"But how does one even seduce a boy," my friend Maggie asked, flinging up the whisk she had in her hand and sending a splatter of eggs onto the fridge.
I frowned, looking up from the recipe I was reading and examining the wreckage of the kitchen. Flour dusted the counter tops and multiple measuring cups and ingredients lay strewn across the surface- evidence of the current cooking war raging at my house.
"I don't know," I said, "But is there a difference between baking soda and baking powder? Maybe they're interchangeable."
"Use a bit of both," she concluded, prodding at the soupy mixture in a bowl.
We were scrambling to finish an assignment due for our cooking class, a course we were both spectacularly failing. Due to our incapability to read recipes and tendency to start fires at random moments, even making cookies at the moment was a struggle.
"You've clearly seduced Niall," she continued, making me cringe and spill in extra salt.
"The fact that Niall likes me is one of the seven wonders of the world. I mean like- have you seen me."
Maggie pushed aside the flour dusted bowl on the counter and leaned closer to me. "Have you guys like, you know." She made a fist with one hand and aggressively punched her palm.
I stared at her. "Had a fist fight?"
"Had some make up sex," she clarified.
I was so startled by her sudden question I narrowly dropped a stick of butter. Niall and I had gotten back together two weeks ago, after a rather strange occurrence where I used his bath and he made cinnamon rolls and we both sort of agreed that we still liked each other. It was a slow progression back into our normal relationship, each of us tiptoeing nervously around each other as we returned to comfort. Today was the day I was suppossed to meet him to go on a double date with Zayn and his new girlfriend, technically our first real date as a reunited couple.
"No," I said quickly, "No, no, no. I don't really- no. I can't. Like, you know. We've never even. I don't know how and like- no."
"Okay, so we both need to learn how to seduce A Male," she declared, haphazardly pouring the mixture into a pan and shoving it into the oven.
"First off, I think it's supposed to be dough, not liquid," I pointed out, "Secondly, can't I seduce him with my impressive knowledge of country capitals? Name a country. Any country."
Maggie smacked me upside the head. "No. We need to release our inner stripper." She looked out the window. "Let's go find a pole."
"How about we don't," I said hastily, not wanting my neighbors to glance outside to admire the early morning sunrise and seeing two girls trying (and failing) to dance erotically against a telephone pole.
Although I wondered how long I could continue to be unfortuantely gawky until people started to get a little sick of it. So now I got to add the reminder of my failing flirting skills onto the stress of the double date I had to attend tonight.
"The cookies are bubbling over into the stove!" Maggie shrieked, peering through the glass window at the dessert that would give Gordan Ramsey chest pains. Just great.
---------------------
"Praise to the fuck," Niall said, "You're wearing a damn dress."
I had been idly waiting for Niall to show up outside of the small Italian restaurant downtown we had all agreed to meet at. For the occasion I had decided to wear a dark blue dress, allowing quite a bit of my (blindingly pale) legs to show. It had only been a couple minutes of me absently watching the clouds when his familiar lilac head of hair appeared. He paused a few feet away from me, stared for a good moment, then swore in such a way that a mom paused to cover her sons ears.
"Do I look stupid," I asked worriedly, instinctly chewing on my thumb nail. Niall, with his eyes brooding as they watched me, gently worked my hand from my mouth and tucked it at my side.
"No way," he said. He pressed his pointer finger to my exposed collarbone. "I want to kiss you here," he moved down and lightly touched my stomach, "And here," his warm finger traveled down farther and pushed against the freckle on the inside of my thigh, holding there a moment longer, "And right here."
I blushed furiously as his hand retracted from my leg, tugging playfully at the bottom of hem of the dress. "What about my elbow," I said in a panic, unable to find a witty reply.
Niall laughed as I mentally threw myself off a building. "Wherever you want, sweetheart." He bent down and grasped both my elbows, leaning me back slightly to look at him. "Your wish is my command."
We were indeed standing on a crowded sidewalk, and the air smelled like summer approaching, all warm and hazy (sort of like the way he was making me feel) and I didn't know what it exactly was about Niall Horan, but I wished that this second time around we would keep running and see how far we could make it.
"You're very pretty," Niall declared suddenly with a frown, "Like- very much so."
"Thanks," I said hesitantly at his sudden mood swing.
He looks positively troubled for a moment, brow furrowing and mouth twisting into a scowl. "And we weren't dating for like a month, and some guy could've saw you and taken you from me. He could've treated you better then I did and you could've gone with him. And I would never get you back." He looked angsty, "You're dangerously pretty."
I stared at him. "Are you high?"
Niall bunched up the fabric of my dress in his hand, holding tight, as though the breeze flitting around us was about to tug me away. "No. It's just, I don't know. We're together again." he paused, "I am happier everyday because of it."
