That morning, I worked hastily to pack all of my favorite belongings before anyone woke up. My laptop, phone, toothbrush and toothpaste, comb, hair gel, and some clothes including that sweater Izzy got me for my birthday, were crammed into my small suitcase. I swung my backpack over my shoulder and headed out the door. As I walked around the block, just to get away from my family and house, I texted Magnus:
Me:
Hey, What's your address? I'm ready. 🎒
Magnus:
66400 N. WarBrook St.
Me:
Thanks. 🙂💗
Magnus:
NP 😊 Can't wait for you to get here. 🕔
I walked to his house and saw him waiting for me on his porch. I felt, with him there, that that was where I belonged.... my real home.
∘〇♢〇∘
Since I wasn't enrolled at school any longer, I was at Magnus' house, finishing my homework. I had to do it to officially leave my school and I felt a twinge of guilt, every time I answered a question, like as if it was my fault I wouldn't be going to highschool anymore. Even though school sucks in general, I still desperately needed my high school diploma to succeed in life. How am I supposed to save up the money to start a suicide prevention organization if I don't have a reliable source of income? Magnus was at school and his foster parents, Marshall and Ady, were at work, so I was left here alone. I was surprised at how accepting and kind his foster parents were. They knew that he was bi and still loved him, buying him glitter and helping him dye the tips of his hair whenever he felt especially eccentric. They told me that my mother wasn't my mother anymore and that I was part of their family now. I finally felt accepted and free to be myself, instead of having to pretend to be someone I was not.
As I finished my last math problem, the front door swung open. Magnus was walking in, adorned with his skull-covered backpack and silver jewelry. Looking down at my watch, I realized that school had been let out and I had somehow lost track of time doing homework which sounded nearly impossible. "Hey, Magnus.", I said, butterflies fluttering inside my chest. I hadn't been expecting him to be here so soon. "Hello, Alexander.", he replied with a sliver of sympathy barely noticeable in his tone. He walked over to the couch I was currently sitting on and sat down beside me. I tried to calm my nerves. "Aren't you gonna take off your backpack?", I laughed. "Ha. Yeah.", he said, his cheeks turning into a deeper shade of pink. He slid it off his shoulders and I watched his arm muscles flex as he did so. When he was finally released from the restraining force that was his backpack, he faced me, a serious expression taking to his features. "Alexander, I know what it's like to have people who don't accept you, to be abandoned like this... but... just know that I'm here for you.". I was shocked at his sudden change of tone and stuttered a reply, "I think I should be the one telling you that, considering.". He smiled a sad smile, and with a hand on my shoulder, said, "I have so much to live for.". I knew that by "so much", he meant me, and tears pricked the corners of my eyes. "I love you.", I said, voice cracking at the thought of ever losing him. "I love you, too, Alexander.", he said back, before pulling me into a bone-crushing hug.
After a while of just sitting there together, me wiping my eyes on his jacket, he pulled away, "You know, my parents won't be home until after five and neither of us have anywhere to be-". I cut him off with a hard kiss, pushing him backwards, his body now parallel beneath mine on the couch. "I understand.", I said after the kiss, a mischievous smile forming at the corners of my lips.
