Saturday, July 11, 2020
Houston, TX
I deeply sighed and fidgeted with my fingers as I held my cell phone to my ear. Nicki was on the other line screaming and laughing like a mad woman. She thought that Jay letting me stay was the 'cutest thing' but I didn't think so.
It's nearly 2 AM and we were both in separate rooms. Braxton was sleeping peacefully under me so I'll have to put him in his own bed soon. Jay was in his room, probably sleeping. He was gone for quite a long time. I was curious as to where he went. Probably to see another woman, at least I hope not.
"Him offering his home to you is a big step," Nicki said, "You know what that is? Growth." She said mimicking the woman from the hit show, Insecure.
"No it's not. Braxton wanted me to stay so I stayed. Jay and I still argue and curse each other out like kids. There's no type of growth. Plus, he was gone for a very long time. Whoever the woman is surely has his attention." I mumbled the last part to myself but Nicki still heard me.
She let out a stiff chuckle, "Girl don't worry about that. You're the mother of his son. You guys have history. Nothing or no one will ever beat that. Put it like this, he's stuck with you for eighteen years. One day, he's going to stop putting up this front and want you back."
"And then it'll be too late."
"And you really think you're going to move on? Come on Bey. I'm not dumb. Y'all both acting tough right now. Jay wants you more than you think, but he's a guy. They don't deal with hurt and pain well. It's just like them getting sick. Guys will think they are dying when they actually only have a common cold."
I nodded my head. That was definitely true. Guys are so dramatic when it comes to their health and being sick.
"Whatever," I said putting the phone in between my ear and shoulder as I picked up a sleeping Braxton, "I'm about to go to bed though. I'll see you later."
"Okay, love you. Goodnight."
"I love you too." I said before finally ending the call. I put my phone on the dresser next to the bed and quietly walked out of the room with Braxton snoring on my shoulder. He was so tired. Yesterday wasn't a good day for him at all. He was cranky the entire day which leads me to think that my baby may be getting sick. The difference in weather probably getting to him. It was much cooler in DC than it was here in Houston.
I laid him down in his own bed and watched him move around a little until he finally went back to his deep slumber.
I was pretty thirsty so I quietly walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Opening the refrigerator, all I saw was beer and milk.
"Niggas.." I mumbled to myself as I grabbed the milk and a glass to put it in. In the middle of pouring, the light turned on scaring the fuck out of me. I spilled a little bit of milk but not too much.
"I forgot you was even here," Jay said rubbing his eyes, "Thought someone was robbing me."
I looked at him for a split second and then back to minding my business. I put the milk back inside the refrigerator and slowly sipped on what was inside my glass.
"How was your night?" I asked him as he grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator. I could smell the perfume on him and became sick to my stomach. This hoe was really out with another woman. I felt myself get angry but I had no reason to be. He made it clear he didn't want me. He could do whatever he want... I guess.
"Great," He said popping the top and taking a sip, "Yours?"
I shrugged, "The usual. Why you don't have any groceries Jay? And why are you drinking?"
"Because I'm thirsty and there's nothing else to drink." He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
"I mean, there's milk."
"I obviously didn't want milk."
"So you drink a beer? That's why you're so angry and crazy now."
I finished my glass and put it in the sink. Maybe he has an alcohol issue. All he does now is drink. I made a mental note to at least buy some juices or something in the morning. I can't have my son out here dying of thirst because his father wants to be an alcoholic and not have shit to drink but beer.
"Yet you staying with me."
I gave him a stank look, looking at him up and down, "You offered, first of all. I didn't have to stay here. I could've taken my ass to a hotel or my mama's place. I can leave."
He shrugged, "Well leave. Just leave my son where he at though."
"Nope, because if I leave, he's leaving too."
"I'll be damned if you walk out of here with my son again. You out your fucking mind if you think you're getting away with that shit twice. All you want to do is fucking run away and leave and be gone for years without saying shit to anybody. That shit is annoying as fuck, but I swear on my life Bey, I'll kill you if you do some shit like that again."
I felt bad that this was turning me on. The way he approached me and got in my face was so cute. Maybe because I didn't take him serious, even though I should. He looks so upset right now, yet so fine.
I laughed in his face and that only made him angrier. Keep in mind that I only have a big shirt on with my panties. He grabbed the front of the shirt and nearly swung me to the wall. I suddenly feared for my life and wasn't joking anymore. This shit was getting out of hand.
"Stop Jay." I said calmly as he held me against the wall. My feet was almost off the floor so that lets you know how strong of a grip he had on me. Even though it was painful, I had to stay calm. He's been drinking and this could get out of hand fast.
"You really be trying me." He said looking at me.
"I'm not trying you. I'm just sick of you bringing this shit up. I can't walk to the bathroom and take a fucking piss without your crazy ass thinking I'm leaving and not coming back. I apologized a thousand times Jay! At some point you have to let this shit go and move forward."
His grip on me loosened and he shook his head, "You want me to get over three years that I've missed out on my son's life!?" He punched the wall near my head making me flinch. I thought that was my life.
"That's not what I'm saying Shawn.."
"That's exactly wha– you know what, I'm not gonna even waste my breath with you. I gives no fucks about you. If you leave, you leave by yourself because Braxton definitely isn't going."
He walked out of the kitchen leaving me to recollect my thoughts. He scared me half to death. Honestly, I've never been afraid of Jay but now it's totally different. For the first time, a man finally puts fear in my heart and I hate that it's someone I would do anything for. When I looked at him, I didn't see pure love, I saw fear. He don't know how much he scares me.