"This is a test run," I reminded him, "You're awfully troublesome and get into fights easily, and this is a test, Niall Horan. You broke up with me. Now make me trust you."
"And I accept the challenge," he paused, hand tightening around me again, "Don't leave me."
I balanced on the toes of his sneakers, using the leverage to wrap my arms around him and bury my face into his chest. He threaded his fingers into the hair on the back of my head.
"God, the tension out here could choke an elephant," Zayn interrupted suddenly, and I would've fallen over if Niall hadn't grasped my wrist and pulled me upright.
Zayn's dark gaze narrowed at us as Niall smoothed my ruffled dress back into place. Dressed in all black (I considered the fact his wardrobe consisted of only black clothing) and looking positively disgruntled, the expression soon melted off his face when a girl appeared at his side.
"This is my girlfriend, Becca," he gushed, "She's a pole dancer."
Niall sputtered out a laugh, and I elbowed him in the ribs. Becca didn't seem fazed. She was tall and slender and undeniably stunning, dark hair draped over her shoulder in a braid. I expected this. Zayn was awfully aware of his good looks, and always declared he needed an (almost) as good looking person to balance him out. A manicured hand extended towards mine, and I fretted over my chipped purple nail polish before accepting the greeting. I retracted quickly though, uncomfortable with the touching.
"What an interesting career choice," I mused, while Niall continued to hack into his sleeve.
"We met at the club I work at," she explained with a haughty smile.
I nodded solemly. "How romantic."
"Sweetheart," Niall whispered warningly, despite the fact he was silently laughing also as we followed them into the dimly lit restaurant to be seated. All jokes aside, I was feeling a little intimidated. I wasn't exactly a pole dancer- my dancing could kindly be referred to as 'drunk dad at a barbecue' and her form fitting dress dress outshined (literally, it was covered in sparkles) my flowing one.
"So, how did you guys meet," Becca asked as we sat down at a table. Zayn and her were being nauseatingly cute, all cuddly and cooing and pet named galore. He had bowed and pulled out a chair for her, while Niall and I had a momentary tussle for the window seat (which he had won)
We exchanged a knowing look, both of us recalling our first meeting where he cornered me in the school library and I punched him the face. Good times.
"At a fundraiser for orphaned puppies," I said.
"I was rescuing her from a burning building," he declared at the same time. I smacked my palm against my forehead as they stared at us.
"Maybe we should just order, sweet cheeks," Zayn sighed, folding open the menu and giving Becca lust filled eyes.
I reached for a plastic menu just as my charming date snatched it and held it out of my reach. "Come on," I whined, while he held me an arms length away. "I'm hungry."
He grinned wickedly and leaned into my ear. "Show me what's under that cute little dress and maybe I'll give it you."
"A grey pair of boxer briefs," I lied.
"You're blushing, sweetheart," Niall observed, "Did you wear something particularly revealing for me."
"You little shit," I deadpanned, not so subtly punching him in the balls.
He groaned and dropped the menu, letting his head fall onto the table and making dishes rattle together as he clutched his groin. I ignored the startled looks from nearby customers as I unfolded it and squinted at the foreign Italian words, acting as though nothing happened. Zayn and Becca look perturbed.
"Oh god, I think that word means icecream," I exclaimed, "Niall, they have icecream."
Niall lifted his head from the table, tenderly sitting back upright. "Sweetheart, you have to eat actual food first."
"Come on," I whined, while he laughed and kissed my forehead.
"Well I was just going to have salad," Becca interrupted, while Niall begin to horribly butcher the Italian language as he tried to interpret the courses. "Icecream is full of calories. It'll go straight to your thighs." She not so subtly flickered her eyes down towards my legs.
"Oh, hell no." I scraped my chair back, moving to stand up when Niall gripped the hem of my dress, pulling me back down and settling a heavy arm over my shoulders to hold me in place.
"As much as I would love to see a cat fight," Niall murmured in my ear as I struggled out of his grip, "I can't let that happen."
I glared at her, while she simply smiled and took a polite sip of her water, her eyes never leaving mine. There were a few things in The Universal Girl Rules that you didn't joke about; number one being body weight.
"If I had a gun with two bullets," I said, "And I was stuck in a room with only you and a crazy serial killer, I would use both bullets." I paused. "On you."
"Zayn," she whined, looking aghast as she turned to her date, who was preoccupied with setting his napkin on fire with the center candle. At the sound of her voice he dropped the napkin, almost setting the table cloth ablaze if I hadn't heaved my cup of water at it.
"What," he said, looking startled. He inched away from Becca's icy glare. "Niall," he continued hastily, "Please control Abbey."
Niall frowned, eyes darkening as evident anger flickered across his face. "Do not tell me what to do when it comes to Abbey Farrell," he threatened lowly, "Don't even try."
