Life resumed as usual. He went to school and hang out with his friends. Knock laughed as if things were going well. Yihwa was disappointed and expressed her dissatisfaction. Fai was supportive while Phu was in his own world with his music.
Let's not forget about Farm was dating numerous guys here and there. Knock wasn't really close with him, but he really couldn't blame the male for lashing out this way. What that doctor did to him wasn't pretty.
Knock seriously dated Mew. Aside from his friends and his studies, he gave time to Mew. They always talked on the phone whenever he has free time. Sometimes, they would surprise each other with visits.
Yes. He did an impulsive thing to agree to a date with Mew, but he wasn't planning on playing on Mew's feelings. He believed that he made the right decision to try and forget his best friend. Being in love with your best friend was a torturous and tiring task. Knock was tired of looking from afar, waiting for something that wouldn't happen.
On the surface, Knock was happy. Too happy than his normal self.
For some reason, this irked his other best friend, Yiwha, who had barged in his dorm room one night.
Knock opened the door to see Yiwha in a short skirt and trendy top. Her face was well-covered with makeup. From the looks of it, she was definitely planning for a night out so Knock was confused why she was here.
"What are you doing here? Change of plans?"
Yiwha crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. She walked into the room as if it was here own room.
She didn't say anything until she was sitting comfortably on his couch. Knock just followed. He understood well how his friend was.
"Tell me the truth Ai'Knock. Are you serious on dating Mew?" She said as soon as Knock sat beside her.
He had been dating Mew for a good solid two months. Mew was an okay guy. He's fun and honest. There wasn't really anything bad he could say about the guy he was dating.
"Of course I am." He looked at her straight in the eye and then sighed. "I really don't see a future with Korn. He's straight Yiwha. I'm not. Our sexuality doesn't exactly align. We're like two parallel worlds that will never intersect. "
"I don't want you to turn like Farm! Like seriously. I think I'm starting to grow white hair worrying about that guy. He's not listening to anyone."
Knock chuckled and playfully flicked Yiwha on the forehead for worrying too much. "My circumstances and his are different. Be careful with Farm. He might just do something worse if you meddle with his affairs. He's hurt Yiwha... pretty badly that he's doing the same thing as that guy as some type of revenge. The only thing we can do for him is be there."
Yiwha clearly didn't like Knock's reply. She looked like she really wanted to do something about Farm's problem but stopped to think about it.
She held Knock's arm with a frown and pouted. "It's unfair. It's unfair for you guys."
Knock tried to make light of the situation. "You should worry about yourself Yiwha. Still single and a virgin."
Knocked yelped and jumped away from the irritated female.
"There's nothing wrong with being single. I don't mind being single for the rest of my life." Yiwha boldly declared.
"ohoho. Those are big words coming from your mouth Yiwha. I don't want some cat lady to be my friend in the future." Knock laughed.
"Whatever. Knock I really wish for your happiness and Farm's."
"I wish it too. Even yours...."
"Let's try this one next time." Mew was already planning their next movie date when they had just come out of the movie theater a couple of minutes ago.
"Definitely. I heard positive feedbacks online based on the trailer." Knock shared his enthusiasm and nodded quickly. It was different with Mew. They have the same taste unlike Korn who would always argue with his choices. There was never a time where they would have a normal talk about movies. Every single time, one has something to say against about the other person's choice of film. The arguments never end.
Remembering Korn while he was with Mew made Knock pause. The smile on his face froze and was replaced with guilt.
Mew didn't notice for a while. He was still high from the excitement after watching the film. He kept talking and talking while Knock's thoughts began going back to his memories with Korn.
"Is there something wrong Knock? You've been quiet for some time now. Did I say something wrong?"
They were now at their usual hang out spot in a small coffee shop on the way Knock's apartment. Mew's drink was almost gone while Knock's coffee was still untouched.
Knocked snapped out of his thoughts and lowered his head in embarrassment. He mentally scolded himself for thinking about the guy he wanted to stop having feelings for.
He shook his head and forced a smile. "It's nothing really. Just some random stuff."
"We're not strangers anymore Knock. If there's one thing I know about you, it's that you are the type to say 'it's nothing' when it's something. Come on. Spill."
Knock bit his lip and didn't say anything for a good ten seconds before opening his mouth. "I'm sorry but I kept on thinking about him."
It was really easy for Mew to figure out who Knock meant. There's only one person capable to making the other male troubled.
"Korn." Mew said Knock's best friend aloud. "It's just a name Knock. You shouldn't be afraid to say it." He reached for the other male's hand and held it. "I told you before that I know what I was getting into."
Mew's words didn't help assure Knock's heart. He felt worse. It was really hard to stop his heart from doing what it wants.
"What if this doesn't work out?"
Playfully, Mew held onto his chest as if he was in pain but kept a smile on his face. "Ouch. Are you hinting?" He didn't let Knock answer and continued. "I would be hurt, but I'm sure I'll get over it. It's better that I tried than to do nothing. I won't pressure you Knock. I like you but I also want you to be happy. Don't think about my feelings. Think carefully about yours. What does your heart tell you? Are you willing to risk for that love? The decision is yours Knock. Whatever happens, I'm here."
Knock put his hands on his hair and pulled frustratingly. "I'm really sorry for being like this. I really want this to work out with you. You're also important to me."
"But I'm sensing that I'm will not be as important as that guy." Mew even smiled. He was prepared for the worst. He had also made an impulsive decision to chase after Knock, but he also understood the risk he was taking. Taking a chance was better than playing it safe.
"Don't say it like that." Knock was feeling more guilty when Mew said those words.
"Let's call it a day. Think about it Knock. Think carefully and listen well. When you're ready to tell me what your heart wants, call me. No matter what happens, I'll be your friend. It's alright if I get hurt. I'm not made of glass."
Knock couldn't sleep that night. He thought hard about the things Mew said to him and then Yiwha's concern.
Happiness.
What makes him happy? He asked himself over and over. Throughout the night. It was a simple question yet it was hard to answer.
There's a lot of denial going on in his part. Yes. He was happy with Mew. He was happy with his friends. He was happy with his family.
But... when it comes to his heart, he was happiest when he's with him. Despite being unable to receive the same love he has for that person, he still felt happiest with that guy.
LIFE SUCKS. There was no doubt about it. His stubborn heart only thinks about one person the most.
No matter how much time he gave his heart to get accustomed to Mew, only that person mattered. Only Korn mattered.
After a whole night of restless thinking, it was undeniable that Knock knew really mattered to him.
Knock ended things with Mew the following day. He felt that it would be a waste of Mew's time if he delayed any longer. He owed that to the male.
"I'm sorry Mew. I don't think I could do this." Mew had just gotten his drink when Knock told him the reason for this meeting.
Mew looked at his drink, feeling like it was not as refreshing as it was a second ago. "That guy must be really something." He was disappointed but at the same time, he had the feeling that something like this would happen.
"No. Not really." Knock had thought about it and compared Korn and Mew with each other. Mew had always came on top when it comes to personality, but Korn was the one who had taken his heart. From the very beginning, Mew lost.
Hearing this, Mew chuckled and sighed heavily. "Me and my stubbornness. Don't come crying to me when you get heartbroken." He joked.
The lighthearted tone helped lessen the guilt Knock felt. "So.... Friends?" Knock asked.
Knock received a light flick on the head.
"Friends."
------
Right now. I'm not happy. Family can be pretty mean at times. Maybe I'll feel better once I sleep but for now, I'm feeling shitty.
I hate the word SHAME.
ciao.