∘〇♢〇∘
We were laying beside each other on his soft double bed, his comforter lying loosely over us. We were both covered in sweat, breathing heavily, but I couldn't stop smiling. Just a week ago, I was no one. Now I'm a local celebrity and have the best boyfriend ever. He had his head resting on my chest and I stroked his hair thoughtfully. Suddenly, the front door clanged open and I heard voices in the living room. Panicking, I glanced at the alarm clock on Magnus' bedside table. 5:15. "Crap.", I mumbled under my breath, willing for them not to walk in on us. The second the door had opened, Magnus' head perked up. "It's my parents.", he whispered. 'Like as if I don't know that already!', I thought. "Here, hide in the closet!", he demanded, getting up slowly and carefully opening the doors to the wardrobe that was propped against the wall. I barely fit, but I did as I was told. I could hear fabric rustling, him wiping off his damp face on his comforter and getting some clean clothes on. He was finished just in time. "Magnus, are you in here?", I heard Ady's dainty voice call out. Even though it was dark and I couldn't see anything, I knew that she was in the doorway. "Yes, Ady.", Magnus replied. "Why did you change?", she asked, clearly confused by his new outfit. "My other clothes got dirty.", he answered her simply. 'At least that isn't a complete lie.', I thought, fighting the urge to laugh. "Hm.... Where's Alec?". He hesitated for a moment before replying. "On a walk, he needing to think after all that family drama." "He's had plenty of time to think.", she said suspiciously. "Well he was doing his homework before and-", she cut him off before he could continue, "Magnus, tell me the truth." He sighed, knowing it was game over. "Alexander, you can come out now.". I saw her eyes widen as I stepped out of the wardrobe, a solemn look on my face. I felt guilty and dirty... but mostly I felt like laughing for some unknown reason. This whole situation was ridiculous. "Oh my god.", she said. I had one of Magnus' shirts tied around my waist to cover up anything graphic and I was blushing like crazy. "Magnus!", she exclaimed accusedly. He refrained from his smirk and made his face go blank, looking back at her. "What can I say? You left us alone for too long. It was only a matter of time..." "Magnus!", she repeated. "Okay, we need to talk. Now! And this time, your friend will actually be going on a walk." "Okay.", he replied, a small smile playing on his lips. "Goodbye my love.", he said with a blow kiss. He was obviously just saying this to annoy his foster mom but I still blushed as I went to the bathroom to access my suitcase that was sitting by the bath tub. When I was finally presentable, I awkwardly passed through his bedroom before leaving. His mother was talking in a stern tone and I wondered how much trouble we were in.
∘〇♢〇∘
Eventually Ady concluded that the incident was her fault and that she should have changed her work schedule to accommodate for my presence. We didn't get off the hook without some form of punishment of course, and that evening we were being forced to rake every leaf in their backyard before coming in for dinner. We talked casually as we worked, "So where am I gonna sleep now that we can't be trusted in the same bed?", I asked. Magnus laughed, "I have no idea... maybe the couch?". "Ha, you wish, I'm way too tall for that thing, if anyone's sleeping on the couch it's you." "Fine, I'll take it... It's not like the bed's very sanitary anymore anyway.", he added in that last part with a wink. I punched him playfully on the arm, "Your mom changed the sheets, you dimwit!" "I know.", he replied with a smile, a glint of reflected light shimmering in his eyes, that also smiled. I'd never seen him this happy. Thinking this made me feel a surge of giddy happiness and I couldn't help but to chuckle, expelling this energy in some way. "What are you thinking about?", he asked, a sly look in his eyes. "Oh, nothing.", I replied, still smiling. I couldn't believe this was real. I really was in a relationship with Magnus, my first crush, my first kiss, my first so many things.
Just then, I was interrupted from my thoughts by Ady walking out into the backyard to greet us. Looking over at our pile of leaves, she said, "Good enough, It's getting dark, come in for dinner.". I set down my rake and went inside to wash up and eat. Magnus and I sat across from each other at their dinner table and played footsie as we ate our moo-shu pork.
∘〇♢〇∘
That night, sheets were laid out on the living room couch and one of Magnus' pillows rested at one of the far ends of it. I was a little disappointed that I'd have to sleep alone in someone else's house but his pillow smelled like him. It calmed me down and I soon fell into a deep and peaceful sleep. I dreamed of Magnus, his hair glittering in the bright sunlight, eyes full of hope and shimmering with bliss....
Beep! Beep! Beep!, at first I thought this sound was my alarm clock and reached over to turn it off, but when I obviously failed, I opened my eyes then screamed in fear at the sight in front of me. A blazing fire, blocking every exit, was consuming the room around me. I backed up onto the couch and instantly thought of Magnus. As if he could hear my thoughts, his burnt body came hurdling out of his bedroom. He was practically a skeleton with skin hanging off, burned and crispy. "Magnus!", I screamed... just then, I felt strong hands on my shoulders, shaking me awake.