"Nobody tell me what to do in general," I interrupted. It was then that the waiter happened to finally come over, looking nervously at the two angry street kids, their pissed off dates, and the fire that was slowly going out in the center of the table.
"Is there a problem-" she began, slowly taking out her notepad. There must be somebody out there spinning The Wheel of Chaos, throwing whatever obstacle it lands on into my life at random moments, because it's at that time that I noticed my mom walk in.
I blinked twice and stared. "My moms here." It was then I realized the even more unexplainable fact that there was a middle aged man at her side, who had his arm loosely draped around her waist. This sudden surprise severly blocked my judgement. "With a man!" I shouted accusingly, standing up and pointing. "The scandal- oh god, a scandal unlike this country has ever seen."
"Shit," Niall deadpanned, and in seconds his large hand had clamped over my mouth and was tugging us out of sight before my mom would look over to see whose crazed ranting that was.
"Thanks for lunch," Niall said, backing away with me tucked at his side, "Your girlfriend is a bitch, Zayn. Nice to meet you though."
I peeled his fingers off my mouth as we stumbled into the tiny side hallway that had the bathrooms. My mom didn't exactly know that Niall and I were like, dating. Funny thing, actually, she hated him with all her guts and threatened to put a restraining order against him, claiming he was Satan's love child. After he had gotten me arrested (twice) I managed to convince her that we has officially ended it.
"She's with a guy," I whispered, "Who is that. She hasn't been on a date in years."
Niall scratched his chin, eyeing the front door, "Okay, we're going to have to make a break for the front door without being seen-"
It was then that she pushed back the chair she was sitting in, patted the hands of the balding man watching her adoringly, and over the dim of the restaurant I could hear her say: "I have to use the bathroom."
"We're fucked," Niall whispered, as we both glanced around for an escape, meeting only the back wall and two swinging bathroom doors. I glanced back over my shoulder, where my mom was untangling herself from her purse, and felt my chest tighten in anxiety.
"Does it bother you how un-seductive I am?" I asked suddenly, feeling now to be the best moment to ask before our inevitable doom. The question had been sitting heavy on my chest since my talk with Maggie, and the lunch with Becca mixed with my current stress did not to relieve its constant weight.
"What," Niall exclaimed, looking bewildered, "Are you crazy, I'm in like a constant state of half erection around you."
I let out a sputter at his blunt honesty, trying to catch my breath. "I mean like- I don't know, I'm not exactly a pole dancer and I'm not very flirty, and like, I still laugh during Sex-Ed."
"So do I," Niall countered, and I knew my mom was coming in fast, and it was like a scene of the movie where the killer is approaching, the music low and fast. "Oh god, Abbey Farrell, your obliviousness to your own accidental teasing is so charming." He gripped my hips, pressing his thumbs into the soft skin. "The self restraint I use around you, oh my, you would never understand the things you do to me."
And then just before my mom turned the corner and found her youngest daughter having an overtly sexual moment with the boy she hated, Niall pushed me backwards until I stumbled through the swinging door of the men's room.
"This was my only plan," Niall explained, as I caught myself on the sink, glancing around at the foreign world known as the men's room while trying to calm my racing heart. Too many emotions bouncing around my chest at once, their incessant knocking threatening to spill out.
"Oh god," I said, when I finally noticed the alarmed Asian man at the urinal. He turned around in surprise.
"What the hell," he shouted, at the same time Niall threw his hands over my eyes, effectively blinding me. I listened to the guy struggling with the zipper on his pants, his frenzied movement sending him crashing to the ground.
"I think I saw a dick," I groaned, "I saw it, I know I did."
"There's a girl in here?" came another mans voice from the stalls.
"I clearly didn't think this through well enough," Niall muttered, pulling me back against his chest while I stayed behind the warm darkness of his hands, feeling particularly traumatized. "Sweetheart- ah, okay, I think I'm going to boost you through the window."
"Really," I replied bitterly, "I was hoping we could stay in here longer. Scare some more men. Maybe you could explain to me urinal etiquette. Is eye contact with fellow patrons allowed?"
Niall was laughing, laughing so hard he dropped his hands and I blinked in the sudden light as he hugged me hard, making my feet lift from the floor as he cuddled me to his chest. His nose pressed to my skin as he took a deep inhale.
"Oh god," he muttered, "I missed this. I missed you."
"Just get me out of the bathroom."
(I was literally just having so much fun with this chapter) (people wonder why the different chapters just jump from one major event to another, and due to my writing style, I just like to keep out all the stuff inbetween that I don't enjoy reading myself) (okay this was the weirdest one yet) (Niall and Abbey aka the dream team) (can I have a relationship like this pls) (btw I changed the way they met in chapter two for those of you who are like what)