why Ellen had jumped ship from the Xbox On YouTube channel. The Outside brand was growing big, and the channel was going places, and Ellen, if anything, knew an opportunity for adventure, if anything else. "Didn't you work on that video Andy?"
"Yeah..." Andy drawled, recalling the video and struggling to get thoughts of Ellen cosplaying as Sgt. Hilde Schmittendorf out his head. "Fuck sake!"
"What?" Ellen asked, innocently, hearing the obvious frustration in Andy's voice. "That not a good idea?"
"No... I mean, yeah..." Fuck why the hell'd he snap like that? The girl was just being herself, she couldn' help how god damn hot she was. "Sorry, Ellen. It's just... annoying sometimes trying to think of lists that keep pushing the boat out, you know?"
"Yeah... I know. But come on you guys! This is the Outside Xtra. People are counting on us! We got to hit this fucking thing, hard!"
Ellen hit them once again with her zesty, all arousing pep talk. Ever enthusiastic. Ever passionate. The boys... ever hopeful.
"Look, guys." Luke breathed, descalating the tension that was clearly building in the room of friends, co-workers and production staff. "This is obviously something we need to think about. Why don't we just... let things relax, brainstorm ideas for a little bit... Then bring all we got together back here after lunch, okay?"
"Okay!" The team agreed as one, now with a new list of ideas to ponder as they each set off to their different computer desks, ready to hit another round in the ring of life.
Andy, Mike and Luke watched Ellen walk away, her tight little toosh swaying in those hip hugging jeans, even if she didn't realise or intend to, as she stepped over towards her desk, donned her Turtle Beach headset and began to scower the internet.
"Fuck lad's," Mike said over the private chat network he and the boys shared on their PS4's a few minutes later. "You hear what Ellen was chatting about, just now? That fucking girl's a tease."
"Nah," both Andy and Luke said in unison before Andy continued. "Ellen's just being Ellen. She's just naturally spunky."
"Yeah... I wouldn't mind getting spunky with her."
The boys chuckled in unison, though in truth it was nothing more than playful banter. The boys knew Ellen was just being herself. Seemed like the girl was just so gosh darn cute that she didn't even realise how hot she was. At least... that's what they wanted / hoped it was at least. 'Cos is she was deliberate getting their blood pressures up, then that was a whole different can of worms, ready to be shot out and dropped on their heads like a fucking concrete donkey.
"So what we doing about this list anyway, guys?" Luke said trying to get focus back on work, and not on a certain somebody sat just across the room. "We could do that list on needlessly sexualized guns. There's a few out there. But... wouldn't most of them come from Saint's Row 4?"
"Not really. Apart from Dylan's flamethrower from Dead Rising 3 I can't think of a stupidly sexualized gun."
"What about the Dildo ba...? Oh yeah. It's a bat, not a gun."
"Yeah, but keep that in mind for another list. Top whatever overly sexualized 'weapons'. Right now, we gotta think of a list involving guns."
"What about most OTT tasks needed to unlock stupidly weak guns?"
"That's way to much research. Also, what game designers are 'that' stupid to put such a shit weapon at the end of a quest like those you're thinking of?"
"Ergh... we're talking about an industry that gave us the 'Bladder of Steel' and 'Seriously 3.0' achievement, so I wouldn't put it past 'em."
The guys all shared a chuckle at that.
This was proving to be a lot harder than originally expected. Yeah, they could just be a regular channel and churn out top 10 lists of generic content for click bait and views. But like Ellen had said earlier. This was a channel that prided themselves on originality and fun. Two key components that also made for the most enjoyable experiences in gaming. For them, the Outside brand and gaming in general was more than just a past time, or a career. It was a passion, and when your passionate about something, that passion often shows with gusto, zeal and zest, and is more than often rewarded with praise, likes, subscribers, and in some cases, some weird people writing tribute style FanFiction. All the peeks and troths of everyday life on YouTube.
A few hours past, and in the end the guys and gal in the office, settled down for lunch to get all their ideas together. Ellen settled next to Luke, while Mike and Andy took up the space opposite.
Sandwiches, coffee, tea and snacks aplenty, as well as some rather needless bags of kale were laid out to chow down on... what was the deal with the kale?
"Right... my lovelies... what we got brewing in the lab today?" Ellen asked as she tucked into a bowl of crisps.
"Nothing major, just some random guns with stupid attachments and insanely difficult unlockable requirements." Andy said, speaking while take a sip of his tea.
"Well... I got an idea for a list... but it might be a little weird." Ellen said, biting into a handful of curly fries, her voice sounding hesitate, but her eyes dancing with intrigue. The boys leant in, curious.
"How about..." her teeth grated nervously against her bottom lip, fingers toying absently with a strand of her long, blue tipped hair. The boys felt the heat rising again as Ellen pondered her pitch, fingers slipping gently against the delicate line of her neck, as she tried to think of the best ways to present her idea to the group.
"Well..." Ellen leant back casually in her seat, absently biting on her knuckle as she tried to think of the right words to say.
"Fuck! Just say it, will you Ellen!" Mike unleashed his groan of frustration, but it was a frustration so much more than expectation and intrigue.
Ellen started, surprised at this reaction. Had they been that striped of ideas they were this frustrated?
"Well..." Ellen said, clearing her throat and beginning her pitch. "How about a list of the top 7 weird guns... that aren't really guns at all?"