My eyes flickered open and I saw that the one and only had been shaking me, trying to wake me up. 'It was all a dream.', I thought to myself as my heart rate fell back to normal. 'Just a terrible, terrible nightmare.'. Marshall and Ady were standing behind him and my cheeks flushed, embarrassment consuming me like the fire in my dream. I rubbed my eyes to get rid of the sleep and realized that I had been crying. "I had a nightmare.", I said meekly, barely able to form the words. When no one replied, it felt so awkward that I began to feel warm. Wiping my forehead, I noticed that I had woken up in a cold sweat. 'Great.', I thought, 'I'm going to have trouble convincing them it was a nightmare now.'. Suddenly reminded of the first dream I'd ever had about Magnus, my spirits lifted just a little.... Until I was reminded that he was leaning above me, looking at me like I was crazy and couldn't be left alone. Maybe I was. Considering this, I spoke once again, "There was a fire.", I gulped, remembering the horrifically vivid dream, "... he died.". A tear streamed down my cheek and I wiped it away quickly. "Oh, Alexander...", he started, voice frighteningly soft, "I'm not going any time soon.". He pulled me into a hug and I breathed in his scent, cologne and floral laundry detergent filling my sinuses.
My eyes were closed and I opened them, glancing over his shoulder. Ady was shaking her head, hand raised to her forehead, "I guess we don't have any choice now.". Confused, I questioned, "About what.". Face whipping around, like as if she had just realized I was there, she replied, "Put the pillow back on his bed. You'll be sharing it, but we need to have a talk first." Nodding, I remembered when my mother gave me 'the talk'. It was about girls, however, so I guess it didn't count. "Ady.........", Magnus whined, "Can't we just go to bed and be over with it?". Brow furrowed, she said, "Do you want him to stay here or not?". I knew she wouldn't have the guts to throw me out onto the street, she was too nice for that, and Magnus knew that too, but instead of protesting any further, we both nodded and I got up from the couch, gathering the pillow and removing the sheets, laying them in a pile next to the furniture item. Everyone but Marshall, who went back to bed, began their trek to Magnus' bedroom. Sitting down on his bed, Magnus and I sat very close, thighs touching ever so slightly. Ady stood in front of us, seemingly disappointed in our actions, like as if we did anything wrong. "I know you two love each other, but.... You can't just have intercouse willy nilly. You're too obsessed with each other." Magnus' cheeks were bright red and he decided to cut in, "Ady, you're embarrassing me." "You deserve whatever embarrassment you get. You two can't even stand to be apart for one night! It's not even like you have even been together for that long yet! What possibly could have happened between you two-" "HE WAS THE ONE WHO SAVED MY LIFE!", he screamed, getting up from his seat. Ady instantly paled. He continued, "HE STAYED WITH ME UNTIL I WOKE UP AND TOLD ME HE LOVED ME! WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED?!!!". "I-I didn't know-", she stuttered. I touched his arm; all I wanted was for him to calm down, to get this conversation over with, and finally get to go back to sleep. I was tired out of my mind and all that was keeping me awake was all the chaos happening around me.
"It's not like you can even keep talking to us about this anymore now anyway. Just please. Go away.". She looked down at her lap and gave in, "Fine.", she confirmed, voice cracking, "Just........ Nevermind." and with that, she was out of the room. "Magnus...", I said quietly, voice hoarse, and realized that I sounded like I was scared of him, which I wasn't.... Right? "Just..... don't.", he said, hands cupped over his eyes. I knew that it wasn't a good time to talk to him and sleep taking over, laid in bed, "Night.", I said, accepting what had just happened. I could see his figure walking into the bathroom as my eyelids closed, spiking a twinge of curiosity before falling asleep.
∘〇♢〇∘
Sometime in the middle of the night, I heard a blood-curdling scream. Surprised, I sat upright and looked around me. Ady, hand covering her mouth, was standing in the doorway of the bathroom. Remembering how the last thing I'd seen before falling asleep was Magnus walking into the bathroom, I rushed over to her to see what she was staring at. Magnus, his wrists covered in sleeves of countless cut marks, was laying on the bathroom floor, an empty bottle of pills sitting next to his outstretched palm. Shocked, I fell to the ground and held him in my arms. I felt for a pulse and could barely detect one. I held my shaking hand over his nose, hoping more than anything that breath would hit it. Thankfully, I could feel just a weak breeze against the palm of my hand. Half screaming, half crying, I said, "Ady! Call 911! CALL 911!!!", as she hurried away to reach the landline, I cradled him in my arms. Tears dripped from my cheeks and hit his expressionless face. Looking down at him, I couldn't help but think that this was all my fault.