With him being like this, it might've been best for me to stay at my parents' home. It seems like the longer Jay and I stay around one another, the worse our arguments become. I didn't need Braxton to see us in the moment.
I woke up a few hours later to a bunch of noise coming from outside of the bedroom door. I yawned and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes before picking my phone up to peep the time.
It was 11 AM and I was still tired. I tried closing my eyes but the loud, playful screams of my son kept me up. I wasn't worried because I'm pretty sure him and Jay is playing around, but damn they were loud.
Instead of trying to force myself back to sleep, I sat up and decided to get my day started. I had to go see my mom and dad and tell them what's been going on. I haven't seen them much since being down here and they gave the best advice Especially my dad. He was so nonchalant, but so wise. He didn't say much but he always peeped. I showered and put on a nice outfit before walking out of the room to see what Jay and B was doing.
Soon as I walked in the living room area, I caught Jay staring. He had Braxton sitting on his neck while he played the video game.
"Good morning." I said giving my son a kiss on the lips. He wasn't stunting me though. He was too busy watching his daddy play that stupid game.
"Morning," Jay responded, "I bought some Waffle House. It's in the microwave. Get what you want."
I nodded my head and made myself a small plate. I sat at the kitchen table alone eating my food. Afterwards, I put my trash away and started on the dishes. I know Jay said he didn't want me touching anything but it was the least I could do. He was letting me stay, I could clean up a bit. I might be leaving soon anyway.
He obviously wasn't doing the cleaning. The dishes were piled up and he wasn't going to wash them anytime soon. After I was done, I went back into the living room to see them two still in the same position. I wasn't going to sit down or anything because I needed to leave and run a couple of errands.
"Have you given B a bath yet?" I asked Jay.
He nodded his head, still with his eyes on the television. He looked up at me and I looked at him. It was one of those moments we had before, but this time he really couldn't keep his eyes off me.
"Damn," He said making me smirk, "You freaking made me lose." I came back to reality and looked to see what he was talking about but he was back to playing the game.
"How did I make you lose? You're the one staring at me."
"Exactly." He mumbled.
I sighed, "Anyways, are you about to go somewhere? I'm about to run around town for a minute."
"Braxton staying with me. We about to play 2k and fuck these niggas up, ain't that right?" He said towards Braxton. He pulled him down from his neck and sat him in his lap.
"Yup." Braxton agreed, trying to take the controller away from Jay.
"You need to watch what you say around him Shawn. He'll repeat it and never stop saying it."
Jay smirked, "He'll be saying it one day, might as well let him start early."
I rolled my eyes and grabbed my keys off the table, "Shut up." I leaned down to give my baby boy some kisses. I loved when he kissed me back and grab onto my face to keep me still. Braxton was so affectionate. That was another thing he got from his dog ass daddy.
Jay eyes stayed on me the entire time. Once I was done playing with Braxton, I looked up at Jay and smiled, "You want a kiss too?"
"Chill out." He said as if he was irritated.
"I'm pretty sure you did a lot of kissing last night."
If looks could kill, I would probably be dead. The way he looked at me made me back away and stop trying to play around with him. He obviously didn't want to joke about that.
"You be trying me." He said shaking his head.
"So do you. Just don't bring any of your hoes around my son, okay?" I gave him one last look before leaving out of the front door.
__________
"How do you know?" Nicki asked me as we sat down over some food. We were in the Food Center in the mall. I really wanted some wings so I had to stop by and get some.
"Because he smelled like perfume. Why else would he smell like perfume?"
Nicki shrugged, "You may be right, but don't assume."
"Too late," I said dipping my honey barbecue wing into my ranch, "I want to know who she is. Is she prettier than me?"
"Bitch shut up," Nicki said, "You sound so insecure. I thought I gave you this talk last night? You're always gonna be the apple of his eye.."
"I want to see her."
Nicki looked at me and laughed, "Real shit?"
I nodded my head and she shrugged while pulling her phone out, "I mean, she's not ugly but she ain't you. Here's her instagram."
I gasped as I strolled through this chick pictures. She was drop dead gorgeous. I looked at Nicki while she ate her food, "She's pretty..." I mumbled.
"No lie, she is. But her attitude is horrible and her voice is annoying. She try too hard to be exclusive with Jay. She try to show him off and stuff, but he don't be with it."
"So he has brought her around?"
Nicki slowly nodded her head, "To us.. I'm not sure if she met his moms yet."
I shook my head and gave Nicki her phone back. That had made me so upset and I suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. I closed my box and sat up to leave. Nicki looked at me so confused.
"Did I do or say something wrong?" She asked.
"I have other things to do." I mumbled. No, Nicki didn't do anything wrong. She was friends with both Jay and I so I know it was probably hard for her since she couldn't necessarily pick and choose sides. I'm just upset that Jay is bringing this chick around the crew, and probably his family. Makes it no better that the bitch is actually cute so I had nothing bad to say.
Just seeing something like that makes my heart hurt. As I left the mall and walked to my car, I kept myself from crying. The tears were begging to fall so soon as I got inside my car I broke down.
Seeing someone you love be with someone else was that hurt. It was that type of hurt that you'll never be able to get over. I miss being so happy with Jay. We talked and joked about everything. He understood me and I understood him. Now, he hated me. I can't say I hate him because I don't.
I just wish things were the same but life happen. I made a mistake I can't get back and I won't continue to apologize for it. Just like him, it's just time for me to move on.
___________
What y'all think of Jay's new boo?😍
Should Beyoncé stay elsewhere?🤔
Is Nicki playing both sides?😬
Should Beyoncé move on?😌