Andy choked on his mouthful of tea at the sheer lunacy of the idea. Luke had a look that just screamed 'What the hell are you talking about, girl?' meanwhile Mike leant in, intrigued.
"What's the idea made up of?" He asked with genuine interest. Ellen blinked.
"Erm..." She swallowed, expecting the pitch to be shot down. But now it seemed like she'd have to elaborate. "I..." Ellen clearned her throat. "I was thinking we could make a list of the top Seven Guns that work like regular guns, but don't maim, kill or act in any way like conventional guns?"
"Like... A gun that doesn't kill people? But instead shoots, what?"
"Well..." Ellen took out a list of weird guns she had comprised from her bag beside her chair. "We've got the Dubstep Gun from Saint's Row 4? Or the Sonic Amplifier Lucio uses in Overwatch?"
"That's a good idea! But the Dubstep Gun's been killed to death." The group face palmed at Andy's terribly placed pun. "But the Sonic Amplifier is a great idea. Ellen."
"Really?!"
"Yeah... and I could use the-"
"What about the Medi-gun from Team Fortress 2?" Luke suddenly piped in, the creative spark already igniting. "Because rather than killing somebody, that thing heals your team mates. Which is the exact opposite of a gun."
"Yeah!" Andy piped up. "But we also need some gore in there. What about the Plasma Cutter from Dead Space?"
"That's a great idea! That gun was just... weird." Ellen piped up again. Inticed. "There's also the Camera from Fatal Frame?"
"Nah," Mike dismissed that idea at once. "That thing gets stated straight away that it's a camera, not a gun. But I like this idea guys, keep going."
"Well..." Ellen said, dejected at her second ideas dismissal. The look in her eyes made the boys feel troubled, and offered her encouragement and support.
"What else?" Andy asked, Luke putting a comforting arm around the lassy's shoulders, while Ellen cast a saddened gaze towards at the table.
"What about the Portal Gun, Ellen? Would that count on your list?" Luke asked, trying to get Ellen back in the game.
Her eyes lifted gently and softly, a look which caused the boys hearts to flutter with delight.
"I guess... it 'is' a really weird concept. But... maybe we should think of something even weirder?"
"Don't get much weirder than the G.L.O.O. Cannon, Ellen. I mean, why the hell would you want to encase an alien in concrete, and then bash their head in afterwards with a wrench?"
"Yeah..." Ellen said, her confidence growing once again. "Also... you know what else is weird? Remember what I said about the Sonic Amplifier in Overwatch...? Maybe we could wrap someone up in bubble wrap to emphasise the protective nature of Lucio's Sound Barrier ultimate?"
Andy smiled.
"You could wrap me up in bubble wrap any time you want, Ellen." Andy teased. Eyes bright and voice rich with innuendo. Ellen gasped in surprise, and offered her friend a timid smile, a cute crimson blush touching the edges of her cheeks.
"Well we're going with that idea anyway. Both of them." Luke insisted with gusto. "I want to see the audience's comments when Ellen talks about how weird Lucio's weapon is. But, I can imagine we'll get some shares and likes when the guys see Ellen wrapped in bubble wrap. People can find weirdness in even the most coacher of things."
"You boys are gonna wrap me in bubble wrap...?" Ellen cooed, teeth raking nervously against her low lip once again. "I'd be helpless... you could do anything to me."
"We could..." The boys leant in and drank in Ellen's body with their eyes. "But only if you wanted us too..."
Ellen visibly squirmed beneath the collective feasting of their gazes. It was then she became suddenly aware of how tight her t-shirt clung to her tits, and at how hot the room suddenly seemed to have become.
"Ergh..." Ellen felt Luke's fingertips now softly begin to caress the delicate line of her neck, her fingers toyed with her hair again, her breathing suddenly laboured as she felt herself begin to grow heated. "What about... the..." She tried to get her mind off her co-workers, but she became distinctly aware of how ruggedly sexy Andy's beard made him look, or of how distinctly handsome Luke's charming features really were. 'What the hell's wrong with you girl? Get back in the game...'
Ellen snatched hold of the first thing that came into her mind. Words erupting out her mouth in haste.
"What about VacPack from Slime Rancher? The damn things a vacuum cleaner... rather than shooting stuff out. It... sucks... stuff... up."
Ellen's face turned suddenly as red as scarlet.
'Oh, my God! I'm in the gutter!' Ellen tried to hide her obvious embarrassment, but the boys were already to far gone to care. They knew already what they'd like Ellen to suck... but that was for another time. Another place.
"Right. That's it then." Luke said, desolating this situation before their lunch meeting turned into a much more sordid affair. "All of us agreed on Ellen's idea for a top 7 weirdest guns that weren't guns at all, list?"
It was a unanimous agreement.
"Right... lets get this thing rolling. Oh, and Ellen, because it was your idea, your opening and leading out the ending of the video, alright?"
"O...kay." Ellen said hesitantly. "How am I ending it?" Ellen tried to think positive, though her voice elicited a slight trace of concern. She had been highly inappropriate just now, and even though she was up for a laugh, she didn't want to be turned into a meme for her unfortunate bouts of innuendo.
The boys' however merely smiled, Andy offering Ellen a cheeky wink.
"We'll get to that, later. Right now, we've got a video to make."
The crew of Outside Xtra arose from their seats, ready to get to work on the full list of content. Though Ellen was distinctly aware that her friends had let her lead the way.